So, what makes you better than other candidates?

So, what makes you better than other candidates?

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i can't code which means i'll actually get laid LMAO XDDDD

I'm based, redpilled, white and straight.
Libtard SJWs BTFO 2 scoops 2 genders praise kek

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I'll undercut the lowest bidder by 10%

I have memorized all the data structures and algorithms in preparation for this interview.

I'm a gay black trans woman.

I browse Jow Forums boards, making me a highly introspective critical thinker.
I hold myself to extremely high standards based on this rigorous exercise of debating and formulating ideas.
By browsing various boards I have an above average understanding of various niche topics that could offer your team an increased diversity in terms of perspective which is always vital to an organization.

I also have no friends or family of my own, instead keeping to myself outside of work.
This asocial attitude allows me to focus solely on the needs of the organization and delivering the best results.

im black

*unzips cock*

Holy fuck is that you omar

I boss people around and cant code, middle management here i come

I feel like if they get to have 7 people on their team for the interview you should be allowed to bring 6 people you know to defend you.

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I lack white privilege and have a 40IQ.

I have no work history so I'm in if you buy me a cheeseburger

I know I don't look black, but if you see my cock, you might change your mind.
*unzips*
Therefore I feel black and not hiring me would be racist.
I'm also half jew.

Nothing, I'm probably worse than the other candidates, I know shit about programming, am lazy, I suck pretty much at everything I do, I oversleep or don't sleep at all, I get angry at coworkers very easily. I mean, lets be honest only a fool would hire me, also I'm not even looking for a career, I just want some money so I can get fired in 6 months and get some spending money during my need journey.
...So... Did I get the job?

neet jorney*

Have you noticed that people just love talking about themselves and other people which leads to rumor mongering or speculation, so can you try relevant and appropriate questions instead?

Calm down, user. With attitude like this you won't be hired

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I'm better because I'm a professional. I don't like comparing myself to others. If any other applicant according to your assessment is deemed better than me and gets the job, then I can tell you at this moment in time in this interview that I did not apply to let you down because I really want this job and I will not let you down. I'm here today because I'm fit for the company and your company and that's what matters, ot my personal value versus another because I know I can deliver.

first of all why did you post a useless & huge png

The other candidates are probably passionless faggots that will do the bare minimum and do it like shit just so they can get home asap and live their mundane normie lives and forget about programming

considering 90% of my peers in college, i can actually code for one

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well I'm FOR HER and fat friendly!

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Well, if that's the case then you wont mind working below the minimum wage, and working extra time for no extra pay too, right?

Nope, I'll actually expect above average payment from my quality work.

I use Brave and DuckDuckGo

So what prove do you have that you aren't a passionless faggot who will do the bare minimum and do it like shit just so you can get home asap and live your mundane normie life and forget about programming too?

I legit got my job because of knowledge I picked up from here, which seriously impressed the booth guy I was talking to at an AMD career fair. Mark my words, the average Jow Forums user is exposed to enough to actually gain something from it if they're invested in tech as a hobby.

this brigade will die in a few months anyway
hearth attack

>what's ducks go?
>anyway here's your corporate gmail, you must use it for your daily reports

My github profile full of useless, but fun autistic projects.

>autistic
Sorry, user, our position is for programming, which requires high mental capacity. I'm afraid that your condition will make things for you very difficult.
But we have an open position for janitor, if you want. I think that would be perfect for your mental capacity.

Your loss, HR retard. I'll find a proper company that recognizes my talents.

I have 141 IQ, a masters in EE and a 10” dick
>only one of these statements is false

I can do weird noises with my hands look

You asked us to look when we needed to listen.
We’ll uh keep you on file.

well how can you tell I'm doing it with my hands if you don't see me?

You weren’t specific enough in telling us how to observe.
Sorry, but you’ve demonstrated that you have a tendency to leave important information out.
Good luck in the future.

I managed an entire universe for thousands of years with mostly no incidents.

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The masters, right?

"I am an LGBT ally ."

Seriously, HR eats that line up.

Well you're company/department has a problem - because of my skills in these areas () these problems that you currently face will be minimised.

If you (point) there had someone with my level of proficiency in XYZ, the pain that you currently feel would be reduced. You would be able to focus on what actually needs to get done.

I wear programming socks to work

>but user, we're looking for new programmer because one of our lead programmers died overdosing adderall
>how do these programming socks work..?

excuse' me?! I'm a pansexual african-american with purple hair and multiple piercings. And you have the audacity to ask ME what makes ME the best candidate?!

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no kidding. when you get your first onsite interview and they sit you in a big room with a bunch of people shooting questions at you left and right, it feels like the fuckin firing range. like you're being led into a room where you're gonna get shot and you just gotta take it

ughhh, that kind of pressure would give me a literal panic attack. how do people do these interviews? I can't even fall asleep the night before an interview for a cashir job

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*ahem*

I can think of at least one reason...

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this. my puny walnut brain can't take it.

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I've been to at least a hundred interviews as of today. You need to understand that interviews is a routine that needs done. It's not some kinda trial or some shit. You just literally have a 30 minute talk to get to know what both sides want and then discuss whether you're a good match. That's it.

I like fucking snakes in the ass.

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>no one respects this get

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How should I know I have no idea who the fuck the other candidates are? Why do these people sound like programmed robots with only a limited selection of questions and answers?

How the hell would I know that? I literally don't know the other candidates, maybe they're all geniuses that can code way better than I do and have much more experience.

That's a bullshit question, what makes YOU a better company than the others?

PROTIP: If they put pressure on you, flip the script


*leans back in chair*
You tell me. I made it past the previous interviews and you invited me onsite, so you tell me?

Ok user, don't call us, we'll call you.

have fun doing picky interviews instead of working for the next few months, or however long it takes. Ill be in my hotel enjoying the free vacation on your dime. BTW whats my expense limit on meals?

>did this once for a job i didnt care for
>uhm this is an interview, please conduct yourself approriately
>ill be conducting myself to the door then, where better offers await

That I'm third wold Mumbai certified, and you don't have diversity and curry.

*keeps leaning back in chair
I mean, you guys probably go through dozens of candidates every week. You cant just keep doing hardass interviews forever
*puts feet on chair*
I mean, the way I see it, you can keep interviewing for the next 10 years for all I care
*stretches and leans back further, chair is barely holding on for dear life*
So lemme ask you this, do you want to build an amazing team and an impeccable product or do you
*chair falls over*
ahem
or do you want to keep doing interviews?

I'm good with hands while multi-tasking. Also, I want to bang the Asian in the Janitor's closet after this interview.

I brought a gun in here with me. Want to see it?

What the fuck is wrong with that girls mouth on the far right

Business results

unusually large weiner for the tiny (less than 5cm) category

>Is there something bothering you about my face, user? You know we really prefer to keep the atmosphere inclusive here.

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Based and redpilled

I am the God Emperor of Mankind.

nothing, my dad said, he will throw me out if i don't get a job.
I also don't know how to have sex with a human female.

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They're not real people, user. They are unholy demons wearing the faces of human beings as masks. Just your typical upper management and HR representatives, then.

I have global experience in arguably the biggest company in its field
What's interesting about your company for me to leave my current job?
Also, I identify myself as a woman. As in, I earn less than 75% of my peers

Mum says I'm a special boy!!

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I'm good at spotting lizard people.

I'm one of the leading architects in a new and more modern approach to computing. We call it the stateless solid-hosted computing and we are going to offer it as a new form of service called Cloudservice as a Solidservice (CSAASS). CD/CI? Kubernetes? Check
Docker? Check
Scalability? Check
Blockchain? Check
Agile Computing? Check
AWS on Azure? Check
Azure Kubernetes vSphere Clusters? Check

I have a big dick

>agile computing
>aws ON azure
>cd/ci
Yeah you're an undergrad throwing out random lingo to look cool.

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You're hired.

Or a consultant.

It's a pretty dumb practice some employers pull because actually decent candidates might not interview as well in that kind of environment

Said something like: "Well, I might not have the most career experience since I just graduated, but I feel like the two projects I have made on my spare time with hundreds of paying customers each, speaks to my genuine interest and skill, not only in programming itself, but project management, design, customer orientation, etc. You can look at these projects in my Github account, linked in my resume."

And it worked, I got the very first job I applied to.

You left off 2 terms. It's 2 scoops, 2 genders, 2 terms

I'm not better than other candidates!
Just hire meeeeeeeeeee!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

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>only 2 scoops

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i'm not sure what you're looking for exactly so i couldn't say. i mean, i've got knowledge of all the technologies mentioned in the job description so if you could clarify what you're looking for i'm sure i could answer that.

There are no other candidates. Not anymore. Unfortunately they all encountered a series of tragic accidents which means that they can no longer participate in the hiring process. Also, I possess the ability to, ah, go the extra mile, let's say, when circumstances demand it.

I can sum the primes under 2 million in a jiffy.

Solid advice, if you can demonstrate that someone actually paid you for some code you wrote, and spin it to say that you were involved in requirements analysis, UAT, etc as well as development, and the benefits it brought, that goes a long way.

goddamn user, you made choke on my saliva

wow this is great! I'll remember to say something similar during my interview. thanks user!

>apply for job at google
>they already know EVERYTHING about you

I don't know. I've not met the other candidates you fucking retards.

Now give me the job before I go to the gazillion of your competitors who are also recruiting.

Iwrote the libraries the other candidates use.

sounds painful, user

You left off 2 supreme court justices. It's 2 scoops, 2 genders, 2 terms, 2 supreme court justices

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No thanks

Wouldn't you like to know? Weather boy.