So what made you decide to apply to our completely unremarkable small to medium sized business?

Well?

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Your mundane and uninspired tasks from the job offer seemed like a nice new challenge for me.

why can't these people be honest about it and say "we want you to brown-nose us before we'll consider you"?

Okay, okay, great.
Well, why don't you go ahead and tell me a little bit about yourself? I see here that you haven't been employed since graduating 6 months ago, what have you been up to in that time?

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Surfing, mostly, except that month I was on Mars searching for Lincoln's gold.

bitch i need money to survive

I need a fucking job, you thot. Stop wasting my time with stupid questions.

Posting on Jow Forums, fucking around with computers, watching movies, masturbating, and eating junk food.

I need money and you need my skill. Now hurry up before I go to your direct competitor.

Tell me about a time when you weren't a fat lazy piece of shit

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My mom made me do it. Honestly I'd rather be at home watching anime and eating tendies

When I got up this morning and put on my suit for the first time in 3 years

Wow ok, thank you for being so forthright. I'll be sure to get back to you with our decision.

>*click*

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what I will say:
>I feel that I can apply my potentials better at smaller business settings and I definitely enjoy the challenge of carving out a niche for a small business into brave new frontiers.

what I really think
>I am poor, broke, and I need a job.

>mfw

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Seeing how often I can blow my load on your windows before you finally notice me.

I wanted to go to Disneyland, you were near it and offered free plane tickets and a hotel room as long as I attended this interview.

I knew that you would be desperate for anyone who could program and will hire people like me that don't have degrees but are still willing to develop and maintain your ancient UNIX system that uses BASIC and NoSQL exclusively.

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I would prefer an environment that I can move quickly and interact more directly with the people that my changes will impact. I enjoy learning new things and would expect this role would have a larger opportunity to learn from other groups since the team sizes would be smaller than a large company.

How hard is this for you people. This canned shit you should have prepped. My worst interview was when I assumed that the retards wouldn't ask about my greatest strength and weakness.

the boss wife is fucking hot

Jow Forums is full of autists 'member ?

>My worst interview was when I assumed that the retards wouldn't ask about my greatest strength and weakness

What are they?

I've always been a lanky lazy piece of shit