What is a good distro that boots really quickly?

what is a good distro that boots really quickly?
My current system takes a long time and its not like i'm impatient, but my windows computer boots in about 12 seconds so the difference between both systems startles me. My current system does this:
>boots bios (can't seem to get any linux working with UEFI)
>goes through grub, arbritary 10 second wait as it asks me which OS to boot when I only have one installed
>lock screen / password takes a good 30 seconds to load its shitty UI
>takes 10 seconds to check my password and pass me through to the desktop environment
I spend too much time around computers to be tinkering with some OS that takes a good 3-4 hours to set up, it would just do my head in. Just need a simple, ready to go distro that skips grub, only needs my luks password to boot up (of course i would have a sudo password but using the decryption pass should be enough to boot and let me access my DE), and doesn't take 40 odd seconds to load the desktop environment.

>inb4 get an SSD
my boot drive is an SSD, but linux surely doesn't want to treat it like one.
I get better boot times on my windows computer's HDD than i get on linux with SS.

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Arch

>I spend too much time around computers to be tinkering with some OS that takes a good 3-4 hours to set up
easy-arch-install derivatives install too much bloat that slows the system startup to a halt. I know from my days of being an arch-fag.

bumpe bump

Fucking Ubuntu?
I don't know man it sounds like you did something stupid and forgot about it

Debian with XFCE

Your current distro is probably using systemd and if that's the case then I advice you to run
systemd-analyze blame
and look at the various things that are started at bootup and how long those things take. There's a lot of services you really do not need which can be disabled. There's also some corners you can cut depending on your machine, if it's a desktop then you really don't need NetworkManager and related "services", just use the network service with a fixed IP/gateway config instead.

it's time to upgrade. 486 are a thing of the past.

install gentoo

gentoo gentoo gee-en-too

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kolibri

Look up how to change grub settings, it's a simple value in a file

>can't seem to get any linux working with UEFI
disable secure boot

Windows LTSC. Literary takes less than 10 seconds off my NVMe drive and this is with "Fast Startup" disabled and to a usable desktop with the browser open.

>the fire alarms annoy me while im trying to sleep as my house burns down
How can you be this dumb, but still figure out the Post button?

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Install Debian (all default) on a half decent hard drive and see. There's a command you can put in grub.cfg to make it timeout immediately but I can't remember.

In my experience GNU/Linux OS's boot a lot, lot faster than Windows. Something wrong with your installation.

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Install gentoo
openRC boots really fast

Please explain.

It is like you are impatient.

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Debian minimal install

lube-untu is much more rapid. If you know what I mean...