My job starts in 10 mins and im sitting on the crapper at home. Seasoned wagies...

My job starts in 10 mins and im sitting on the crapper at home. Seasoned wagies, whats the best excuse for coming in late?

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just say your kids were late to school or something

Don't make an excuse. Just apologize for being late and that it won't happen again.

Diarrhea

>NEETs
>having kids
Pick one.

Who needs to make excuses? I just show up sometime within 15-20 minutes of when I'm "supposed" to and start doing what I do. Which is mostly post on here. I've been doing it for about 20 years now at various jobs and never been fired or really even spoken to for it. What's the big deal?

Lol i have a job+university+sport hobbies but they know i dont have kids anyways

Don't listen to this faggot.

You'll be "the late guy"

>not having a job where you literally just don't show up some days and nobody cares
lol

family emergency

He wouldn't have a job to be late for if he were a NEET, dumbass.

Im late, I was catching up with industry news.

Tell your boss your were dilating and he is a bigot to question you

tell them you were late due to watching blockfolio and fighting your inner demons

sorry I'm late, I was at the doctor for my micropenis erectile dysfunction. Hopefully the boss is female so she can laugh at you and start calling you small fry.

Honestly OP, if you feel like you need an excuse you should find a new job, or just neck yourself. I come and go as I please and nobody gives a shit so long as I keep up with what would be considered a reasonable workload.

Find a real job where you're not punching a clock and limited to two 15min smoke breaks a day. Salaried employees are still cucked, but it beats the fuck out of hourly wage slaving.

My job is based on appointments with clients so being late might actually cost us business. But I am working on my own hustle. Anyways about to get there in 5 mins hopefully no one notices

Tell them you were pooping lol

anxiety

Say someone parked their car across your drive and you couldn't get out and had to wait for them to move

I had a job where I didn't turn up for three days and because I didn't report it nobody even noticed and I still got paid despite being at home in bed. shit was cash.

what kind of job was that?
I genuinely can't think of ANY job where nobody'd notice if you aren't there

diarrhea. nobody ever questions diarrhea. and if you're actually drinking monster + coffee then you actually have diarrhea so its not even a lie youre welcome

sales. you can just say you were in the field or some bullshit. nobody cares how often or where you work in sales as long as you hit your number.

Just be honest, tell them if they really want to know you had a bad lunch.

My go to is always (if I'm 10 minutes late)

"My housemate forgot his keys and I wasn't far from home, so I had to go back and let him in"

Telling that you are gay because you're late? Isn't that a bit much?

>housemate

Diarrhea or flat tire/rear ended

How long are you planning on keeping the job and how well do these people know you?

You could say that your mom was in a car crash and is now on life support. That would probably work.

>not being self-employed
ahhahhhahahhahhahahahha holy fuck hahahah wow you are really dumb

food poisoning
next time send a message before 6am in the morning it's more convincing thay you've been up all night sick and are now trying to sleep all day

I don’t have any excuses because I show up when I say i’m going to because I value being seen as honest and reliable.

had to get a jump start

>not using the classic "sorry, my mom died"