What's the least aggressive way to get fired...

What's the least aggressive way to get fired? Thinking about just sleeping in a couple of times so I can still get unemployment benefits

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Unemployment only last 5 months, you're fucked either way wagey. Start your own business or you'll never get out of the rat race

Na got demoted today and even tho the pay didn't change I rather find another job and maybe even crypto will moon in those 5 months

you can't do anything wrong on your part to get fired and receive unemployment

depends on your state I think but every state I've seen if you're at fault for being fired, through your own blatant negligence or disregard of basic job duties, you're not eligible for unemployment

you have to be fired at no fault of your own, typically for being a dumbfuck incapable of performing functions of the job. then it is a matter of your ability, not a matter of your willfulness to work.

if you stay with family you can stretch it out 1 year

it lasts 6 months and in MA it's really high and good money

I would start acting really dumb at work. Tardiness can get your benefits denied, but poor performance can't

So like, what do you do? Just act really slow and stupid but always smile and nod so they think it's genuine

Also consider going to work smelly because nobody wants to sit near someone who smells bad. And break the dress code often

Ironically, just withdraw from coworkers and do your job.
You will be fired in 6 months or so.

bump

I've done this at every job and it gets me promoted

expose the jews

Just start fucking shit up.

And like one of the other anons says, ignore your coworkers, it'll be easier if you work with females. They WILL try and get you fired.

wagie finally had enough, eh?

>has a dress code at work
Is this actually a thing?

you only get unemployment if you get laid off or get fired due to a mismatch in skills. Anything like truancy or not being subservient to your boss at all times you don't get to collect neetcash. I looked into this already. You wanted to be a wagie and dedicate your entire life to schooling and being broken in. now there is no way out

I've been fired for attendance a few times & always collected.

what's the alternative? disability? don't you have to pay that shit back, it comes out of social security, doesn't it?

also you can only get SNAP for 3 months out of a 3 year period. crazy

Just fucking don't do the work you're told to do.
>"Get those calculations back to me today please. I need to send it to the manager so he can review it before we mail it back to the client."
Then just don't fucking do it.
>"user did you get that report done yet?"
>"No. I don't think I can do it."
>"O-oh...uhh.. it's 4:00. I'll do it myself then I guess."
And just do this every day for like 2 months. They'll fire you.

>you have to be fired at no fault of your own, typically for being a dumbfuck incapable of performing functions of the job

Well... what's the problem then? We're on Jow Forums.

what state?

can confirm

worked with a nigger from Africa who came over here and told me point blank he wanted to get fired so he could collect unemployment. he would show up on time and be very friendly, but then act(?) incompetent until he was eventually fired.

>boss gives you task
>try it and fuck it up
>he comes back to you upset
>repeat this over and over and over again
as you said, guaranteed he'll be let go

Also this. I was told, unironically, "be more social. People are starting to talk and this isn't good for your review. You need to just get up and come hang out at our desks sometime and start talking to us. Nobody here is out to get you man." By my boss.

If you're in a nice office the other people will never tell you you need to work more or get the work done or stay late to finish something. They'll just quietly accept it when you aren't finishing your work before leaving the office and never say anything bad to you about it but then after 2 months or so the boss has "suddenly decided to let you go because unfortunately your position can no longer be justified by your salary at our branch."

Or what will happen is everyone else will just pick up the slack and you'll become *that* employee.

unfortunately even when I consciously underperform I still excel and they can tell I'm intelligent. I've tried to feign stupidity before but it never works out for me. then I'm held to higher expectations for same pay. no fun

Do you work at xhale vape shop?

Holy fuck, this hurt to read. American work """culture"""" sucks

Can confirm,

Only been working at this office since August and we do have 'that employee'.

The guy does nothing, seems like he's perma stoned and when he does something he fucks it up big time.

Forgot to add that he has 20 years of working at this firm and he still does the same thing when he started working here. How can people do the same thing for such a long periode of time?

Like I said earlier, been working here for about 5 months now and I'm constantly looking for either more work or improvements.

you're trying too hard. none of it matters. do the bare minimum of what's expected of you

I know it doesn't, nothing matters in the grand scheme of life, but I'd feel so bored doing the bare minimum.

this, if you act like a loser loner they will be dying to fire you

Storytime?
>work my ass off at big corporation
>no promotions, no raise, always treated like shit, managers always expect me to perform 30x more than other people because I did the mistake of doing great in the beginning
>decide I'm tired of this bullshit
>deliver work without reviewing shit
>refuse all the extra work handed to me with some excuse
>when the head manager asks me why I refuse work I tell me it's not true I'm not refusing work, deny to the point of sounding like a psychopath
>get a raise
>continue to do less than the bare minimum
>become manager and get another raise
Basically when you're shit at something, they'll either fire you or promote you. If you're good you're condemned to stay into the same position because they can't afford for you to move. Instead if you're shit, they'd make you manager because at least you have some experience in the job.
What's sad is that nobody noticed that the work was shit, they just noticed that I wasn't doing more work. They truly don't care about quality.

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Here's what I did a couple years ago
>Know layoffs are coming
>It's either me or the bootlicker
>Hate my job so I'm not about to compete with him for it
>Browse web all day, even remote into home computer playing games like hearthstone
>Layoffs come and surprise surprise it's me they pick, here's what your severance will be user
>Buy a couple ounces of weed and plan on playing vidya and hanging out with my baby daughter milking this shit for 6 months
>Couple weeks later they say they are holding my severance because they detected me copying company IP to a drive right before layoffs and they "want it back" LOL
>Tell them I was just trying to be proactive because I lost a day of work downloading all that shit recently after a server crash and blah blah
>Give them the drive I wiped over 9000 times saying I never copied it anywhere else
>still don't give severance but it literally doesn't matter because that money would get deducted from my unemployment benefits anyway.
>Meanwhile wife is about to give birth to second kid and we apply for neetbucks because we're poor now
>Have kid a few months later for free instead of costing several grand
>Get job paying 25% more than that crap in the end
Thanks tax payers.

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the dilbert principle

as someone with sever anxiety

>FUUUUUUCK

It's true. I didn't want to believe it either. I have seen it happen several times now.

Did you get your severance in the end?

>working
>waste your time getting fired
>all to get on some poverty unemployment bucks

top lol

Dunno I do semi blue collar work ut it's pretty chill the sallery is shit tho. Haven't done jack shit today going home in 3 hours. I want to finish my programming degree and start earning good tho.

You greatly understimate personal grudges influence.
>Be me
>Mum works at American Health Corp
>Spends vast majority of her time driving or endless nights on her medical slides
>It finally pays , get a job proposition
>It's hundreds of miles away and she can't afford to move
>She has to decline
>Employer takes it as a personal offense
>Sets himself on destroying her career
>Mum goes full burnout
>She physically and psychology can't deal with it (killed her self-esteem , and multiple exhaustion issues)
>Higher ups fire her despite all she did for the corp

In life , there's no reason to care about your employer , because he sure as fuck will never care about you.At least there's some justice in the fact that one of the higher-ups got fired to for some shady shit , but still.

topkek this thread is literally me right now.

>be accountant at a mid-size firm
>one of a few competent people
>all overworked as fuck, burnout mode
>hire new employees on bigger salaries who can't do the job at all, clients coming back with bad feedback on their work all the time
>longest serving dude just quit outright and went to another firm
>they put a shittonne of work on me, so much that it is impossible to do within contracted hours
>work unpaid overtime to try and get shit done and get micromanaged and nitpicked
>mentally check out and let things coast
>work on side business and hoarde up savings account with 6 months worth of expenses

I am back at work on Jan 4th and checked my email and cuck manager has been working over Christmas blowing up my inbox as if I'm gonna reply.

I'm either gonna quit once my shit is on lockdown or get pushed out by the looks of it. Fuck them.

your pay didn't get a cut, yet. It's the next step. They won't fire you, they'll force you to quit.

sudden onset mental issues

Kek similar situation to me user.

>business has taken on a number of new contracts it doesn't have the competence or personell to fulfil
>at the same time they are restructuring and move offices around 20 miles to city centre location that is a massive pain to get to
> around half of the old employees don't want to add another 2 hours travel time to their day and quit
> my cuck manager tries to give me extra tasks to be responsible for post restructure, I say no and they end up hiring TWO temporary people just to do the additional work he tried to give me
> I really let off the gas and start to drop tasks that are now not essential (everyone else so busy that it goes unnoticed)
>shit starts to really hit the fan, I work from home more and more and act super busy whenever I'm in the office
> email goes around that no one is allowed to take time off for the next few months, too bad I've already got a few weeks booked off coming up
> cuck manager starting to have a meltdown, I have no idea why he gives a shit he should be retiring soon
> not even going to finish the work I'm supposed to do before I go back on holiday, going to watch the company implode from afar with some popcorn
>senior management literally committing fraud trying to cover up their incompetence
>I just want redundancy at this point, going to coast even more and see how much I can get away with

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How do you plan on not doing work without getting caught out?

Do an important / urgent matrix and not doing the least stuff?

based and redpilled

>and maybe even crypto will moon in those 5 months

nope

I do stuff that's fairly specialised (IT, mainly SQL and data science) so I just massively overestimate how long it will take me to do each thing, and it doesn't really get questioned.

Add into that my boss is awful at managing workload and gives me new urgent stuff to do and tells me to drop what I'm already working on, I never really have to finish (or even start) anything

I tried to wear a burger king t-shirt while working at McDonalds and got a disciplinary.

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>2019
>crypto mooning ever
I am starting to think that you are a little slow in the head

>working unpaid overtime
Never ever never do this

this, people won't let you do your job anymore now