ITT explain software as a restaurant

ITT explain software as a restaurant

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>Go to the Jow Forums restaurant
>The other patrons are loud, rude, and ridiculous
>The waiter gives me a quiz before I can order my food
>Sometimes he doesn't accept it even if I get the questions right
>The food is mediocre, and one guy keeps coming to everybody's tables yelling that Hitler did nothing wrong
>I still feel a smug sense of superiority over those suckers next door at Reddit because nobody here knows my name

>Go to MPV Restaurant
>No menu.
>No price list.
>No pictures of the food.
>You write your order on a small sheet of paper and drop it in a box by the door.
>The food is still delicious.

>Go to Apple Restaurant
>$250 entry fee
>$600 plate
>Napkins are extra
>Forks and spoons are proprietary and require training to use.
>The food is just the same as what's sold at the Chinese place across the street; just in a different box and 5 years old.

10/10

>C
>"Here's your apron and kitchen knife, Sir. You're free to go into the kitchen and cook your own meal. We're unfortunately out of every single ingredient, but that's a feature - not a bug. There's are farming & hunting books in the office. Everything will be made exactly the way you like it, eventually"

>Python
>"Here's your pre-packaged and imported meal, Sir. We don't know how it tastes, looks, or exactly what's in it. We've only heated it in a microwave and now expect it to be edible."

>ThinkPad + GNU/Linux Restaurant
>Nice and comfy meal that tastes great

Don't forget the 1/2 chance of blowing up for the python one.

>Linux Restaurant/Building
>Everyone working is autistic
>food is all made from 10 base ingredients
>there are recipes that consist of all 10 ingredients, some that consist of the same ingredient stacked on itself
>the doorman also does every other service
>some foods have a foot stamp next to the name, no pictures of the food
>most main dishes require you have at least 20 appetizers
>no pricetags anywhere, but you have to never use the ingredients to make a meal that you sell to someone else in your entire lifetime
>there are a bunch of people that just eat raw vegetables because it's got less fat
>a bunch of people in suits wearing some weird hats looking menacingly at some grandpa at the other side of the restaurant who's eating some 50 year old steak
>a bunch of kids running around from table to table taking pictures
>some people walk up to you while eating and start lecturing you about how you should behave better if you ever want to make food
>more and more people insist that takeaway will be a great addition to the store

>Go to GNU-Linux Resturant
>Order through a text-based form, no pics
>Have to ask the other customers what's the syntax
>Have to go to the kitchen and prepare the dish yourself
>Only ingredients available are spam, sausage, egg & bacon
>The oven doesn't work. Ask the customers again
>Half the answers are "werks fer me"
>Other half invites you to install some unheard before spare parts
>Oven still doesn't work. Try the microwave
>Ergonomics are horrendous. Some buttons are labelled vertically
>Finally eat some microwaved bacon
>Complain it's not as good as the crispy one in the other resturants
>Get yelled at because I don't like free(dom) lunch

>POSIX is complicated
no, it's not.

>the doorman also does every other service
Invoice is also in some kind of weird format that you can only read in the restaurant.

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What's the "same ingredient stacked on itself" refer to?
Unironic 10/10 post

>go to winrar wholesale goods
>feed yourself with free samples for the rest of your life

>nobody her knows my name
that's where you're wrong, kiddo

What's my name?

kiddo

You're not funny.

I'm not here to make you laugh

No but you just tried to and it was awful.

>go to youtube restaurant
>your favorite menu is no longer available

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Unless you bring a cookie with you

>go to youtube restaurant
>"sorry, this dish is not available in your country"

>visit the blue arch
>some fat neckbeard keeps telling me about his imaginary wife

>goto spotify restaurant
>tells me I can have 3 things but after that I have to listen to them talk about the sponsors for 20 seconds a piece

>Go to the Mac restaurant
>Everyone there is gay
>One item on the menu: Steve Jobs memorial platter, guess that's what I'm having
>Once I eat it, I can no longer eat anything else because other food is incompatible
>I soon start feeling attraction to the waiters

>go to GNOME restaurant
>here's your cheeseburger
>can I have something other than a cheeseburger?
>our UX team says you want a cheeseburger

>go to KDE restaurant
>here's your bacon, lettuce and chocolate sandwich
>wait what why chocolate
>the sandwich is customisable, you can swap the chocolate for something else
>okay but why is chocolate the default
>i dunno

>go to XFCE restaurant
>all the food is years past its expiration date

>go to Unity restaurant
>closed

>go to reddit restaurant
>the door takes 10 minutes to open
>open menu
>[this food was deleted]
>[this food was deleted]
>[this food was deleted]

>Go to exhentai restaurant
>Staff look sad and refuse to serve me until I give them cookies

>go to the GitHub restaurant
>millions of creations on the menu
>all of them shit
>complain to someone from the other side of the world about a bug in his food

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>Go to dwm restaurant
>Nobody is around, kitchen is open
>Whatever, I go in and cook a burger
>Decide I want ketchup so I have to throw out the burger and cook another
>Throw that one out and cook a third because I want fries too

Nice.

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jabba the hut?

kek

no no no
>white glossy utensils that are slippery as fuck
>you're holding it wrong

relatable

>Sometimes he doesn't accept it even if I get the questions right
Kek, true

>go to GIMP restaurant
>square dishes only

>go to linux restaurant
>they serve dish but there's no food in sight

>go to gnu restaurant
>they serve me oatmeal but i have to eat with my hands

>go to discord restaurant
>waiter is weeb trash
>other people inside are zoomers and are screaming about one thing or the other
>order tendies
>try to eat the tendie
>there is a fucking tracking chip in my tendie
>go to complain
>get kicked out of restaurant.

>go to Gentoo restaurant
>It's just a microwave oven and a fridge full of frozen food

>Goto Denuvo restaurant
>You can buy a slimey dish that is so slow to swallow because of the gooeyness
> Everytime a new dish is offered at the restaurant it's even worse and more slimey and expensive.
> You can choose to wait for a guy in the corner whos scraping the slime off and handing it out for free making it even quicker/ beeter to swallow

>everyone there calls you a faggot

>its delicious because there is no other restaurant nearby

Apple restaurant is so corageous and aesthetically minimalistic that they ditched most silverware and only give you a spoon to eat with.

>go to C restaurant
>all the food there looks good
>ask the waiter for steak with extra seasoning
>steak is only served with normal seasoning

>go to C++ restaurant
>has the same food as C
>ask for extra seasoning on my steak
>the cook kills himself because he couldn't figure out which steak was mine

>go to Rust restaurant
>has the same food as C
>ask for extra seasoning on my steak
>the waiter collects all the menus, rewrites all the steak to have _____ seasoning
>customers from that point onward have to specify exactly how much seasoning they want every time they get a steak.

>go to Forth restaurant
>has its own kind of steak
>ask for extra seasoning
>get extra seasoning
>everyone goes about their day

>meme language nobody uses

C? C++?

>walking the city
>pssst, come to our restaurant
>keep walking
>pssst, come to OUR restaurant
>keep walk-
>pssttt, our restaurant is what you want!
>okay, i'll join, it can't be that terrib-
>the menu is a low quality photocopy of the Jow Forums menu
>the food is cold Jow Forums leftovers straight from the garbage dump
>full of zoomers
>everybody is cosplaying
>you get kicked out if you don't cosplay
>all waiters are trannies
>there's a bunch of chinese guys watching you eat
>the feds break into the place
>closed down because pedos were trading shit in the kitchen

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>go to GNU/Linux soup kitchen
>all patrons are smelly neckbeards who have not bathed in years and have no jobs
>they all want gibs

>the other customers call you stupid for thinking that the stove should just work and the cook should be the one to operate it

>go to forth restaurant
>it's a nursing home

>>the cook kills himself because he couldn't figure out which steak was mine

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>go to discord restaurant
>literally just a cover for an underage pornography ring

>go to twitter restaurant
>get kicked out for being a white male

>go to facebook restaurant
>the most debilitated of normies deliver me food from 10 years ago

>go to mom's (mothers are technology) restaurant
>get served spaghetti and a large quantity of milk of unknown origin

what about tumblr restaurant?

>Enter Debian restaurant
>Waiters are friendly and explain the text based menu
>try to order a custom stir fry
>no chicken
>"That's proprietary you'll have to sign these"
>sign waiver saying that I'm ok with chicken
>add chicken to stir fry
>apt-get meal
>utensils are alien and strange
>Waiters become impatient but agree to show me how to use the utensils
>food was ok

>>The oven doesn't work. Ask the customers again
>>Half the answers are "werks fer me"

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You robbed me of a legit kek, user

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lmao

>go to bitcoin restaurant
>buy some $3000 chicken tenders
>take the tendies home but don't eat the tendies because they might be worth more in the future

>Walk into HURD restaurant
>Walk back out because the grand opening was pushed back 10 years again

>goto COBOL restaurant
>enter dimly lit room
>something rattles continuesly in the distance
>an 80 year old guy sits in front of the menu
>only one choice
>keep_the_worlds_important_systems_running.dish

>go to windows restaurant
>cameras everywhere
>walls covered by ads
>menu has almost every food on earth
>they collect a blood sample and fingerprints when you step in

>walk into play store restaurant
>most dishes are undercooked

>go to the windows 10 restaurant
>it shuts down while you are making your order

more like
>go to linux restaurant
>the food is free but you have to cook it yourself from the ingredients with strange kitchen appliances that break randomly

>dishes are either done by kids first attempts or has virus in it

>go to iFood store
>the chairs are pic related

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>windows restaurant
>cameras in every corner
>kids playing around
>order food
>waitress walks like a tard
>takes my order and goes to kitchen
>chef starts cooking
>whole restaurant explodes

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oh the KDE one is so fucking true

sounds like that International Restaurant Circuit that now nobody ever visits

>>go to windows restaurant
cont.
>>be in windows restaurant
>>the owner decides to update the menu
>>all cutlery gets replaced by chopsticks for some reason
>>try for hours to eat soup with chopsticks all the while complaining to the indian waiters that you would like your spoon back
>>they answer "you can use 2 sets of chopsticks or bring your own spoon next time"
>>owner updates menu again
>>cutlery is back but it has ads on it

ITT: IMAGINE BEING AT COMPUTERS

>go to gentoo restaurant
>there's no meals, every ingredient is its own item
>have to tell the chef precisely how I want the ingredients prepared
>food takes hours to cook
>finally get my platter
>have to assemble my burger myself before I can actually eat it
>it turns out to be the best stuff I ever tasted

>go to OSX restaurant
>it's a bunch of trendy hipsters
>get a menu made for ants
>ask for burger with a side of fries
>only get a burger
>"you have to order the fries separately
>order the fries
>there's only one portion
>get way more fries than I needed
>don't even finish my food and get the check
>it's 80$ plus tax

>go to Windows restaurant
>extremely crowded
>it looks like a legitimate speakeasy
>portions are half the size for no reason
>the menus are all written in a language nobody seems to have learned besides the regulars
>the only way anyone knew how to order was by pointing at pictures to the waiter
>portions are still way larger than I can eat, but the price matched this time.

>go to Linux restaurant
>plenty of choices
>almost every person there is sitting at a table for one
>includes incels that have no manners, constantly throwing their food at people asking them how to eat it
>ask for a burger with a side of fries
>takes a fucking hour to make for no apparent reason
>tastes amazing despite this
>cheaper than any other restaurant

>later you manage to make your order
>you get the food, start eating
>3 spoons of soup later the staff asks you to stop eating and leave because they are renovating
>its Saturday 12:30p, everyone wants to eat but fuck that they are renovating
>01:15pm you manage to go back to continue your food
>everything is the fucking same, you ask the wait what the fuck
>"Renovation failed sir, we reverted everything. We will try again later."

>MSVS restaurant
>40 minute wait
>when you get inside nobody was there
>20 more minute wait before waiter gets to you
>open menu, there are only three options
>waiter says he can get you an expanded menu, but it'll take another 30 minutes
>order the food
>takes 40 minutes to make and it's made by three different kitchens
>notice that the guy who just got in the back of the line whenever you were first let in is already eating
>food is greasy but not bad

LOST

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>disguise yourself as an american to get the american dish
>Pajeet serves the dish with indian spices

gotta love Youtube

>python
>blowing up
You won't even get anything scary like "access violation", python is basically for kids.

>go to Microsoft restaurant
>chair breaks as i sit on it
>asks for a new chair
>"first prove you're not a robot"
>this captcha is fucking unsolvable, why not use google's recaptcha instead of this crap??!!!
>"alright, phone number then"
>fine, here it is
>"something wen't wrong"
>WHAT?? THE NUMBER IS FUCKING RI... ah ok, i see, remove the hyphen, right? there we go.
>"check your phone for the message"
>*1 minute and nothing*
>i didn't get the message, send it again
>"daily limit reached, try again tomorrow"
>WHAAAAT??!!!!!!!!

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>>Staff look sad and refuse to serve me until I give them cookies
FUCK THAT'S THE REASON THE PANDA IS SAD, HE'S HUNGRY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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>go to Emacs restaurant
>have to look the menu up on the Internet
>utter "M-x C-x S-x Food RET"
>tastes the same as in Vim restaurant down the street

>Windows 10 Frozen Pizza
>it has mold spores all over it
>you can't remove the mold spores
>the mold looks like eyes

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>iFood store
ifood is only delivery though

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>you get banned for being a white male
>anything worth ordering is already taken off the menu

its just a sex cake shop


anymore?

>go to vim restaurant
>get trapped forever

>Go to the java café
>Order a big coffee, black
>Waiter returns with 6 forms that I have to fill out before I get to drink my coffee
>Fill them out. They have nothing to do with the actual act of drinking.
>Waiter arrives with a coffee, a glass of water, and a bottle if wine
>begin to drink coffee
>HotSpot waiter shows up and says "Oh you're not having water and wine, let me take them away"

>go into Google Play restaurant
>given no menu
>waiter recommends me what he thinks i'd like
>i insist on seeing a menu
>he asks what i want
>i say salmon
>he replies "most people like the steak, i'll get you steak"

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>Cobol restaurant
>filled with archeologists
>someone brings a fossilized denture to light

>Python restaurant
>if you are not seated correctly, waiters refuse to serve you
>waitresses talk about tampons loudly, as if keeping certain things out of sight was a concept unknown to them
>there are forks, but if you use them, a hipster will snort at you
>instead you have to ask for chopsticks and use them
>they're actually nice chopsticks and if you learn to use them, you'll eat faster
>the food is all just prepackaged stuff thrown into a microwave

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Just remember
:qa!
Escape this :colon thing, Quit And do !not Return.

>>Walk into discord kitchen
>Cooks in the back "OwO wuts dis?"
>they send out something ok
>They say to bring it back cause it's not finished cooking
>You start eating it, but you want something a bit better
>cooks say to bring it back
>you send it back and they tweak something like adding a touch of salt
>ok that's a tiny bit better
>You leave

>>a month later
>Where the literal fuck did this bitch come from?
>you see a giant fucking restaurant now
>you walk in the place to see a shit load of people there
>a handful of famous people sitting at a table with people around them
>deadmau5 sits there but doesn't respond to ANYONE

>"OwO what's dis?" comes from the kitchen as you hear shit like "XDDDD OMG GUYS MEMES AND SHIT!"
>All the waiters are telling the devs to quit it
>"But we are Discord :D we love MEMES :D :D
>The restaurant suddenly loses power and know one knows fuck all
>Everyone goes next door to Facebook but looks through the window ever 5 minutes
10 minutes later
>shits back on
>you get an update from twitter stating "Sorry guys xD someone tripped over a cord in the kitchen"
>You wonder why the fuck there's a cord in the kitchen

>they let you taste dishes not on the menu but legit it's the same thing but you can tweak it yourself if you know how to get behind the chrome shit in it

----------------
>>goto Facebook restaurant
>Sitting at my table waiting for something new to come up
>a meal from 2013 I already had comes up
>ask the waiter what do?
>he says "This is what's popular right"
>talks to a guy next to me, says there's this thing called "facebook purity" that Facebook hates but can't stop you from using it.
>forces the waiters to bring you new shit

>go to Steam restaurant
>waiter steals all my money and kicks me out immediately

fuck

>go to X restaurant
>waitress gives me the menu
>looks like it was in use for like 20 years
>multiple foods crossed out and new ones written there with sharpies
>whatever, order a steak
>waitress goes to the doorman to tell him I ordered a steak
>doorman goes to the cleaning lady to tell her my order
>cleaning lady goes to the restaurant manager to tell him my order
>the restaurant manager goes to the kitchen to tell the cook my order
>while waiting for my food I notice a crack on the front window
>see the restaurant manager wearing a swimbelt
>turns out there was a pool in the back of the restaurant like 10 years ago, but closed when the city swimming hall was built and the manager refuses to change his habits
>waitress finally brings me my steak
>enjoy the food, while feeling uneasy about the overcomplicated procedures

>go to wayland restaurant
>pretty new, just opened
>the building was in construction for like a decade
>notice there are no waitresses
>only the restaurant manager and the cook
>have to personally go into the kitchen and tell the cook what I want to order
>can't order to go, can only eat it there
>cook gives it to me, go back to my table and eat it
>want to take a photo of it to show it to my friends
>restaurant manager comes to me angrily and smacks the phone out of my hands
>for security reasons I'm not allowed to take photos or videos
>start eating the food
>pretty good desu
>building suddenly collapses because I'm wearing my green shirt and it's a cursed color here

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>go to stackoverflow restaurant
>order surf and turf
>"sorry your order was too broad"
>order tendies
>they put my picture on the wall

what?

what do you mean, what? Every sale drains my bank account

>Go to Steam restaurant
>Waiter brings out the specials list, it's a mile long
>Pass up the 85% off sale on the filet mignon
>Order a dodgy sounding burger from the dollar menu instead
>Eat a few bites, it's horrible, send it back and get a full refund

how is that steam's fault? you don't have self control? and why do you get kicked out of it?