ITT: we work at a new Silicon Valley startup

ITT: we work at a new Silicon Valley startup

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Stand by for gaysex .jpgs

If it's new this means nobody worthless is there yet.

>Rust's dev team are political and therefore their programming language is not related to logic
The right can't meme.

hello sirs. nice to meet u all ok. i am java senor engineer.

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hello pradesh sir do u have a curry breakfast to share pls thank u sir

Hi I have 10 years of Java experience, I have all IT certifications possible, and 14 years experience in this industry including 5 years management. Do I qualify?

Hello señor engineer

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hi anand. nice to see u this day. im having curry eggs and rice. yes. see u in the meeting later
sorry sirs but u are overqualifeid for our entry level position.
hello intern. if u need help ask google okk?

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Absolutely! The salary is $28k/yr for the position you applied for plus benefits. Once we release our first product we'll give you a nice bonus on top of that to make up for the low pay (we're a startup, after all). Our other 'perks' are an open floor plan, free local craft beer. and a ping pong table. Oh, we'll also provide free lunch on the weekends from a hip vegan-friendly establishment on the other side of town. You aren't expected to work past 40 hours a week but we may need you to stay 'sometimes' in order to reach deadlines.
-Your friendly HR rep.

Sorry , looks like , who goes by Rakesh, got into my Macbook Air again! He is a bit funny sometimes! You'll get to meet him very soon, he's a great guy!

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So what did you think of my resume?

Where do I put my bicycle? I don't see any bike racks in here.

I know you give 28k/y as a joke But I'm making less than 10k a year and I work programming for medical devices.
I guess that is the price of living in a third world shithole.

Your resume states that you have no experience in node.js but you're a non-binary neurodivergent so you qualify.
Return it, Tyrone.
Sorry, but you do not qualify because you're not diverse enough (not rich enough in melanin content).

that 10k is -25k- here in burgerland, with the promise of a bonus or a profit share upon release in a startup, yet youll be working 80+ hour weeks and will be fired before you can even think of a bonus :\

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and to follow up, 25k here in burgerland is not a livable wage

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Hey rajeesh! I am a women with 2 months experience working IT for a library during the summer months . Just got my associates degree and I'd lovvvvveee to join your super cool company! I am a geek who loves game of thrones and buying the latest gear (iPhone x love the notch!!!) Pls consider me or I'll sue !

It's liveable if you don't live on the coast but even then I live on the coast and live very comfortable making 30k a year

>love the notch!
I was fine until this

Your what? Oh this paper? This is just a formality. What we really want to see is how much enthusiasm and zest you can bring to the company. So, how much do you use our product?

No shit my coworker who bought it on launch was raving about how awesome it looked but he also drives a Jeep Wrangler so he just in general has bad taste

God damn, that pic makes me want to get my Remz and tiny wheeled skateboards out and do some sikk grinds.

Whose down for Cofeve before morning stand up? AMIRITE BOYS

great joke boss, hahahahahelpme

Hey guys, I'm going to need you to make room for all the incoming H1B visa guys from India, so you're going to need to figure out how to add 10 more workstations on our production floor, also that means that our two omnivores can no longer eat beef inside our building. In addition, the freethinking/Zen lounging area will be turned into living quarters for our new employees and I need all our white males to stay until the lounging area has been cleared out and had cots and furniture installed. We're running on a tight budget so we're going to take what money we have in the employee engagement & activities account to pay for everything.

This is Jow Forums all over
>I spend my entire time writing hello world programs in obscure languages one person hyped on Jow Forums
>I’ve never developed anything and probably never will
>Nevertheless I still consider myself an expert and seasoned programmer because I listen to people who act like they’re experts on Jow Forums
>I’m certainly in a position to mock people who are forming start ups instead of being a smug gimp on a tech board that is famous for having no tech abilities at all

You’re all a bunch of bitter cock-a-roaches you know?

You will fit in real nice

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Hello sir can I see your wife ?

Are you really fucking getting emotional about shitposts on Jow Forums?
What the fuck?

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You sound mad bro

Y u have to be mad? Is just game

Hi I have 0 actual degrees
But I can assemble a PC
And make Wikipedia show articles in comic sans
Am welcome for a paid position?
I expect open workplaces with a no camping policy

You don't seem to be white enough so sure.

Rust is fucking sweet. I don't give a shit about your periodic fits of envy of people you perceive as lesser. Give the technology a try without paying heed to those who worship it.

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I've no qualification on paper but since I've build a pc by watching only 15 videos on youtube that qualifies me as a tech expert and industry insider.

Ha, jokes on you, I haven't programmed anything in years

Hi I'm here for the job, my name is Daronga and I am a trans woman of color, I just finished my hello word program in C#. I see all the other candidates are white so I'm guaranteed to get in right?

Its okay, I'm happy to live in the vents, I have a whole workstation up there and it allows me to travel freely throughout the facility, I'm trying to build my imminity by inhaling the asbestos.

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why is it so great?

What wikipedia pages do you edit? What's your magnum opus?

It's not, and Python already killed it.

do you get this buttmad whenever anyone posts that image?

Not when the meme is done right.

How to spot someone who never went outside in their lifes

I remove links to sources that are skeptical of the Holocaust