Why should we hire you?

Shouldn't you know this already?

Attached: maxresdefault.jpg (1280x720, 86K)

I have several thousands of years of experience in the management and demolition fields.

Attached: beerus and whis.jpg (1024x576, 53K)

Чё ты тaк cмopишь?

literally said "I don't know, past exprience I suppose" to this question in a interview. Got hired.

i'm a homosexual transgender black woman with a degree in interpretative feminist dance therapy

I can create anything out of matter and see the future and past. Am I qualified enough for this entry level job? I am willing to work for 5 dollars an hour.

Attached: IMG_0958.jpg (480x640, 50K)

hey there's a plane flying in your direction really fast, guys..

I have a degree and know when to smile and nod.

I wrote fizzbuzz in at least 3 languages

YOU NEED ME

Attached: 1502021406502.jpg (184x184, 7K)

You'll raise the company-wide diversity quotient by 12 points by yourself! Hired!

>That's great user, we're just about wrapped up here but there's just one more thing

Attached: BTR315-rolling-dry-erase-board-1.jpg (480x480, 20K)

My skills are up to date. I write programs using nothing but emoji, and even know how to use the newest emoji.

well.. haha. you can say that my greatest weakest is my strength haha

I built an entire operating system by myself and can avoid detection from CIA. I'd like this entry level job and only ask for some tendies in the break room. You don't need to pay me as I live fine in a cardboard box under the Golden Gate Bridge.

Attached: IMG_0959.jpg (225x225, 18K)

I'm sorry but we believe you are overqualified for this position.

Because: I'm smarter than you, I'm more beautiful than you, I have a nicer smile than you, I have a nicer voice, a far nicer vocabulary , a far more mature personality than you, I'm not secretly a mentally insane 5 year old in a 40 year old's body.

I'm the man who will make you bend on your knees to suck my balls before I buy your company and hire an assassin to kill you and take the money back and then kill the assassin personally to get that money back.

You've already lost before the game began, your prophecy is locked. Just give up your beliefs already and accept me as victorious.

Attached: GalleryComics_1920x1080_20170621__TTG_Cv23_5967d0f6ed6b86.92089560.jpg (1920x1080, 206K)

Because I see that you have been struggling with problem XYZ for a while and I believe that I am the guy for the job. After all, I faced such a problem before and as you can see the results were substantial and if you get me in the team I am sure that I will be adding great value to me. But that is not the problem though, the problem is that, will the team be interesting and talented enough for me to work with? I would like to have a technical meeting with them to see whether we are on the same wavelength or not. I believe that a meeting with HR won't be enough to gauge my potential as an employee with your company and for me to gauge your potential as employers. How about next Monday? I have a free time slot from 9AM to 10AM. Tuesday? I am sorry but I have other things to tend to, very busy with other interviews, you know much demand this field has in this day and age :).

Honesty how should I respond to that question? I want to work only because I need money, I'm an autist shitty person and I will hate the job for sure.

Because I am qualified for the job. Why the fuck else?

>user please draw us a perfect circle

>user please draw us a perfect circle using Gimp

Because I'm also a lizard people business man. That being said,

Cause I think my background as call center support with Microsoft in Calcutta and uh JavaScript I believe it called makes me ideal candidate for senior software engineer lead with your android software testing division. I even learn how to uh poo in loo I think.

Attached: IMG_0960.jpg (225x225, 26K)

Perfect brainlet filter. Anyone that can't do this easily deserves to be jobless

I bet you thought this was funny when you wrote it

Sir, remove this offensive post right now.

Please don't hire me I want to continue being a NEET

Attached: 1529914066845.jpg (716x1024, 59K)

Easy. Select circle, fill, shrink selection by 2 pixels, erase.

um like I am female. Like umm I can help fill like the like umm diversity quota thing I think.

I can tell you're actually unemployed IRL. Anyone who has ever got a technical job knows you don't just interview with HR and you certainly don't have to ask for a technical interview, you'll get it without asking. Nice try larper. Also
>wavelength
I'd end the interview just for using that word in the context you did. You sounds like an unbelievable cunt.

>Gimp
>richboy office

>I can tell you're actually unemployed IRL.
keep seething, I got two job offers and one of them I didn't get to see the team who works on models and such. I rejected that offer and I went with the job where they actually put me inside the action and asked me in depth questions about my work. Or, let me guess, are you American by any chance?

Companies love to hire based on the opinion of HR and nobody else. How do you think so many brainlets end up employed in our field?

I am fun at parties.

When Im the only person there.

Being female isn't enough anymore. You have to be like black female, trans female, lesbian female, etc.

>they don't wear sneakers, old blue jeans and black turtlenecks
>they aren't bald
well I guess...
*turns 360 degrees and moonwalks away*
these JOBS aren't for me.

I'm an stronk independent programmer who needs no directive to reach business goals.

im a disabled trans pan-african woman of color

I dunno, maybe I'm the most suited candidate, maybe not, depends on how many other people you've got passing by. I don't really care anyway, plenty of other companies out there desperate for highly trained IT personnel. Now unless you have any actually interesting questions, I'm assuming the interview is over?

Why should we hire you?

Attached: comrades.jpg (3501x1825, 715K)

Oh no oh no, you got it all wrong buddies. You should be asking why I should not fire you? btw yall fired ;)

HIRED!

>user i understand but we could put you on our marketing shill team. You do have good Pepe edit skills right? Well give you a steady supply of tendies.

Attached: IMG_0961.jpg (450x320, 34K)

sounds better that working with curry sniffing poo poo pajeets all day

i suck dick 24/7

I am a level 9001 Meme Lord. I can troll 20 threads simultaneously. I've seen the manliest of Jow Forums huddled up crying in the corner. I've stirred the drama pot on Tumblr. I've raided Habbo and got the blame put on eBaums. I've watched sites rise and fall.

>I've watched sites rise and fall.
like your own personal website? LMAO

I'm a big guy

for you

Because ill bash you at LAN if you don't

>several thousands of years of experience
I see that the man with the large rod already has a stable job. Why should we hire someone without a stable mentality and a fursuit?

To increase diversity.

cate pls leave
alien man pls show us your ways

>implying you can draw a perfect circle using gimp
>implying you can draw a perfect circle on a computer

>I don't use OOP languages, they're for brainlets
>While we're on the subject I'll only be writing in C, everything else is too bloated.
>Also I don't comment or unit test my code.
> I firmly believe well written code should be it's own documentation
>A performance increase of a few seconds is totally worth re-implementing the wheel.
>I need at least 3 screens to do this
>Also a tiny keyboard

We have curry.

Raster display not good enough for you? How about if I connect left and right sound channels to a tube oscilloscope and output sine and cosine signals on them to use it as a vector display and draw a circle on it?

>implying a perfectly flat surface exists to draw a perfect circle on
>implying a perfectly accurate tool exists to draw perfect circles with
>implying a human can draw a perfect circle
You don't seem to understand the concept of perfection and it's impossibility.

In which case In just draw a dot in the center, a line segment labeled r, an approximate circle, and declare it to be a circle.

Got hard. Broke nofap.

ewww

you boys are so GROSS

Came here to post this

for what? a bouncer position at Chuckee Cheese?

Uhh... uhh... you on the left, show me your boobies first!

You guys are probably aware of the andromeda galaxy, right? well in just two years, i removed over 400 planets that looked like trouble from existence.

Attached: beerus.jpg (489x474, 37K)

Because I know how to answer questions.

That only works if they initially reach out to you. Otherwise you're a dime a dozen kid

The format of the OP implied that one found oneself in this situation.

Because I know how to use vulnerability scanners and sqlmap to steal usernames and passwords from obscure porn forums/paysites, make wordlists out of them, then use a bruteforce tool to get free member access to obscure fetish porn websites

How? The format only implies you're at the interview, it tells us nothing about which party reached out first.

no. i'm the one with the skill set you need so i'll ask the questions.
why should i work with you?

>you're a dime a dozen kid
they're also probably a dime a dozen company too.
What makes them so special?
An interview is not a one-sided negotiation where you appeal to your benevolent overlords and suck their dick because they're literally your only option.

No, they are not literally your only option. You have other job offers and you can feel free to inform them of this. Watch how quickly THEY decide to suck YOUR dick.

fpbp

Just showing up to an interview for a "dime a dozen" company shows that you're in need of a job. If you had better job options than this dime a dozen company you wouldn't be at the interview.

I dont like being "that" user, mate, but this user Blew you the fuck out lmao

because my dick makes the girls on the end cream and the boys in the middle dream.

*diamond dozen

>girls at the end cream
>boys in the middle dream
That's a lovely rap song you got there, Tyrone. We'll hire you! Come join us, our customers will be pleased to see that our business embrace diversity!

Attached: 1529773368307.jpg (600x913, 46K)

first post based post

Because I'm a black girl with a penis.

Y'all look so serious. Want some ice ? And for the asian girl some rice ?
Ching chong chong. Ding dong dong.
I'll use this chair to elevate me beyond your petty existances.
Now open the window. I must leave this plane of existance.

You are not the one who will end up homeless if you don't get the job, so be ready to bend over and take it up the ass.

FUCK YEAH MURICA

Attached: MURRIICA.gif (630x466, 2.6M)

said like a bunch of underachievers

The point of going to the interview is to gain leverage over other companies that you want to actually go to
"You're only paying me $150k to work in the Silicon Valley?"
"This other company is offering me $100k to work in a place that won't bankrupt me on living expenses, how about we sweeten the deal a bit?"

You people have no real world experience and it shows. You're so used to taking it up the ass that it puckers at the thought of entering a negotiation table.

>two women
will I end up spending half my time dancing in conga lines in diversity seminars?

I can credibly promote and mesh multidisciplinary backend architectures and paradigms from cloudified business communities
If you give me the opportunity I'm positive I can synthesize some magnetic relationships between your most impactful partnerships and quality vectors

Attached: 1502733349543.jpg (700x259, 50K)

I installed Gentoo

t.neet

....you're hired!