*ruins a positive working environment forever*

*ruins a positive working environment forever*

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scrum is an excuse for bossy women to feel like they actually contribute

indeed, fuck scrum

*ruins a tranny invested working environment*

Nothing wrong with daily stand ups between the devs that are working on a particular platform/product. There is no need for a scrum master, the project manager can run the standups.

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*scrutum

Scrum master is one of the strangest fucking notions I've ever heard. Why does that need to be a position?
Literally the only point of a daily scrum is for people to gather together and say WELL I DID THIS THIS AND THIS TODAY, I PLAN ON DOING THIS THIS AND THIS NEXT
You don't need someone to lord over it
If you do, the project manager is more than enough
Fucking worthless women whores
Women were made to carry seed and nothing else

This.
Scrum does have some good ideas, but adhering to everything Scrum to the tee is a sure pathway to insanity.

Scrum just like ITIL and other shit is completely batshit insane bullshit for and by "management types". The only close to actually sane solution is DevOps and even that is getting perverted by management retards right now.

look at me i'm gonna recite some industry words that have nothing to do with one another in an attempt to sound smart

I'm sorry you've been disappointed by scrum. It's probably being run by incompetent pretenders in your company.

the point of the scrum master is to protect you from the PM. maybe you have a nice PM. not everybody does.
if you don't notice how your productivity goes down by 50% when your scrum master's on vacation, then you have a shitty scrum master.

>t. Scrummaster
Just fuck off, no one likes you and no one wants you either.

Do people have to call their scrummaster master?
Like "yes, master" heh

Someone please explain to me what Scrum Master is supposed to do.

Run meetings and tell managers and others to fuck off from the dev team

And that's a full time job?

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According to scrum it is

Suck the managers dick and blame the dev team.

>hey for this entry level position you need to have at least 5 years scrum experience

Literally no one in thread gets scrum. Scrum is not about standups, and has little to do with management

But our scrum master is cute

When will you "scrum masters" finally fuck off back to HR?

Holy shit, this describes my software engineering teacher so perfectly.

Certified ScrumMaster® here, ask me anything

>scrum master
Such a stupid name

>Why yes, I am the master of the scrum. How did you know?

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Who /Waterfall Chad/ here

Yep. My systems prof doesn't like me cause I always attempt to answer and my answers are always wrong and I always say extra stuff that's really relevant by still related. I'm trying to be a smartass, I do this all the time. Helps me remember things if I relate them to other things.

>Scrum Grand PooBah.

Can anyone please explain to me what scrum actually fucking is?
I read about it on sites like wikipedia and I basically understand fucking nothing.

Unironic boomer tech that shouldn't play any rule in a modern functioning company anymore.

No meme answers please. I just literally want to know what it is.
I don't understand when reading about it.
I am a top tier developer, but can't understand what fucking scrum is when reading about it.
I just immediately lose my focus.

It's a methodology for software development that treats every new feature or customer requirement as a "sprint" you shit out in a few weeks on your own.

>He doesn't do XTREME programming
Heh, I thought you guys were the cool crowd

You forgot to mention the useless daily meetings where you suck each the scrum master's dick and waste useful time.