Investing for noobs

I need my returns soon though, like within 5 years. I'm basically looking for something like a bank, but with 2-3% return instead of 0.5%

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literally any snp 500 or whole market fund with a low expense ratio
seriously, fuck off to reddit
they have a forum or whatever those fags call their latest ookie cookie about financial independence

read it

Don't be angry with me senpai, I said I was a noob in the post title.
How safe are those funds, and how much return can I expect?

i hate myself for posting in this thread

investorsfriend.com/historical-total-nominal-and-real-returns-on-stocks-sp-500-index/

thank you friend, I will read.

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High performing mutual fund.

Say hello to 15% interest annually

So how do I actually invest in one of those? Is there a website or do I need a financial advisor or what?

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bogleheads.org/wiki/Getting_started

Please don't take the linktards seriously.
It's just a meme.

Stop pretending like you don't know what a subreddit is

Stop pretending like you're some enlightened superior man

You're posting on a failedanime image board, you're not special.

15% is way too high. You should expect 5% real return on average. The past performances of funds are not statistically significant indicators of their future performances.

sign up with fidelity, vanguard, or whatever brokerage you have access to. search their site for index funds and just throw money in there. use whatever has the cheapest expense ratio. recent average is like 10% return annually. simple as that

Bitcoin Cash is the real Bitcoin. Free money.

crypto
unironically

>The past performances of funds are not statistically significant indicators of their future performances.
In that case why bother investing in them at all? This bit of pseudo-wisdom is so tedious.

which option should I choose? I want returns every year, not when I retire. And I want to be able to take my money out at the end of each year

forgot image

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gonna a need a sauce on this set of pics OP

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First off, don’t be a fucking retard and invest it all in crypto.

Put 5k in traditional stocks and 95k into BTC

I pay 6% on debt to my company to raise capital. We pay interest twice a year. Email me [email protected]

you invest in the index which gets you the average by definition. individual mutual funds can play games with their numbers to make it look like they're beating the average, but don't 99% of the time.

if you really be speaking to an expert and not strangers on the internet. there are more factors to what you should do with your money than just how much of it you have. and it sounds like you're confused about what you want.

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As long as you have decent credit I can help you and anyone else. It's basically a small loan where I pay you 6-10% interest twice a year. We accept btc too

Take 10% out of your savings and put it in something easily liquidatable. Stocks and crypto are probably the riskiest, but still easily liquidatable.

VTSMX

vanguard... fidelity and with a portion of the money do a ETF portfolio for LONG TERM.

with a smaller portion of the money do another ETF portfolio for YEARLY gains.

if you dont know nothing about crypto dont invest in crypto by yourself.

with 100K you should be talking with your ACC MANAGER, not with biz/tards.

whatever they try to sell you remember this 3 letters..... ETF.

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My offer is a bond that is convertible into equity in the company if you wish. It's also senior so if the business needs to liquidate investors have first right to assets.

based linktard
absolutely based

Are you ready to wire me 100k?

Dubs don't lie. My company is raising $100 million as we speak from accredited investors. Look up canopy weed in Canada. Buy in before we make a deal with local beverage companies.

Buy bonds then you retard. You've got no ambition! You're never gonna get anywhere in life!

Mate, the answer to your question is well beyond the scope of a post here. It depends on your investment goals, your risk tolerance, etc.

Conventment

conventment.com

dlacenter.com/conventment/conventment_whitepaper.pdf

DYOR

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Ok, nigger just know that the money i make will go towards funding klan activities in your area

Dude weed lmao

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Vanguard blue chip dividend ETF

WEED is up 30% today after corona announced they will invest $4b usd into canopy growth to create cannabis beverages. I don't give a fuck what your returns fund, who has my money?

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Cannabis logistics is actually a perfect investment imho. Thanks user I’ll look more into this.

What program is this?

The funds themselves are subject to risks not limited to market risks. Read the fund’s pricing supplement and summary prospectus before investing.
When you say “safe” I think you are expecting a level of safety that doesn’t match the suggestions of people ITT. An index fund is not as safe as a bank account. You won’t make a guaranteed return every year. Recessions, crashes and gullies will strongly affect the performance of a standard S&P 500 index fund. The safest investment on the market has been and will continue to be US treasuries.

Mate it's easy just wire me the money. I send you a check twice a year. WEED is legal now. You can invest from any state

This looks quite delicious

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Invest in my startup.

Here's the link:
trello.com/b/nRPdLcQ2/backup-investors

Email me here if interested: [email protected]

what's the difference between ETF and mutual fund?
I want something where I give some old jew my money, he makes 15% gains a year, gives me 3%, and I don't have to micromanage or worry about anything. Does such a thing exist?

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investopedia.com/ask/answers/09/mutual-fund-etf.asp

Mate you want old jews to handle your money? My advisers are literally fixing elections in israel right now.

Silver/Platinum really oversold right now. Plus shiny.
Stocks in a hyper-bubble right now in P/E terms.

Do your research before buying anything, don't listen to 30y/o boomers on the internet like me for any advice period, especially financial.

short dow jones tomorrow

Why do you need your returns?

I want to make a downpayment on a house in 3-5 years.

Send me an email and I'll take care of OP

Look at the portfolio i posted fag, you are literally me and you don't even know it lol

If you don’t want to do any work and can let it sit for years, dump it all into SPY or VOO.

Live in a house you can't afford (rent) buy a place you can afford to rent out.

Are you going to acknowledge me op or am I going to have to take my gains somewhere else?

just get a 3 year treasury or certificate of deposit then

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Depreciation is 3% a year. Kek

Phillip Morris recently took a little shit, so you can by the dip, pays a yearly 5.5 dividend.

fuck off to bed grandpa

We all need to get in on the TGE and pump the everloving FUCK out of this when it hits exchanges in October.

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Buy some treasury bonds.

How did you invest? Alone, or using a fund? Which website? Do you micromanage your stocks or just let it sit and collect dividends?

I feel like your penis is too small to be posting here. We're all 8 inches or larger.

>shoes on
Just market sold 1 billion Holo

That is impressive.

checked. Have you told him about that other thread where the guy shares his investing “secret?” I think that could be of some use to this user

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ETF's my man.

Vanguard is a good starting point to look into.

Google dividend aristocrats

Plus stop loses are your friend

If you absolutely can't lose principal you can get an index-based annuity that offers some of the upside of market gains with an insurance component that guaranties a return of maybe one percent. The downside is that there's a penalty for early withdrawal. These contracts typically last 7 - 10 years with the penalty going down to zero as the years go by.
A better bet would be to put your money in a broad-market stock fund and a bond fund. The stock component should be about 100 minus your age. i.e. if you're thirty you would have 70/30 stocks/bonds. Don't look at you returns and don't touch them. Reap reward in thirty years.
www.bogleheads.org

Endless options. Put 90K in a income portfolio comprising of Treasury/Bond/Preferred Stock/High Div/Div Growth/individual stocks with wide moat and good yield. Structure it via ETFs.

Invest the monthly returns into crypto (top level BTC/ETH/XLM etc) in a DCA way for few months (especially when Market BUY % is ATL indicating a true dip). Afterwards, reininvest yields.

As you get gains in crypto, derisk it buy selling at strategic points by buying/rebalancing your stock portfolio.

For 10K buy GLD.

Good luck !

The entire stock market is at ATH and these morons are telling you to put your money in the stock market.

Put it in gold before the market crashes, and then buy the stock market dip after it's crashed.

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What' the difference beterrn a vanguard mutual fund and a vanguard etf pls I am very dumb

True. Forgot to mention that hold your investment in a TIPS bond till the crash and then invest into the mentioned income portfolio.