retard stories, i’ll start /int
>be me, 8 yo autist
>get bored of school and want to go home
>brilliant idea to fake a seizure
>teacher notices, sends me to nurses office
>sofarsogood.jpeg
>nurse cant find out why fake seizure is happening
>calls in principal
>bead of sweat rolls down my forehead
>”I think we should call 911”
>fuck fuck fuck fuck i just wanted to get out
>ambulance comes after mom alerted
>mom almost gets a ticket for how fast shes going
>ambulance arrives as well as my mom
>dude from ambulance checking me out to make sure im ok
>cant speak clearly because of genuine nervousness of how much trouble i would get in if they found out i was faking it
>”its just low blood sugar, send him home”
>mom says okay and takes me home
>get a hot chocolate on way back
mission accomplished
Retard stories, i’ll start /int
I think I traumatized a child.
>be me in popular camping site in Croatia
>was sleeping in the open wrapped in sheets because I didn't feel like bringing a tent (actually I forgot it home...)
>wake up in the middle of the night due to strange sounds
>realize someone is talking to me in a foreign germanic language
>animal instinct make me spring up from the ground instantly, revealing my height
>there's a little blond boy standing in front of me
>scared shitless by my sudden movement he starts running for his life and disappears in the dark
>he probably thought I was going to attack him
>be me, junior in high school
>go to bathroom
>see a fuckton of smoke coming out of a stall
>it smells weird
>whatthefuck.midi
>hear coughing and wheezing
>is everything all right?!
>no response
>run and get teacher
>there’s a fire in the boys bathroom
>2 teachers force open stall door
>see three naked black guys with blood shot eyes and erections
>weed buds were everywhere
>mfw
>see three naked black guys with blood shot eyes and erections
Why were they naked?
>blood shot eyes and erections
Erections? This line is pottery.
>be me
>10 years old
>mom says to go buy two breads
>go to bakery
>before entering realize i dont have enough money for two bread
>Mom wtf.jpeg
>Remember this time dad said not to eat patatoes with bread because eating potatoes is like eating bread
>Buy 2 kg of potatoes and go home
>just before i enter the door i realized how fucking stupid what i did was
n*rdcucks btfo'd YET AGAIN LMAO
>6-7 years old I don't remember
>At country fair
>take a bunch of spare change from mommies wallet
>count $8 in change
>go to buy $8 worth of candy
>realize I have $4
>leave the money
>grab the candy and run away before the girl can finish counting
>my retarded child brain counted the money like it was hours
I once made a shitty joke about a head of a major company being old at a party :DDDDD
based
Smile int! :)! I'm gonna post these on reddit and recieve so many validation points haha!!!
>few years ago, saturday
>friend wants to go to buy comics at a small shitty convention being held in a restaurant's basement in Buenos Aires City
>go with him
>he buys some comics
>we are walking back to the train station
>he says something about treating me to chinese food next time we go out
>say why don't we go to chinatown now
>we go to a restaurant in chinatown
>time to pay
>expect him to pay for both of us
>he doesn't understand why I thought he was going to pay for me
>tell him what he said about treating me to chinese food
>he says he meant next time, he thought I was going to pay for my food
>he has enough to pay for his order
>barely have some pesos
>we freak out
>we wait for the waitress to be as far away as possible from us
>grab all my coins and literally make a mountain out of them
>leave some bills and the mountain of coins on the table, just enough to pay for my friend's order and around 25% of mine
>run out of the restaurant
Lmao
I have a whole one with a retarded kid in marching band but I’m saving it for the right time. He was there for only a year when I joined but it felt like forever
>also kids in our high school called tards “puzzle pieces”
What
>be 17
>drive to movie theater
>been waiting to see this for 3 weeks
>girl I know from school is working there that night
>fall in love with her after talking to her for three (3) minutes while she gets my popcorn, candy, crab legs, and soda
>”enjoy your movie!” she says
>reply with “thanks, you too!”
>turn around and walk out of the theater with my purchases
>get into my car and start driving home
>realize that I didn’t even see the movie and she just saw me leave
>cringe so hard I almost cry
>keep driving home anyway
I didn’t show my face there for another 6 months
Same thing happened to me
>be me
>4th grade
>get a bad grade at a test
>I know I'm going to get grounded once my parents have to sign it
>get the idea of a distraction
>wait until everyone leaves the school
>leave last
>start punching myself in the face and crying
>go home
>say I have been assaulted by some dudes while walking home
>parents absolutely furious
>call police and my teacher
>police arrives, is asking me to describe what the made up dudes look like
>they show me some criminals and ask me if its anyone of them
>just say no on all of them
>school pays something around 5000 euros as apology to my family
>parents and teacher completely forgot about the bad test
>dad bought me a ps2 and a new bike
Mission fucking accomplished I'd say
>be me
>14 years old
>going out for a walk to sneak smoke
>see an container on the side of the road
>it's open and empty
>go inside
>start smoke
>starting to get hard
>start masturbating standing there in an empty container
>cum on the floor
>leave
I don't get it.
Here's mine:
>5-6 years old
>me and a friend play in the park near our homes
>we get the idea that we must drive them away
>friend says bees are afraid of fire
>lol ok
>go get matches
>light beehive on fire
>tree catches on fire
>run like hell back into our hiding place and wait there for hours
>we go out pretending we dindu nuffin and asking what happened
>tree had to get chopped down, the dad of a different friend had to go to the hospital because the bees attacked him
I stopped following this fren's ideas after that day.
>Low blood sugar
Did they at least checked it ?
Oh fuck forgot to mention the part where we discovered the beehive.
On a tree.
Excuse me I am sick today.
>Albania
>Not enough money for bread
kek
Cool rare flag. I almost thought you were a mongol but looked closer.
>be me, 11 years old
>playing football with some friends at closed field
>it's getting late
>people start going back home
>only me and some kid left doing penalty kicks
>field has a lock you can only open/close from the outside
>defend a kick from the kid
>tell him to go get the ball back
>run away and lock him inside
>leave him there for the rest of the night
>his parents had to go look for him
Well, at least you got out of school.
Audibly laughed
>try to throw a knife into the ground so it lands blade-first
>it lands in my foot
>I don't get it.
I think he means he counted dollars in sets of 60 cents (like the number of minutes in an hour) instead of 100.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
fucking autism
>7-8 yo
>Go with a friend to shop
>We both take ice creams
>While we stand in lane we both talk
>He Buys his ice cream
>few meters away from shop I noticed i haven't paid for my ice cream
>shop had 1 camera inside
>afraid to get in trouble don't go to that shop anymore