Jokes thread

>sister asks her brother
>"why mom and dad in bedroom for a whole week?"
>brother laughs and tells her he doesn't know
>she insists he tell
>he says "my dad asked for vaseline and i give him glue instead"

Attached: 1551377969976.jpg (250x186, 8K)

>man goes to sheikh and says "sheikh i am a great sinner and i want to repent"
>sheikh says "what have you done akhi"
>man says "i sat down with my cousin, we talked for a bit, then i flicked off the light and did what i did"
>sheikh says "astagfirullah... what have you done also ?"
>man says "i sat down with my uncles wife, talked with her, flicked off the light and did what i did"
>sheikh says "astagfirullah... what have you done too?!"
>man says "i sat down with my uncle"
>sheikh says "your uncle? good"
>man continues "we talked for a bit, i flicked off the light, and did what i did"
>then the man flicks off the light of the room
>the sheikhs says " if you come near me ill fuck your mom!!!"

>lawyer is defending a child for rape case
>lawyer grabs child's dick and tells judge "how can this thing possibly rape anyone"
>child whispers in lawyer's ears "one more shake and we will lose the case"

woman cheats on her husband with man, husband comes home early, woman tells man to act like robot, husband comes into room and asks wife about it, she says she bought a robot to help her in the house, husband says he wants to fuck wife, wife says shes too tired and goes to bathroom, husband says fuck it and tries to put dick into the robot, the robot clinches its asshole, denying entry of the dick, and says "invalid... this copy of robot can't take dicks, update needed" husband gets angry, goes to roof and wants to throw away robot, robot says "update complete!!!"

>man catches his son fucking his grandmother
>man asks his son what hes doing
>son says "you fucked my mother so ill fuck yours"

this is even worse than >german humour

It‘s turduni not all jordanians are him he is unique

post german humor plox

Epic!

a farmer buys bottle full of viagra pills, drops one before going into the house, a rooster eats it, after a while the rooster knocks on the door, the farmer opens, the roosters asks "any frozen chickens in the fridge ?"

Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci

2 terrorists are captured in usa, 1 saudi and 1 iraqi, the usa gives them 2 options of death, hanging or aids syringe, saudi chooses hanging, they hang him and he dies, iraqi choses aids, he gets injected then bursts out laughing, doctor asks why he is laughing, that this is deadly aids and is no laughing matter, iraqi says "im wearing a condom idiots!!"

I put diesel in the Escort

She died

Attached: FORD-ESCORT-0.jpg (640x480, 154K)

2 pioneers are lost in the wilderness. All they have is their loyal pack mule. After a week of no food they decide to kill and eat their poor animal. Before they kill it one pioneer starts giving the mule a hand job until it's dick is fully erect, and shouts for the other pioneer to kill it now.
The pioneer who killed the mule said: that was a nice thing you do for the poor mule before we killed it.
The other pioneer looks at him puzzled and says: what, I just got us few more pounds of meat is all!

Woman goes running to doctor "doctor please help!! my phone slipped into my vagina and it was on vibration, everytime someone rings it vibrates, its tiring me" doctor says "don't worry, i will get it out" woman says "get it out ?!?!! no, i want to charge it"

Attached: 1551129917403.jpg (450x450, 28K)

...

Your jokes are literally Indian boomer tier but slightly more explicit.

Those are some Aladdin tier jokes

this one is unironically funny

Chetan, when are you coming back to Kerala why are you posting whatsapp jokes here

kek

>A Canadian calls the RCMP "Hello is the the RCMP?? I'm calling about my neigbour Antoine Smith. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood!"
>The next day the RCMP descends on Antoine's house and search the shed where the firewood is kept.
>They bust open every piece of firewood, but find no marijuana.
>They apologize to Antoine and leave.
>The phone rings at Antoine's.. "Hey Antoine, did the RCMP come to your house?"
>"Yep"
>"Did they chop all your firewood?"
>"Yep"
>"Happy Birthday Buddy!"

Attached: 1516133594235.gif (320x200, 1.46M)

>A man from Newfoundland went into the fish market to apply for a job.
>The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that lazy newf", so he decided to set a test for the Newfie hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
> The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
>Newfie says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.
>The boss says, "What in the world is that?"
>Newfie says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine." "Fair enough" says the boss.
>"Second question, same rules, but represent 99".
>Newfie stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go bye," he says.
>The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
>Newfie answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99."
>The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire the newf so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."
>Newfie stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir -100."
>The boss looks at Newfie's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time." He then tells Newfie, "Go on, Newfie, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100."
>Newfie leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps near the base of each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start me job?"

Attached: 4 (4).jpg (250x250, 9K)

Very good Armenian joke

Bear saw a burning car
Bear entered the car
Bear died

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims shouting Anti-American slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side was stopped next to me.

Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and took off before the light changed.

Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself:

"Man... that coulda been me!"

So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

what the fuck is going on in this thread

Wew