What kind of jokes do Russians tell each other?

>do u have a smoke
>nyet
Then he kill him

Two frogs are sitting in the swamp.
One says:
- I will have a meeting with Ivan Tsarevich today!
Second:
- And I have a date with Frenchman in restaurant!

Attached: 1560218601443.jpg (385x375, 56K)

[spoiler]hat in russian is "shapka", but shapka also means slippers
So the man bought slippers and it fitted him[/spoiler]

These jokes are not really that common among normal people, they're somewhat weird memes or something

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absurdity

Ehh, no. Shapka is a casual hat, in the joke is used "shlyapa", a formal hat or a fedora. Slippers are tapki and they have nothing to do with the joke, bruh.

>shapka also means slippers
No but nice try)

shapka is slippers here
We also call slippers pandofla, papuqe,pupleshe, sheshje, heqla and lepitka

el creaturo albanico...

Also to make things clear: the point of the hat joke is that it ends up suddenly and not funny

A man fall from a building and die

- "Look, grandpa, the dog is sitting"
- "Lol"

Attached: sobaka.jpg (496x586, 102K)

Man is hungry, but man has no money to feed family. So man steal bread. when get home, man see family been deported to Siberia. "Good," says man, "more bread for me!"

But bread have worm.

Why

Attached: 1554902560121.jpg (255x253, 9K)

Man bought a hat and it fits him just right

We have only 2 jokes actually

A russian walks into a bar and there's armenians playing backgammon

Three. Don't forget about Kolobok that hung himself

army and navy?

Remind me of latvian potato jokes

funny_joke: crimea is ukraine

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar and the bartender says to them: get the fuck out

-yobaniy rot etogo kazino blyat, ti kto takoy chtobi tak delat
-nu ya vsegda tak delal
-vi che debili? Vi che vnature yebanutie?
And so on

Attached: ebanyy-rot-etogo-kazino.png (638x480, 540K)

A joke is supposed to be different from real facts, bruh

Hitler caught three veterans. He speaks :
- If you laugh - I will shoot!
The first grandfather came up, Hitler says:
-Look dog is sitting
Grandfather laughed - shot.
Second grandfather, Hitler says:
-Look dog is sitting
Grandfather laughed - shot.
The third grandfather, Hitler says:
-Look dog is sitting
Grandfather does not laugh. Hitler says:
- Why aren't you laughing?
Grandfather replies:
-And I was shot in the 1941

Igorrr iiigorrr

i dun get it

>funny_joke_2

Attached: hoholinsani.png (1083x809, 557K)

The second one about Buratino. What's the first one?

Bear was strolling through forest, saw a burning car, set in it and burned to death

– Tы тaкoй клaccный, мнe вce в тeбe нpaвитcя. Ho нe cмoг бы ты cдeлaть хapaктep пoтвёpжe?
– Хapaктepъ

That Putin is not a thief

He had already been shot in the 1941

It's called "russian postirony".
We were the first to make memes that are so absurd, that they are actually funny, memes that are so bad, they are actually good.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. First orders full pint, second orders half a pinf, third orders quarter of a pint...Bartender puts two pints on the counter and tells them to kuck off.

b-but, it's ours for real. we have all required papers for owning it.

No

funny_joke_3: falklands is Argie

Don't listen to him, he's butthurt because he secretly wants to annex the Falklands just like Putin did

Hmm, it turns out I was wrong. So he's just trolling anything he can

?

t.hohol_diaspora

hehe, gottem

How do you know these things? I know Albania was communist but you were quite isolated.

He doesnt

Gorbachev and his wife are on a train back to russia from east Germany
After a while his wife asks him " honey, what country are we in now?"
Gorbachev reaches his hand out the window for a few seconds and pulls it back in.
"We are still in Germany sweety" he states
A few more hours pass and once again his wife asks " honey what country are we in now?"
Gorbachev reaches his arm back out the window for a few seconds and pulls it back in
"We are in poland now dear"
His wife was now quite puzzeled how he could tell just from his hand out the window but says nothing.
A few more hours pass and his wife asks once again. "Where are we now honey?"
Gorbachev reaches his hand out the window once again and pulls it back in. "We are back in russia now"
His wife now very puzzled asks him how can he tell what country they were in just by reaching hand out the train window.
He says, in germany they kissed my hand. In poland they spat on it. And in Russia, they stole my watch.

>it will be ok
>the crisis will be over soon

Like that.

Attached: maxresdefault[1].jpg (1280x720, 65K)

dark self-deprecated humor about brutal drunk people murdering each other.

Attached: fmt_114_24_tbb[1].jpg (1280x720, 147K)

Gravity.

youtube.com/watch?v=kbQ4AN3X0NY

Attached: 1525089713_1.jpg (1000x694, 123K)

I'm not sure if this is a domestic joke but I Haven't found it anywhere else.

Q: What is 30 cm long and makes women scream all night long?
A:Infanticide.

What? Infanticide is 30 cm long?

Man discovered how to breath using only his ass,came to Europe and died without oxygen

Wow never knew how unfunny Russians were. No wonder you all look so severe.

These are postirony,you all none russian pigs did not evolved enough to understand this

Americans are dumb.

youtube.com/watch?v=Prxetq0G3wE

youtube.com/watch?v=dCqhJzurgNI

That is funny indeed

What is long, hard, and smells of ginger?
Fred Astaire's cock

youtube.com/watch?v=iiv_PxbHiPY

Heres another I know

1980s soviet Union
A man in standing in a long line for vodka rations. The line is moving very slowly and after about 30 minutes the man breaks his composure and says "Ive had enough of this! I'm going to the kremlin and I'm going to kill Gorbachev!"
The man leaves the line and dissapears down the street. After about 30 minutes the man returns and nudges back to his place in line. The others in line were very curious and asked him if he succeeded in killing Gorbachev. He said "I got to the Kremlin and the line to kill Gorbachev was even longer."

"It'll get better soon"

fag janny, butthurt nigger

youtube.com/watch?v=cRhBqEaAyCA
Faut avouer que cette blague était excellente.