>"Good morning user and Fresco! Hope you had a good sleep last night, just to bring you up to speed, here is Helen and Sandy, our two new hires who will be Scrum Masters(tm) along with me. Isn't that great?" >"B-but w-we only have 2 devs and 3 scrum masters?" >*tinder match ping from Sandy's phone goes off* >"Yes, management thought it we would work in a more Agile (tm) manner if we focused on our core competencies and delivery by having extra Scrums on board. This way we can microma- I mean monitor the progress of your devwork in order to meet our client's expectations." >"W-what the f-" >"Now user, please justify your continued employment at this company by listing every single thing you did yesterday, things you didn't do and why you didn't do it and what you are going to do to achieve it while we listen"
Well at my company, most scrum masters are upper level devs with years of experience.
The idea of SCRUM isn't to micromanage employees, but the exact opposite infact.
And no one individual justifies what they did or didn't do, SCRUM is a team effort where the team delivers or they fail.
>HE FELL FOR THE COMPUTER SCIENCE MEME
Didn't major in comp sci and I enjoy having a larger paycheck than you cuckboi
Logan Ramirez
>"user, I've noticed less synergy between you and the other devs lately, so in this morning's stand up meeting I want you to take a these multicolored post-it notes and write what you want to start doing, stop doing and continue doing and feed that back to the team"
KEK AS FUK
Kayden Lee
t. unemployed neet
Asher Smith
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK. ARE THERE ANY GOOD JOBS ANYMORE? HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!! WHAT DEGREE ISN'T A MEME NOWADAYS?
Ryan James
what does a scrum master that is not a contributing member of the team do? tell people when they are allowed to talk? I worked at a big tech company and we had a scrum meeting every day. it was basically just an exchange on the progress of each team member and a discussion about the general direction of the team. why would you need another person that doesn't contribute anything technical?
James Perry
>"no thanks" >quit >1 month max of no job >get new job that pays more
A scrum master should never be an entire position in and of itself. My last job, the person who served as scrum master was also our project manager who spent a lot of time talking to the people outside our department so they wouldn't bug us.
Also some companies need a scrum master because some of the employees are shit at being concise, e.g. my current company where people talk forever and go off-topic constantly. My last job, we had 10 people on my team and our stand-ups took 10 minutes, my current job we have 4 people and it takes 30 minutes
Luke Davis
>I worked at a big tech company and we had a scrum meeting every day
what a tremendous waste of time
Adrian Smith
>"Tremendous waste of time? user, I think you need to double check our company values, of one of which is collaboration, and that includes our daily 08:55 huddles with the team. Management has instructed you to attend these for a reason, and yes I know you complain that those 5 minutes are unpaid and outside of your contracted start time, but 5 minutes is a small price to pay to promote synergy and deliver value add for our customers."
Isaac Parker
having more than one scrum master goes against scrum. at least put some effort into your wagecuck fantasies.
How is it a waste? You spend 10-15 minutes getting the entire team up to date on everything. Not having a clue what other people are doing wastes more time than that, trust me
Dominic Wilson
Sadly yes. I know some faggots here LARP that they have the nice life wageslaving as a dev, and that is the last bastion of semi-ok wageslavery but they are fucking kidding themselves.
There is an entire cult built around some management theory some boomer faggot came up with and EVERY SINGLE COMPANY that produces software buys into this shit.
Like this fag says, 99% of the roasties that can't even use a command line that get into positions of "scrum master" and "agile coach" don't even know how to implement the shit tier management theory they espouse, so what you get is little cuck devs huddled around while a roastie basically wages her metaphorical phallus in their faces each morning as they justify their existence to her.
Andrew Martinez
It's exactly like that but only if a startup is successful. At the beginning it's all competent men that push the company to profit which then allows it to hire incompetent stacies
Adam Myers
That's my experience too. Was just wondering if something (less drastic though) as in ops post actually happens.
it was at something like 11 am when pretty much everyone was in the office (or available via voip) anyway. it usually only took a few minutes. you would literally just say "I'm still working on this part" and maybe very briefly ask if someone knows how to solve some problem you're having. I thought it was a good idea.
Jackson Evans
the meme where you get a job to begin with? is that the one?
Charles Walker
I have no doubt that there are shitty companies that waste their time on every trendy management style that comes out, but in my mind it's no different than developers who insist on using whatever is the trendiest JS library at the moment regardless of whether it makes sense or not. People are impulsive and shitty at their jobs no matter what their position is. You just have to try and set up a system that prevents most of it.
Jaxson Hernandez
im not in computers or tech, but our annual "Career conversation" involves a literal set of cards with questions/concerns on them. like we're fucking 10 years old. surprisingly, none of the cards say "im concerned youre profting way too fucking much on me and its bullshit also wheres my fucking title promotion"
Chase Kelly
well in that case it's not so bad. I was under the assumption the scrums were longer than that. but my point is that instead of meeting every single day compared to say, once a week, you can spend more time programming or keep your focus and flow going
Brody Rogers
>developers who insist on using whatever is the trendiest JS library at the moment regardless of whether it makes sense or not
The former lead dev at the company I work at was kind of like that. He insisted on using 3rd party libraries and as much of the cloud platform's framework as possible regardless of how time consuming it would be or how buggy they were. The end result was a slow, buggy mess. The many layers of abstraction made everything slow, unscalable, and hard to maintain. The "modular" components he developed were too specific to be used generally. He's definitely smart, but somehow I don't think he "gets it".
Jeremiah Carter
how would a 5 minute meeting with 10 people disrupt your work flow? I doubt that you're concentrated all day anyway. it wasn't programming in my case, but I guess the general principle is similar. we worked on smaller subprojects that took between one day and two weeks to complete. they had to fit together in the end, so some kind of coordination is required in my opinion. we usually had bigger meetings to discuss our part of the complete project about once every two weeks. the team was pretty efficient in my opinion.
Samuel Lopez
If it's done correctly, it helps more than you'd think. It's a reserved time where everyone is very quickly caught up on everyone else, and you can use the meeting to pair off afterwards about individual things. So instead of Joe Schmo walking up to your cube while you're trying to focus and asking you something, ideally he'll save it for the daily meeting when you're not focused on programming. Or instead of your boss walking over once a day going "is that thing done yet, and if not how long till it's done?", he can just come to the meeting, listen for a few minutes, then leave knowing what everyone's up to without having to ask
Quite honestly, done correctly, the entire system is meant to make sure that people can do as much work as possible with as few interruptions as possible. Its just that people follow the rules without understanding why, so they fuck it up. Its not a perfect system but when done well I think it works. But it always comes down to each individual team and their needs. Some things work for some people and not others. A team that's super segmented and doesn't need to work with each other much probably doesn't need to meet every day, so they can skip that part, things like that
Carson Ross
No, this is just bitter incel shit posting
Aiden Murphy
>5 minute meeting lol, you think any meeting would be 5 minutes
Gabriel Hernandez
are you retarded? I think that because I was part of them. they were between 5 and 10 minutes every day. I'm sorry that you have to write your questions and concerns on cards like a 10 year old.
Adrian Cook
Yeah, way too people just read articles and try their best to shove the newest thing into their project without trying to figure out if it would help. Or they do it all way too early, like setting up crazy security processes while the application is still a non-functional, buggy mess. Might be a good idea to do, but you gotta prioritize that shit
Jose Scott
Been in the field for a while. It's gotten significantly worse.
Multiple startups I've seen, everyone sits in an open office in a cheap coworking space. Scrum is telling your manager what you did yesterday. Pay is shit and nobody notices(wages do not follow exponential increases in technology, much less company success). It's a sweat shop.
Every startup wants to hire you and give you illiquid options on a fuzzy second class asset. If you do leave you have to pay taxes on those options. Even if you hit it's like 6-7 figures max. One (successful) company inflated it's shares so much that I ended up with $800.
Crypto startups might be different? I haven't really found any.
This is because big tech and government took over with their fake money. Great agreeable engineers go to specific secret teams at the big 5 and get 300k+ plus RSUs. So I hear.
Landon White
That sentiment is the exact reason that you have someone in the meeting whose entire reason for being there is to make sure it takes 5 minutes.
Hudson Wood
you're telling me literally every time you had a "5 minute meeting", it was only 5 minutes and no more? ah thats some bullshit
Jordan Scott
All they are is just a pecking order exercise for management to ensure their wageslaves are working hard. The poor wageslaves have to line up and justify what they have done each day like a fucking homework assignment in order to stroke the ego of some faggot.
5-10 minutes per day, multiply that by the number of staff there, multiply that over the year and see how much time you waste on this shit, ESPECIALLY if you already have progress monitors outside of the stand up meeting, and weekly meetings anyway.
Lincoln Reed
Fuck I hate shit like that fuuuu- why did I fall for the CS meme I know I'd HATE actually working in any of these faggy companies...I don't even like coding that much fuuuuu-
Tyler Scott
The "open office" is a terrible trend and it's basically just dressed up cheapness. I will literally never work somewhere that doesn't at LEAST have cubes, as shit as those are
Ethan Kelly
If you don't want to have to report to anyone then freelance, otherwise you have to get your progress to your superiors and to not each other now in an efficient manner as possible. You aren't going to get a job at a company where you just get to do whatever you want and still get paid
Nathan Hughes
it was between 5 and 10 minutes in about 80% of the cases. it could take slightly longer if there was an important issue, that you can't just ignore, to discuss. believe it or not, I don't care.
Jose Butler
How does everyone saying what they did and are doing add value to anything? Every day you have to justify your existence.
Any problems are just dealt with on an ad hoc basis not some faggy stand up meeting.
Benjamin White
>construction engineering >budget tighter than 16 y/o jap's pussy >hiring freeze on job >I've become literally irreplaceable >can get away with almost anything not criminal >3 of us could walk out tomorrow and a multibillion dollar project would go under >mentioned to my manager I was looking for more interesting projects in the company >he immediately deflects the conversation into raising my pay grade to about $180k
Because when you work on a team your tasks are tied together and knowing the progress of the overall goal helps with deciding what to work on next. Have you never worked before?
Dealing with shit ad hoc is annoying as fuck. All I want to do is walk into the office, have my daily meeting, and work for the rest of the day, not deal with hourly interruptions as people need to come and talk to me about my progress and their relation to it. Why do you think increasing the number of interruptions and confusions is a good thing?
