Entrepreneur

I actually started my own crime scene clean up service in the early 2000s. I was about 22. Realized all it took was some certifications which you could get from watching videos online. I went around to all the local police stations handing out my business card. My first call was for a suicide where this morbidly obese guy slit his wrist in a bathtub and nobody realized it for like a month. He basically turned into a dead fat guy soup/swamp. The stench was incredible. I cleaned him out with a wet vac and big dustpan and transferred his remains to 55g drums in the back of my van. I also had to tear out all the bathroom tiles and some wallpaper. Basically anything that had human remains on it. Then everything was incinerated. Made 3800 dollars for that job that took about 5 hours. Would have many more adventures to follow.

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I'm thinking of doing this, but I don't want to bother with fancy cleaning chemicals or equipment. I'll just use a hose. I'll offer lower rates but a simple up-front service. If you want something hosed down, I'll do it for you for a set fee.

nice watch op

I got it from my friend watchbro ;)

Jesus

Nope. Bong. Private hire ambulances contract out non-emergency patient transport- grannies pissing themselves who need to go from their nursing home to dialysis. WW2 veteran in his pyjamas who lives alone, discharged from A&E but no way to get home, and kicking him out the hospital door at 0200 is borderline killing him. Basically glorified taxi service but with medics

If you're willing to look through the 2015-16 archives there was a guy that posted about his cleaning business a lot. Was semi retired and posted his family holiday photos.

Here in Aus such things are done by the regular ambulance service, which is also a private company. Joke's on the old granny though since she'll get a bill of $1000 for it, and insurance only ever covers emergency ambulance rides.

So you are in therapy now?

yeh this is the brand i will get when i have enough cash to spend

i remember that dude. he seemed pretty genuine

>tfw ambo is the only thing my insurance covers

I used to work in sales for a store that sold cleaning equipment to guys in the business. It was pretty shady to be honest. All of the business owners would get contracts for cleaning places and then employee low-skilled immigrants for a pittance to do the actual work, and when I say pittance I mean far less than 50% of the money the business was making on the job. The wagies didn't have any real choice but to take the pittance, since they could be replaced easily. Supplies are skimped on, so chemicals would be over diluted. The biggest problem these guys had was hiding how much money they made from their employees, because there was the constant risk that the employees could organize or demand their rights. The bosses were always driving around in Mercedes and wearing nice clothes, unless they had to meet one of the cleaners, in which case they turned up in clothes from a thrift store and drove a beaten down Toyota Corolla that was over two decades old to give the facade that they weren't making much money. Another problem was keeping the people whose properties they were cleaning happy, and they did it by showering gifts on them and taking them out for lunch and shit, so they would overlook the sloppy job. Finally they had the problem of having to supply all the WHS stuff like safety data sheets for chemicals and getting the electrical equipment regularly serviced and so forth but basically the regulation was so lax that they could half ass it if they wanted to with no repercussions, which they fully did. Pretty easy business to get into I suppose but I'm not a piece of shit who would exploit people like that.

Anyway, best of luck, OP.

No. It wasnt a bad job. Its a fact of life people die... i considered my service invaluable. In a lot of places it would be up to the deceased family to clean things up, THAT would be cause for therapy. I was a heavy drinker in those days tho.

What did you do with the body?

Sure you will. I started a Web dev shop. I have clients but work more than I did wagecucking. Useless fucks I hired can't be trusted to pick their noses and outsourcing to pajeets really is a total meme (ie, they're worse than useless). So good luck buddy, self employment isn't much better than wagecucking tbqh

Huh, wonder if that's viable in Australia. I'm over programming, honestly scooping up remains wouldn't bother me at all.

This has been my experience also, from the client-side (in local government).

Every outsourced cleaner we've had has been dirt poor and the equipment they bring in is pathetic. They do a shit job surface cleaning with shit smelling water probably left over from the last job and move on to the next as quickly as possible. Their boss is one of the richest people in the state and owns half of downtown.

I think there's likely a market out there for someone who wants to open a cleaning service that actually does an awesome job and unapologetically charges higher prices.

All remains are incinerated. Turned over to next of kin, or if there is none, very basic funeral service is held. I had nothing to do with that tho past turning over the remains.

I would guess that the service definitely exists. You just have to find out what your areas qualifications are.

You can find some more help in the entrepreneur general thread bro
Hope you can post and find help !

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I'm not much of a watch guy but I'd buy that if it were 1/5th the price.

MOAR STORIES!!!!!111111!!!!!!11!111!11!!!!

I’ve come up with a few brainlet type business ideas. One is just to get cheap networking equipment from china like aliexpress, and install mesh routing firmware on it then either sell it as a new device or offer installation services to all the old people in my town who have bad wifi but don’t know how to fix it. There’s surprisingly a lot of these people. Its like one step removed from drop shipping, but I don’t think its a bad idea. My second idea was just doing 3rd party repair for apple products from my parents house, but that market seems like it could be a bit saturated, and a lot of Apples newer stuff isn’t repairable anyway.

That sounds tight for real.

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Did you chop the fat guy up or what?

No, he basically fell apart into chunks when I would go to scoop him out. Mind you, I'm wearing a full hazmat suit and respirator when doing this, and still, the smell was just god awful. Flies everywhere. It was bad. But I was 22, and prior to that i busted my ass doing roofing for 10 dollars an hour. I made 3800 dollars that afternoon.

It wasnt terrible. You just have to be the type of person who can handle it

Ok. I got a call once where a truck driver had ran over a woman and her baby crossing the street. He had slammed on his breaks and they got caught at/in the wheels, and the truck skidded probably 30-40 feet before stooping. Just a huge bloody chunky smear all down the asphalt. And then their remains were all mashed squished together in the wheel-well area of the semi. I could still make out their faces in the what i can only describe as a bloody meat pulp. This was a regular small town city street, in the day time. I had to clean the asphalt sprinkling it with a chemical powder that coagulates all the blood, scooping up what i could, and power washing what was left down towards the sewers, all with people standing around just staring and sobbing. Then i had to pull all the remains i could out of the wheel wells of the truck, trying my best to separate the remains of the individuals into seperate body bags before the truck was loaded onto a flatbed and moved to a truck wash for more thorough cleaning. All traces of human remains have to be cleared away before it can be turned back over to the owner/trucking company. I made 7500 for that job that took probably 7 hours of my life.

shit user, that is one hell of a story. Monitoring this thread for moar stories now

I damn near puked scooping my shit for a stool test, I couldn't do that shit to save my life.

Mr. Cronenburgh right here

>replaced us with a service run by the boss's gf
Did you fuck his gf as a retribution?

its true that coke(cola) is the best one to clean dead people ?

Cleaning is a shitty business. Customers Jew you. Hard to scale because employees are super unreliable. It’s just Pajeet work overall

>that job that took probably 7 hours of my life.

but how often do you think about it? Any nightmares?

Is that Chicago?

Cleaning services salesman reporting in.
Good business.
Good annual bonus.

How did you start? How did you get customers? How much did you make?

Money washing?

I heard that's illegal

There is/was no classical training. Just got into it. Its simple stuff.

Build a strong network. Turn customers into friends. Do a good job. Do them favors with your business. Recommendations are worth everything in this business.

Used to do subcontracting with a former friend steam cleaning carpets. I bought the business for a song from a guy who was retiring. Initial outlay was about 4 grand. For about 8-16 extra hours of work a week, we would clear around $300-700 a month apiece. This is 1996 dollars, mind you. About six months in, I got promoted at my day job, so I told my buddy he could buy the business and just pay me $100 a month or so.
Joke was on me, because he blinded himself and torched the van three weeks later while he was trying to cook meth. I'm still putting in 70-80 hour weeks while he neets it up in a group home.

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That would have been taking things very personally. It's not personal. It's strictly business. The kickbacks my new company have to pay for contracts are much more reasonable anyway

except you are your own boss, so it's exponentially better than wagecucking

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Jesus, how did he blind himself? What chemicals? Like literally how did he do it?

Was the truck cleanup in central valley California by any chance?

Awesome. Post moar.

I had a friend who worked in a Eastern Europe as a morgue body washer. Each day, he was given a new set of gloves and a bottle of rum.

I've asked if he was ever, tempted like. He said that only dead chick who arrived that he would fuck came with a head in a bucket.

Fuck if I know. There's a shitload of different recipes. I always assumed it was red phosphorus, but it could have been five or six different things. It kinda convinced me that those Uncle Fester books back in the day were the FBI's way of getting rid of dumbasses.

$3800 straight to the pocket or that the quote.