Good morning, user and welcome to the daily stand-up meeting. Tell us about your dev progress this week

>Good morning, user and welcome to the daily stand-up meeting. Tell us about your dev progress this week.

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I've spend most of my time shit posting on Jow Forums.
>Watching occasional porn clips too.

shitposting on Jow Forums, unsuccessfully

>not using your autism to infodump these people for 2 hours straight so they never ask you again.

Pathetic.

Yeah, I'm planning the project out.
I've already done some research and made some notes.

Jane the consultant you guys referred to yesterday is not reachable.I'm just waiting for him to explain the process.Meanwhile I was working on that report Bob mentioned but the database seems down,pajeet is working on it.

we used to have those at my old job. you learn to bullshit your way through them real quick. just tell bossman want he wants to hear.

I've been making progress on my task but I've hit a blocker while attempting to dockerise my react.js typescript module to enable frictionless virtualized front end acceptance testing within a container as a service cloud environment. I'm going to review our continuous integration pipeline steps to see if I can find the sticking point, hopefully this afternoon I'll get the chance to unpack this issue with a fresh mind as I have no scheduled meetings to harm my focus.

I have an impediment in that I can't stop thinking about how much money I'm not getting paid and it's really hampering my work.

God I am so happy I got out of coding after 5 years. What a shitty monkey brain job.
If

First I was all like "I'm going to dev this thing", then I went "oops, I did it again". Then I giggled because I imagined Britney Spears as a software lady. And how was your week, miss?

All my tasks are on track with no roadblocks.

same as the last time

I'm almost done with installing and customizing those Fiori apps you wanted. You do realize that this is actually a sysadmin job? The one you have sysadmins for, right? I'm a developer. I'm supposed to make new stuff by stealing design patterns from SAP standard. Anyway, some apps might not work right now, but the remaining 320 are good to go. Yes, I added those in 2 days. Did you think about modeling roles yet? What, HR, sales, accounting and invoice refuse to cooperate? But you do know that the SAP roles are garbage and we won't use 50-70% of the apps assigned to each role, right? And you want this running end of next week?

I finally organized my desk after 10 years.Now I might actually do some work.

What do you work now?
Am also loking to get out, but this is the only profession I know

This. If you can't effortlessly spring into Carmack technobabble, you're shit.

Still compiling boss

kill, fuck, kill, marry, fuck, fuck, kill, kill

>That's a very inappropriate comment, user. I'm reporting this to HR

coded myself into a corner

>all this shit
what they will actually hear is: probably by afternoon
nobody cares about stupid details they won't u derstand anyway

>frictionless virtualized front end acceptance testing

I swear people just sometimes throw around words

Attempting to get stakeholders to explain what they want. None of them know who is actually in charge, yet all are afraid to speak up. Currently blocked.

>Carmack technobabble

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fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

gotta establish dominance

Fought with the compiler a bit. Also realized my implementation in one part is n squared instead of linear time. Will get around to fixing that soon.

anybody else read the text before they saw the image? haha

I can't get something working. Could someone fix it for me please?

>daily
>weekly progress
ask me how i know you don't work

excellent taste m8

I-I'm on the testing team, s-sorry.

Where can I get a cutie, like the girl in the middle?

murder makes you dominate as well
ty

is this basically saying
>not enough bandwidth
?

I wrote some programs

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this is now a JOHN CARMACK THREAD

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is that fuckerberg in the background?

nah it's a video from 2008

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Is there more of this ? I have often find myself wandering into the physics of the turbo encabulator in my free time but it was not to my knowledge that another lingo was available to study on the subject of computing technologies.

Seems likes it does share quite a bit of similarities.

wtf, is this a dream? work starts on the 2nd, i have been taking it chill before i apply myself for the realzies

the database queries are all mapped out and im waiting on john to finish his implementation

Bullshit and blame other employees for blocking you for 2 minutes. Add an extra 3 minutes if you’re behind schedule. Name drop, mislead, exploit. After 8 years I hold commits back so I have a steady stream of deliverables and can still spend time jacking it in the bathroom to the cam I installed in the ladies shower.

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Best consultant speak i love it

Yo what city are you starting work in user? I know there's basically 0% chance of this, but the company I work for is taking in their yearly interns on that date.

> be me front-end dev
> work for consultancy bureau
> bureau sends me to a backend job
> drupal, symfonie, node js proxy microservice stack (only know node js)
> bureau sells me as drupal expert
> started on the job 1st Jule got all project access around 19 Jule
> they gave me a development planning from the 1st of Jule till mid September deadline
> consult bureau told them this is possible
> very big project
> no analysis done yet
> no user stories till 26 of August
> no tester
> no architect
> still no idea what has to be done
> I just sit and listen audiobooks music and watch YouTube all day for 2 months now
> big boss plans meeting, asks what I have done, tell him I've worked a little node js but that I'm blocked because of the lack of platform stories, as company policy forbids development without clear stated expectations and goals + progress tracking
> boss gets mad at analysists for not making stories of a part of the platform they dont even know existed
> analysts been blocking me from start, deadline in 2 weeks everyone happy to have me
>consultancy because I just pumped 2 months worth of money, boss because I am clearly frustrated by the lack of stories, me because 10 mins from home and ill probably get another 3 months after this.

Doing both establishes dominance even better.

But you stay a virgin then

i've worked on my personal projects the entire week because some retard pushed niggerlicious code to master and i simply refuse to fix it

Based
Uhhh it's compiling

I did a month's worth of work in 2 days and keep all of you boomers employed.

>work several years as a programmer, grow tired of it
>back issues, too many hours in front of the computer
>no social interaction
>quit job, back to school
>become certified pipe welder in less than a year
>work for a few years in various workshops / fields
>get a 2 year contract on an oil rig, no renewal
>works 2 weeks every month, the rest of the time i spend hobby dev
>contract ends, need a new job
>get job at local workshop, pay is shit compared to what i had on the rig but its ok
>start calling in sick because i just wanna work on my projects
>unironically hope they fire me

These morons at standups (i.e. the ones in suits) always do nothing. Have you guys realized that? I know so many baby boomers that are at the standups and I have no idea what they do. All they do is sit at meetings, talk, and then have more meetings where they talk more. I haven't a clue what they do beyond that.

the other day I realized I was doing this with the very specs of the job they gave to me

I've learned to not trouble the higher ups with code, just say yes and work with the team to navigate issues

I wanna talk about lack of diversity.

Too many white people there, it's intimidating.

Well, after I left your mom's house this morning, I sat down at my laptop and cranked out a 150,000 LOC divine intellect compiler that compiles just in time and ahead of time. You can download my 50 MB .iso that has all the source code, and you can compile it w/ my fucking compiler.

Why are they all white?

>I am not legally required to talk about it but I like you guys. I live with a disability that make standing hard.
And just sit down.

They are at work

Thank you for your report user, hr has concluded that user is a homophobe and will be injecting them with scienceawaythestraight

thank you for your report