Tfw clogged the office toilet again

I like to be paid to poop.
Protip you always have poop in you user unless you don't eat.

>It's impossible to be 100% clean without a shower or a wash.
Fine but why can't pajeets learn to use tp? At my old job they would leave shitty water and hair all over the stall floor

There are more non-Whites and Mudslimes in California and Michigan alone, than my entire nation.

That is unironically a better method of getting clean than using dry TP and smearing poo crumbs and fecal residues over a broader area.

Baby wipes

Seriously, why the fuck don’t most western countries use bidets? It’s ridiculous.

Clogs the pipe systems

They didn't smell like it was a better method desu

then throw them in the bin you inbred nigger

Who cares? You dont have to pay for it. Let your (((boss))) worry about it

well user you better escape the crime scene before anyone can connect the dots

Wow. How did you do that?
What do you eat?
I've never clogged a toilet in my life. I'm 6ft2 and quite big too. This can't be a height thing....

its the new single-ply toiletpaper they are buying here i have to use half a roll not to wipe poop on the last wipe
too insecure to flush multiple times too

can confirm. I am white minority. pretty much can't get a job because i'm a white guy.

Fuck me. What is your diet like?
I haven't liquid shitted (outside of a stomach bug) in years.

>go to the bathroom
>knock knock
>nothing
>try handle
>not locked
>open door
>OH JEEZ I’M TRYNA SHIT HERE
Fucking WHY do people just not say anything when they’re in there and someone knocks on the door? THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT OF KNOCKING YOU FUCK. And lock the door!

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They secretly want to be found on the toilet. Seriously.

Thats what I think. I could never understood degnerates not locking the doors. What's the fucking point of leaving the door unlocked while you shit. Fucking idiots

Convinced someone in my office carries a tiny replica lawnmower in his pocket, one of the old-tymey manual ones you push by hand. And he takes it out and clips his pubes with it standing over the bowl after he takes his morning leak. Enough pube clippings and crotch dandruff on the seat every morning to fill a small garbage bag with, I shit you not.

When you're on the toilet, you're vulnerable. These people like the idea of people finding them in vulnerable positions. Ask them if they like hospital visits. They'll most likely say yes.

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Vegan shits are by far the most disgusting and gross
t. plumber.

You ever seen what mexicans do? They put the TP with shit all over it into the trash can.

I'm legitimately installing a bidet as soon as i can.

I do the shit2shower routine. However, i end with the quip.
"Boss makes a dollar, i make a dime, thats why i poop on company time."

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>I like to be paid to poop.
the absolute state of wagecuck coping

based

I just go home if I want to poop

forcing biology to suit work instead of the other way, not gonna make it...

wageslavery doesn't even let you shit in peace
the absolute state, no wonder people still planes or jump off of buildings when you can't even meet your most basic needs, let alone the higher ones

anyone here shit their pants at work?

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i almost did one day when i had the runs

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What I do is I fold a little piece of toilet paper and place it on my bum hole. It catches the butt gravy pretty nicely and most importantly no itching!

>mfw I did it and continued working like nothing happened

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>not holding in your shit all day because of crippling anxiety about pooping in public

This is... just another level of autism

this unless your not well there should be no need for shitting at work literal subhumans

>Clogged the toilet with the biggest shit of my life

> Go tell boss the toilet is clogged

>Boss spends the next 45 minutes plunging my shit

When you have to sit on a chair someone has just sat on and it smells of shit because they have mudbut and now you smell of shit

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disgusting

I've only shit away from home 1 time in the past 2 years, including short vacations. I always shower afterward. Anything else is 3rd world.

Must be nice to be self employed.

People who purposely wait to shit at work or anywhere in public need to be gassed.

>Walking around the office with a dirty anus for the rest of the day
Did nobody ever teach you how to wipe your anus clean? Nobody would ever be able to smell your stinky anus unless their nose is right in your ass, which never happens.

Smearing shit into a moist dark crevice isn't clean. Unless you clean with soap and water, you will smell like shit

Holy shit kek

>clog the office toilet
>walk out of the bathroom
>pretend I never used it
>walk into my boss's office
>"boss, I think user clogged the toilet again. I just went in there and it was stopped up"
>my face

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>walk into shitter
>drop trou
>commence evacuation of previous nights diet of beer, rum and a beef+lamb gyro with fries dipped in bbq sauce.
>look down after coating my temporary porcelain throne with the finest linens the janitor can find.
>someone clearly missed and left a 1" shit nugget on the floor and walked out.
>almost vomit
>proceed to leave my disgusting sewage draped in previously mentioned linen.

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Unironically this 100%

Explain what could possibly be wrong with oats for dinner. It's a perfectly Jow Forums-acceptable meal

I take a shit before work every day. Because I eat a clean diet, I don't have shit residue on my ass. You could literally eat my asshole and wouldn't know I just took a shit

fuarking faggot i take fat shyts every morning at work for an hour and bring baby wipes w/ me

imagine being this anally retentive and holding in your shit inside your asshole all day, and thinking it makes you bold lmfao

Congratulations you might be a repressed homosexual and also apparently you don't know how to wipe your ass. What traumatic experience did you have when being potty trained? what a homo jesus christ the absolute state of you closet fags

>2018
>not shitting on the floor of the bathroom to save company water

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Next time get a job in a company that has got showers, you dirty fuckers.

enjoy
a) dying of malnourishment
b) destroying your gut after eating 6 cans of beans per day to get the bare minimum of protein, and then still dying of malnourishment cuz no animal fats

>not intentionally pissing in the broken urinal with the plastic bag wrapped around it until the bag becomes filled to bursting

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You should be proud user. Now casually mention to your boss how they could use a more powerful toilet.

>take massive shit at coffee shop
>anus nearly ripped apart
>cleaning up aftermath
>instead of throwing tp in toilet like a good goy, decide to keep shitty tp in pile on floor
>flush and wait for the coast to clear
>take pile of shitty tp and stuff it in trash bin
>leave scene of crime

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>washing your anus with soap
enjoy the burns and infections retard

Using a light soap on your butt doesnt cause infections or burns.

T.peggingreciever.

you're washing off the natural anus oil
you'll get anus ruptures from that guaranteed

A N A L

F
I
S
S
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E

thanks user. never washing my ass again

>he thinks i scrub my butthole clean
>he thinks 90% of my day isn't spent with a sweaty butt thats naturally moist.

If you clean right before you play, that shit wont happen.

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Are you fuckers serious? I shit at my company every. Morning, like you niggers said - I like to be paid to shit. My ass is not dirty after I wipe it no way anyone could smell anything, there is no sign of shit on my underwear when I change. Maybe it's because I'm not on burger diet. Are all you muslim? Someone of you take a shower after every shit?! You shout alahuakbar when you dump?

H E M M O R H O I D
E E
M M
M M
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H E M M O R H O I D
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I
D

I shit at work as much as I can sometimes when one of coworkers talks too much and I can't listen to him anymore I just go take a shit and play a game on the phone it's almost like a coffe or cigarette break for me

>work in Germany
>we have these toilets at work that come with this weird 'poop table' design, I guess so the Germans can take a good look at their poop before flushing it
>take a shit at work
>it's a nice and easy shit
>but for some reason it just keeps going and going and going
>holy shit, what kind of shit am I taking right now?
>after what feels like an eternity I'm done shitting and get up to see what's on the poop table
>it's literally a mountain of shit, I have never seen anything like this
>only a little more and it would have touched my butt
>this is gonna be a problem
>I try flushing it, but it doesn't move one iota
>I try again and again but it's like a river trying to move a mountain
>should I use the toilet brush to try to push it down? or may divvy it up into smaller, manageable segments?
>suddenly realize that's it's friday and I'm almost done for the day
>walk away and decide to let the facility maintenance professionals handle the situation

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Sweaty... I'm American and I have a bidet. Ignorant much?

>facility maintenance professionals
you mean the fucking janitor

looks like the germans are already starting to adopt muslim culture

i've been making my own poo pourri and giving them to co-workers. really digging my grapefruit/citrus blend. they think i'm nuts, and they're right.

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this design is better because it doesn't splash your ass when the shit drops. That's why people clogg regular toilets because they always put a layer of TP before shtting to prevent the Poseidon's Kiss

company with showers in which 50 other people wash their ass
comfy

flush in between dropping loads
that way it won't clog

>I try flushing it, but it doesn't move one iota
sonstebo BTFO

just dont fucking shit in the morning

I'm convinced Sergey carries a tiny replica lawnmower in his pocket, one of the old-tymey manual ones you push by hand. And he takes it out and clips his pubes with it standing over the bowl after he takes his morning leak. Enough pube clippings and crotch dandruff on the seat every morning to fill a small garbage bag with, I shit you not.

>caring about how clean your anus is

Wanna know how I know you’re not a Viking?

pics or gtfo

Work nites. Large company. Goal to use every bathroom to drop a deuce. Men and women. Halfway done.