>Be American
>Wake up to the sound of birds sharting
>It's the sound of freedom!
>Lift with both hands your glorious big-boned body off your bed
>Go take a good ol' lead-enriched shower
>Put on your fine XXXXXL graphic T-Shirt and your most elegant cargo pants
>First Shart of the day, nothing like a fresh one in the morning!
>Mount on your pickup truck full of awesome bumper stickers to trigger the libs
>Go to work
>Pledge allegiance to Israel as mandated by the company, at the start and at the end of the shift
>Time to get some dinner! Go across the beautiful landscape of utility poles, Taco Bells, gas stations, dilapidated factories, homeless people, 24 lane roads and rusty bridges to get to the drive thru
>order two triple cheeseburgers and fries but a DIET Coke (gotta keep those calories in check)
>Time to go to Walmart to perform the Daily Grand Ritual
>Position yourself between the opioid and assault rifle isle
>Shart copiously with a smug grin on your face
>My mission here is completed, now let's head home
>At the radio they talk about another school shooting, the 26th this week
>Say at loud "sorry, that's the price of Freedom" with your signature shart grin
>Browse the 23462214 identical houses in a row to find yours
>Start eating while turning on TV, Fox news: "... And remember! The Democrats are the REAL raaacist!"
>Heart pumps fast in excitement
Be American
Other urls found in this thread:
>"Evil regimes want to take away your freedom! And you know what that means... No more hamburgers!"
>Rolls of fat shake frantically
>"Alas, we are forced to invade evil Iran!"
>Adrenaline spikes
>Have seizure
>Uncontrolled sharting spraying all over the place
>Neighbours rush to see where these ungodly grunts are coming from, call 911
>Go to hospital, the seizure has stopped by sharting but the doctors only speak Spanish so they end up removing your kidney and call it a day
>That'll be 90000 dollars plus tip señor
>So they can say THAT in English huh!
>Shart with resentment, but then remind yourself at least it's not socialism
>Policeman notices your moment of disgruntlement and orders you to play a game of mime
>Hands above your head!
>B-but please sir I physically can't, my big-boned arms can't reac-
>Get shot
>bleed high fructose corn syrup while hearing the birds sharting in the distance against the setting sun, almost as if they were saluting their brave soldier...
>D-dog bless america...
>Die
>Shart
Bretty güd
One error, there are no birds because all insects are killed by RoundUp to produce quality GMO high fructose corn syrup
No thank you :(
>attention-grabbing-image.jpeg
They are GMO birds
Didn't do that on purpose actually
Is this peak america?
youtube.com
based
thank me for my service you fucking cunt
You're not funny.
>Put on your fine XXXXXL graphic T-Shirt
>dilapidated factories
> rush to see where these ungodly grunts are coming from,
kek
Thanks Ameribro
you forgot "everyone claps at the funeral"
>Didn't do that on purpose actually
all this board is, just bait, sad
>Clapping gives me ptsd from my service in Afganistan at 17.
Thank you for your service.
desu liberals are racist
good example of how shitty this board has become
voted worst board on Jow Forums on /qa/
thank you for your service
by a bunch of seething mutts probably
desu
You really think that Jow Forums is worse than Jow Forums,/a/,/b/,/v/ or /tv/?
or Jow Forums
>Doesn't put on shoes after getting out of bed
Almost perfect but you blew it.
it was tied for worst with Jow Forums for worst board
It's just not what it used to be, it was much different 2 or 3 years ago
Now it's just shitposts, memes, and america obsession
>That flag
>That post
Checks out.
Mutts gonna mutthurt.
cazzo basado diré cómo es
Guys this is enough. Nobody has been shit on as much and for as long as we have on Jow Forums before.
good effort, but the lack of muh herritagefagging leads me to believe that the individual you described isn't a true American and hates freedom.
Nah, they wear shoes to bed.
This is the price of freedoms.
>Nobody has been shit on as much and for as long as we have on Jow Forums before.
Lmao back in 2012-2013 it was impossible to post with a southern europe flag (specially greek) without someone replying "pay denbts".
Thank you for your service.
We've been shit on non stop every day since 2017 so we've got you beat.
>Chinks take over Italy
>Luigi tries to speak up, "But M-Mr. Chinaman, y-you said you would treat us better than the Americ--
>A Chink soldier suddenly shoves a bayonet through Luigi's tiny brown genitals
>The blade penetrates through his tiny brown penis and ballsack, severing his manhood for good
>Luigi cries out in pain
>A second chink soldier shoves his bayonet through Luigi's throat
>A muffled scream of Luigi can only be heard
>Blood squirts out of Luigi's throat
>The chinks laugh and kick Luigi in the face
>Shattering his glass jaw
is this what you all think Jow Forums should be like?
Thank you for your service.
Americans should be bullied off Jow Forums entirely.
OP here.
Guys, please, don't bully Americans that much. I hate America in its current form, not Americans.
In fact they're actually bro-tier online and irl and unironically good posters here.
agree. I'll still thank them for their service.
This is the best shitposting I’ve seen in quite a while. You should turn this into full short story or something
thank you for your service
Pretty much.
I've been to the states twice with my brothers, Americans are nice people, even if they think we're dutch.
thank you for your service
Thank you Amerifren, I unironically and truly appreciate it.
I'm actually currently writing some kind of short stories I'd like to publish some day as a hobby so it's more of a compliment than you probably thought :3
>In fact they're actually bro-tier online
>Americans are nice people
I don't call people names here, I don't start threads talking shit about other countries, most americans don't do that shit.
Some day you all will figure out why.
>Some day you all will figure out why.
Because their fingers are too fat to type shitposts.
based backstabbing Dane
LMAOOOO
trust a dane...
>good example of how shitty this board has become
>voted worst board on Jow Forums on /qa/
>Because their fingers are too fat to type shitposts.
good example of why
Thank you for your (((service)))
>Garfield Heights
>locked up for feeding stray cats
I hate Mondays.
Have you ever been here before?
No, I haven't
I lived in your country for 3 years, and I've never started a thread about you guys.
I guess this is why some Americans think this board has become shit.
You all seem to get your America knowledge from here, reddit, and twitter.
Fuck off with the victim complex, will you?
Your country has caused untold death and destruction around the world, don't be fucking surprised that on an international board there are anons here with a general negative opinion on your country and the people who keep allowing it to do what it does around the world.
You're the "bad guys" here so until an individual yank user proves to be anything but a piece of shit, don't expect that user to be given any undue respect.
I say this unironically for once:
Thank you for your service.
Oh come on Ameribro, of course I know it's not just like in the memes, I know there's so much more than that. That there are so many different Americas and there's so much good for every bad. Of course what I say jokingly in these America hate threads is not the comprehensive, complete picture I have of America, but a purposely caricatured version of what I dislike about it.
Anyway, what did you think of your stay in Italy? :3
>It's just not what it used to be
while this is true
Jow Forums really is better than all of those
thank you for your service
and not 1 American poster that posts here has anything to do with any of that
Thank you for your service.
Fuck the US
Thank you for your service
>American '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''banter'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''