How do you stop your chair from smelling of popcorn ass?

I don't use a bidet, i just wash my ass like a normal person

fpbp

I use a plastic chair so in my monthly room cleaning I just wash it with water

This or a pillow, whatever is removable. Only bare ass it when guests are over.

I'm an American and I want to have one of these installed but I don't want people to think I'm gay. At the same time I wonder how good the detachable ones are.

It may sound like you're being funny or cute with the phrase popcorn ass, but I'm willing to bet you have a diet very high in omega 6 from consuming products that contain corn. The answer is to stop consuming so much corn containing products, like switch from corn flakes to rice Chex cereal or something. The high levels of Omega 6 are giving you anal leakage and that in effect is leaking into your seat.
On a side note I recently bought one of those ass pillows for office chairs, it actually came in the mail today, it has a removable cover that can be washed. My ass feels like its on clouds right now.
Can you imagine the stench of the steam? I am afraid.

Attached: BrunoAssCheesiest.gif (249x151, 470K)

What's wrong with farting on your chair? Just don't smell it

Bathe and don't sit on it naked?

Attached: 1520286480753.gif (400x300, 467K)

Good to know.
My ass protip is to bring lemon juice in the bathroom with you if you are spicy food. You can put some of that on the toilet paper and apply it to neutralize the burn. This is the best advice anyone gave me.

What if you're a human being? I can't even imagine being spicy food.

Join the Aeron master race, airflow ftw

if you sit on a chair with fabric and you're sitting in it all day every day it will start to smell. i reccomend the febreeze extra strength spray as it completely gets rid of the odours.

fug, I meant "ate".
If you are spicy food DO NOT put citric acid on yourself unless you want to become non-spicy food.

>put lemon juice on your ass
Yeah, lemon juice also works well as eye drops or for when you've got a cut

Reconsider your decision to sit on the chair naked and instead consider putting on some pants and underwear.

It's implied that you already have capsicum on your sphincter at that point, which is infinitely worse.
I'm telling you honestly, after wiping, I put a few drops on the paper, dab it on, and feel relief almost instantly.

how do i do this covertly at work?

I think you mean capsaicin

Despite spending most of my time interacting with others through text, my typing/spelling/grammar, is horrendous with no signs of improving.

I blame growing up with poorly translated import video games, and working with non-native speakers.

>don't sit directly on the chair
so like, wear pants or something? who does that?

>not having a water jet clean your rectum every time you defecate
Why don't we see this technology more often outside Japan?

Whats so bad about people thinking you are gay?

why would people assume you're gay if you have a bidget?

unless you like that sensation

I use a towel to act as a stink dampener. Washing it once a week.

Attached: MaisieWilliams.gif (475x356, 539K)

Poo in the loo, Pajeet

Whattafuck man I sit in my chair all day every day and it doesn't smell like anything.

How do people live without thoroughly cleansing their anuses after defecation?

If you can't coordinate shit+shower at least invest in wet wipes for fuck's sake.

I live in a semitruck, can't shower every day, spend way more time in the driver's seat than any of you spend at a computer and my seat smells fine.

Is your chair leather? If it's leather and it doesn't stink, then do this to get an idea, take off your pants and panties, smell them in the ass crack and crotch area, how do they smell? Now imagine you had a chair made of fabric and not leather, yea, the fabric would absorb all your bodily fluids slowly and it would be a concentrated several days old aroma, sitting in there festering for days upon days, like a very slow meticulous and complex marinade as you'll be eating different foods and beverages.

>get a cushion with a removable cover
>remove the cover
>wash it regularly
>????
>no smell

Check out wheelchair cushions. They are usually ergonomic since people sit in wheelchairs all day everyday forever, so they are comfy, and the cushion is inside a waterproof pouch, which is inside the cover. So literally only the cover will get your stink on it and its literally designed to be removed and washed in a washing machine.

I'm always levitating on chair

You'll have to use Apple products then

Mine has a very noticeable brown-whiteish along the middle. Kinda a disgusting.

They use it for enemas, probably.

My chair smells like my sweaty ass when I masturbate because I masturbate and sweat on it ;)

>coordinate shit+shower
THIS, it's what I do and I usually don't feel my own smell
defecate and then wash yourself in the morning or the night, or a mixture (defecate at night, bath at morning)

>shower daily
>get non-porous fabric for chair like leather
>wear at least something that can cover your fatass
it's like magic

i buy fish tank filters, the activated charcoal ones, and i cut them open and poor them into a pillow case and then i just sit on that

>(defecate at night, bath at morning)

>sleeping with an ass cracked caked full of shit
>clearly not having a partner to have sex with during the night
>otherwise ass whole would be cleansed

user I...

I put yesterday's shirt on the seat.

>caked full of shit
Eat more fiber

pleather seat

>Eat more fiber
makes it even worse. i eat tons of fiber and take tons of magnesium. i shit out alright but becuase i use wet wipes i can only do 1 flush = 1 wipe. so fuck it i just hop in the shower and do it by hand. thats kind of how realized just how cacked with shit my asshole is after a daily poo

How did you get started with levitation?

>They use it for enemas, probably.
What? How? With a hose or something?
That's brilliant, you could fart up a storm and smother your ass deep in the pillow, no fear of the gasses getting trapped in there and then when you get up and sit back down they escape.
Are you one of those big fat girls?

They might find out I'm actually gay.

The detachable ones are what I use. I don't care about what people think of me, I can't stand shit in my ass like white people

this

Attached: eyes.png (797x476, 13K)

>this whole thread
Why the fuck does it matter? When will you ever be doing anything in which you or anyone else's face needs to be anywhere near the seat of your chair?
Or are you saying you're suck a smelly fuck that your chair stinks without having to put your face up to it?

Listen to Nasheed's advice, it's pretty good.

Attached: wash_it.png (726x722, 1.03M)

Personal hygiene and not being an obese cunt helps

consult your local indian taxi driver.

Attached: 91AVXS2KgbL._SL1500_.jpg (1500x1500, 571K)

Popcorn ass..?!?

Use a fucking bidet shower, you dirty ape.

Wtf are you shitting in your underwear? Mine don't smell

'Murricans like to smell like dirty ass all the time because the bad smell makes them immune to the homo rays that make frogs gay.
If you don't smell like a dirty ass, then they assume you're inviting them to fuck your ass, because 'murricans are secretly giant faggots.

O B S E S S E D
B
S
E
S
S
E
D

what if i like my chair smelling of decade of consant farting into it?

I did first

Whats yoir email?

I don't what to type. This is disgusting. Don't people take care of their hygene? Am I the only clean person?

youtu.be/7SxoI--xIdM?t=4m48s

Attached: clean.png (412x403, 274K)