Jow Forums is on a space ship

Spaceships are technology.
ITT we all are on a freighter spaceship.

*control room*
There are several anons at terminals monitoring various ship devices and their status.
In every quarter of the ship various anons scramble to maintain the ship, from engineers, to chemists, to botanists (martian), the ships is completely self sustaining.

Attached: transport freighter.jpg (1375x580, 124K)

Does it run gentoo or templeos?

Custom spaceship kernel.
So no.

Does it have a nifty logo?

>be me
>new life support system admin
>update, system restarts
>no oxygen for 2 mins because Mr. Alienbergstien won't pay for a backup LSS

According to the rule of twos, the strong should be fine.
>2 minutes no oxygen
>2 days no water
>2 weeks no food
Thus
Life support must restart in =< 2mins
Water has to have enough for everybody to fully hydrate only every 2 days
Feed everyone to completely full once every two weeks
This way Mr. Alienbergstein saves many shekels

I would like to hitch a ride, gladly cook some food n shit

Uhhhh, command bridge? This is reactor level four. We have a small problem. That one tripfag, Red1337Star or something, just fell into the cooling pond and was boiled alive. What do? I don't want his flesh clogging up the intake fans. Yall have a net to fish him out? The training manual didn't cover this scenario.

Attached: 1503721509825.jpg (362x366, 17K)

What's for dinner?

Yeah reactor 4, this is command bridge, we've overclocked the reactor, Red1337Star should liquefy in a few minutes.

Thanks for the heads up. I better leave the cooling room.

Attached: 1537723291967.jpg (1036x919, 190K)

Supply controller here. I would like to rice my workstation's desktop. Could you give me the appropriate privileges?

Command bridge this is reactor level three. We're reading some unusually high temperatures and the smell of boiling shit coming from the coolant tank down here. Request you shut it down, Jenkins just lost his lunch all over the gauges, and we've got to clean it and replace all that refried circuitry

Sorry, no root access. It's against policy. You're free to change the wallpaper though.

Space meteorologist checking in, nice space clouds outside today. Looks like we might get a few inches of space rain on our space ship.

Attached: 1495467876706.png (520x678, 301K)

What is it that you do here again?

I'm in one of pic related ships coming to eat your souls, strip your ship bare except for the engines and control rooms, and use the leftover as a battering ram for the next victim in space run by a Kamikaze AI.

Attached: Fav Ships.jpg (1807x2577, 1.51M)

Controls the air-conditioning system to create micro-climates and funnels all the collective farts in the ship into a cloud above the heads of the programming facilities.

Thank you very much

Attached: despair wojak.jpg (250x300, 11K)

Sanitation here. May I request we halt feeding everyone beans? Its getting quite messy recently. Oh and smelly at best.

I've noticed that most of the crew is white, male and able-bodied.
Perhaps a harmless Code of Conduct would...

Attached: 1532717553082.jpg (668x445, 48K)

The programming facility denizens thank you profusely, and send you their warmest, wettest, smelliest regards in return

Hello yes thank you for contacting us how can I be of service?

Attached: pajeet.jpg (866x1300, 168K)

Oh god, how the fuck did this thing get on board? Quick, flush it out an airlock before it ruins our OSS projects!

>be security on ship
>kick back and do nothing all day
>this shit happens
>tfw you're now part of the boarding squad to be beamed onto the pirate ship

Guise wtf you don't pay me enough cryptoshekels for this.

Attached: sweating.gif (480x270, 2.98M)

The air lock needs immediate CoC attention, if you'd kindly drop everything to go install one. Just hop on in and get to work

Command Control code red!
We are low on programming socks, requesting resupply immediately.

I repeat programming socks, this is not training.

Officer of R&D Rajeet Puccihani

*radio buzzing*
HOWDY BOYS. THIS IS SPACE MAIL MAN DEREK WITH MORE PROGRAMMING SOCKS FOR YER SHIP.
THAT'LL BE 48,000 SPACE MONEYS PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.

>not 40,000 space cummies
Fucking spacenoob.

>Be pirate
>Casually chilling waiting for ships to pass by comfy asteroid base
>Freighter full of autistic programmers shows up
>Thislookseasy.png
>Out of nowhere 4 giant neckbeards are teleported into engine room at rear of ship
>"Nothing personnel kid"
>They fart into my reactor
>Panic, venting all the air in engineering to space
>Too late, the farts of an exclusively beans diet combust, sending reactor temps skyrocketing
>Whole ship explodes taking the boarders with it
>Allofmywat.jpeg

Attached: 1537348345691.jpg (611x1103, 127K)

fuck you retard just calculate the exchange rate and give me my cash, do you know how many ships from /h/ and /d/ i had to get off my ass so you could have your faggoty socks? damn ingrates

What? Those are just regular socks?
We asked for programming socks you moron
Get back when you have the right product

THEY'RE PROGRAMMING SOCKS YOU MORON WHAT HAVE I JUST TOLD YOU

DO YOU SEE CYAN STRIPES??????
THEN THEY AIN'T PROGRAMMIN SOCKS ARE THEY?

Still trying to abuse your customers trust? I will call the space police you know

>not trading a vital source of protein in space afflicted with food-scarcity - space cummies
Truly a spacenoob. Can't even trade properly.

DO YOU NOT SEE THE FUCKING STRIPES? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ARGUING ANYWAY AREN'T YOU GUYS IN DIRE STRAITS?
I'LL ABUSE MY CUSTOMERS RUST AND SAFELY NOT TOUCH ANY MEMORY WHILE I BASH YOUR HEAD IN
I'M A CITIZEN OF THE SSS AND USE SSS CURRENCY

hey guys, i feel like we should have some sort of code that tells us how to conduct ourselves, what do you think?

Sanitation here again. Id like to remind everyone that only ship workers are to use the toilets on board. This is due to the ship's ability to only deal with local waste. Waste from other species WILL clog the system.

yeah actually there's been a lot of poor conduct in the air lock, mind taking care of that first?

Uh main deck. Waste systems here.
We have an issue on the poop deck. I installed Gentoo and forgot to compile the waste disposal source and uhhh we kind of have a shitty situation down here.
Please send help.
For the next 48hr please do not flush any toilets.

Attached: WestPoint_Crews_remove_fiberglass.jpg (1200x801, 256K)

>Other species
I didn't realize we were carrying so many catgirls user, kindly forward me the manifest so I can see where they are so I can make sure they aren't using the toilets

.................i dont trust you

Sanitation here. We have requested a halt of flushing as well. Its just as shitty of a mess up here as it is down there. If we blow some c02 down the pipes, will this clear our clog??

It's a dirty job user, I know. But someone has to do it. I swear I won't enjoy myself at all one bit

Bell peppers and Beef.

As long as there is no beans, there is no problem. These waste systems cant take it anymore!

There's no beef in my bell peppers and beef...

hi sanitation?
yeah engineering here..
command told us that you want to blow co2 through the waste pipes to clear them?
please refrain from doing so.
all waste pipes on the ship are connected so if you do that it'll be an even bigger mess..
so.. please.. just don't...
we are working on a solution here but it might take a couple days

Engineering this is weapons, we understand you're currently dealing with a situation for the shit guys but we're having some serious tracking malfunctions on our low density beams. They're supposed to use the same computer as our high density yet those beams fire true. Mind coming to fix that for us?

We will be filing a report, including our suggestion of the co2 blast. We understand this may make a mess, but we already have actual shit all over, so it doesnt make a difference. Also, who's the one who left their 3 used condoms in stall C6?

Engineering? Sanitations here, I'm afraid We've already went forward with the co2 blowing, sorry about that.
May god help you all...

Weapons this is programming, have you tried turning it off and back on again?
Failing that, reinstall Gentoo and recompile your drivers, thanks

Sanitation, this is your manager speaking. Who went ahead with the blasting without finishing the filing of the report?

Must've been that tripfag who fell into the reactor. I heard he was behind the glory hole in C6 last night

Hey this is the intern speaking, the chief of Sanitation just left the ship in an escape pod with his waifu pillow and collection of tenga eggs while screaming "They'll never take me alive"
Uhh... waiting for orders, uh, over.

Jow Forums on a ship is going to become like the film Elysium in no time

I knew this would happen. Hes been speaking of moving piles of shit recently. Btw, what happened to the pile of shit we left in stall B10?

Ship name?

RMS Gentoo

At least he took some of the shit with him

>Tfw I am the ships gynecologist and have to check over Jow Forums tranny neovaginas otherwise i'll get fired

Attached: 1518141918162.jpg (480x480, 64K)

It was mistaken for a pile of Intel CPUs and thrown out the airlock sir

yeah we're pretty busy here since sanitation decided to go ahead with the co2 plan anyways.....
we're sending you our apprentice.
he already finished all the simulations for low density so that should be fine.

Glad I know he was definately crazy. File a report for both the missing pile of shit and the co2 blast mess, il meet with the hiring manager about getting a new chief.

Hello , kind sirs ,
It is new intern for Ship Technology Team here, Firstly of all it is big , pleasure to working here,, very thank you for this position

I am pleasured to be assigned to team of Central Waste Management. and as first task I deploy my Java-Based Applet for management of waste system. Is program I made myself and was certified by my Technology Professor of University. I.hope will improve experience of using Central Waste Management for all, passengers.

please have a very good day sirs,

thank you very,
Pajash Rahamajet, Intern of Ship Technology Team, Certified Expert for Java Language

Attached: 1537894903117.jpg (900x1200, 45K)

Tell them it smells like curry here.I really want pajeet out of this ship.

Yes, you wont be needed

uhhhh whats a gentoo
thanks we appreciate it

Nothing from wing commander? :/

Uh meteorology we're getting more complaints about some smells, can you do me a favor and flush the air in reactor level three? You can dump it on those fags in reactor level four

>HELP ME OH GOD THE CLOWN IS...
>static

This is in the far future user. It definitely runs a Hurd-based system, which could or couldn't be Gentoo.

Programming here, we've sent the intern your way. Keep a nose out for runny shits, and flag him down when you smell it

uhhhhhhh sure thing

>magnate
>oracle

An exploration frigate with the damage of a wet noodle and a T3 paper-tanked battlecruiser isn't going to do anything to us.
Get a Rokh.

This is the COC Enforcement Officer. I demand that Programming must hire this genius full time and make xim head of all program related things.

Programming here, uhhh sorry but that's above our pay grade, we aren't allowed to hire interns to any sort of salaried position. HR's rules, not ours. HR keeps their offices in the airlocks, so you should go run along and talk to them

No can do meteorology. we've got a damaged bulkhead seal down here. it's gonna take about 30 hours of overtime, and we need to talk about the bonus situation

Attached: 89a3c3b4-8a41-4eae-9c3a-a7c8e730965b..png (656x279, 247K)

You uppity faggots in reactor level four better zark off. I'm reactor level three Chief and I say dump all the shit smells into level four since they're too retarded to keep a cover on the coolant tank

I don't need firepower on the Exploration Frigate son, i just need cloak, speed, and an amplifying array to use my telepathic powers to mind control one of your on-board neckbeards while his mental state is at its weakest during his anime girl jerking session, and make him initiate a malware which installs Windows 10 on all your ship computers.

Deck 6 to Security. Some jagoff on deck 4 authorized flushing of septic tanks into our deck. Somebody replaced a Wayland-Yutani septic tank seal with one from Aliexpress, now the bilge door won't close and this thing came out of the tank. Please advise. Better yet, HAAAALLLP!!!,

Attached: 41c7c3b7-be2d-4edb-9c7c-f3ff3f858b81..jpg (440x265, 20K)

> get boat

>In every quarter of the ship various anons scramble to maintain the ship
>the ships is completely self sustaining

what did he mean by this

poast you're control terminal

Attached: qsqs.png (736x460, 520K)

Bridge, this is Crew Supplies Department. Something is wrong with the inventory. Computer lists all the ordered items, but I have manually checked every crate and we only have sugarfree monster and cheetos. Who created this POS inventory system? Because I'm going to forcefeed that bastard with this crap untill he exploded!
And btw, can you send someone from HR to have a chat with the indian guys from Porgramming? Not only did they turn hallway A-145-S-7 into a public toilet littered in human feces, but they keep harassing my female staff by asking for Bob and Vagana.

So long as there is existing oxygen in the rooms it should be fine if it's not being circulated and renewed for 2 minutes. Unless for some reason rebooting the life support system meant voiding every room in the ship.

ah, cigarettes again, lovely

Don't even bother user, turns out they WERE cats...but as much as they may try, they will never be girls...

Attached: cat(girl).jpg (480x360, 21K)

Space jew detected.

>Fugged again

Attached: 1537801228504.jpg (240x240, 11K)

He's right though. Two minutes of only slightly stale air ain't gonna hurt nobody

Good sirs, we certified Indian engineers, we certainly never allowed these situation, please understand and do the thing on deck like normal humens. We will work on the issue.

I bet he means food and water and air probably user, Jesus. As in people have all the things they need to support their basic needs, just the mechanical parts need attention bc wear and tear

which one of you fuckers installed gentoo on the fridge

Spaceclogger here, gonna need a poop liquifier

Attached: dyblinun8kq01.jpg (1242x1598, 124K)

Gentoo needs to be install on everything.

>be head of security
>decide to hunt down all the trannies
>two days go by
>half the ships population is dead
>thanks to throwing out all the belongings of the trannies
>the ship can now hold more cargo because two square miles isn't clogged with dragon dildos and other shit
tl;dr trannies dead=profit

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
Waste systems here.
Who's bright idea was it to send c02 down the shit pipes? It fucked with our Gentoo sensors and caused a massive uncontrolled decompression. 90% of my crew got sucked into a 6in hole in the decompression unit.
Now we have shit covered crew member peices.
Thank God they died instantly.
Rest in pieces John.
I'm not getting paid enough for this shit.

Attached: neAaXhK.jpg (1325x579, 678K)

Are you sure the hyperdrive control program NEED to be in BASIC?
I'm pretty sure we can just count the cycles and make it in something else.
It's quite ridiculous to have to run this IBM PC emulator to run the old and imprecise Commodore PET emulator that run the Hyperdrive program correctly.

>kill niggers
>spacewar now
>???
>profit