Alright boys, here is my last update for those of you who care. I made it out of jail yesterday evening and am going to describe some of it to you guys. I’ve told you everything up till now. Gonna break it down into some greentexts to keep me from rambling on.
>Arrive at jail at 5pm to serve court appointed sentence of 48 hours minus time already served
>Sit in holding cell, commonly referred to as a tank (the same one I was in during my original thread) awaiting processing
>picrelated.jpg
>Sit in there for seven fucking hours
>sit and talk to a cool older dude with a beard who was serving a long series of weekends for his third DUI
>Also with some kid who stank like shit but was agreeable enough. Ex heroin addict
>Sit in our street clothes on a concrete bench as a host of other scumbags slowly join our band of miscreants
More to come
Jailbro update: Final Edition
Other urls found in this thread:
Gay jew im first fag check em
I'll keep lurking
>some 49 year old car their who won’t stfu about other jails in the area and how suped up his trans am is
>some dude with dirt all over him who slept the entire time like the couch guy from Half Baked.
>Just laying his head on the concrete like a fucking champ
>some local trailer trash kid who turned himself in after he realized he forgot to appear on his court date
>A meth head fresh off the streets who was talking at such of a fucking exhausting rate until he finally just slumped over like a sack of flour and just king of jerked a little bit
>Me, BeardBro and Stanky crack jokes and keep each other company, talking about our jobs and lives
>BeardBro is an electrician who is a pretty cool dude
>”Is this your first time in”
>Yep
>”Learn from this. Don’t ever come back”
>ok wise DUI BeardBro, I won’t
The only reason I will never commit a crime is because of the fear of having to use a toilet like that in full view of other people.
the meth head laid there jerking a little bit. Fucking phone auto correct is unreal. Typing more
i'm a molecular biologist from yurop, give me a job in the us when you get out faggot and I'll make you all the pills you need to get your networth back
What did you do?
>Also with some kid who stank like shit but was agreeable enough
What kind of shit? Junkies freak me out desu
>Get out of tank and get dressed put, putting all my shit in a tote
>Strip down in front of guard and giving an orange getup to wear
>Sit handcuffed on a bench while BeardBro, CouchGuy and Stanky get dressed out
>about to go back to general population, ask if I was getting out after 40 hours like judge said
>no, you are serving the whole 48
>fuck
>weveonlyjustbegun.mp3
>as we walk through the innards of the jail, Couch Guy gets put in one cell block and taken to his cell while we wait, carrying our sleeping mats and boxes full of shampoo toilet paper, shit like that
>we stop at another block and BeardBro goes in, giving me a nod as he passes
>don’t leave me BeardBro
Like feet and unwashed ass crack.
this
>Jow Forums - Business & Finance
Downvoted. Bye.
Lurking.
So when is the part that you lose your Virginity to Jamal?
I spent a night in jail when I got a DUI last summer. It was really stupid of me but I literally drove with alcohol in my system hundreds of times, so the cost offset was still greatly in my favor vs. calling a taxi/uber every time at least. Learned my lesson and I'll never do it again.
The shared jail room was DISGUSTING. 10x10 feet with ~15 people crammed in there sleeping next to each other. Floors probably hadn't been mopped in months. There were people going through various drug withdrawals, I'm assuming from benzo/heroin use, shaky, couldn't even walk. Huge wakeup call from the occasional partying I do. I get bad anxiety sometimes when I'm hungover, so when the alcohol wore off I had to sit their curled up in a ball for hours which felt like an eternity.
If you plan on doing something illegal (ie drugs) DON'T GET CAUGHT. Be smart. You really don't want to end up in jail.
Show them how easy it is to mine Nimiq.
Bye
>finally me and Stanky get taken to cell block N
>He gets out in one cell me in one down the hall
>cell 6, I have three cell mates
>it’s 2am they are asleep a bunch of personal items on the open bunk, so I just put my matte down on the floor and lay there with my eyes open
>41 hours to go
>finally fall asleep and have a dream about meeting my cell mates. A bunch of ragtag young guys, kind of like that book Holes i read in school
>wake up and meet my real cell mates
>it turns out the jail I am in is also a type of sub prison where some guys are serving up to ten years
>one is in for felony theft, one for rape, one for murder
>notlikeholesatall.mp4
About to do a band changeover at work. Will return shortly
>that sinful booty
Fuck you newfag I hope you go to prison.
Fun fact. Murderers are the most well-behaved inmates because most murders are crimes of passion. It's thieves and rapists that you need to worry about.
OP, did your experience reflect this criminal justice statistic?
>Sub prison
And the award for this year's hottest gay porn film goes to...
Fuck off redditor.
time really is a flat circle
what did OP do?
I got arrested in 2016 for possession of marijuana and mdma
did like 30 hours it sucked ass, my cellmates were all methheads one chopped down a telephone pole, another stole air conditioner units to scrap
answer this dude's question ffs
weed possession while driving if I remember correctly
kek
hurry op
lol never keep it in your car
fuck off then cunt
hurry up
Correct. Trying bros. At work.
>Find out from my cell mates that I am in the supermax portion of the jail that houses the trashiest of the trash
>me and Stanky are the only short timers in the entire block
>the doors pop and people are allowed into the common areas
>see Stank getting pushed out of his cell being yelled at about taking a fucking shower
>his fragrance had been an issue overnight
>he looks disheveled and humiliated
>served the worst food that I have ever had in my entire life at times that seemed to have no rhyme or reason
>the block instantly becomes the most pathetic auction house known to man
>AY YO I GOT BAKED BEANS FOE THREE COOKIES
hey jailbro, why didn't you join the AB and became a shotcaller?
>the block instantly becomes the most pathetic auction house known to man
>AY YO I GOT BAKED BEANS FOE THREE COOKIES
hahaha that gives me flashbacks
I joined a NFL pickem pool 1 cookie buy in
cookies and doritos are like bitcoin and ethereum
whats that scene from
I remember thinking "I'm going to be a millionaire by the time I get out of this"
and if I would have taken their first deal of 4 months I would have been right, but I took the 2nd deal the charges stuck and I'm doing alright not working not worrying about much
that 2017 rally was great
Shotcaller.
Underrated kek
comfy prison kino
Did he call the shots?
bump for interest
ameritrade, fidelty or schwab?
>my murderer cell mate mentions a couple times that when he gets to the big pen he wants to find a punk and pimp him out
>I recall from watching the history channel that a punk is a weak male that gets buttfucked on a regular basis
>I am by no means weak, but these fucks all know each other
>I don’t want to be these Neanderthal’s practice punk
>the rapist dude has crazy eyes all the time
>even when he is reading, fucker looks like he is trying to set the book on fire with his mind
>find out he is an ex meth head and is only 33
>he looks 55
>note to self: don’t smoke crystallized drugs
>I literally drove with alcohol in my system hundreds of times, so the cost offset was still greatly in my favor vs. calling a taxi/uber every time at least
god I love Jow Forums
I am monitoring this thread, keep going jailbro.
Sometimes i feel like autism is the only way to go in this shithole of a world
>have chronic migraines, which was one of my chief concerns going in
>the food they serve is so devoid of nutrition that I realize I am guaranteed to get one
>request Imitrex from the intercom in my cell
>same intercom I have a constant plan to get to in case Murderboy and Crazy Eyes decide to invade my virgin chili hole
>medication doesn’t come for hours and hours
>nurse is patronizing when I complain about the wait
>feel sudden urge to bang that bitch’s head into the cinder block wall behind her
>thisplaceisrubbingoffonme.wav
>usually only take a third of a pill, but gobble the hole thing for sweet medicated release from hell hole
bump keep going jailbro
bumpin
did they rip your butthole open while you were medicated?
you got this jailbro, watch your cornhole buddy!
What’s your appearance jailbro? You a weak ass looking type of nigga or u in decent shape/built?
>yesterday was the worst day
>wake up when the lights come on
>already have a killer headache and they haven’t popped the doors
>I got most of my sleep during the day on day one when all my cell mates went to go play grab ass with their convict buddies in the common areas
>they would lock the cell doors and I chose to stay locked in because I could get some shut eye without fearing for a sneak attack on my rectum
>we stayed locked down all morning
>apparently we are getting hepatitis A vaccines
>been around dirty mother fuckers so I gladly get vaccinated
>Alex Jones would be ashamed but I don’t want to be infected with these guys’ filth
>finally get doors popped
>end up taking a shower because my head hurt too bad
>thankfully just a single shower stall covered by a curtain, so little chance of an American History X re-enactment
>lay down with a searing headache back in my cell, listening to shitty reruns of Big Bang theory blaring from the tv downstairs
>I want to kill myself
>bazinga
>basketball American inmates beating on tables and expressing themselves through the art of “gangster rap”
>homie I just heard you bitch about losing your cookies at the poker table, don’t act hard
Check’d
I am decently built. Arms look stronger than they are. I was obviously green to the jail scene as I am somewhat tanned and not covered in shitty tats.
>apparently we are getting hepatitis A vaccines
thats not a vaccine. they injected a tracker so they know your location at all times.
I fucking hate jail jailbro. I got popped with 2 trafficking charges. Just sitting in the pre general population cage which in my local jail is 30 or so beds in probably a 1500-2000 sq foot area had me ready to go crazy. Took half a day or so for my bond to go through as it was a rediculious amount. I can’t live like that jailbro. Fuckers farting all over, other fuckers getting loud on the phone. I started feeling my bad temper come back that I hasn’t felt in years. I don’t know how people can serve real time.
kek your awesome dude, keep up the posts
that's a cute larp but i remember these exact pictures from last year
>2 trafficking charges
how the fuck are you still free then ?
>>homie I just heard you bitch about losing your cookies at the poker table, don’t act hard
fucking kek, keep going OP
That sucks but you get used to it.
Holding and booking is the worst. Once you get to your pod its just you and your celly. My cellie and I tried to schedual so that he got the cell for 30min on his own at 11am and I got it for 30 on my own at 12. That way we could shit with somewhat alone. People could still walk by and look in if they wanted, but I was in a cell full of normal guys who didn't wanna watch another man shit. Most guys try to give their fellow prisoners the respect they would like. But yea, FUCK stainless steel cold public toilets.
I would still say that the bad food is worse than the lack of privacy tho.
>lay down with a searing headache back in my cell, listening to shitty reruns of Big Bang theory blaring from the tv downstairs
>I want to kill myself
>bazinga
I chuckled a lil bit. Keep going jail bro, I follow every thread of yours
That would be such a pain in the ass. All the 'cool' precursor chemicals are either closely watched or unavailable. You would be like a baker who had to grow his own wheat and make his own flour before he could even make his own cake.
I was smart with what I was doing for the most part. The narcs attempted to link a bunch of shit together. One of my trafficking charges was for opiates (they were research chemicals, fucking narcs lied and said they tested positive for opiates). My jew lawyer tore the case up. Ended up with a deal. 9 month probation for possession. I was looking at 6 years min mandatory.
Goddamn newfags ITT
lucky fucker
no felony charges i guess ?
Adjudication withheld so no felony conviction on my record. I wanted to take the case to trial because of all the dirty shit the narcs did. My attorney told me he got me a good deal and don’t be an idiot. Glad it’s over with.
with two hours left to serve I finally get my Imitrex
>I still hate that nurse so much but I am about to never see her again
>sweet relief, I usually hate taking Imitrex because it makes me feel like a tard, but god damn it saved my ass
>spend the rest of the time reading a shitty novel about a lawyer
>finish it about half hour before I leave
>cell mate acts like I just turned water into wine because I read a shitty 300 page novel in a day
>Felony thief cell mate asks me what I want for my socks before I leave
>what I want for them
>I am literally about to go back outside to my car and drive wherever I want, where I can buy all the chips, milk, cookies, soap and whatever the fuck I desire
>just take’m bro
>I spend the rest of the time trading our my sheet and blanket for shittier ones to take with me when I leave
>have some toilet paper bro
>have some deodorant bro
>iamlikeSanta.gif
>as soon as 5pm rolls around I get on the intercom/rape hotline and tell them to get me the fuck out of there
>20 minutes later the door opens and they call my name
>say peace to the cell mates, non-verbally thanking them for not brutalizing my poop chute while I was inside
>collect my possessions, get back in my street clothes and exit the jail door
>feels good man
>walk to my car
>see the nicest restaurant in town on right
>jerk the wheel in
>order a t-bone medium rare, fries, a Greek salad, a cup of coffee and a Bells 2 Hearted ale, water with lemon
>almost cry out of joy when I am eating, the contrast is so stark from where I was just 35 minutes before
>destroy all food in front of me
>almost puke but keep going
>can feel the nutrients entering my blood stream
>go home and play with my hound and play vidya with the squad
>look at clock
>10pm
>”lights out, scumbags. I hope BeardBro is ok” I think to myself
That’s basically it bros. I am no longer Jailbro. I am ProbationBro.I will let you know when I make it. Until then, good luck to all of you.
Remember their names user, one day everything will be alright.
Don’t fuck around while on probation. Also, some states let you early terminate half way through your term. Go to work, go home, and watch tv play video games or browse while getting drunk. You are set up to fail while on probation. Good luck
what a story lmao
Pretty cool story. Good luck from now on ProbationBro.
Thank you and to everyone else who tuned in to listen. The first thread back in January really helped me through the initial stress and I am glad to give you guys the update. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for everything, bros.
So, you still all in on FUN?
Now imagine doing 1, 3, or 5 years. What a nightmare right?
Hope you don't fuck up probation, ProbationBro.
did stanky ass ever take a shower? and did you talk to him again
good to have you back jailbro, you'll always be jailbro lol.watched all four or five of your threads, good shit
at least the story had a happy end.
>What a nightmare right?
I'd say its worse m8
must be fucking hell
freeross.org
Love the threads Jailbro. Can't read it all now but I'll come back to it. Appreciate you
How long you on probation for?
Recently rebought in. 20k funlet. I exchanged a quick what’s up with him, but he was only doing the last day of a series of weekend stints so he left in the evening of day one. And yes, they forced him to shower.
Thanks buddy. Glad you liked them. Take care.
I appreciate it back bro. Thanks buddy.
11 months 29 days. I go on unsupervised on the 18th of this month when I finish my community service.
Not bad. Always expect the worse out of your po. They can show up at your house at any time, and call you in to piss at anytime. Most don’t care when your on unsupervised but cover your ass pham.
Were you scared the market was gonna dump or moon while you were there and couldnt see it?
Very interesting, and you are funny dude. Best of luck JailBro
Could you link the archive for the old threads?
warosu.org
Here’s the only archive site version of the original. Who knows about the others. The IDs are gone but the images are all there. Try searching under Jailbro for the rest, I don’t know. Post them if you find them.
>Bells 2 Hearted ale
Nice to see that you even have patrician taste in beer, too. I'd hate to see a man like you reduced to eating prison slop.
>>cell mate acts like I just turned water into wine because I read a shitty 300 page novel in a day
How do you do it desu? Are you a regular reader?
I've tried before but my body gives up after a few hours.
thank you that was an excellent, high suspense tale that ended in remarkable success for your butthole
(bare with me, using very generalized stats here) most novels have around 300 words per page. most adults can easily read 300 words per minute (that's actually very slow, not even speedreading). which means, on average, you can read 1 page per minute. 60 pages per hour.
so assuming jailbro read at a fairly moderate pace, he could have easily finished that book in 5 hours. if he knows how to properly speed-read, it can be done in under 3 hours.
Time moves slow in jail. I used to be an editor of a student publication so I can read and type quite fast. Smartphones have fried the western attention span though. Including my own. I am not as big of a reader as I used to be.
someone link the other jail threads please
You are a scholar and a gentleman. I am about to leave work soon, bros. I am getting off of my phone. Nice talking to you all. Take care and good luck.
Just saw this. Good luck with your charges my friend. Hope everything worked out friend.
Absolute legend.
>Basketball Americans
I've heard this before on the Chan but I died when I read it in your story. Godspeed, Jailbro