Be me

>be me
>be an ugly beta 27 year blackpilled nofriends loser with no female attention ever, no friends or social experiences since school, never been to pub, club, or party (even through university), and become the loser loner nobody talks to within one day of all my jobs
>currently have full time job in London that miraculously requires almost zero effort or even time at the office
>woke up today at 10 am
>spend all my time wasting time on the internet or applying for better jobs or applying for part time jobs to work along my full time job which takes almost no effort or time
>have zero intiatice to do anything worthwhile during my own time
>did well at school and university but realise that I have morphed in to the ultimate consumercuck
>not good looking enough or normie enough to succeed in the corporate world
>can't even enjoy my free time because I feel like I have to do lots of boring shit people say I should do like read boring old books or study stuff a certain way
>youth was wasted
>feel bitter as fuck because in blackpilled about the extreme easiness of normie lives


I waste so much time on the internet, it's insane. It's funny how I invented the phrase "Consumercuck / Producerbull dichotomy" yet I haven't managed to put its teachings in to practise. But I guess that's part of the lesson. An advanced Consumercuck (frequently referred to as a critiquer) has no special predisposition for Producerbullness within a certain field. It's negative, if anything.

I feel so pathetic for having no passions and nothing I could lecture about. I'm so vacuous. I am a 28 year old meek, charismaless, ugly beta male. I unironically can't handle the bants. I am going to work in a slightly prestigious but dull organisation, probably on course to languish in middle management forever. I am tiring of Jow Forums. Zoomer culture is alien to me. Social skills, extroversion, having a great network: these are superpowers.

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OP's pic is what happens to children born from race-mixing. Even if they don't LOOK like that, they are like that mentally, spiritually. Hybrid minds. Twister, distorted, impure minds.

I've just realised that my extreme malaise started in 2014 and I'm about to come up to the 5 year anniversary. Maybe it started earlier but I remember a different feeling at the start of 2014. So that's 5 solid years of wasting all my free time on the internet, feeling constantly sad at my ugly betaness (I was already r9kpilled before 2014 but seeing the lookspill / blackpill when Elliot Rodger became famous was a new level), procrastinating my "real life" of hard work, and huge numbers of binges on junk food or coffee.

In that time I've graduated university, had a good job, and my career will start soon with another good job, but I still have an empty life with my 20s (I'm now 28) consisting of no friends, no female attention ever, no holidays, and I've never been to a pub, club, or party. I'm a zero charisma and uptight person.

I read books. I exercise. But I simply cannot go from being a consumercuck to a producerbull. I listened to the radio today and heard about teenagers selling hacked Fortnite accounts for thousands a week. These kids have more life than me.

2016 *really* stands out as the nadir. I had so much free time and I did nothing. But having free time is simply the least worst state.

From 2014, my main hobby became established. It involves walking or driving around outside (and riding the underground train and visiting museums / parks when I was in London), browsing the internet on my phone, feeling sad about life, stopping for coffee or fast food binges, all while hoping that my 20s spontaneously stop feeling wasted. Of course I waste shitloads of money on food, and I could have had thousands more in the bank, though money is not currently a worry.

My existential ennui is deep but I see all philosophical axioms as arbitrary so no alleged system of thought can motivate me.

Life is flying by. I know how I want to spend my free time (learning maths / programming), I simply don't have the motivation to do anything.

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twisteD

I had a big binge on McDonalds food. I know I say this every day but I think that may have been the last binge.

I was going to do some productive stuff in my free time but it's late and my trousers are tight, which is annoying my balls, so I'll just read until I go to the gym.

The library pictures topic made me feel sad. Those places are filled with purposeful, attractive people living the time of their lives.

I need to lose weight. My exercise routine is great, I just need to fix my diet. Existential ennui is much less profound when it's done by overweight people.

Wallowing in existential ennui is so tough in our era. In 1900 a homeless man was only a shave, a meal, and a few fiery speeches away from taking over a country. These days you need to harness the power of autism to get out of bed in the morning.

I recently received around £1.5k in a completely unforeseen way, so I can work minimum wage jobs in full knowledge that I can quit whenever I want (my only money target right now is enough to easily move back to London if I get a job)

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I feel mentally imprisoned. I simply don't have the ability to relax and do what I want. Even if I do something, I am cucked by Taylorism and feel guilty about how I do it. I always feel bad for not working for 10 hours on a row on one thing or not filling my day with multiple things. This is banal shit but it tortures me.

I have a full time job which miraculously requires almost nothing of me. I moved out and live in London due to it. I should feel lucky but I haven't enjoyed myself at all.

And of course being ugly and blackpilled means I know I have nothing to look forward to in terms of my social and professional life. I am not part of the normie hivemind. Every job interview and job requires you to be a clone who acts happy. I'm the most miserable person I've seen.

My only solace is junk food and fast food but I have to stop because they rape my bank balance. Nothing healthy is tasty.

This is me except all the junk food shit
Sounds like adehonia or a lack of dopamine, I have troubles with motivation too and barely any energy, I have just been laying in bed all day doing nothing, trying to find something to apply my mind to, and stick with it. But here we are, sitting on my floor on Jow Forums

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Take 100 $. Backpack basic stuff you need and take a train and get off at the most remote location as far from your town as possible. Then make your way home detouring as much as you can.

Fo course you all feel miserable if you wake up in the same place every day.

If you need some great motivation please go and watch 'Brave Dave's big fat freight hop' on Youtube (2 hrs) and it will give you an idea on what you can do. I'm not a wanderlust thot but you can go hiking large distances to escape monotomy.

Read stoic philosophy. Epictetus first - short and comprehensible.

Once you understand a few very simple concepts everything else is ez. try it frens

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im always interested in these threads so i can find clues how to raise my children so they dont grow into massive faggots like OP. ive got lots of advice but seems wasted trying to give it here.

>Epictetus
>supposedly be a slave
>accept all external factors
>don't resist
>drone on brother

l o w i q

Get a fucking blog

based london 27 yo blog user

up for a debate? im bored anyway

>currently have full time job in London that miraculously requires almost zero effort or even time at the office

please tell me what your job is. sounds very good to me OP. Good for you!

>tfw 20 years old
Is this what is in store for me?

If you find a job that requires you to do absolutely nothing at all..... I mean just think about it. someone pays you 3000 a month and you don't have to do shit. You got all the time in the world to do whatever.

stop masturbating

Isn't that the dream? Spending maximum amount of time doing fun things

stoicism is like christianity without the eternal reward part which makes it even more cucked, probably the most pathetic life philosophy

FUCK OFF. BIZ IS NOT YOUR OWN PERSONAL BLOG. FUCKING STOP THIS SHITE.

Didn't you post this exact same shit like 6 months ago?

why don’t you go get drunk at a pub and fuck some equally ugly girl.

>intiatice

so would you like a debate? was just about to go to bed...

see even forgot linking im getting tired over here

ok go

just to make sure i am not wasteing my time:

do you agree that there is a thing called "inner peace" and that is the most valuable thing to persue?

Normie life isn't always easy - that's a key thing that you're missing. Some people are naturally extroverted and charismatic, but not everyone is. Introverted people have to put more effort in - it's not fair but don't let that stop you from trying to improve your own life. For example, I spent the first 20 years of my life like you, but then I started going to therapy, taking SSRIs (I know I know, but I'm going off them soon), working on my social skills, working on my relationship with my family, cultivating hobbies, eating well, exercising, dating, and traveling. Now I'm extremely happy, despite my depression and other mental health problems.
You'd probably think I'm a normie if you passed me in the street.

I believe in you buddy, you just have to put in the effort.

Black niggers

no, why is inner peace more important than everything else?

what do you consider more important?

you deserve it all for posting this shit so frequently

it's different from person to person but achieving the goals you want to achieve. some examples would be having a big loving family, artistic exploits like writing timeless music, political goals, or for some people achieve some kinda zen like state, sounds like that is what you want

lets take the first example
big loving family: why do you want that? to feel safe right? to have someone who cares for you and who you can care for.
But now lets imagine that you have a loving family and it is taken from you for whatever reason. Isnt inner peace the thing you would want in such a situation

never mind that inner peace doesnt exclude writing music and the other things you mentioned. it is just more vauable

>Isnt inner peace the thing you would want in such a situation
no, redemption/revenge is what i would want. i don't think that there is anything about solving issues internally that is superior to solving them externally. only someone who is unable to solve it externally would via sour grapes psychology think it's superior to solve that emotional hurt internally. it's called slave morality for a reason, and it's pretty sad when you don't even do it because of a religious reason because at least that can be empowering and actually indirectly lead to external solutions

you do know the core statement right?

"you only controll you actions and thoughts"

that means as long as you can take action to change a situtaion that is disturbing you inner peace do it. i am very sorry i am getting tired and it is hard to follow such a slow conversation.

lets get back to the point please. what is more valuable then inner peace and why?

you are simply a failed autist with no balls

keep on eating Mc Normies and feeling bad not realizing you are the one cucking yourself, not society

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you have never explained why inner peace is so important

negative emotions are painful but i dont think they are an evil unto themselves

i am trying to explain it to you by asking you what is more important and you faild to answer.
that means that inner peace must be more valuable right? if this is not the case please tell me something of more value.

i already told you, family, art, conquering your enemies, building a better world. i dont care about my own mental state or health if i can achieve those things

stoicism is a good ogy mind trick

if im in such a position im powerless to my own cucking i'd rather go out in a blaze than internalize my suffering and mind-tricking myself into believing it's fine. or at least become a fearless religious zealot

i feel your pain brother :) but you seem to be a smart guy i was just about to end the conversation but i will keep going if you are realy interested.

but if you are interested in further debate you have to too agree that inner peace is more valuable then all the things that you just said because it can never be taken from you unless you allow it.

or you have to disprove that statement. and dont come with torture bullshit and stuff like that because deep down you know thats horeshit.

inner peace is important but i dont think it's more important than any of those things, just because i cant lose it doesnt make it more valuable. id rather be a mentally unstable psychotic drunk achieving all my goals (and obviously encurring massive losses) than be a good goy wagecuck happy in my slavery and poverty or mediocrity all my life. also seems pretty selfish desu to consider your own mental peace more important than literally anything else.

not sure what torture stuff you're talking about

please give a defination of "most valuable" then. my definitition is "the thing most worth of persuite" do you agree with that.

- torture as in aaaaa you will lose your inner peace if you get tortured you fool but nvm

i don't think it's the thing most worth of pursuit either, like i said i actually think it sounds a bit selfish even

you disagree the the most vauable thing is the most interesting thing to chace? what would you prefer to chace and why?

Unironically clean your room

and dont loose track here. forget all the other things in your head. the question now is:
"is the most valuable thing the most worthy thing to persure" i am not saying at this point that that thing of most value is inner peace that shall come later we have to agree on that first.

he most valuable thing the most worthy thing to persure

i dont think it's the most valuable thing or most interesting thing. why arent you a buddhist or something if your ultimate goal is inner peace?

nothing wrong with chasing things, there is nothing that makes inner peace more valuable than all external chases for satisfaction

yea probably but then of course there is risk caluclation and all that but in general yes. but then again different things carry different value to different people

so you do agree that the most valuable thing is most worthy of pursuit right?

whatever it is and it may even change whatever

ok sure

based depressed london bro. its been a while man, you used to post at 27, now youre 28

i am very interested in buddhism aswell btw just philosphy in general, beacause you might say i have many daimons in me (:

ok great!
now the next thing. something is of more value if it can never be taken from you - then if you have to fear to lose it right?

yeah buddhism will probably just give u more demons

no i disagree, it's "losability" is not relevant to its value

if you have a million dollers today and lose it today aswell. but you have a doller and didnt lose it. what is worth more?

or let me say it like this: you had it all and lost it all is it worth anything?

if im sure to lose everything then yes of course the one dollar is worth more but thats not what life looks like

i'd happily take the risk

there is no risk to take this is a thought experiment.

the question is is something more valueable if you can never lose it?

and in this thought experiment you lost it all exept the thing you cant lose. what is more valuable

I no dat feel bro.

I no dat feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel

the thought experiment is useless as it's not analogous to reality or the choice between stoicism and literally anything else

why wont you play along then we are just having fun here...
in this hypotecial totaly not relvant to anything world where you lost everything except the thing you cant lose do you agree that that thing is more valuable. and therefor it is of more value in generall because you never know what will happen.

if you dont agree to this please prove how anything is of more value in that world

and again i am not saying what "that thing" is at this moment

sure, but it's utterly irrelevant

then we can just stop now if you are not having fun anymore

and your homework would be "please think about that strange world we just talked and thing of the one thing you would never want to lose and explain why but remember you will lose everything else"

because you're making a brainlet comparison

if you want a slave morality system at least pick fundamentalist christianity, then you at least get fearlessness, family, community, stable and healthy living, in addition to all the shit stoicism gives you

you are derailing the conversation and it is very late where i life. i wish you good luck in the persuite of your most valuable thing - whatever it is :D - and maybe we meet again. i am the guy that always talks bullshit like this :)

but what that mouth do?

and one more thing inner peace doesnt exclude any of those things in my eyes it is supportive. just more valuable - the most valuable thing

goodnight

you too fren

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are you fucking me?? feels like i wrote this... thanks OP guess I'm not as alone as I thought...

>"muh blackpill"
Fucking cringe. You deserve that miserable life edgy retard

I feel for you pal, try to start using INTENTION FOCUSED ON OTHER. This is the path. Focus only on other now, no thoughts or intents focused on yourself. How can you help? How can you be of service? Can i help this person? How can I make this person feel better? How is your choices in food effecting other sentient beings. Only OTHER focused from now on. Test drive it for a few months, give it a good honest shot, and if you dont like it you can just go back to being your old shitty self anyway. Im here if you have any questions.

I've read your sob stories before on Jow Forums
>all I do is walk around London abloobloo

Nobody cares