What was your worst employee interview?

lol

Woof {^_^}

>go in for programming job
>faggots ask me to program a math equation

lolwut

Applying for programming jobs now, any advice on how not to appear like a complete autist?

don't even bother, programming is a dead undervalued profession now

Ok but I got a degree in it and people around are hiring at good rates

fuck you tripfag bitch

Yes. Don't get career advice on Jow Forums.

he'd be a highly-motivated and extremely productive employee since his mind wouldn't be poisoned with j*wish chemicals

Was kind of hoping for examples of what not to do, but thabjs

Also, are there really people that can't fizzbuzz or is that just a meme

- shower, shave, wear at least a button down shirt with dress pants.
- look your interviewers in the eyes and smile
- answer all questions directly, try to avoid meandering
- stay calm when thinking about technical questions, it's OK to take some time before answering

i haven't seen anyone like that IRL but i'm sure it's possible

Dude showed up 45 minutes late to the interview a few weeks ago because he apparently mixed the time up on his calendar. Another student showed up 15 minutes late soon after because she couldn't find the entrance to the building. Jesus fuck showing up on time to an interview shouldn't be so complicated that it eliminates half the good resumes we got.

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>two people
>"half the good resumes we got"

Thanks!

I don't know where you live, but knowing your shit will get you a long way.

When I got my first job on programming (about three years ago) they only picked me because I knew git and linux (kinda stupid I know, but where I live the level of the programmers is ridiculously low, the kinda shit we see on cs grad memes) so even with no previous experience and no college they chose me instead of a bunch of fucking people with college degrees that were there on the interview, and I'm a fucking retard IRL.

My point being, figure out what the company kinda want, and also build on some autistic skillz, half of the people there gave me a weird look when using the terminal to do more than npm start.

Also if you live in a 3rd world shithole like me you are in luck.

Last get some friends that work on programming that can put you in a good position already on the hiring process, or create a linkedin or something.

I'm exaggerating obviously but a resume worthy of an interview in the pile of shit applications we get is a needle in a haystack

this, and also why the fuck showing up late to the interview completely dismisses the candidate? Isn't that a bit stupid?

I of course get it's not a good look, but that's kinda unnecessary (and even harmful for the company, as you stated yourself)

not him, but got any tips for writing a better resume?

i know the basics like keeping it to a single page and putting the most important qualifications at the top. what are some things, in general, that one can do to make their resume look better?

No point. Pajeets and deep learning machine AI have taken over.

>Hello, I am Steven Anderson, head of talent acquisition. I just wanted to get to know you a little better today. I see here it says your name is Edward. Do you go by this or 'Eddy'?
>i'm here because i like computers and i think im a good candidate for your position at computers i program in uhhh programming languages are my favorite because you can control a computer with it and if you hire me i wont be late im very punctual and i go to the bathroom at home only

do you people that do the hiring know someone is a spaz the instant you see them? does it automatically disqualify them?

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I think the character trait of being retarded enough not to plan to arrive early and not look up where you're going so you don't arrive late to an interview probably extends into other parts of a person's workstyle. We actually gave an interview to the one that was 15 minutes late still to be fair, but the interview had to be rushed to accommodate the loss of time, which only made the interview harder for her.

i have trouble speaking too but you can make it a lot easier for yourself with a few simple rules.

for example, when someone meets you for the first time and asks you a bunch of questions, always say "nice to meet you, i'm ..." in response before answering the questions one by one.

>Nice to meet you, Mr. Anderson. I go by Eddy.

until you're prompted to answer a question or give further details, stick with direct answers. that makes interviews a lot simpler.

Underrated

I can't give a lot of advice because I'm not as much of a stickler about "this is how a resume is supposed to look like" as a lot of people. I just care about the content. It gets exhausting getting a pile of resumes from the same school and everyone has half the page about the same final project they worked on in their data structures class. I don't need to see that you have 1000 merge requests accepted on the Linux project but anything to show that you give a shit about computers outside of what a faculty member told you to do is good to me.

Just a stinky pothead nigger. Got it.

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H1B is killing this field

you don't have to worry about AI taking over programming. you need to work about H1B

>implying pot isn't also a j*wish chemical
not too bright eh

I have a lot of friends who are autism and I'm just naturally good at talking to people. I've basically educated neckbeards on how to do well in interviews. How to keep your spaghetti with girls. etc.

I'm familiar enough with AI to not be concerned, don't know why that guy mentioned it, and fortunately this area is avoided by H1B applicants because companies refuse to sponsor / require US citizenship. Especially for the govt. Involved companies.

You came into this conversation with a predefined narrative. Got it.

Good advice, thanks!

>j*wish
boy aren't you retarded.
But yeah pot isn't good in large doses like some people will do. Treat it like alcohol and call the fucks who smoke 24/7 addicts like they are.

not an argument but thanks anyways for replying

Also I'm biased because I think hackathons are really awesome but if you're looking for cool non-school things to fill space on your resume then functional projects you built at hackathons are great, especially if it won a prize. I don't know your experience level but student programmers usually underestimate their own knowledge and don't realize they can participate and do cool things with just basic programming.

>equation
lol sure kid

Can anyone recommend a book for git?

>if i cant memorize an easy thing and be rich i wont do it

The officially one

Thanks, my academics are pretty good but I have a severe lack of work experience and personal projects.

>why do we need a polymorphism
Its usually not useful this makes me so mad because I took a peek at some code written by a recently retired "guru" last week at work.

No I can attest. I am always an hour+ late to work and I abuse most substances mainly caffeine and nicotine. I don't smoke cigarettes during work nor do I go high but I'm a nigger and a smelly pothead. Glad I could share my experience user

git gud 7th Edition

I'm the exact opposite here, I have no degrees but a lot of personal projects and some internships. How do I stack up to the competition?

>interview a long time ago for my current job
>define OOP
>literally can't
>later look it up in Programming Language Pragmatics, 5th ed.
>turns out there is no definition
>just a bunch of principles that OOP languages tend to follow
Fucking curries I swear

>leave yourself just enough time that being late is even a possibility
>not scoping out the route and physical location before hand to avoid being lost

Once you learn enough about people, you figure out that the kind of people who can't be fucked to take this minimal effort to ensure they make it to the interview on time will be the people who, if they get the job, are always late, always cutting corners, always pushing deadlines, and - for whatever reason - are also irritating to the point of reducing the health of the work environment for everyone else.

Absolutely none of this addresses the fact that I used to give people pre-interview FAQ's that told people to make sure to scout out the area ahead of time (for all the "I got lost" and "My GPS couldn't find it" horseshit), to use more than one alarm or to make sure their phone is charged (for all the "my phone died and I didn't wake up" and the "my alarm didn't go off"), and to give themselves more than ample time to make it to the interview in the case of unexpected traffic. Which meant when 9/10 excuses for being late were some shit like, "I got lost," or "My phone died," or "I live 20 minutes from here and only gave myself 30 minutes to get here at 8:30 on a weekday", I knew those people didn't even bother to read the FAQ's.

Honestly, if I showed up late to an interview and they still gave me an offer, I might turn it down, because that says something about how desperate that company is for hires.

>just a bunch of principles
that's a good start for a definition user

(0+0*0)/0 != 0

HAHHAHHA EPICC

Polymorphism can be useful in some interesting scenarios involving API customization
For example, the Box API allows you to inherit from certain classes and then register your customized class--this customized class replaces the original class across the entire API

That's damn convenient in some scenarios. It's too bad I've never used it.

You could try: "OOP is a programming paradigm based on reusable and abstractable modules, or objects."
Not sure, you'd have trouble getting into some of the more "serious' companies around but many applications I've seen will take 6 years of industry experience with no degree, but will subject you to an additional technical test.

or... something just happened that they couldn't avoid or predict and they showed up late that day, specially if they live far away from the place.

I've shown up an hour early to every interview I've ever had, just in case something happens. Something really serious would have to happen to still arrive late at that point. If it's something that serious then most employers are usually sympathetic and could reschedule if their schedules allow it. There's no justification for showing up late over something dumb like getting lost or getting the time confused. Dumb shit like that happens and it happens to everyone sometimes so you should be prepared even if it does happen.

>apply for a job vacancy that doesn't actually say what my job would entail
>the recruiter asks what I would do if a client walks in
>don't dare to ask what my job would be

My friend was fucking this milf and she said he looked a lot like her son. What does this say about her?

I remember I was interviewing for a city councilman's staffing job and I actually had to ask what party he was a part of. For some reason I thought it would make me look like someone who doesn't take anything for granted but immediately realized it made me look like an idiot.

>Another student showed up 15 minutes late soon after because she couldn't find the entrance to the building
This is a legitimate problem. I once scheduled myself to show up 15 minutes early but got there EXACTLY on time because the fucking building was downtown full of one-way streets so if you take one wrong turn, youre fucked. Plus it had separate parking structures connected to separate gates, A-G, via sky walks on different levels. If you have to e-mail me separate directions to get from the street your office is on to the office itself, you've over-engineered your work environment.
Fuck you and your obnoxious buildings.

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YASS QUEEN

>what are some things, in general, that one can do to make their resume look better?
Distribute it in PDF instead of whatever format you edit it in to ensure that they actually see what you think you saved rather than some weird word processor glitch. Also lets them open it right in their browser instead of going through opening another word window

Are there people who actually send their resumes in anything other than pdfs?

Welcome to modern programming. You need to either jerk it over how composing your objects is better than inheritance, memorize the worst case scenario of sorting algorithms and recursive fibonacci sequences or learn 5 JS frameworks every 2 weeks.

I need more of these "someone's job hunt went on too long and they have lost their shit" images.
Between this and the MLP resume that one dude made I dont have a lot.

you don't need a book just watch some youtube videos its very simple

>Didn't hire someone because they said 'lol'
Wow get over yourself

>1h too early
This just shows me that you've nothing better to do, and are not worth it at all. No baiting here. Seriously, which professional has enough time to schedule being one hour too early.

Person who says "lol" spotted

Person who takes themselves way too seriously spotted

I think the biggest barrier to doing fizz buzz is knowing wtf fizz buzz even is. After you're explained what you're actually expected to make happen, you'd be hopelessly retarded if you can't do it.

Someone who's looking for a job

Haha, don't bother it's not worth it anymore. Try learning something else.

>because she couldn't find the entrance to the building
This is legitimate issue your company has period.
Note the your part and the need to put better directions to your offices.

I interviewed a developer who was sourced from a women in tech gathering. This was for a mid-level front-end web developer position. I asked her some basic javascript question, "write a function to count the occurrences of each character in a sentence."

She was struggling on how to even get started. I helped her out to get her started and see her thought process. Keeping it simple, I said, "Okay, create an empty object to hold the character counts."

She scratched her chin and said "Create an empty object...." and looked off into the distance of the 8x10 room.

Some digging revealed that all she did at her previous job was copy and paste HTML templates.

Most of those drugs are well researched and much more safer than some street sellers shit

I got a resume from an Indian contractor who listed his work experience by copy/pasting the 'about us' section from the websites of the companies he contracted for. It was 6 pages long. The technical phone screening went poorly and he hung up on me.

I'm this guy and I'm also interviewed a guy who put his github on his resume and had a portfolio website. This portfolio had links to code examples that he wrote. I looked at his github and found they were unmodified repo clones from youtube tutorials.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I've only ever gave the thumbs up to one person out of like 12.

That other guy must have always been interviewing while he didn't already have a job.

>get job
>show up early on first day, don't wanna be late
>they forgot I was starting and no came into the office until the late morning
am I supposed to quit right there?

I send mine as a text file

AI has not taken a single programmer's job yet. You've been memed.

Nah. The hardest thing about fizbuzz is knowing that the modules operator even exists. I've have a similar experience.

>front end job
>fresh out of highschool
>know HTML, CSS, JS, and Java
>interviewer asks "print out all the values of this object and their keys without using external functions"
>"Uhh, okay. How am I getting this object?"
>"You're given an object and I need you to print out their values and keys"
>"Oh okay. But how am I getting it? Is it in a variable? Can I access it directly?"
>"Errm... Assume it's in a variable for now"
>*start sweating*
>"I know how to get their values, I'm not quite sure how to get their keys."
>"Oh, okay. Just take your time."
>"If I remember correctly, there's a JS property I can use to get their key names."
>can't remember what it was called
>use getPropertyNames() as a way to get the property names instead of the actual way which is Object.getOwnPropertyNames(obj)
>*start typing a for loop that loops over the array of key values using the psudo code*
>type shit code, too autistic to just google the name of the property even though they told me upfront it's fine to google
>code won't run, he asks me why
>"I can't remember the method to get it"
>*Time runs out*
>ask him how was I supposed to do it
>"oh, you were supposed to use a for in loop"
>"Oh ah! a for in loop. I "forgot" about it, yeah that would definitely work"
>*Walks me out of the building. We'll call you back"

Fucking for in? THAT EXISTS? I've never had to use it, I've never seen it used anywhere practically, I've never seen anybody use it or even talk about it, tutorials mention it for a second before going on to the next MORE IMPORTANT milestone...

I didn't know that it even existed. I think it's the same thing for fizzbuzz. Most people don't even use the modules operator all that much anyways unless they're doing something a little more advanced. Actually, I don't even think my intro to programming classes even covered it, I learned it on my own

She's a degenerate and won't survive the race war and purge.

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Honestly, fizzbuzz is so easy you should be able to do it on the spot by the description even if you have never heard of it. I even managed in python and I don't consider myself good enough to work as a programmer or even close.

That was the icing on the cake. It was worse that she thought maths are nerdy and treated the interview like a reality show where she could cosplay being a useful person and fail miserably like all NERD GRRLS.
Which was nicely summed up buy her saying "lol."

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Fizzbuzz without modulus please

Make lists of numbers dividable by 3, 5 and 15 in the range and just have it check if the remainder is in the list after using regular division.

by multiplication, if that was not made clear.

Who the fuck is this pationless unqualified asshole?

unless you're writing pure C or something of that ilk, you've used polymorphism.

Seriously, who doesn't get to an interview at least 15 minutes early (emergencies notwithstanding)?

Are the millennial memes true? What the fuck?

t. degeneracy is a slow-acting poison

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>Fucking for in? THAT EXISTS? I've never had to use it
I've had to use it plenty of times

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