KILL SCRUM AND AGILE

I'M FUCKING TIRED OF ALL THESE POINTLESS SCRUM MEETINGS! HALF MY DAY IS ENVELOPED IN MEETING BULLSHIT REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

The Office was supposed to be satire, not reality.

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And you hate this, why? Being paid for sitting in a room listening or talking about some unimportant bullshit sounds comfy.

Because they're boring and I'd prefer to make tools rather than sit around and get drowned out in meetings.

Man fuck you, I work for pennies flipping burgers in front of a hot griddle all day long.

Sometimes I wish I was working at the startup again where we had only one meeting once a week. Then I remember about the money I make and I don't miss that. Yes, these meetings are a small price to pay.

Bring laptop to meeting. Continue to do actual work. Say your taking notes, if asked.

>I work for pennies flipping burgers in front of a hot griddle all day long
Not surprising considering you're an npc that doesn't care if the work you're doing is meaningful.

>be part time
>Go to classes in between work hours
>standup every day of the week occurs during my class time
Feels good not having to sit through that shit

Greetings individual contributor, would you like to have an Agile Lean Scrum meeting in order to identity risks/defects in our Agile Development Kanban process?

Add that one to the parking lot.

>get hired as scum master for $90k/year
>really don't understand the project we are working on
>not a very technical person
>have no idea what to do with all my free time every day
>once a day ask each employee "is there anything you need?" and tell them I want to make sure they have whatever they need to meet their goals
>don't do anything else all day
>employees tell me I'm much better than the last person to hold this position

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I wish my scrum Master was like you. He goes full Adderall induced lobotomite around 9 AM and is on our ass all day until it wears off.

No shit. Dragged away from intriguing tasks to have every drop of motivation vacuumed away. So the boss can listen to himself govoreeting on and on.

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It sucks ass I know

this was unironically my boss, but she was a sweet old lady who brought us snap pea snacks and chinese tea

>>employees tell me I'm much better than the last person to hold this position
That's because you're doing scrum right.
The biggest issue with "scrum" is people that don't understand it. It's 15 minutes a day. Tops.
If you start going over 15 minutes, you're doing something wrong.
If you have too many people to compress it to 15 minutes, you need smaller teams.

Whoever you replaced was probably some manager that heard of scrum from some business blog and ended up having 2 hour meetings.
I'm having that problem now.

I just stopped going.

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I feel like my job is too easy. Why would they pay someone $90k just to make programmers feel comfy?

user would you like to write a story to describe this issue ;)

Your job is going to be easy when everything is going right.
If shit hits the fan, they're going to look to you for guidance.

My advice is this: understand your projects.
Start talking to senior developers to get a better understanding on what projects you're overseeing.
Make sure you know customer requirements, how they're split into stories and features, and what their timelines are.
You ask them "do you need anything?" which is a great question. Occasionally ask them "is there anything that would prevent us from meeting the deadline?"

If the customer needs a feature last minute, you'll be in charge of making it fit.
If the customer ordered a Honda and suddenly asks for a Porsche, you need to make it work.

>at the end of the meeting they ask you to share your notes

Expect your job to be automated in the next 5 years

the chinese at least pay girls to make devs comfy

Software developers can get really engrossed with their work and lose track of keeping their boss/team up to speed with the latest shit. SCRUM masters tend to keep management in the loop so they can coordinate the efforts of the technical folk to maximize profits by directing them to work on whatever is the most cost-effective way to work something. Many developers like to do what *they* tend to like to do and not what's best to the company, and SCRUM masters help mitigate that. It also helps keep the developers occupied because if you come to a SCRUM saying you didn't do shit it'll look bad on you. A sort of self-disciplining, if you will.

>to annoy their devs with useless attention whores

>software engineering class is 100% agile
>client doesn't understand agile
>teacher doesn't understand agile
>i don't understand agile

We've accomplished nothing but meetings for the last two months. Apparently our group is doing great.

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>ome manager that heard of scrum from some business blog

I'm sorry okay?
I'm doing my best here.

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Paying you $90k is worth it for the company if that can keep a team of devs who are getting paid $120k focused on the shit they're actually hired to do instead of pointless paperwork and dealing with other people who are part of the project. If everything goes as planned your job should be easy as fuck. If shit starts going sideways you'll be the one catching all the problems from the devs and trying to solve them.

>half my day
>its only 15 mins
what the fuck are you doing

Startup work is best work. Work at small start-up in its 3rd year (about $10m turnover per year) with 4 employees. Im one of the coders, also maintain the db, and also do the shitty IT stuff like installing printers (but charge the same for that as when maintaining the db). I haven't seen my boss in over 3 months now Because I work from home most of the time and as long as the 2 using the software are happy he pays my bill. It's so I formal at the office it for e one of our German employees mad and he quit after a dog pissed on his laptop, but it's a small price to pay to be able to drink in office all day to maintain the programmer peak when im there. Only thing I miss is having others review my code, now I have to ask /dpt/, bit on the positive zero meetings about bullshit. Only meetings I sometimes go to are the big ones held in the bosses bar.

My coworker is trying to steal me away for a Startup. I've been wanting at least 2-3 years of experience with my current company though. It's my first enterprise gig and this will set my career (no one will care I have a degree in economics after this lol).

no scrum at my new job, i am so happy

It doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. Enable your team members to get on with the work, and don't get in their way.

My work brings me to lots of different corporate offices and everyone's in telephone meetings all the fucking time. How do they get anything done

so is SCRUM exactly the same as regular management?

>Being paid for sitting in a room listening or talking about some unimportant bullshit sounds comfy.
It's not. I spend half my day watching Netflix or some other such bullshit because there's literally no work to do.

But that's the nature of the job, to be there in case something breaks...

>tfw my manager is like you but he didn't even become the scrum master and just generally being a useless member in the team

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>posts angry text
>image shows an unamused expression
why are frogposters like this?