You're on the train and this guy pulls a knife on you

You're on the train and this guy pulls a knife on you.

You've forgotten your EDC knife.

He takes your laptop.

How fucked are you? What plans have you got in place?

1. Encrypted?
2. Remote wipe?
3. Data backed up?

Hard mode - he's able to extract your decryption keys from memory.

Attached: knifepoint-robbery-e1534564482411.jpg (500x333, 15K)

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=Jwpg-AwJ0Jc
khq.com/news/first-on-khq-man-stabbed-in-the-throat-in-east/article_72ea7680-d037-5f7c-ac53-4d9f51268448.html
twitter.com/AnonBabble

I don't keep any sensible information on my laptop

Hardmode: hold and press the power button while giving him the laptop.

Veracrypted laptop.

>You've forgotten your EDC knife.
Alternatively you live in the UK/Australia and don't want to go to prison for defending yourself.

>hit him over the head with thinkpad before he takes it
>skull cracked open
>brains on the floor
he aint doing shit

no one is gonna pull a knife for your old black brick user dont worry

Just bash his skull in with your trusty ThinkPad.

But nobody steals ThinkPads lol. I might smack someone's head with the corner tho. Should have some force behind it with the 70Wh battery installed :^)

>tfw you got lojack (r) (tm) for your microsoft (r) surface pro (tm)
>call cops, show them fancy lojack (tm) web interface
>they track the criminal down in less than an hour
i cant believe this board doesnt see the obvious solution: youtube.com/watch?v=Jwpg-AwJ0Jc

Give it to him since its filled with cp then tip the fbi off

OY BRUV U GOT A LOICENCE FOR THAT KNOIFE THERE M8

Attached: IMG_20181013_162054254_HDR2.jpg (3753x1721, 1.39M)

im pretty fucked out of those 500 dogecoins i had i guess

This book is thinner than I'd expect

>pulls out can of liquid nitrogen
>pours over your RAM cover while walking off the train
>"Nothing personal kid"

I should be able to fend him off with the laptop.

t. T60 owner

>going outside

Attached: 1553195669143.png (483x470, 184K)

Pull out my EDC gun

/thread

>You're on the train
No I'm not.

based

You mean literally everywhere but the US?

not fucked at all because the laptop doesn't have a battery and i take out the hard drive when I'm not using it

>Suicide linux on portable
Good luck faggot

my laptop does not have a harddrive and the memory got whiped at the last shutdown, good luck

I'm fat enough that any attempt he makes to stab me won't hit any vital organs. I simply hurl him to the floor then crush him to death with my weight.

>Encrypted
>Can be remotely wiped
>Data backups every day
>Literally got a GPS tracker on top of a WAN SIM module so he gets vanned before he can even notice that it's completely useless to him
It's insured anyways so I literally get a new one in 3 days as part of my insurance contract.

He just got an empty laptop with no drives and 2gb of RAM that I got for free from a recycling center. I use tails on laptops, I use desktops for anything important.

I'm perfectly fine

all he'd get is my collection of mermaid pictures

Attached: sirena_vuelve_al_mar_by_elsevilla-d7y7aqt.png.jpg (755x1057, 158K)

Shut up, Shawn.

Chromebook

Checkmate FLOSSERS

I don't have a laptop. Work is done where and when work is meant to be done: in front of a desktop, 9-5.

>You've forgotten your EDC knife.
then i just pull out my EDC gun

Post more please, any nsfw?

>he doesn't 3D print it on the spot

I live in a 3rd world country and use the train everyday in different times of the day and nobody tried to rob me
Where do you live?

pretty sure you'll get shit for using hollow points my nigga

the only shit he'll get is if he doesnt have a few FMJs at the end of his magazine

This

Hard drive failed so my OS is on a flash drive, yank the bitch out when handing it to him

That and it's a fucking chrome book worth $180 new, so ain't no one touching it lol

>he's able to extract your decryption keys from memory
He can't read though. I win.

Why do you have a collection of mermaid pictures?

not to mention your thinkpad will run just as good, if not better than before

Don't have a laptop and I don't get trains anymore

Attached: download.jpg (474x355, 37K)

>Pilot G-2 07
based

Why do I leave my home in the first place?

1. Encrypted?
yes
2. Remote wipe?
lol no this is not a fucking iphone
3. Data backed up?
everything cloud synced

>You've forgotten your EDC knife.
No I didn't.

lmao imagine being this fucking dorky. Put those hollow points away, kid. You arent the punisher.

>You're on the train
Go back to >You've forgotten your EDC knife.
I have something better. No self preservation instinct I have.
>He takes your laptop.
No, he doesn't. I use laptop as a knife shield.
>How fucked are you?
Anally.

No, some libre mierdagujeros have US-like laws and guns (with loisence, but you can use them).

based and redpilled

>taking my laptop on the train

based

I slice his hand and arm open with my boxcutter because I'm not a white-collar pansy.

Use my EDC pepper spray.

he gets all my whole loli porn stash

Attached: 1553277488215.jpg (900x605, 126K)

Obviously I simply remote detonate the battery rig i set up beforehand, duh.

do u have this wallpaper size?

Can't do anything with it other than wipe and use again

- keep personal data on external storage on your person
- scrub residual user data from laptop storage upon shutdown
- remove laptop storage altogether, run os live, install additional ram if needed
- scrub ram before shutdown

Tell him to stab me and take his manslaughter charge cause the only way hes getting my locked down tech is over my cold dead corpse.

encrypted drives. I lost 3k dollars. Company will replace it. Lots of super sensitive keys on it.

Nope. That's just a suburban legend.

>Post more please
ok
>Why do you have a collection of mermaid pictures?
i like them

Attached: Coralmerfolk2.jpg (550x1016, 76K)

>take his manslaughter charge
>kill someone during robbery
>manslaughter
uh yeah, that would be 1st degree murder

I don't have a laptop on me.

>not wearing tear-away clothing
lmao

Uhh... you mean second degree murder?

>Lots of super sensitive keys on it.
Simple fix, revoke them.

I keep everything on the cloud with 2 factor authentication, he's fucked.

are you fucking dumb?

Attached: Capture.png (926x613, 106K)

>Give me your laptop!
>No, sorry.
>Uh.... okay.....

No one's gonna actually stab you. Stop watching the news.

Why the fuck would I be riding a train?

Do you really think someone robbing you at knife point is gonna go "uhh okay" and walk away? I mean we're all somewhat detached from reality but come the fuck on

>arch linux
>Dvorak
>i3
>no touchpad
>a password
I've never met a single person who's been able to use my computer.

Yes. They expect you to cave and just give in. No robber is going to genuinely stab you on the train. They're gonna go find someone else who complies immediately.

If someone wanted to stab you, they would just do it. They don't want to stab you, they want your laptop, and everyone has a laptop. Just tell them to go away.

Attached: 3261198178.jpg (500x363, 23K)

>you wont stab me
quote from man stabbed

i'm either carrying my lcp, 229, 19, cz, or shield, depending on the weather.

>suburban legend

Attached: 1541679039409.jpg (250x240, 4K)

Encrypted and important files on syncthing so no problem at all.

I know this is a joke and i do find the image very funny in response to my comment, but here's the story where that originated.

khq.com/news/first-on-khq-man-stabbed-in-the-throat-in-east/article_72ea7680-d037-5f7c-ac53-4d9f51268448.html

Not a mugging, just a random stabbing. Like I said, if someone wants to stab you, they'll just do it. It's all about assessing the situation.

I beat him to death with my thinkpad