We're looking for a team player with a can-do attitude and excellent communication skills

At least the laptop is off.

this. was transitioning from one position where i managed people to a position where i managed the project. once it was decided i would transition and before they found my replacement, all i heard was:
>user, do you think you could start with some drafts of your proposal for how you want to handle this project? we just want to get the ball rolling.
>me: no, once you find my replacement and i can focus all my effort on the project, then you'll get my proposals.
i could've done both jobs and they knew it, but they wouldn't have paid me for both; so fuck them. no company owes me shit, so i don't owe them anything either

>we're looking for someone with more experience for this entry level position.

>we need minimum 2 years eperience
>on the job training

Teach her nothing, ignore her. She will rage, just stay calm and say you did explain if management asks. Explain again with management next to her. Let her call management every time if she needs something explained. Eventually she will quit or not bother you.

>we're looking for a person who hates being around people, is poisoned with low energy and has bad attitude overall

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>we're looking for a senior level developer for this entry level job

jobs and relationships are just like coins, you have to know how to time the exit

you huys are hodling these jobs which is why you end up in these horrid situations

it's when you are doing your best work, most valuable time that you announce you are looking for other opportunities

>Tell me, user, what do YOU bring to the team here?

>Junior Entry Level Position
>We're looking for expertise with at least 3-5 years experience

I wish this were LARP, I just went on the job boards to look for some examples and I saw one like this.

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>Federal law requires us to seek out and hire diverse female, disabled, and minority candidates
>Job requirements:
>Must be a native english speaker
>Must be able to walk around.the building
>Must have good eyesight
>Must have good hearing
>Must be able to lift 50 lbs
>Must be a """good communicator"""

Attached: 1530315440204.png (10x8, 230)

15 minute sex break, one after the first two hours of work then another two hours after lunch

>Please link your linkedin or facebook account
>We want to know if you look like an autistic creep

>We’re on a mission to build the relationship-focused bank of the future and we’re looking for passionate team members who can get us there. >Our distinct culture is built on a shared commitment to do what’s right for our clients, our people, and our communities, and we strive for excellence in everything we do. Because life at [REDACTED] is not only what you do, but how you do it.
>This is a regular part time role with a schedule of 15 hours each week. Your hours will be based on our banking centre operations, and you may need to work days, evenings and weekends

>so tell us why you want to work here

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ive had this pulled on me at every job ive ever had. good thing i am a forever alone manchild with nothing to lose and i can tell them to fuck off

if they know you need the money you have no choice but to take the assrape

Shouldn't this be seen discrimination?
Most companies I applied to explicitly say no pictures in your resume/application

>notarized penis inspection required 8 inches plus preffered

Proud to be a wagie

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There's only certain things like race and gender that you aren't allowed to discriminate on. There's no law against discriminating based off social media presence or lack thereof, most states do not prevent discrimination on political grounds either.
>faggot likes to take it up the ass
Checks out.

I disabled mine which basically means it still exists and I just cant do anything to it. So now my facebook picture is me when I was 16 with a du-rag on because my black friend was teaching me how to tie one. Will employers ever see this? How do they even know its you if you have a generic white name? Will they think I'm a closeted nigger?

>"no two days are the same"

>I'm a begrudging rent-payer who feels like he's been forced into an existence of eternal wage-slaving. Is that who you're looking for? Well today's your lucky day!

hearty kek

>translation: our company is a fucking mess

What's wrong, user? Are you autistic?

>we're looking for a frog poster
>around the age of 20 - 28 but mentally 13
>short, overweight, and high estrogen levels
>Receding hairline and baldness is a plus
>has to have the sense of humor similar to a door knob or a flat tire

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nah just don't want to communicate with anyone unless it's strictly business related

>upload resume
>have to manually type out entire resume on the next page

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Dis boomer doesnt know how to copy and paste. Hotkeyfagglet

>supervisor comes up to me
>"hey user! I see that you'll be clocking out in 5 minutes. Great! That's just enough time for you to do this simple manual labor task that I don't want to do so I can leave earlier. Make sure to lock the door before you leave!"

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Sounds like they'll only be hiring white males?

why do people do this shit
I swear some people enjoy being slaves

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I have a couple boomer coworkers who voluntarily work an extra 5-6 hours each week even though they have fuck all to do.

Translates to "we want you to do anything we ask and be happy about working 60 hours a week"

This is proof of the above statement "team playaaah"

We want someone to work for cheap

This job has nothing to do with the experience, you need to learn on the job because we have no idea how to get this done

Again, we pay shite and expect you to work way above your contracted ability.

High supply low demand

I have no idea how to interview

This is filtering so they don't have to look at 10000 resumes

I used to interview and hire for jobs, standard tactics to make life easy for the recruiter.

The recruiter doesn't give a flying fuck if the right person was employed, they just want a banging resume and a really fun person to go to the interview.

The interviewers are usually higher up the chain, it looks good on me if I send them people who will suck their balls just to get a job.

The shit that gets posted on the job advertisement is like a Christmas list. No one can fill even 50% of the stuff on there, Just be skilled enough to do the job in itself, the rest is a crap shoot in an interview.

>Must be able to lift 50 lbs

Code word for shitty temporary job.

Can a NEET learn COBOL and get a job with that plus Linux and BSD skills?

PLEASE HIRE ME. IM YOUR GUY!

Kek, only did two interviews and got the job twice.

Who else /businessman/ here?

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>go for interview
>visibly nervous, interviewer tells me not to be
>get even more nervous as interview goes on, asking me stupid question like 'why do want to work here'
>start stammering my answers
>interviewer starts rushing through questions, just wants me to leave since im such a sperg
Got a job that didnt require an interview and I make more money here than I would there. Now browse Jow Forums for fun since buying ethereum made me an even worse nervous wreck

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I have a winning record on interviews as well. External interviews anyway. 0 for 2 on internal interviews for promotions. It's the reason I trade memes for supplementary income. Cannot hide the autism if the interviewer already knows me.

> 1/2 minutes before leaving time
> Male Superior: user can you check if the checks have been locked up?

> 1/2 minutes before leaving time, frequently
> My female supervisor: Hey user how are things going on your end
> Short and to the point response
> My female supervisor: Well this is what I've done (repeats herself a lot)

> Call in sick
> Female superior asks if I can hold after I already gave all details
> Moments later
> She tells me to feel better and hangs up

> Get injured driving using organizations car
> Tell supervisor
> Complain that this is why I hate driving
> Supervisor's tone changes and asks if this will be a problem and if we need to go over the job duties
> Literally sounds like she'd fire me (likely bluffing)
> Tell her not to worry as I'm looking for another job (lmao)
> Tells me that is really disrespectful
> Act dumb
> Say looking for a job within the organization that doesn't involve driving
> Says I've "come at her" before
> Vaguely brings up times I joked about quitting where she laughed along and likely when I overheard her talking about two coworkers and myself to a higher level manager (she questioned if I was standing there the whole time when she came out which sounds like she was shit talking).
> Tell her I'll look into it (lmao)
> She asks me what that means
> Tell her I'll keep an eye on what I say

That woman has the audacity to try to chit chat with me like we're friends yet pulls shit like this or when asks me for "favors" (ORDERS) more than the other underlings.

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I always get the job aswell doing an interview, its really because of how I look though. But I also always get fired, I'm a terrible employee. Serves them right for their discriminative assumptions.
>Tall Aryan

I never had a job and hopefully never will but would unironically tell them to fuck off even if that cost me the job.

are you a child or something

>make sure you say hello and talk to the customers
>we're trying to build a friendly atmosphere

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Got this one when I was in retail.

Supervisor told me to smile and I think also to greet customers. I usually walkedvaround with look of "I don't want to be there and like I was dead"

Same job where a coworker apparently said somethimg insulting and a girl was surprised I didn't yell. Get the feeling I'm socially retarded.

>although your qualifications are impressive, we've decided to hire pajeet instead
>we will keep your resume on file
>we wish you the best of luck with your career

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