I FUCKING HATE INTERVIEWS WTF I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

>HELLO, I UHHH WANT TO, UHHH DEVOTE MY LIFE TO THIS COMPANY EVEN THOUGH ITS A BADLY PAID POSITION WITH NO POSSIBLE PROGRESS AND INSANE HOURS.

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>me during the interview

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Just relax. Face to face interviews are only so they can tell if you're easy to get along with.

the dance is so weird to me. You just know that they hate their jobs and don't want to be there and they know that you're lying and are only there for money but both of you sit there smiling at each other lying through your teeth.

100% feel you

Sorry you arent good enough to get offers handed to you.

>HELLO, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS PLACE NOR ABOUT YOU BUT I NEED TO PAY MY RENT SOMEHOW

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> tfw got my first job after 4 and a half years of NEET life without doing an interview

who else /gamed the system/ here?

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There's a really accurate comic where HR says they want this interview to be open and honest, and the first question is "why do you want this job". "So I can exchange my labor for currency"

That's all I ever think of at interviews

>They show you your weaknesses
>Being too white for the job

i'll get a big mac with large fries and medium coke

I Drive.

Posting an ad online offering to suck dicks for money isn't an interview.

close, i posted an ad on gumtree looking for a driving job and got one

Being white is usually never a negative.

Being a minority does give you brownie points though

Interviews are fucking easy. They're not about showing how much you care about the company, you idiot. It helps but it's not the deciding factor.
You're supposed to tell them why they should hire you, what you bring to the table, what your skills are. And you have to prove it.

That's only how it is for losers and loser companies.

Be a model then lmao dont tell me ur ugly??? LOL

A lot of jobs involve selling garbage to unwitting customers, shilling or outright lying. So it's like a test how convincing you are at bullshitting people. If you can bullshit the bullshitters during the interview you're probably good enough for the job.
But yes, this whole "game" is absolutely disgusting.

On the other hand, NEETs often have difficultty filling all that free time in meaningful ways.
Also they are one bad day away from finding themselves homeless and starving.

Just be yourself.

I hate it too user

hey, at least they dont make you write tic tac toe in javascript on a whiteboard and turn a 1hr interview into 2 hours

tell your kids, don't do computer programming as a job

Most people perform poorly in interviews because they either don't prepare or prepare incorrectly.

Focus less on the company and more on yourself and what you can bring to the company. They don't really care why you want to work there.

YouTube jobsearchminute. This guy with a lisp gives 1 minute videos on normal interview questions. Watch them and write your own examples. Feel free to make up examples that you can BACK UP.

Don't pretend you can speak French if you can't. But if they're looking for someone who has é.g. improved a process, take credit for a process improvement in your previous job. Explain the problem, how you did it, the approach you took to solve it, and the effect of solving it.

For example, the trading team were complaining about manual entry for entering a certain type of trade. I gathered x info, and realised it could be resolved by doing y. I pitched my idea to the head of the trading desk and my boss. Both agreed with my approach and I ended up implementing my solution and saving the traders around 45 minutes every day.

That's all it is. But you have to show your approach and how great the result was. Fake it till you make it, seriously.

Good luck. I can help you if you like.

user, non-ironically go to an interview coach. It helped me overcome my crippling autism

This. Very important to learn from failing one.

I stopped going to job interviews. I'm not playing their fucking game or jumping through hoops for the """privilege""" of working at a shitty job that I'm going to hate anyways.

Haha!

I know we all think the job interview process is shit, but would be a better alternative Jow Forums?

employers being normal fucking people and having realistic expectations would be nice

I want the number 3 with extra fries please

just going out for a coffee and a chat interviews are some boomer era autistic shit that need to end

user, he just wants to 'touch base' with you

Interviews are fine. I can't stand those "team exercises" though. There's always that one fucking guy who thinks he's hot shit and tries to be a leader to make himself look good.

>that one fucking guy

does he have a shit eating grin?

thanks for the pizza mr dominos man heres your tip

How do you live on less than 1k a month of gibs though unless you live with your parents?

>put life savings into high yielding dividend stocks
>become NEET crypto daytrader
>????
>profit

>spend hours searching for job
>find job
>redirected multiple times to job site
>create account
>verify account
>complete profile
>type cover letter
>type resume
>upload resume to application
>fix every single auto-populated text field
>complete personality/job fit questionnaire
>white-non-Hispanic-caucassion [check]
>male [check]
>not a verteran [check]
>not disabled [check] *lie
>use mouse to sign application
>try to fix it multiple times
>throw keyboard against wall
>review application
>employment history got auto-populated with education
>go back and correct it
>repeat every following step again
>review application again
>submit application
>wait
>wait more
>receive rejection letter 2 months later

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>upload resume
>now fill out the entire application manually

this meme needs to die already holy shit

THIS

I cannot understand interviews at all, it is all just so fake. I should have gone into fucking medicine or trades so I wouldn't have to deal with that shit

Dude just fake it until you make it... fake laughing, fake compliments, fake cock licking all that shit bruv

Hand shake and a trial. Really that simple

They want it be a popularity contest first and foremost, the work part doesnt even seem to be part of it

Do you really need to be on linkedin and facebook to be considered for a job?

>tfw I would literally never not get hired
it’s like the only thing I’m good at

>have several interviews at an oil and gas company
>every interviewer is someone from the field im applying to (process engineering)
>get to the final interview after 2-3 months
>walk into the room where im about to get interviewed
>"hi user, take a seat. sorry your interviewers couldnt make it so im roastie no. 1 from HR and here is roastie no. 2 from talent acquisition"

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My friend got a 5 year PharmD degree. He makes 12k a month, works a week on/week off schedule., and gets more vacation than I'll ever hope to have.

I got a 4 year degree in econ and I lose money on shitcoins and my wife works at a restaurant.

also an econ degree here, what a fuckign mistake that was

why cant the government just give us jobs and let us control fiscal policy? what business do the fucking RETARD politicians know about economics? I hate this society

my resume is so pathetic and filled with so many dead end jobs I walked out of one day I can't stand filling out an application

and then there are the multi year gaps in employment

Idk I'm good at interviews

It's good to be in industry where technical people are in hot demand.

>go to an interview for a big international
>spill lots of spaghetti
>still get hired

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What's your guys spaghetti policy?

Here's a wet nap sir, would you like some cheese?

Lets discuss your salary.

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Also I never interacted with any HR cunt, only technical people.

p-pls respond

I have failed over 30 graduate job interview processes. In the UK if you're not posh or extroverted then you're fucked

(((Desert eagle)))

Lads I have to fail my interview in order to still be on neet buxs. How do I purposely fail without it being too obvious?

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Depends on HR. But seems to count for massive brownie points.

Startups with 100h+ workweek are always an option, but it's not really for us zoomers seeking stability.

>got fired and had to find a new job
>have a job interview at some other office
>when I walk in it looks exactly the same as the old jobsite
>even roasties look the same, even have same body shapes
>tell them I have forgot something important in my car
>leave and never return

wtf?

>apply to a job at best buy
>"Why do you want to work for us?"
>don't want to say "because I need a fucking paycheck" so I just say I want to help people and some bullshit (what the fuck does he expect? Hurrr I like retail)
>Don't get the job because I didn't lie hard enough
>apply to a real job in a real field doing work that actually matters
>"Why do you want to work for us?"
>Lay out my long term career goals and the experience I expect to obtain from this position, pointing out how much I enjoy doing this kind of thing
>Get the job
maybe stop looking at shitty companies designed for teenagers and losers and start thinking about a career. lots of entry level shit out there available to you that will actually go somewhere.

Unironically how much does being good-looking impact your chances of being hired?

Im a pretty boy CS student but Im not actually that smart compared to my peers Im just banking off of being a Chad in interviews once I graduate, am I fucked?

something tells me if you don't sperg out, you'll have a higher than average chance

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This fucking shit drives me insane.

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"hey, what time do you guys stop serving breakfast?"

Just walk right in there and demand to see the hiring manager, then demand a job. Worked for me.

Be sure to call the secretary "honey", they love that shit.

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Can't hurt but confidence is the real decider

Its all cause of the Jews, anarchism is a viable form of governening if your population is not being actively brainwashed by sociopathic religious sects. Money is the root of all evil cause the jews.

>lots of entry level shit out there available to you
lol
no

Calm the fuck down

Are people still pretending they do this?

>Being white is usually never a negative
turns out this is the opposite of reality

>white-non-Hispanic-caucassion [check]
I don't ever give an answer on any race questions. I have no race now, I always opt out. Affirmative action is a motherfucker that can do nothing but harm my chances. I'm getting desperate enough to start opting out of gender too. Soon I'm just going to start putting down NPC.

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stop applying to shit that pays 60k a year and be realistic about what you're capable of.