"Scrum Master

>not complaining about your company inserting an "inclusion and diversity" office in your company to "balance the scales"

You rather have a manager with zero IT skills dictate what to make, when to make it, and how much time you can spend on it?

Agile is a fucking godsend.

>"inclusion and diversity" office
the hell is that?

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Gotta make sure there aren’t too many nasty white males around, you problematic shitlord.

I mean, what's the purpose of that "office"?

ie "Full Stack"

>faggot SM is watching twitch all day long during work
>refugee we hired because of diversity keeps lying to my face and LARPs as a developer
>designer who keeps having day long """workshops""" with the client with zero outcome

mfw I found out that they all earn more than me

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it's ur fault senpai. Stop being a code monkey and actually contribute to the team.
t. Tech Lead / Scrum Master

>"pivot"
>"premium"
>"influencer"
>"personality"
It's almost as if you just simply don't know English.

to bring representation of minorities in your company of couse.
>no enough black people/trannies/women
no fucking problem
The diversity officers will check who's the most white cis male employee in your company and replace it with someone from those minorities regarding of their skills because representation is what matters

>diversity officers
is thir for real? are these marxisys getting meme jobs because of "muh representation"?

As a minority (nig) I often encounter hostile behavior from shit devs.
Everyone else is cool and typically the issues stem from ego.
Just saying I don't even list or mention my race ever.

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Straight white male here, the only time race and sex ever comes up at our company, is when other straight white males bring it up.
This makes me legitimately mad because I legitimately never even focus on race, sex, or sexual identity UNTIL they bring it up. And it instantly makes me angry because it's completely counter to their pretend goal.
>oh no only 10% of our staff is gay black women
Are we not just a 100% collection of people?
Now the first thing that comes to my mind when interacting with my co-workers is their identity because you felt the need to highlight it. Like giant labels over their face
>WOMAN
>GAY
>TYRONE

Is there any value at all in reducing people down to their identity instead of focusing on the thing they're paid to do?
This doesn't do anything but divide us and build tension in my opinion.

A co-worker/friend of mine got legitimately upset after hearing some of our hiring staff talk about hiring criteria. People talked openly that the next hire can not be white. He now questions whether he got the job because he deserved it or if he got it because of his skin.
He wonders if people are being genuine on their code reviews.
>good enough, or good enough for a latino?
I can't imagine being in that position, what a violation of comradery and trust. What a blow to someones self esteem.

On the other hand whitey wins again because I know I'm good enough to get hired despite all the racial profiling going on in this racist industry. Affirmative action fails to do anything but hurt minorities yet again.

>Let's circle back to that item later, it seems out of scope
>I added Ganesh's team to the weekly meeting, I'm hoping to leverage some synergy between groups if we focus on our core competencies
>We can touch base during tomorrow's standup, give you some time to get the lay of the land
>I want to highlite our value add and show that this is a win-win
>I'm feeling out of the loop here, when was the last time Xi Liung ran the numbers?
>Rupesh is going to do a deep dive into the data and perform a drill down into our key customer segments
>This initiative is really going to move the needle on our top KPIs
>We can already make this a game changer by taking care of some low hanging fruit
>Let's take that offline, ping me when you know you'll be available
>We're not trying to boil the ocean here, our north star hasn't changed

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These are the memes managers try when a software project is failing.

I'm a quantitative analyst, so for me that's not really an option.

agile =/= having a manager with technical competency

the only meaningful aspects people have been saying about agile/scrum are the same that have been a part of common sense management since the 1900s

In my country they've been around since the 90s and are called "equality commissars".

It's Sunday but I feel like I'm at the office.

>devs come into the room
>agile coach roastie quickly hides phone in her handbag
>you get a glimpse of Tinder as the screen goes dark
>"So guys, today for our 5 minute stand up huddle we are going to go through what you want to keep, what you want to stop and what you want to change!"
>*hands out multicolored post-it notes and pens*
>gets paid more than a dude who spent 10 years locked away studying assembly lang

I agree it's retarded, but from a leftist perspective it makes sense, ie it's not a contradictory ideology.
They believe black people are unfailry, unconsciously and "systematically" discriminated, so they gotta tip the scale the other way a bit

>growth hacker

the worst thing about these memes is that they lie that the new system is being implemented in order to make work easier for you, while in fact they're implementing it to create a fast pace for you to work by, ie - to make you work harder.

when we finally implement national socialism my friend.

Every role in the software industry from developers to QA to management are enamored with giving themselves stupid titles like "Code Ninja" or "Testing Guru"; you don't see doctors calling themselves "Health Warrior" or nurses labeled "Patient Care Sherpa", yet people in software still expect to be taken seriously by other professions while doing shit like this

Sometimes I wonder if everyone in this industry just want to perpetually relive their college years, people in other professions don't give one single shit whether or not their next prospective employer has an air hockey table or a beer fridge in the office yet those are selling points for companies trying to hire developers now

I'm a racist and I think being a nig is fine so long as you act like a human being.

How prepared are you for the eventual Holy Race War and the eventual utter extermination of all shitskins?

Hits home hard.
devops = 20% writing pipelines 80% fixing whatever weird shit devlopers don't want / have no clue how to fix.

I agree with this desu.
I but some people come along with pre determined biases but it's typically the try hard types who blame everyone but themselves

youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4
Corporate speech is just expanding its IT dialect in a new major way!

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