If I can't get a programming job within the next two months I'm unironically going to an hero

thats gay

you don't know me, i'm a shitposter that's complaining about something that's entirely their fault. i got myself into this ditch and i hate myself every step of the way trying to get out of it and i'll either get out or die trying

I'm the fag user who wanna hug you, anyway.
I'll tell you what, I was in a bad spot too at some point. I'm a schizophrenic piece of shit who never was able to graduate from high school, I never could hold on to a job either but I have had a passion for programming for almost decade, and guess what? Now I make a living out of it. I went out and got help, I got that shit treated and then started actively applying for a developer job, my big portfolio really helped I won't lie but my point is that if it's really what you want to do, then you'll do it. It takes time, I know but it's worth it in the end. Looking back at it now I'm glad I failed to kill myself several times. You can get a programming job, I'm sure of it.
>inb4 nice blog spot
I don't care to be honest, make fun of me all you want, I just understand how you feel and if my words can help you then I'm glad

>You can get a programming job, I'm sure of it.
about three months ago i was sure as well as well.
i was a strong student interviewing at FAANG-tier tech companies my final year of college. i failed to get any callbacks, had a mental breakdown, shut down and failed the entire semester and the semester starts in 3 days and i haven't even signed up for classes
i don't know what the fuck i'm doing.

>schizophrenic
godspeed

>my big portfolio really helped
what was on it?

> I don't know what the fuck I'm doing

Shit happens user, failing at things is apart of life, but that doesn't mean you are a failure. You took quite the hit, I understand the mental breakdown. It's never not too late to pick yourself up. I'm assuming you are very young, around your 20s? I know it's easier said than done, but once again, if you want to get out of it, you can.

> what was on it
Tons of C++ project related to game hacking and a few webkit exploits I found on the PS4 as well as some utilities i made for myself. I was aiming for a software dev job, since i'm a brainlet when it comes to webdev.

If you think you are struggling to find a dev job, why don't go freelance instead? that really helps, since you will build up your portfolio while making some money.

mid 20s. 23 to be exact. my life is a waste.

>if you want to get out of it, you can.
i thought the same thing years ago when i failed a semester. told myself that was the bottom of my life. after years of self improvement and trying to fix my life the results were never good enough. i'm improving but i wasn't improving fast enough.

>systems level autist
good shit. i wanted to get into c++ and exploit dev when i was in high school but i was a real brainlet and went with java instead.

>I was aiming for a software dev job, since i'm a brainlet when it comes to webdev.
huh, never thought i'd hear those words in that order

how exactly does freelancing work? don't i still have to apply to freelancing jobs?

>i was a real brainlet and went with java instead

I went through that too, I kept telling myself that I was a brainlet, that programming wasnt for me, cause let's be honest, who the fuck starts with c++ and dives into game hacking without even knowing what an integer or an offset is. it honestly took me months to even be able to make something that kinda works. Now I don't know if I just liked hurting myself back then or i was just really into it, but i somehow overcame that feeling. Going with java, doesn't make you a brainlet, I'm sure that if you were to try again right now you would understand a bit more than last time. But yeah that side of programming is one of the hardest, you gotta learn a shit load of stuff just to make something decent, it's draining... ugh

>how exactly does freelancing work? don't i still have to apply to freelancing jobs?

The way I did it back then, most of the time companies will put up ads on freelancing websites, and they honestly wont give a shit about your background as long as you do what they want, so you kinda apply? Honestly, it's more about sending a message to the company before the other freelancers. They honestly don't give a shit about the rest if the job's done.

do it. the less Boatfuckers on Earth the better.

you'll probably fuck up your suicide like you're fucking up your life. Just get another job to sustain yourself while pursuing a job that you want. Most people with good jobs used to have shit jobs, stop being so entitled

>who the fuck starts with c++ and dives into game hacking without even knowing what an integer or an offset is
i did that in middle school. fell for the c++ meme and got fucked trying to learn memory management. i never got as far as writing anything of worth in it. my first real project was minecraft hacks lmao

>I'm sure that if you were to try again right now you would understand a bit more than last time.
yes, but it's also been 9 years since then. i don't feel proud of doing anything right anymore because i'm always late to the party

>I just liked hurting myself back then
so did i. literally. haven't cut myself in a while but i'm getting to the point where i want to start again

>so did i. literally. haven't cut myself in a while but i'm getting to the point where i want to start again

Please don't

Don't feel bad OP, every a mental health professional office I have tried to call is all booked up for at least six weeks. Jokes on them I probably won't last that long

>die trying
This is the most likely outcome. However it is better than dying while not trying.

We'll see.

I'm applying everywhere that's hiring. Every day I'm not building coding experience is a day I'm falling behind though.

I can't promise you anything. Last few months have fucked me up.

Is it just the time of year or is everyone on the verge of breaking?

>However it is better than dying while not trying.
Sure as hell doesn't feel that way.
Who's more of a loser, the person who didn't give a shit and ended up mediocre or someone who gave it their best shot and couldn't do it?

Fuck off faggot I'm 29 and I give up programming and now I work at a call center for the cable company and I feel a lot better about my life

The person who actually fucking tried
How is this even a question unless you want to live in denial the rest of your life thinking yeah I could have been the best if I just applied myself LOL

If you're happy with your choices then good for you. I just feel worthless for being unable to meet the goals I've set.

Idk I have issues lol

It's so peaceful on the other side, user.

I think there is seasonality on suicide rates and mental disorders.
That said, I feel there's something else, some kind of general frustration. Normal people I talk with about "the future" say they're a bit gloomy for whatever reason. I'm not saying economists, global politics observers or businessmen, I'm saying average joes. Maybe it was the mini stock bubble and subsequent burst we got last November. Or the increasing polarization in politics and partisanship.
Would be interesting if mental hospitals and sociologists came up with something.

It took me 8 months to get a programming job, wish you luck!

Sounds like you fell for multiple Jow Forums memes

Whats up with suicidal fa/g/gots lately? It seems like every 20y zoomer wants to an hero when they dont get what they want right fucking now. You are 23y old, what the fuck are you bitching and moaning about? Keep trying you impatient dumb shit, baby steps.
In a year or two all of this shit will seem distant, dumb and unimportant. I get that this is a hard time for you but keep going, you must pull trough. We all did...

I just hate myself lol

>Keep trying you impatient dumb shit, baby steps.
>In a year or two all of this shit will seem distant, dumb and unimportant.
It's just that. I feel so slow...

Jesus christ. Some zoomer makes a thread about wanting to kill themselves over being 23 and unable to find a programming job. Meanwhile I'm sitting here at 30, qualifications in multiple fields including comp sci, haven't been able to ever get legitimate ongoing employment in my life, nobody has ever been able to explain why, half my family hates me, blah blah blah. BUT I'M TOO FUCKING STUBBORN TO QUIT. Get on my level, OP.

Wouldn't a catgirl just be a girl that's even more bitchy and generally selfish like most cats?

Sincerely thank you

Make a botnet tier BS for normalfriends. It will build resume and if it takes off, you got a money making machine.

Is it that bad there?

Here in Portugal you can find a programming job with the snap of a finger. They're desperate for programmers.

Here in Australia and New Zealand they CLAIM they are desperate for programmers. They LIE.

You wouldn't fuck proprietary catgirl, would you?

Well, the fact that there's close to 100% employment for programmers here in Portugal means they're not lying.

See you in two months.

i feel ya bro

and then when you get your assessment they tell you you need therapy and it's gonna take at least a year of weekly sessions, and each session is 200 bucks

nigga i I don't think being homeless helps with not being depressed.

Talk to a general practitioner, preferably a younger one if you can find them. They will be able to help, either during that appointment or by giving you a referral, which is a good way of skipping lines. Will probably cost you $100 or so in clapistan.

Just do cs50 + FCC

Job guaranteed.

>therapist
are you all fucking retarded? do you seriously slurp everything hollywood kikes spew out?

go to church and talk to a priest, there that's your "therapy" 2000 year track record.

now stop being a faggot.

>be me
>approach church
>doors closed

well then

>be me
>approach some other church
>bunch of slavic yelling inside

well then

I don't even know how to approach a church user.

You want me to consult a bunch of kiddie fiddlers who believe in an imaginary sky being? user pls, that's not going to help.

Before making such harsh decisions try lending a hand to the homeless. By doing so your selfishness will deteriorate over time. I know you don't wanna hear this but I'm just making it clear for you. Having something or other won't make you happy.

Freelance JS and don't give up

Scum like you make me sick.

Is there a link to this article?

Attached: 12323456755.jpg (1200x1200, 266K)

no one is better off without you, user
before you kill yourself, you need to realize a few things...
1: the person who finds your body will be forever scarred
2: they will treat anyone who lives with you as a suspect (parent, spouse, etc)
3: your private life will no longer be private, police will go through your phone and computer looking to solve the mystery of your death
4: there will be an autopsy to determine how you died; there will be questions about your relationships, your job, your finances, your drug/alcohol consumption, everything
5: your "friends" and "family" will find it difficult to believe you did this without provocation, and will search for someone to blame.
6: anyone who remotely gives a shit about you will blame themselves; especially if you have a gf or wife or something, or close friends or w/e. they'll feel like they didn't love you or support you enough or whatever, and will be overwhelmed with a sense of failure, and will relive the last days / hours before your death, searching for the moment when they could've made a difference.
8: if your death is reported in a newspaper / has an obituary, it will be intentionally vague, you will join the long list of men who were "found dead" and even though they won't print the word 'suicide' everyone will know what happened.
9: you will miss out on the lives of everyone else that you care about
10: the pain of loss doesn't truly heal - it eventually gets numbed just by the challenge of getting on with life with a part missing, but it's always just below the surface.

When you take your life, you take the life of your wife, your kids, your parents, your siblings and your friends. There is no choice for them. They have to live with this burden for the rest of their lives. No matter what you’ve done, no matter who you are, no-one will be better off without you.

most churches are shit dont waste ur time
just pray
you dont need anybody else but God
and you have no need to get involved with a bunch of faggots who are actually terrible people but they drag their kids to church on sunday so they can claim they're less shitty than you, even though they're hypocritical and their heart isnt in it, etc.
you dont need any of that to establish and maintain a relationship with God. community does matter but most churches are bullshit with middleschool-tier drama, grudges, and division. i say avoid it all, just read the bible alone if you want, or dont bother at all - eventually He will find you.

It's more than that. My entire life led up to where I am now. It's really all my fault.

Might start doing this tomorrow.
I feel really scared though cause I'm gonna let someone down and fuck it all up.
I hate myself

Yes I would fuck the botnet

I'm selfish and aim for selfish goals.
Suicide is me selfishly giving up and admitting I'm not good enough to be where I want to be.

>no financial agency, and thus no life, for reasons outside his control and which show every sign of continuing indefinitely
>"we have no idea why he killed himself, no provocation whatsoever :^)"

>I just feel worthless for being unable to meet the goals I've set.
lower your expectations
i know a guy who worked at ibm for 12 years then quit and now he stocks shelves at petsmart and he's way fucking happier

well it was nice relaxing with you. try to take things less seriously... Wait I should too.

install gentoo

That list is giving me motives to kill myself.

Attached: gnK6EijW9Ix-eyBc_iGqSrO_WSzqrObuNNOhEgLUwBU.jpg?width=768&auto=webp&s=228820044953c66aaf1cd9 (768x768, 76K)

not him but you must be american

>lower your expectations
I do every day. If they lower enough I'm better off dead.

>i know a guy who worked at ibm for 12 years then quit and now he stocks shelves at petsmart and he's way fucking happier
The idea that my entire life was a depressing waste leading up to that is enough to send me over. That's the fear I have.

>try to take things less seriously...
I'm the person who fucked up the most in life. When you were/if you my age you were probably where I want to be in life right now. By the time I catch up to you I'll be in my late 20s.

Sleep well though I need to do the same.

Nope. I just understand that taking care of your own basic needs before considering charity is not selfishness. It's sanity.

Hey random professional user, I'm almost 23 but on the opposite end of OP (already had my suicidal bout my freshman year, got kicked out, coming out of my depression and back in school after several years trying to just brute force unmedicated depression because psych help is a joke where I live) but considerably less skilled than he is as well. Is it too late to be competitive for programming as a career? I only have some cursory experience in C and Python, and I won't graduate until I'm either 25 or right after turning 26.

Hey bro,

Self taught highschool/college drop out who recently transitioned from IT Help Desk to programming. Used to get no love but now I get tons of people spamming my inbox trying to higher me. I had to do several jobs I hated before I got the one I wanted. I've worked in factories with literal illegals and I even had to wipe the asses of poor bastards with brain injuries. All the while knowing C/C++. I know how it feels, to know you got the skill and have no one want to give you a chance but trust me if I could do it literally anyone can.

Also to the other bro that fell for the C++ meme as the first language, I feel your pain kek. I did RCE and C to start out. Shit was a pain but made me l33t in highschool.

Hire*

I'm not him I'm OP but it was in your position when I was 22.
I was in this spot when I was 21 and going back to school.
I hated myself every single day and I couldn't go a day without wanting to be fast and catch up. I busted my ass and I would punish myself for not being good enough and I always felt like I didn't deserve to forgive myself for my mistakes because it was my second time making them.
It's never too late, but the pressure to catch up drove me insane. I felt like absolute shit being surrounded by people who got it right the first time.
Realistically there's no difference between you and some dumb freshman if you went back, but I do know what it's like to feel like a fuck up and go into college thinking that way.

> considerably less skilled than he is as well.
You think more of me than I am. Everything I seriously learned and understand could probably done in a year. You will absolutely surpass me. Everyone does...

I got caught for trying to run a password cracker in sophomore year in HS and they threatened to call the cops on me.
That unironically was what made me stop trying to l33t haxor

I wonder when people will finally realise that it is INCOMPETENT RECRUITERS AND HIRING MANAGERS causing all this. They are the ones who need to die. Kill some HR on your way out OP.

Don't do it Chad.

Where do you live and what type of programming jobs have you been applying for?

You kill yourself too, you retarded tripfaggot.

US. Applied to every entry level and internship I could find.

I have given myself 6 months and will do the same brother. But anhero to me is faking my own suicide and running away to another country far away from my family.

why not just go into infosec, user? It's more interesting. Don't expect to get an entry level job, you're going to have to work your way up but it will be worth it I promise :)

What happens to student debts in case of suicide

The government claims your estate up to the value of what you owed, if you don't own anything they eat the loss.

At your age I heavily felt my academic let downs indeed. Then life got really fucking weird at around 25. Then I started taking meds and focusing and I became incredibly productive for years, feeling accomplished, lately pretty depressed though.

If I can't get entry level then what do I get? Just general IT shit?
I really like coding and I want to be good at it though

It's...a long story. I know how and why I feel the ways I do but I don't know how to fix it because it's a mindset that ensures I'll never forgive myself for mistakes

Medication can change people radically. Make a quick research on Zoloft for instance, it turned me into a "happy normie" in weeks/months, but it also fucked up my jaw.

join the navy as an engineer OP
enjoy writing javascript for 70k
also get used to doing pushups

Underrated

I was in a similar predicament as you OP, I wanted to get a wagecuck job at corporate software, but after a bunch of bs interviews I was pretty bummed out. Having done a few arduino/rpi projects I said "What the hell, let's try this" and started my own company with a friend, doing consultancy on Iot/Robotics/Home Automation stuff and it has been pretty gratifying. I've done everything, from CCTV installs, to building drones used for agricultural surveying. Never rule out the /entrepreneur/ route if you live in a free market country.

based
>I'm the person who fucked up the most in life.
nigger you can still post on Jow Forums, so you clearly still have a pc/laptop/something, or access to one. if you're upset just because you didn't get some programming job, just keep applying. i'm on 100+ applications sent out and barely a dozen interviews.

>
>I got caught for trying to run a password cracker in sophomore year in HS and they threatened to call the cops on me.
>That unironically was what made me stop trying to l33t haxor
i would put this on my resume desu
if anything it should make you more appealing
hr should be illegal desu
should just interview with the people you're actually gonna be working with / direct repor

Goes to your parents
I wouldnt recommend killing yourself unless they're rich

underrated post
starting your own company seems daunting and impossible but the bottom line is 99.98% of the people doing it are even more retarded than you and plan even worse than you. and you only need like a dozen companies paying you monthly support fees for a website you built them before you all of a sudden are making tons of money doing nothing / maybe 5-10 hours a week of work.

Hey, here.

Should I do in combination with my schooling? I'm admittedly not the greatest at focusing on things, but I should be getting some addy soon. I can learn things pretty quickly, I just can't keep at endeavors for long on my own.

>I'm literally at Rock bottom
Homeless addict?

Better yet, what happens if you die trying to save your fellow students and professors from a fire/designated shooter? Do they refund your tuition to your parents? Or double down and take your tuition AND the proceeds for a "'"'memorial"'"'

>i'm literally at rock bottom
hey bro if you're gonna shoot up your stupid heroin mixed with fentanyl, can you at least not just throw it in the fucking garbage can? if you don't live in a city with an open-use policy that has sharps containers / proper disposal in the bathroom, can you at least like put it in a water bottle or something if you can't carry it out with you?

t. janitor, whose other coworkers got pricked by a needle when he was changing the garbage in the bathroom of a barnes & noble.
he probably has aids and shit now rip

I built a portfolio and made a website and some software for the company at my old day job. I used them as a programming reference and got my first job programming that way. Also, practice for the exam every day. Don't give up buddy! It's worth it.

>I would know. I killed myself one year ago today. And I've regretted it since

Also OP, here's a song I listen to when I'm feeling overwhelmed/behind. Maybe it'll help you keep your chin up.

hooktube.com/watch?v=elSOh_fsPlw

...

>not linking never gonna give you up or niggersbop or zelda ocarina of time shop theme
dailymotion.com/video/x2tqunt

Stop being so angry all the time, user. Instead of lashing out to strangers on the internet i suggest getting help. You just don't see it because you're not in a good situation right now. I've been there, I know how you're feeling. If you follow my advice you'll take a small step in becoming a better person. Cheers!

Hi terry, how are you?

In hell. Installing Temple OS for CIA niggers on incompatible hardware
While they're installing something else in my backport

I started out with java as well.
My roommate taught me a lot about n3ds and switch exploits and homebrew. I am now helping him with porting C++ plugins for cheating in 3ds games to a new framework.
You learn a shitton there and you can use the profile to your advantage.