Full time NEET to Full time Wagie

Welp Jow Forums, I did it. I lied on my resume about getting a degree and all of a sudden I have a job doing bookkeeping for $20/hr. I don't even know how I passed the interview, but I start tomorrow morning. 7:30 am to 4 pm, Monday through Friday.

Problem is, I've been a NEET for pretty much my whole adult life except for a temporary retail position I did a few months ago for some small cash. I've never worked in an office all my life, I went out and bought 3 pairs of slacks and 5 dress shirts as I had none prior.

How do I not embarrass myself tomorrow morning? The job itself should be fairly easy and I'll have no issues doing it, but I literally do not know how to interact with office roasties and chads. I had no social life, no normie interests, et cetera.

On the upside, I'll be able to contribute like 80% of my paycheck to stocks and crypto. Heh, maybe I'll be retired in 10 years on dividends alone.

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just be confident and dont be afraid to ask questions when you need to

most office jobs are filled with npcs, dont go full autist and ull be fine

Thanks user, I'll try my best.

u got this, dont worry about it.

>mfw I actually have a degree but still can't get a job

welcome to the work force fellow wagie. i'll see you in the weekly sunday crippling-dread-of-the-looming-workweek threads! 60 more years until retirement!

First impressions are everything. Be sure to wink at everyone when you meet them and anytime you see them. Let us know how it goes.

My apologies user. At least you have your freedom.
I fear no man. But I fear ideas. And this idea... it shakes me to my core.
Winking at everyone seems a little too autistic, even for me. But I will remember to firmly shake hands when needed.

Never lie about getting a degree, schools will rat out on your ass. Only lie about your last job and how much you made. Make sure it's a defunct company, and have a friend pose as your old boss. It's how I started making 50k a year right after I turned 21 with no education, and no prior work experience. Granted, this was many years ago. But social engineering tricks haven't changed all that much.

smile all the time, don't give 1 word answers when the chads and roasties hit you up. follow up with questions about their lives that are relevant. be light hearted and laugh when they are trying to be funny.

It's a little too late for that. However, assuming I don't fumble up from autismo-supreme, I'll hopefully be able to show them I'm a valuable wagie nonetheless if they ever do find out I lied. They'll never find out though. I can always sperg out on accounting principles and buzzwords if I need to look smart in front of my boss for credibility too.

I don't want to be rich, I just wanna be /comfy/.

>1 word responses
This hits a little too close to home. It's so ingrained in me that I might actually do this, even by accident. On the occasions where I am out of the house though, I am fairly light-hearted and easy going, so I'll have no problem with the latter. Thanks for the advice user.

Well, I'm going to bed now. Thanks anons for the advice. I'll post updates if relevant; at the very least what stocks I chose to gamble my first paycheck on.

>office chads
Pretty rare desu.

They will want to "get to know you". Be prepared to "say a little about yourself" : hobbies, last book you read, fave team if any, family, etc.


Goes without saying, but don't mention porn or Jow Forums ever.

You lied on resume? Welcome Australia! You'll be alright. Just learn fast on the job.

If they are asking you to peform a surgery, you run!

Fake it till you make it. Whoever hired you might know that you lied and just has the ability to pay someone $20/hr to be a yes man.

Report back tomorrow

bring a bunch of gum to work and hand it out to people you meet

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Fuck this bitch.

I'm a programmer on ~200,000k package (with stock options) at a public tech company.

I never went to college from programming. Been doing this shit for 4 years. 29 Now.

Modern academic institutions are for those too stupid to survive in the internet era.

nice!
just be confident in who you are. if you like video games and smoking weed be that, if you like sports be that. just dont pretend, thats when you lose. its better to be real and hated then to be fake and liked. just walk in like you own the place and win

this lol. im financial bank analyst making ~500 K a year, 25 years old never went to brainlet college.

The programmer is believeable but you’re gonna have to post some form of proof bud. How did you get in the door with no degree?

based and redpilled
i'm a lawyer in dubai and i pull 800k a year at 22 years old. 0% income tax btw. no diploma, i said i went to harvard and they said inch'allah and hired me on the spot

Well, I work for the Pentagon but I signed an NDA, real hush hush

I organize blackbox budgets so my salary is 2,000,000 usd a year, but they'll kill me if i fug up so :D :D