ITT: Jow Forums in 1683

WHERE THE HELL AM I?!?!

Good idea, make Louis proud.

Fuck the English

WTF NOOOOOO YOU CANT COLONIZE HERE I ALREADY LIVE HERE

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Hamburg

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>townsfolk tried me for witchcraft and found me guilty
What do?

i sure hope the Bey lets me raid today

I love my Portuguese best friend.

HEYAHOYAHOYA HEYAHOYAHOYA

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Hamburg? That's where I live. What does it have to do with our confused and slightly overweight fellow?

>watching the Battle of Vienna from the Kahlenberg
>intense fighting scene between the chistian coalition and Ottomans
>slouch down my horse and yell, "YO, KARA MUSTAFA FINNA BOUTTA GET DABBED ON"
>everyone laughs
>HRE guy sucks his teeth and says "Das ist richtig, weißer Junge"
>Hear "Er süß" from one of the Austrian boys on the Vienna walls

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Today, I journeyed with some fellows along a river that supposedly junctions with an even greater river that flows all the way south through Spanish North America territory. We have been captured by Sioux savages.
t. Louis Hennepin

whoa i've just seen hundreds of thousands of turks march north. i wonder what they're up to and where are all hungarians.

The wife hath given birth to our seventh child this week. Oh well, back to plowing the fields.

thanks bro, really helped us out with that one.
frens forever right?

Me and my Spanish friend just came from the low countries. Reked that shit hard. Brought some blonde Qt's from Antwerp.

King needs a new horse, pay taxes

Fuck Castilla

[...]

Fuck the Dutch

[...]

Damn, I need a few more slaves...

totally bro, with the ottoman threat gone we can have peace in Europe forever. no more wars!

>William Penn formally launched his new colony in 1681, His task was simplified by the present of several thousand squatters--English, Dutch, Swedes, and Welsh, scattered along the banks of the Delaware. Philadelphia (Brotherly Love in Greek) was laid out more carefully than most colonial cities with wide, easy to navigate boulevards. Penn also bought land from the Indians and enjoyed peaceful relations with them for many years.

>Penn's new proprietary regime was unusually successful and even included a representative assembly elected by the landowners. There was no state church and complete religious freedom was permitted, although under pressure from the mother country, Penn was forced to deny voting rights or public office to Catholics and Jews. Only two offenses carried the death sentence (murder and treason) as opposed to the more than 200 capital crimes in England at the time.

>The pacifist Quakers made no provisions for defense of the colony and there were no restrictions on immigration. Slavery was disliked by the Quakers and Pennsylvania early on became a locus of social reforms.

>although under pressure from the mother country, Penn was forced to deny voting rights or public office to Catholics and Jews
BASED

Married my comanche bf

*cracks whip* Work harder, nigs. We gotta get that tobacco shipped by next Friday. His Majesty is impatient.

Fuck the ottomans

Arr, I'm a pirate.

Better be careful about storing powder in the Parthenon. It could be dangerous. Just saying.

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His Majesty's Navy will soon have your ass, scum.

Tá brón orm, níl aon béarla agam

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Given the average Irish birthrate, I'd wager all the depopulation done by Cromwell has been nearly made up for by now. :^)

Today a fellow in town waf fined 200 shillinfs for playing carfds on the Sabbafh.

Glad I was able to protect my fellow Godly Englishmen from the heathen savages

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Well, maybe this time we failed in our effort to free the Catalan nation, but we shall try again

A dark time for Spain. Inflation is sky-high, earthquakes and epidemics are ravaging the countryside, and your king is a circus freak.

I'm sure his majesty will provide us with an excelent heir to the Spanish crowns.

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Hallo mine friends in Fingal to thee y spake um traditional fingallian Anglo-Irish poem

On a day in the Spring,
As I went to bolring
to view the jolly Daunciers,
They did trip it so high
(Be me shole!) I did spee
six Cunts abateing Seav'n hairs
-
But wondering on 'ame,
Fat make 'em so tame,
Fen de catch at their plack-keet,
The maids of y-yore
Wou'd y-cree, and y-rore,
And make o foul rackeet.
-
But fire take 'ame,
They made me ashame,
and when I went home to me weef
And told her the chaunce
Of the Maids in the Daunce,
'Peace thy prateing', say'd shee, 'for dee Leef!'

I'm sure we can fix this with just a bit of my BOURBON SEMEN.

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Cromwell did nothing wrong.

Wishy washy whigs I tell you

Most of my state at this time was just fishermen or peasant tobacco farmers.

Potatoes will never catch on. Have you tried them? Give my oats and rye any day of the week. Indian corn I must admit is passable

>only one pot of tea

haha fuck you english
we have some.tropical land filled with goods we sell at high price
and you have some shitty coast in the north eith lame products we already have anyways in europe.

god save queen mum m8

>Be son of two spaniards
>be conceived in Chile, therefore not born in peninsular Spain and be born as a second class citizen.
>will never amount to anything in life because of it.
I'm beggining to think that maybe Su Majestad isn't the best overlord.

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the map isnt accurate in canada, the atlantic provinces were divided between the french and english for decades at this point

Guess I have to go help the turks again
Oh turks are getting killed
Guess I have to go help catholics again
Oh catholics are getting killed
Guess I have to go help the turks again

Nova Scotia was under French control at the time so it should be colored in.

Louis gave his niece to Charles II, alas his dick wasn't functional so no heir to the throne.

Nothing much changes for me, I'm still in neutral Switzerland.

Halberd to the face is the only cure for being a cunt. Old Swiss proverb.

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Only 311 years until Justin Bieber is born. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Atleast it's not the Anglos

Any Brit anons want to whip this ginger and get him back working in the fields?

These 13 colonies suck, I wish we had decent ones like the D*tch. This strange, savage land over the Atlantic will never be important.

nee, wij willen nootmuskaat

There are ten colonies in 1683. The Carolinas are one colony and New Jersey is two. There is no Delaware yet (still part of Pennsylvania) or Georgia (disputed zone between England and Spain, still decades from being a colony).

What the FUCK is their problem?

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can I has job?

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Is that a Burgundian?

Rrromania continues to be a stagnant shithole.

sure

thats Charley, he cool now.
>sic semper tyrranis

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I guess my ancestors are still in Vietnam so
*ahem*
FUCK Chams and FUCK Islam
*genocides*

god i fucking hate those obnoxious french colonists

AY OH WHERE THE GERMAN AND POLISH WOMEN AT?

>tp
>tf

It's more probably that you were the slave

Fuck Dutch.

Birumaji dirum dirum toramaji unama

FUCK spain
FUCK poortugal
FUCK HRE
FUCK the ottomans
But most importantly
FUCK JANNIES

Fuck the Sp*nish. They won't let us have any of their cash crop and we're poor as fuck. Please let me go back home to Britain.