Tell me jokes from your cunts
Dutch is the primary language.
A functional economy
Why was the ant barking ?
Anger?
-Doctor, me siento mal.
-Pues levántese.
No , because it swallowed a dog
Lmao
this made me laugh more than i should have kek
kek, it works in venetian dialect but not in italian
An African asylum seeker walks through Nuremberg. He addresses the first person he meets on the street, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you, German, for taking me to your country and providing support, shelter, and health insurance."
The person in question looks puzzled and answers: "I am not a German, I am an Albanian."
The African continues and speaks to another person: "Thank you for allowing me to be in your beautiful Germany."
The addressee says, "You are wrong, I am an Egyptian."
Again he goes on and speaks again to a person: "Thank you for your beautiful Germany."
Again the answer was very similar: "Hmm ...? But I'm Romanian."
Then the African sees a nice elderly lady and asks. "Are you german?"
"No, I'm Turkish."
Scratching his brow, he asks the Turkish girl: "Strange ... where are all the Germans?"
The elderly lady looks at her watch and says, "Probably working."
A bear got in the car and burnt down
what do you call a fake noodle?
an impasta!
Como meter um tripeiro a ladrar:
- Vais às antas?
- Bou, bou, bou!
What do 2 faggots do?
Make love
What do 2 lesbians do?
Make love
What do a faggot and a lesbian do?
Rule Serbia!
before going on vacation a woman asked her husband to take after the cat. after a few days the woman called her husband to ask about how the cat was doing. her husband told her that the cat died.
the woman said: you shouln't have shocke me that i was unpepared. you should've told me that the cat was ok and playing on the rooftop, then told me that it got wounded the next day, and that it died the day after tomorrow.
the husband apologized.
the woman asked: ok. how is my mother doing?
the husband said: she's ok she's playing on the rooftop..
Achmed is enrolled. He is the only Turk in the class. So that Achmed does not feel excluded, the teacher calls him Achim. "And we pretend you're one of us now."
Achmed agrees.
At home Achmed tells the mother that he is now German and is called Achim. The mother is outraged and paints Ahmed the dinner.
Then he goes to the father in the hope of more understanding. But he reacts just as angry and sends Ahmed to bed as a punishment.
Since the brother comes into the room and wants to know what's going on.
"Oh," says Achmed, "now I'm just 3 hours German and have only trouble with the Turks!"
Kek ,
That's stolen from the black joke
i heard this once in my workplace, no idea from where this is originally.
fucking cecc
two friends walk through the street, one of them sees a turd and stops the other.
"Oh fuck. That's shit!"
He leans over and smells it
"It smells like shit!"
The other one leans over it as well, dips a finger in it, puts it in his mouth and says:
" You're right! It really tastes like shit! If it wasn't for you I would've stepped on it!"
A Castilian man goes into a bar in Catalonia and orders a coffee.
The waiter serves him a coffee and says in Catalan: "that will be 1 euro".
The customer reaches for his wallet and puts 0.95€ on the counter.
The waiter says in Catalan: "sorry sir, there are 5 cents missing".
The customer sips his coffee like it's nothing.
The waiter repeats in Catalan: "uhm, sir, the coffee costs 1 euro and you only gave me 95 cents, 5 cents are missing".
The customer finishes his coffee while he reads the news.
Desperate, the waiter switches to Spanish and says: "sir, you're hearing me perfectly! You ordered a coffee that costs 1 euro but only paid 95 cents, so you still owe me 5 cents! I have a business to run here!"
Calmly, the Castilian customer takes 5 cents out of his wallet as he says:
"You know, you Catalan bastard... I knew for sure that for five miserable cents... you would speak Spanish."
ahahahha fucken gold
what do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
a stick.
One day 3 Turks ride a taxi , the driver realizes that they're Turks and decides to scam them , so he turns the car on , and then turns it off and tells the Turks that they arrived , the first 2 Turks pay and go , the third one goes to the driver and starts beating him , the driver starts apologizing , the Turk says "that's right , you shouldn't speed up again "
bump you dogs
kek
the end was great
Whats the peak of stupidity?
Two bald men fighting for a comb
bump
i think i heard this one before
read my joke instead of emptybumping
A portuguese man, a spaniard, a fat woman and a good looking woman were riding a train. It goes past a tunnel but while everything is dark, a loud slap is heard. When the lights come back, the spaniard has a huge slap mark on his cheek.
The good looking woman thinks: "Fucking spaniard, tried to grope me but groped the fat one instead and she slapped him.
The fat woman thinks: "Piece of shit spaniard groped the lady and she slapped him."
The spaniard thinks: "Fucking portuguese, he groped the good looking lady and she slapped me by mistake.
The portuguese man thinks: "I hope there are more tunnels so i can slap that spaniard"
i did
i heard similar ones before, its an ok joke
spanish user has best in this thread though
Your joke is fine
Checked and keked
what's the diff between a negro and a bucket full of shit?
the bucket
top heh
heard that one before, used to laugh my ass off to it when i was younger
A man bought a hat.
It fits.
Is this a joke that Russians have big heads ?
A bear had walked into a car in the woods.. and burnt to death
An airplane crash on a desert island and there are only two survivors, Claudia Schifffer and a naepolitan named Esposito. Due to the lack of alternatives, the model finally surrenders to the man's attempts to seduce her.
After a while, Esposito falls into depression so she asks how she can help him. He tells her to dress as a man, paint a mustache over the mouth and to let him call her Giovanni instead of Claudia. After everything was arranged, he turns towards her: "Giovanni, you won't believe it, I fucked Claudia Schiffer!"
Bump.
Whats the similarity between Nike and the police?
They both make a nigger run.
can you write it down in venetian?
>Dotor, me sento mal
"sento" has both meanings in dialect but only "to feel" in italian proper
An African dictator visits the President of France.
They go to the president's house, a huge manor, with splendid decorations, gold-plated everything.
"How did you managed to pay for this ?" Asked the african.
"You see this highway over there ? We charged a billion for it and it costed half of it."
"That's genius ! I'll do the same !"
Months after the french president visits the african one and go to his house. It's a fucking castle with servants, gold and jewelry everywhere.
"It's ridiculous ! How did you do that ?"
"You see that highway over there ?"
"Well, no."
"Exactly !"
Plane crash in a cemetery in Belgium, the authorities already dug out more than a thousands corpses.
We like to make fun of the belgians.
Oh we have the same one, just different countries.
nice, thanks
kek, forgot about this joke, we have it with other nationalities
BASED
A developing country needs to build a new bridge. The interior minister interviews the CEOs of three construction companies, a Japanese one, a German one and a Spanish one.
The Japanese CEO says: "My company can build your bridge, and it will cost only 200 million dollars. We can use local materials and workforce, and that will be cheaper than shipping everything"
The minister says he'll study the offer, and asks the German CEO about his plan.
"Our company" says the German CEO, "is very concerned about safety and quality. We can build your bridge, but it will cost 400 million dollars. We will use the longest lasting materials, we will ship our experts, and quality comes at a price, of course"
The minister says he'll consider it, and asks the Spanish CEO about his offer.
"You will love our offer" says the Spaniard. "And it will only cost you 600 million dollars."
"How so?" asks the interior minister.
Spanish CEO answers: "It's easy. 200 for you, 200 for me... and 200 for the Jap who will build the bridge"
Nice one.