Keep this thread alive until tomorrow

ok

>checks cmc
>actually up 4%

What did he mean by this?

When the singularity hits, you all are going to be so jealous. First thing I'm going to do is buy a Big Mac and then off myself. I can't wait.

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last night I was doing a comedy routine at Joey's and my set was bombing badly.

The crowd had been dead quiet all night and I said out loud ”well at least the Bitcoin price hasn't bombed as much as this routine”

The crowd reacted with a couple of small chuckles.

Then a man from the crowd shouted ”what cryptos do you hold?“

I replied ”well I bought in December...”

Immediately random bursts of laughter emitted from the darkness.

“I hold a bit of litecoin..”

Immediately - deep laughter bellowed from the crowd.

”I also hold a bit of REQ for the long term“ - Everyone in the crowd began laughing hard

”But my main holding is Link” - the room shook like a thunderstorm as people began simultaneously laughing and crying. They bent over grasping for breath through their uncontrollable laughter.

Loud thuds were also heard from the roof as cats listening in fell over and rolled around in laughing fits.

The crowd continued to laugh in what seemed like an eternity and gave me a standing ovation as I walked off the stage.

I saw Sergey in an upscale steakhouse the other day. At first I couldn’t recognize him because of all the weight he’s put on recently even though I was sitting at the next table over. But I knew it was him after I overheard someone asking the waiter if they served Big Macs, which of course they didn’t, and as I turned around he began to throw a tantrum, tossing his menu onto the floor and pounding his fists on the table.

“Don’t you fucking know what my PSD2 compliant decentralized oracles are going to do for the smart contract economy you stupid wage slave!?” He shrieked, to the shock of the other restaurant patrons. It looked like him and Rory were having an important meeting with financial types before his hangry attitude kicked in, so Rory hastily dug into his leather man purse and pulled out a crumpled, grease-dotted McDonalds bag, gingerly handing it to Sergey under the table.

“Sergey sweetie, you promised you wouldn’t act this way, we’re going to have to go home after this with no second Big Mac if you don’t behave,” stammered Rory, attempting to calm the angry giant. Sergey snatched the bag and retaliated with an extremely loud fart before greedily unwrapping and chowing down on the Big Mac inside. I decided to leave shortly thereafter since I didn’t feel safe around Sergey’s unpredictable behavior, and the fart wafted onto my food anyhow.

Tradesatoshi ad this token, actually worth more than LINK
WTF for real

It's lunch break here soon and I'm getting a big mac

Do you think Sirgay loses sleep over the meme's? He seems like the chronically depressed type, maybe a mass shooting is on the cards.

6.5/10

I love chainlink. All the drama, the memes, the community surrounding it, it's really something. But what I love most about it is knowing that in couple years I will be a billionaire. It's not even a 99% chance, it is quite literally guaranteed. As a result of that knowledge, I stopped showering and brushing my teeth over a month ago. There is simply no reason for me to do it when I know I'll be rich. I will be fucking whores every night and laughing as they're throwing up from my disgusting, stinky body and mouth. As they kiss me on my rotten teeth, or suck my stinky, 2 year unwashed hog. It will be quite something. In fact I am already seeing effects of my stinky adventure. Yesterday I went to a shop to buy some cheese and make a stop at McD's for a big mac and the cashier at the store was visibly gagging at the smell of me and trying to hide it. Other customers were standing like 5 meters behind me. It was truly hilarious. And none of them have any idea of my guaranteed, future riches. They must already be so jealous of me. The stinkiest billionaire ever.

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>1000 hours in paint
ftfy

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no lmao, why would he give a fuck what basement dwellers say about it?

Yesterday I visited the smartcontract.com main office in the course of my company's contract bid to provide comprehensive security for Sergey Nazarov in particular plus everyone & everything he works directly with.

>inb4 larp; opsec companies do not reveal their clients

That's correct; you may safely deduce that we are *not* providing services to Mr. Nazarov, et al. Needless to say, we decided not to pursue this client for a variety of reasons (but I'll still tell you out of boredom from this airport barstool while I await my connecting flight back home).

Before getting into some of these reasons, I want to let you know that Sergey is infatuated with your memes. Each wall of his office is plastered with color prints of *every* ChainLink meme I've ever seen (and many I've not seen before). Each is framed by an array of colored-coded tacks, and hundreds of strings of color-coded yarn connect them in intricate patterns of relation.

Each wall has a theme: "Shill Wall," "Fud wall," "Sergey" and "Other," although he has different names for them, like "Poo Poo Pajeet Street Number Poo" & "Pee Pee Pajeet Street Nember Pee," but he constantly changes his personal lexicon so frequently to, as he puts it: "match fluctuations in the memeosphere," that the names change hourly, with wall-names undergoing evolutionary recombinations, alterations, and even reassignment to other walls. Only his genius (or, perhaps, madness) could keep track.

He once referred to every wall as "Whoa, Jack," except for "*that* one wall in particular -- don't fucking lookatit! -- which should never be named; seriously: fuck that wall!" He then proceeded to literally fuck that wall for about an hour & a half, leaving several holes in the drywall, before going totally silent for the rest of the afternoon, until sunset, at which point he would not shut up.

He stares for hours at the memes, just spacing out and muttering to himself between bouts of hysterical laughter, hysterical apoplexy & abject catatonia.

Sometimes he'll shout something like "One Kay Ee Oh Why," then furiously cobble together a fresh meme in -- not Photoshop -- but the Linux application GIMP (which he somehow uses faster than the best Photoshopper Photoshops in Photoshop) on a custom Gentoo running Ratpoison before posting it anonymously on Jow Forums.

He spends hours & hours doing this, lurking & shitposting on Jow Forums. His employees report that he seldom leaves his office, and is believed to sometimes spend entire weeks in there, not even leaving to relieve himself.

His office smells... indescribable. Empty McDonald's food containers, bottles filled with urine of various darknesses (plus one that clearly filled nearly to the brim with ejaculate), a crusty hot plate on which he heats old Big Macs and "hot knifes" bricks of hashish, a wastepaper basket containing a leaky trash bag half-full of empty vodka bottles and vomit, a black-skinned onahole taped to a paint can shaker which was clearly stolen from Lowe's, dozens of old, crusty socks, a battered bucket with the word "shit" scrawled on it, two lumpy, heavy contractor bags which he flips out about if you so much as look at them, a colorful mold colony in the carpet, strange stains across the windows (the blinds are always closed & disarrayed as if someone attacked them bodily), a totally forgotten aquarium filled with opaque green muck, a waterbong made out of an old milk carton (which was not cleaned before construction), a pyramid of empty energy drink cans, and too much else to report here all conspire to produce an aroma vaguely reminiscent of an unexpected stillbirth produced mid-coitus by the filthiest whore I ever knew (I somehow finished).

To say that Sergey dominates a conversation is an understatement: to "speak" with him is to suffer the harranguing monologues of a schizophrenic megalomaniac; he literally ignores anything that anyone else has to say, taking advantage of the pause in his diatribe to drink or eat before suddenly interrupting you -- not just mid-sentance or even mid-word -- mid-SYLLABLE with something COMPLETELY non-sequitor, as if it were the most important thing in the world at that very instant, spiced with thinly veiled insults and solemn "shout-outs" to a variety of deceased hip-hop & rap artists.

Despite the mess, I never saw any flies in his office... until late last night, around midnight, when a single, bloated housefly lazily bumbled through the door when a mute secretary brought Sergey his nightly bento box.

Sergey absolutely lost his shit, drew a well-worn Makarov pistol and point-shot the fly out of the air on his first shot (the round impacted with the wall behind, traveled down the hall and buried itself in a large multifunction office machine in the printing corral.

He then angrily stalked to the window, threw open the blinds, then magdumped indiscriminately through the glass at the city skyline.

I remained calm, quiet and still as he hurled the empty handgun out of the broken window and to the street below before sulkily returning to his desk, sitting sullenly and burying his head in his folded arms like a school child taking a nap at his desk.

I tried getting up to leave, but this elicited a desperate sob from Sergey each time, so I remained there for some time.

Moments later an entire cleaning crew and a couple of general contractors entered; when they left two hours later, the wall & window were repaired, and the office was perfectly clean; only Sergey, his desk and his memes remained.

I heard him mutter "thousand dollars end of year" somnolently just before he began snoring before I took my opportunity to depart, intending never again to return.

If you have been contacted to work for this depraved lunatic, I urge you to decline; otherwise, I strongly suggest that you hold on to your fucking hat, because working for Sergey Nazarov is in the Super Stinky Ultra Big Leagues. One thousand end of year.

>$32MM solves my oracle problem

Holy autism Link shills look like Chads comparing to the Fuddsters

Unless ......
>4d chess

was that "Greater Than" symbol intended?

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Questing across Azeroth i came across a goofy looking Pandaren Hunter. I chucked at his name 'Sergeynazzy' and didnt think much of it. Not until I hovered over his pet grizzly bear. Its name?

Rory.

In disbelief I quickly yelled out "THERE IS NO ORACLE PROBLEM!".

Just as I finished typing this the fat pandaren who looked suspciously similar to Sergey Nazarov had challenged me to a duel. After inspecting his gear I couldn't believe how he had some of the if not the best in the game. This guy must have poured thousands of real world currency to get this gear so quickly into an expansion or play almost 24/7. I declined the duel and started jogging away. But this guy wouldn't leave me alone and started PMing me paragraphs about LINK. Eventually I was able to conclude given the extent of his knowledge, this in fact was Sergey himself. He then went on to describe his love for the game citing:

"Since Chainlink is a part time project I have ample time to play. Whenever Chainlink pumps good ol' Rory is the first one offloading, haha."

Eventually the conversation took a turn and Sergey offered me a BSJ (Biz Shill Job), he was looking to fill a few part time positions since some Pajeets recently had quit. This was no hourly paid job. It was paid by the post and handsome bonuses per meme.

I took the lucrative offer and start tomorrow.