Had another depersonalization episode

>not being a based borderline-schizo mystic

Who do you owe?

That's just autism user.

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>had another episode of doing white people stuff
ftfy

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And? Should that shake your core?
Maybe i haven't gone deep into when i feel like i am merely a puppet experiencing the world.
But its not significant.

then stop taking ketamine

I am in hell.
You are part of my hell, you are in my hell to make me feel worse.

>depersonalization
I had something like this when I smoked weed at 12 or 13
I felt like I didn't know what had control over me and I was worried I would do something silly like kill myself and it was stressing me out so bad
took me like 2 weeks to really get back from the void

Back when I was 16 I used to feel sleepy on my very first days of 11th grade, I soon changed schools and the feeling continued, so I looked it up on the internet and thought I had derealization, I obssesed over it and thought about it every waking moment thinking that it was the reason for which I no longer enjoyed playing video games and for which I no longer got exited over simple stuff like I did bedore also I used to think that every experience I had was ruined because of my "distorted" perception. The feelings got worse specially when I was on school where I felt dizzy as if my mind was full of cotton and air and I had trouble understanding classes and stuff I read unless I put in big effort in listening to the teacher and paying attention. the feeling reduced greatly when I left the school, I also started having multiple existential crisis and that kind of stuff, it was around that time that I started browsing Jow Forums. I never went to a doctor although I wanted to, I now no longer have those feelings and at age 19 I decided that I never had derealization since those feeelings depended on how upset and obssesed I got about them. What I did have was ocd which made me obssesed with derealization and my perception of things there is a lot I left out but to summ it up from ages 16 to 21 whenever I had to pay attention to a teacher my mind felt funny which is something that didn't happend when I was watching youtube videos and could pause the class whenever I wanted, its like if the pressure of keeping up with the teacher made me feel as if I had my head full of air.

Being a schizoid isn't fun you fucking retard

it's called figment my dear mongolian fren

do some ketamine

From ages 11-19 I was extremely depersonalized and from 19-26 I developed an extreme form of HPPD with some kind of demonic oppression

I have never talked to a girl for more than 1 minute or held hands, kissed or hugged a girl outside my family

I had something like this for 2 years straight, maybe 3.
It fucked me up so much, I was trying to find myself after a break with my only gf I had in life, and I started to drink some mystic drink called ayahuasca, even joined a religion with this drink. It was very har dto get my shit together but I'm okay now, I don't go to this cult anymore bu t I respect that time and those persons.
It was lke not exist but I was inside a body, for years

Only if you fear the truth

this but it happened to me as a teen when I bought cough syrup from cvs and drank the entire bottle