Daily standup meeting

After 10 years in office, you literally start to enjoy the meeting stuff as kino, cause everything else is a hard work ( in case you are doing a serious project that matters in industry ).

Northern Renaissance is the best Renaissance

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Yeah I don't get why people dislike meetings. You get to chat with people or space out for a while; what's not to like?

>sprint demo
>sprint retrospective
>time estimation

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>gotta scrum that agile sprint before the stand up user. Maybe book a meeting room via email to the guy sat next to you.
I miss self employment.

I love meetings, but fuck stand-ups.

>Hey everyone
>Has anything changed since last time?
>No? Okay, enjoy the 10 min walk back to your desk in the 40C sun

FUCKING HATE Agile.

Constant "War Room" scenario. Useful only for rapid app development or crisis management.

Other than that it's a waste of fucking time and useless American crap. It's infected so many damn businesses over here in the U.K.

No proper planning, documentation or anything done anymore, just "o well we'll move that item in the backlog to the next sprint". Technical debt just grows and grows.

The actual goal of the project is lost purely due to focus on short term wins.

>tfw non-Agile company trying to move towards Lean
>tfw literally constant crisis management because they'd rather spend a month documenting a problem than a week fixing it
Defence is the biggest goddamn meme

Since I have anxiety my heart starts pounding when it gets close to my turn. The entire meeting I'm just thinking about what I'm going to say and don't really listen to anyone else. Standup literally only exists to torture me.

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might aswell get medication. your fear wont go anyway. why not higher your standart of living

Ours is an hour. The pajeets that run it think it is best to lump a dozen separate projects into one daily meeting and have everyone involved in each project attend every day.

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>Hourly daily meeting
>You don't even get a chair to sit in
I feel so sorry for you

(holy fucking shit, out fucking scrummaster decided we do situps while we tell about what we did yesterday and what we do today...kill meeee

please sergey getme out of this hell holleee...fucking sprint demo takes 3 hours and I almost kill myself everytime.

fucking sprint planning takes half a day, and we have to through every fucking piece of shit of a feature and discuss them...with the whole fucking team and with the whole fucking client team

this is me at every fucking scrum meeting / event
youtube.com/watch?v=ypHZ_iKBcoo

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I was already at that state 3 years as a wagecuck.

Pretty much what I feel, most standups are useless.

i did my best

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true purpose of the daily standups is to keep the stoners in check
worked wonders on me

You've been reading Michael O Church's critiques on Agile haven't you?

I quite like your description of Agile as a disease, which it's what it really is. It's now being used fucking everywhere in all kinds of projects just because... IT'S AGILE.

You'll just have to give less fucks about it and do your work despite the use of Agile in order to continue wagecucking, Agile won't be going anywhere soon.

You're giving too many fucks about standups.

Agile got fucking terrible. It’s a cult and management leveraged this to market “micromanagement” through a “lean —“ way. I’ve left tech industry because of Agile fags !

If you think Agile is a cult, wait until you see Six Sigma.

I seriously hate managers

Funny. I use agile for my solo projects and it improved my productivity. Though I can see it quickly being cumbersome with even decent management.

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>Stretch and Flex

Hmm, what do you mean by using Agile in solo projects?

As explained in the book Amazon.com: The Design of Business: Why Design Thinking is the Next Competitive Advantage (8601200550054): Roger L. Martin: Books , you need to understand the how knowledge advances from one stage to another — via ‘S curve’ — from mystery (something we can't explain) to heuristic (a rule of thumb that guides us toward solution) to algorithm (a predictable formula for producing an answer) to code (when the formula becomes so predictable it can be fully automated). As knowledge advances across the stages (anecdotally, creative people enjoys it most at “mystery/heuristic” stages), productivity grows and costs drop-creating massive value for companies. This is a classic case of commoditisation and can be seen across many industries.

Every developer is different. SCRUM and many agile processes (funny it was supposed to be about people) or rituals try to homogenise creativity in order to ensure consistent delivery like a car production line. Yet people (who blindly implements Agile) forgot that software and tech is mostly a creative process which delivery is part of. Creative people don’t want it give contained in strict processes. Yes, you got to deliver concrete processes, but in its current design other than “spikes” Agile got no room to handle creative forces. And with current commoditisation of overall tech/soft-tech, creatives are mostly 35%, leaving rest of 65% to business / boilerplate stuff.

Everybody has their own tolerance to “business / boilerplate” stuff. A biotech researcher will have it at 20% where as a RubyRails engineer doing a commodity tech project may have 75%.

Dual Track Agile is trying to incorporate Design / Creatives better into the delivery. Read the Design Sprint book from Google Labs.

Personally I love to work at Mystery / Heuristic phase of a knowledg line. Yes, it may have “hungry poet” (crypto to rescue :) syndrome, but much happier than other phases.

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> Michael O Church
Big fan of this guy. Someone has to say it’s all BS. He did. Agile Coaches, GTFO !!

Just like parasites in finance, a whole gamut of people reorganised themselves in order to sell “Agile” to companies and executives. And executives saw tremendous opportunities in it as it was beneficial to masquerade micromanagement in a lingo that somehow developers loved.

I do about 4 hours of development per day, I use a kanban board and track every 30 minutes I worked on which feature to help with future planning and I make a new working build every 2 weeks.

I use a couple of the ideas I got from studying agile.

I work essentially solo, but I hire freelancers sometimes for various things.

I can imagine that agile externally imposed can quickly become very annoying. It took me 6 months to refine it into a way that I don't mind using and increases my overall productivity. It started to pay off after 2 months and I got even with the time invested after 4 months.

... but it wasn't until 6 months that I didn't hate it (which is good, because I tend to start hating most systems over time. I'm about a year in. We'll see how it goes).

Hey man, I'm the same too, and people would probably classify me as an extrovert. :( It gets better though, in as, it won't affect me as much as it used to, I can work through it better.

I can only imagine how corporate environments use agile to make things less efficient/humane. Tell me, what do they do?

>I do about 4 hours of development per day, I use a kanban board

A good practice and not necessarily an Agile exclusive thing.

> track every 30 minutes I worked on which feature to help with future planning
Time tracking is also a good idea and again, not necessarily something from Agile.

>I make a new working build every 2 weeks.
That's also in general a good practice and the argument can be made that Agile helped on raising awareness on the benefits of relatively regular releases in order to get feedback from clients.

When you see people complain about Agile, it's not because of those concepts you're using. It's due to the fact that it really aids on micro-management and it really incentivizes short-term thinking over long-term thinking.

Read the following article for further critique on Agile, especially the "terminal juniority" and "career coherency" points:
michaelochurch.wordpress.com/2015/06/06/why-agile-and-especially-scrum-are-terrible/

Besides the article I've linked before, there's also the insidious incentive of using Agile in all teams in all kinds of work because it's easier for it to be controlled by managers and it also leads to a really one sided transparency.

I usually feel like an assembly line worker while working with "Agile" as a software developer and I think it's not a coincidence at all.

The following is also an interesting read:
media.defense.gov/2018/Oct/09/2002049591/-1/-1/0/DIB_DETECTING_AGILE_BS_2018.10.05.PDF

To wrap up, Agile was a nice idea at first but it was corrupted by snake oil sellers who shilled it to managers all over the fucking world.

When the people you have to talk to are insufferable to be around and your normal work involves chilling and eating anyways (also sitting or standing at your pleasure not talking for 10 freaking minutes about your musings fucking Jim)

We managed to convince our supervisor that these could be held by phone, so at least we don't have to be in person.

That said, they are still awful. Without fail one of the normies on the team has to bring up a completely unrelated anecdote about their kids, or cooking for their kids, or bringing their kids from daycare.

MAKE IT STOP REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Interesting. Honestly, the self-tracking also makes me feel like an assemblyworker, but I simply end up doing more and I value the results higher than job satisfaction (in fact I went into software to trade satisfaction for financial results).

It makes sense that a lot of bunk agile stuff is getting sold. 70% of agile that I read seemed filler. Although I get a better understanding of it through the articles you share; I simply have no corporate experience.

Those meetings and "story moments" still mystify me. Get someone who values employee time to moderate those meetings and cutoff bertha when she wants to talk about little billy.