1. cunt

not person you're replying to, but have you tried coffee first? I myself have some focus issues, and when I am stimulated by coffee I become more efficient

also, how are you studying? are you sitting in your bed? or are you going to a dedicated study area? it matters quite a bit

>>when my only friends were people I played TF2 with
this happened to me back in 2012-2014
I actually found a gf on a 24/7 dustbowl server
she was awesome, we dated for 2 years and spent holidays together

In grade 10 we went to the amusement park for a field trip. we got to run around with our friends and do whatever we wanted for the day. Only problem is i didnt have any friends and i was too awkward to walk around by myself while my peers hung out with each other. so I just sat in the bathroom stall for like 3 hours playing that brick game on my iPod video and crying.

cute girls are useless for suicidal people.
a mature woman talked with me in suicide hotline.

nice, my golden tf2 years were 2011-2013. I tried to fit into this clan of people in their 20s and 30s, but I was a high school retard and thought I was funny by screaming into the mic. it was definitely a low point. I remember one night pathetically sitting in my bed and thinking how my only friends were on some tf2 server

sounds like you had a much healthier time on it though. lol, did she pocket medic you the whole time

I drink coffee every day, mostly in the morning before class but also at noon a good amount of times. Thing about coffee, energy drinks, most stimulants, is for me when I consume them I don't really feel energized, I actually end up feeling still pretty drowzy, eyes heavy, but my heart rate goes up and I can't nap even if I'm tired thanks to the heart rate. At this point I only drink coffee for the flavor really

I've tried changing my study habitat as well. I usually study in my room on my desktop, which doesn't work out too well. I've tried studying in my school's library, also doesn't work too well (even going so far as to leave my phone at home so no distractions.) Also tried studying in my school's computer labs, also difficult there. Pretty much ran out of options from there. Can't really go anywhere else because I don't own a laptop and need a computer for most of my schoolwork

the highest point in my life was realizing I can commit suicide at any time and very easily and economically, and until then, I can do literally whatever the fuck I want, unbound by morality and social norms

which is why i play video games in my mom's basement while working 10 hours a week LOL

damn, okay well there goes any recommendations I had.

do you have any kind of vision for the future? something that you envision that makes you want to keep at it? I don't think it would help you to suddenly invent one, but I'm just curious

I did low level """competitive""" UGC Highlander. Did 6s on the side.
It wasn't all that great. I was super toxic towards them and got kicked off the "team" and group. This didn't effect my relationship, tho
>did she pocket medic you the whole time
I was the medic LUL. I haven't played in since 2014. But I'm pretty sure I had 1k hours as medic

actually commit suicide is very difficult.

Yes, I do actually, which makes me pretty depressed.

I have a lot of goals in the future that I know I can really easily achieve (I have a few goals ranging in difficulty, but like for example I'm going to move in with my big bro who is my best friend after I graduate in philadelphia, which is super easy I just need to pack up and move) but first I need to get out of college.

It's not even that I'm necessarily lazy, in fact if I enjoy something I will have no problem working hard at it (For example, taught myself guitar for 2 years just because I've always wanted to be in a band, played almost every night on a shitty 50$ guitar that often cut my fingers up but it was so fun that I always looked forward to it)

I really do truly believe I have ADHD or something, academia seems to be the only thing I really struggle with

I wish I could help, but I don't have much to say beyond platitudes. I hope you find a fix. all I can say is that I struggle to be a decent student, but I just brute force give as much time as I can to studying, and slowly mold discipline over time. I know that's worthless advice though, we each have our own battles.

>I'm going to move in with my big bro who is my best friend after I graduate in philadelphia
no shit! I'm trying to get back to philly actually. hopefully live near or in the city. how do you like it/not like it? where's your bro

>flag
>Thanksgiving
>worked in the morning
>old coworker I "used" to be in love with came in
>was so anxious I barely spoke to her
>old memories come back
>night comes
>drank 3/4 of a fifth of vodka
>got all suicide-y on my friends and basically lost my shit all night
>had to have several people talk me out of calling or texting the girl at 4am to tell her I love her and I could never say it yadda yadda
>tried to see what it would feel like to hang myself with a belt but was too drunk to even do that right
>went to sleep on my back hoping I'd choke to death

I'm still a mess but I've given up on the idea of a relationship so that's something I guess

Hopefully adderal will do something for me, probably gonna see a counselor tomorrow to see if I can do anything else for my situation.

Philly is easily one of my favorite cities though, hands down. I actually went to school at Temple for a few years before I transferred (funnily enough, I transferred to go to an in-state school cus I knew my struggles with academics would make me graduate a few years late and out of state is way too expensive)

My brother lives around Rittenhouse, it's a really good neighborhood. Idk how to describe it, philly is just so amazing. It's big and it feels like something is always going down like New York City, but it also feels homely and familiar. NYC you feel like a nobody, an ant in a crowd because it's so big, but philly is fairly big but you feel like you are a person that matters in the city and it just feels much friendlier, like you would be recognize dif you hang around enough unlike NYC.

Also if you are into DIY music like punk or metal or anything like that, Philly has probably the best music scene on the East coast and you can easily find a local show on the weekends or even on a weekday sometimes. Food options in Philly are also extremely good, and on the whole the city is incredibly affordable to live in compared to other cities. I really hope you like the city as much as I do bro

damn, I'm excited hearing that review. just a year in nyc, then after that I'll head home.

best of luck to you. I hope the counselor has some answers

God speed man, hit up Honey's Sit and Eat when you pull in to philly, best diner I ever been to easily.

right now

>running out of money
>already red in the bank bureau
>can't stop paying my debts
>selling all my things
>im doing everything i can to prevent my family and gf to know about this
>i receive phone calls all day long telling me to pay
>im getting desperate because im running out of things to sell
>gf is getting suspicious
>don't wanna lose her since shes the only woman that has ever loved me

I'm fucked anyway, my only way out is suicide

i have a job btw but i got so in debt with loans that im literally winning 0 from my job

im a fucking idiot

how did it come to this, lad?
gambling debts?

partly yes, i decided to live on my own and get my own things but seriously miscalculated everything and decided to gamble to make money and i failed hard on that

damn
hope you can get out of this one alive, my friend

Don't worry, the cartels are very understanding when it comes to people borrowing money.

thanks friend, i seriously need a miracle right now

flag
Being a brony and going to anime conventions

How much debt did you acquire?

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Did you ask her what she was wearing?
Jusk kidding, are you doing better nowadays?

>Being a brony

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Mid 16 to 19. The years I realized that I'm complete shit at gaining friends or sustaining a relationship.

around 6000 dollars

btw the gf thinks everything is ok and wants to marry this year, im fucked... seriously fucked, i obviously can't cover that right now and i know she's going to leave me soon, it's inevitable

I could pay it but... I rather you learn a lesson so I wish you the best of luck my friend.

im gonna lose the love of my life and respect from my family because of my stupidity, i know how it will end anyway

what did you buy that got you into that much debt? Besides, you will find out how strong the relationship with the gf is when she finds out, same with the family.

consider it an opportunity for new beginnings. shit happens. get over it.

1. Flag
2. Literally drunk every evening for the past month, even though I'm only 19

furniture (i didnt buy retarded shit like videogames or tvs) just basic stuff, a car, a house in rental and other things.

I know I have to get out of this hole by myself, it's just scary because I just wanted to get things right and just be happy. I was a fool.

USA, dipping my head underwater with the intent to drown

>better

nope.
>better

nope.
But I've noticed that wounds hurt by people can only be repaired by people.
I am going to farm tommorow for new job...Im so nervous tho.

>flag
>when i was in dublin sharing room with some scumbag in the suburbs and i felt really embarassed about myself and slept in a shitty bed that hurt my back

It can really help to get another perspective on things that you wouldn't tell people you know. Hope you give it a chance user

>I am going to farm tommorow for new job
what are you going to do at the job and why are you nervous? You are probably going to do physical labor, as long as you do it, it should be fine. At least for me physical labor used to keep me so busy that I had very little time to worry about things.

I came from a night out a few months ago, didn’t manage to score as usual but was horny as fuck so I fucked my lampshade (hole where the bulb goes in is the perfect size) then I went to the bathroom and threw up, it really struck me the day after how fucking pathetic I am

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I fucked my best m8's gf while he was asleep in another room. The intensity of the chance of him waking up and finding the two of us fucking made greater sex, it's been 3 years, and still haven't managed to tell him about it.
She had a great pair of tits and lampshade body.

That time when self-harm gone too far, I burned my face with diluted acid. Pain was just above moderate, kept me awake and active for 100+ hours, and by end of the month burn marks could pass as light acne scars. On other hand, not using gloves wasn't a good idea at all. My fingers kept bleeding between phalanges for years, and even simple manual work like unscrewing single power outlet would leave blisters.

It is a tea leaf picking job.
It seems to be a bit hard job for farm job beginners.
However, I heard that farming is suitable for people with depression.
Im nervous for first day and have to meet new people.
But I must do something...for my lives.

Lil bro drowned as kid when we were swimming. I wasn't good enough swimmer to pull him up. Haunts me.

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fuck, that’s rough fren, I lost my lil bro as well some years ago, please don’t blame yourself

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sounds like it could be pretty cool
good luck

Hope you've found some peace since then.

>Flag
>When I actually tried to kill myself three times and failed

When I was around 17-18 years old. I was depresed, had suicidal thought, hated my school, didn't have any friends or a gf, just the usual business. I was regularly cutting myself back then, thankfully my life got better and I quit.

booking a room in a dirty worn down hotel so I could go on a bender. I chose a place across from a convenience store so I could walk to get more booze when I ran out. spent about a week in that room barely eating anything and drinking nothing but vodka. I've been struggling with my drinking for years but that was the absolute worst state I've been in.

there's no lowest point, it's an endless collection of low points

Lowest point was probably when i had no money left and was in a different country with no place to stay after finding out my gf who moved there was fucking other guys

Spent a night on the street in like -5°C but managed to find a way to get home the next day

I forgot my verse......in front of 100 people

I sink lower and lower everyday.