I wanted to touch base with you

>let’s levelset first before we tee it off

I’ve never heard a non-white person say this

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ITT: millennials and zoomers who don't know how to conduct business communications because they were so coddled by their parents that they think everything should be given to them and nothing should be discussed

vigorously study klingon mating rituals
replicate them in the mirror 3hrs a day
when she asks you to buy shit, stare her down and growl at her
demand her to buy you a steak

>Hey user, don't forget to sign up for the colors class and the six-sigma leadership seminar. Also Doreen Woo Ho will be in the office Friday, so no casual dress.

>checks internal jobs site to see if response for marketing position I applied for at 70k/year
>no
>no
>no
>find out boss is cock blocking my applications because I'm too good at my shit wage job and they need my sales numbers

Happy ending to this story. Fuck Wells Fargo - and Fuck Doreen Woo Ho and Fuck Dick Kovasavich. I walked out on my lunch break and I'm still on lunch 12 years later, doing marketing, selling leads to their competitors, making WAY more than they could ever offer to pay me. feels good frens

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that's because they're all poor morons

Unironically had a manager try to get everyone in his department to write a detailed HOURLY summary of what they worked on

>ITT: millennials and zoomers who don't know how to conduct business communications.
baste.
possibly, the only instance of do the opposite of what Jow Forums says

>It's imperative we go over the numbers to discuss how we can leverage up our business to become market leaders so we don't drop the ball on this one

kek

it's boomerspeak for calling someone on the phone.

love this one

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You can properly manage your employees and business without talking like an NPC faggot

would this be better?

"Sorry not sorry but I can't even give hundo P even tho that shits on fleek with bae, lets dipset, ok? perf"

Yes you and the other nigs at the gas station can talk like that while working.

>just wanted to see whats on your plate right now?
>how much bandwidth do you have?

nailed it lmao

>hi user. got your email. I understand there's a lot on your plate right now, but you'll have to make room for the sensitivity training sessions. It's mandatory for employment. But don't worry, it's only 10 sessions at an hour each. Easy peasy. See you in the conference room tomorrow.

>new policy because HR
>ok but this policy doesn't make sense
>we know. HR said.
>right but this is less efficient and will probably lose us money and customers
>yes but HR said

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Oh user, after the stand up let's sit down so we can circle the wagons. We won't be able to add value to our product until we get management buy in. I need you to leverage our group dynamics to synergize with accounting to pareto the information by doing an in depth deep dive on all that big data.

>preferred pronouns
>In a fucking email signature
If you fucking yankee, commiefornia scum bring this cancer to the south...

>ask for a specific day off
>they ok it
>they schedule me to work during that day
>get mad when I don't show up

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Now dont worry if the words the people say confuse you. You're still a winner, sport!

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How does this have no (You)s? Take mine.

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I REALLY don't want to become a fucking wagecuck again after reading this thread holy shit

what are you a waiter?

It's like when no girl wants to talk to you but once you get a girlfriend they all want the D.

The team really enjoyed meeting you the other day, unfortunately...

Hi user,

Thank you for your follow up. I had a chance to touch base with the hiring team, they enjoyed meeting you but ultimately decided to move forward with other candidates for this role.

I want to thank you for taking the time to interview with us, I wish you the best of luck in your search.

Hi user,

I’d like to time to thank you for your time in coming in and interest in our business. After a complete review of candidates, we have decided to progress candidates whose experience more closely aligns with our sales cycle, and therefore we are unable to take you forward at this time.

It was a true pleasure speaking with you throughout this process, and I am glad to keep your details on file for future opportunities.

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Dear user,

Based on our initial review, we like your skills and believe in your potential, yet we didn't make a perfect match (this time).

Things can move pretty fast around here and we will be sure to find you when we have an opportunity to chat about.

Thank you again for your interest in Rosen & Goldsburg

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BE SURE TO APPLY TO MORE POSITIONS SO WE CAN REJECT YOU AGAIN
ITS GREAT TO MAKE A NEW CONTACT NOW IF YOU CAN EXCUSE ME I HAVE BETTER CANDIDATES TO INTERVIEW
*reopens position*

This desu. They probably also say thank you at the end of every email.

Oh god im starting to look for my first full time job at 24 years old

HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Underrated, top kek

>Liase

I fucking hate this shit so much. Might start looking for another job soon, although i dont really want to have to deal with the shitty auto rejection letters that the lovely anons above have posted ITT

It hurts

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Got fucking killed at my interview. Really wasn't expecting curveball questions since I got it via connections. Anyways...
We started off with some easy questions, walk me through resume/DCF etc. I came from an FP&A role so he wasn't expecting me to be an expert at these things but as I talked, the guy started asking me about assumptions, WACC and CAPM and asked me to ELI5 them in 20s flat. I did and he said "you didn't mention risk-free/risk-premium components", didn't mention beta and how it ties to the market or sth like that. I was just like wtf man.

Think I did ok though because I met the whole team from analyst all the way to MD. Do experienced hires have to go through Superday? If I pass this round do I get the job?

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Ask for more

>loss prevention officer at a hotel
Is this the guy who keeps metrics on the number of complimentary soaps and coffee packets that are issued or something?

Deals with drunk guest and trouble makers mostly

>Let's take a step back here and leverage our assets for a product market fit

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Per my last email...

>Cheers, everybody!

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>when he sounded really hot in the phone interview, but ends up being 5'7"

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I unironically have to fill out a detailed excel table of my hourly work every day and send it to my boss

....... Christ man

This language makes me depressed.

Every CEO worth his salt would ban this kind of bullshit word salad. If you work for a company where this shit happens, look for another job

Really? Because an attractive coworker (no homo) said this to me the other day

Go for it user. He wants ur cock. Just have him buy u lunch everyday with the promise of sex

>good input lets circle back to that later
>lets unpack that

>lets unpack that
a boomer not up to date with the industry trying to keep up

>let's unzip and scan for viruses

>we're not trying to boil the ocean here, we just dont want to get caught with our pants down

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lmoa

>see a job offer where they need someone experienced in a certain chemical analytical instrument
>write an application explicitly stating I am experienced with those instruments, mentioning how long and in what setting I used those.
>Send application
>Get this very general response
>Hi user, you are not qualified for this position, we need people with some experience in this analytical instrument. You are free to try other positions when they pop up.
> litteraly next day, get called up by a headhunter of the same company. Different person than the one whom replied to my application
> 'hey user, looked at you Linkedin profile, you seem like a perfect match for a position in our company.'
>It's the same fucking position I got quickly discarded from
>easily nail the interviews, I get the job.

Fucking job applications, how do they even work?

Try to find a good job at a shit workplace. Like being the accountant at a factory or something

They don't

>let's discuss this over a bite to eat?

>When you try to be cool but it's just cringey and you're a manlet
>but you keep going until it's a little cool again and you're well dressed
Global Sales indeed

At the end of my first job interview they asked "Do you have amy questions user?"...I was like nigger wtf is this cringe gimme this bux and fuck off

larping as boomer for (you)s

the HR department is dominated by retards
they have absolutely no idea how to hire
they only exist because competition has not reached it's peak yet
when we have true competition there won't be any HR department, thing will be handled explicitly based on contract

>let's just hit the pause button and take a step back

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I sign off all me emails with
>Regards,
but everyone else in the office says
>Cheers,
There ain't nothing cheerful here.
Am I the weird one?

>Apply for company internship
>>rejected
>Apply again
>>rejected
this is me rn, only 10x rejected so far

This is like every narcissistic fuck on LinkedIn ever

Conform or get fucked faggot.

This can't be real
I work for the government and I have been doing "training" for the last 3 weeks. I literally didn't show up for 2 days and no one even noticed.

I started using t. to sign all my emails. Got a good kek when a vendor replied with t.
t.
user

t. Boomer cope for having to use brainlet meaningless wagecuck jargon to embellish his pitiful state of existence

Based

>lets circle back
>we should take this offline
>user, did you send out the invite for that conf. call?
>*sneak up on you* what are you working on right now?
>*be extremely busy suddenly* user lets quickly step into the conf. room it'll only be 5 minutes
>this was a bad year financially so we'll unfortunately have to hold back on your raise
>*gets random email in the morning of some dumb issue* user can you take care of this?
>manager not in but need to ask simple question about project, email them with question, they email back cc'ing the entire company and clients, look stupid

i have quite a lot of these

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based and basepilled

See me in my office please.

absolutely BASED and REDPILLED

>detailed summary
my-head-is-full-of-fuck-d.ogg

Eat shit and kys, normalfag.

Yeah thats the government, private sector is a different story

kek

This reminds me of my previous job (software developer) where I had to log all my time in JIRA, in specific issues and that time had to match the estimated story points and the logged time had to add up to 40 hours a week.

This shit was so unnerving, thank god I'm not working there anymore.

>Can you just ping the company before you go out, great.