What are the biggest lessons you have learned in the corporate world?

yep. Keeping an appearance is 50% of the work. You get payed money not only for the work you do but are expected to be trusted, show up on time and fit into your ((role)).

Don't trust bald people

>just be yourself

Not to take stuff personally and be professional
Also follow processes and chain of command

Don't ever trust your co-workers with anything other than work related stuff, everyone is out for themselves.

Don't gossip, but listen. All gossip comes at the expense of someone.

Don't ever lose your temper and be professional.

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Always poop on company time

>Do as little as possible actual work
>Be as assertive as possible
>Always talk when there is a change
>Dont show weakness at work ever
>There is no friends in corporative, if someone is nice they want something from you or are below you in hierarcy
>Make sure you have males around and under you working and zero women

People are irrational, unempathetic and scary.

>Make sure you have males around and under you working and zero women
Why?

> everyone is an ant and replaceable at every time
> people are fighting against their peers while licking their bosses ass holes
> team means a group of people works at the same time but not together
> being a wagie is dull and lame but being without regular income fucks you up
> a break in your job history (longer than half a year) makes it really hard to get hired again
> do what you like and don't be afraid to ask for task you like more

Nobody knows what they are doing.

its all bullshit and the owner will fuck you over so they can buy a fleet of solid gold yachts

Doing the needful.

> a break in your job history (longer than half a year) makes it really hard to get hired again
so much this
>made redundant
>already mid buying house and renovating it top to bottom
>spend months doing diy and getting place liveable
>finally finish after shitloads of trouble and hassle
>apply for jobs
>"pleae explain the cv gap"
>moved and rennovated house
>"... i see. we'll get back to you about your application. bye"

meetings
meetings
SO MANY FUCKING MEETINGS
you're worth what you make it seem you're worth
you're either the boss or human garbage

Most of the stuff you spend hours talking about and making wanky strategies in PowerPoint never actually happen. Unless you have a delivery focused role, it's just made up guff.

If you can learn how to navigate corporate bureaucracy and backstabbing politics to get shit done, that skill will make you unstoppable in other jobs. It's stressful, though, so don't deal with it for too long.

>join company
>10 years later only me and 1 person remain from when started
>every other position given boot or left sometimes multiple times
>promoted up 3 levels from pleb to manager
>made redundant to "offshore option to compete in modern business" or someother bullshit
>did house up fpr mamy many months
>gap in cv means trouble getting new job
im this close | - - | to just saying fuck it and getting a job in a warehouse to pay the bills but i bet i wont be able to get that either because i dont have enough experience putting crap on shelves

cunts

Don't pitch the bitch.

what job did you do?

That the world isn't as meritocratic as we've been taught at a young age. That the lessons of, "Work Hard and you'll be rewarded" was only relevant in the post-war boom years.

We were led to believe that we live in a fair and equitable world and that evil is something foreign and to be fought against, instead evil became something that is lurking among us every waking moment and that we must work with it to survive rather than fight against it.

worked for a large multinational media company

what did you do there?

>> a break in your job history (longer than half a year) makes it really hard to get hired again

Seriously? Why is this such an issue with employers?

Professionals do not speak to you as themselves. They try to seem like they are themselves but are hiding any social contract, they might otherwise subscribe to, behind corporate culture and duty.

Never afford a corporate type the same discretion you might a full human being.

The sooner you abandon your sensibilities and social discomfort, the sooner things will start going right.

getting a job is like banging roasties. if womynz don't see other womynz pining after you, they're not interested because something must be wrong with you. it's called social proof.

pleb cash posting, invoice data entry to begin with
leading the team, amending procedures, reporting to vice presidents at the end

> First impression is everything
> Don't work too hard, but don't do too little. Be in the middle
> You are always expendable. The moment it becomes not profitable for you to be there, you're fired.
> The right moves at the right times are everything. Float by then make your move when the perfect opportunity comes along.

why does everyone buy into and play this sick game?

They usually are
> slow
> lower quality work
> look for opportunities to socially manipulate things into their favor

This. Dor the average retard it takes too much brain power to figure out things for themselves so they just copy other people's opinions and actions. Monkey see monkey do.

thats fucked they booted you despite your 10 years of service. but apparently corporations are ruthless when it comes to cutting/outsourcing jobs to increase the bottom line. i havent entered the workforce yet but i think going in with the mindset that no matter how much of my life I give to the company, they wouldn't think twice about replacing me with AI or some guy oversees that'll work for 1/100th of what I get paid. hopefully this cuck mindset will make it sting less. what happened to the other guy?

You will do well mate, '3 levels from plev to manager's made me laugh loads for some reason

shows lack of effort on your part
what i know now is i should have stayed paying rent to someone else in property, left the house as a shithole and paid mortgage on and also hired professionals to renovate the place, bankrupting myself in the meantime because otherwise i have a gap in my cv and thats unacceptable when trying to get a job
live and learn i guess

yes, i am seething

assistant pleb
pleb
senior pleb
pleb manager

It's seared in during MBA networking and education. It's literally the leg up they have on everyone else and allows them to run a little cabal where the company's social and fiscal capital pools. It turns out that behaving this way exploits greater efficiencies in the remaining 90+% of the rest of the company.

If you don't buy in, you are not following "best practices" and so are never let into the club. It's about supporting narratives.

You buy into it for the same reason you buy into any fellowship. You don't change it because the people who see it before signing up have either been groomed or are sociopathic/psychopathic and extremely astute. The idealistic, astute types do academic research or something similarly intellectual and aesthetic.

a recruiter told me they see gaps as a lack of effort on the employee's part. they want people that will devote themselves entirely to work. your ability to live without work makes them think you're not entirely at their mercy and can just jump ship whenever you feel like it. reducing the amount of time it takes to replace employees that were fired saves a shit ton of money too. so they focus on hiring people that have the least probability of leaving on short notice.

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People in upper management (think VP and C-level) are cut from a completely different cloth than everyone else. And not necessarily in a good way.

Honestly, just learn their jargon, play the sick game back at them and insist that you are fucking them because if you didn't, the company would suffer without the utility you are bringing. They won't take it personally and may even let you in.

I got "let into" my company after a similar, soul killing path. I knew I was in after I started being part of the "where the bodies are buried" stuff. I started out in web, moved to data, and have done some grey to black things, but started outside of the "cabal".

Care to explain further?

fair enough. I've done it. it killed me inside. burnt out and quit. I can't keep doing it. but you do you user. do what's best for you. you're going to make it. not sure I will though.

and looking for a way to pin harassment on you

Business and war follow the same rules. You can't show the other guy your hand or he will just take advantage of you.

"Dog eat dog" my friend.

Doggy dog world.

Being in IT, you are not ever appreciated, even when you save people's asses. And they just view you as a liability, pay wise

>What are the biggest lessons you have learned in the corporate world?
HR is there to protect the company. They are not your friends.
The biggest assholes set the pace for everyone else. Expect the big company bullshit even if you aren't working at a place that can pay the big company paycheck.
Management will do everything in their power possible to dick around with employees. If you have enough seniority, you can read them riot act. They're still going to try it.
Getting a job offer for a real position is a bitch if you're in a crowded position. Watching Jow Forums-tards cry about their useless CS degree is a cold comfort when I can't break free of my fukken position even with years of experience. Good ahead and tell me the job market for software devs is great :^)

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Cohort 1 is groomed for it by their parent's network. They will never understand the lives of the labour under them.

Cohort 2 is smart people who have some level of psychopathy or sociopathy. They figure out who's at the top and work their asses off to find the right contacts and do the right schooling. Normal people who are this driven and intelligent do academics. People who aren't smart and do this path fail into accounting or middle management.

Cohort 3 is startup people who make it, are smart enough to understand what they are looking at and take on a role that let's them compartmentalize who they actually are from what they must be. Not everyone can do this. Many sell their stake.

They are cut from different cloth.

I've compartmentalized a lot. If I get to FIRE, I will be decompressing for years.

Thanks, based user.

How do you compartmentalize? I've pretty much identified that I'm at an impasse professionally and am deciding if I want to down the "soul killing" path.

I suck dick for money

good for you
its a growing industry
har har har

People are always watching and judging. Anytime you call in sick or look at your phone is noted by your coworkers. Its easy to become "that lazy guy" if you call in more than your coworkers think you should. If you make a bad impression on your boss at any point you're probably never going to get out of the hole. Once they don't like you, everything you do is wrong even if its something completely out of your control. Have a coworker who pissed of the boss who has a bad knee. Now anytime the boss sees him limp past they make fun of him for it just out of earshot. There's no coming back from that.

read rich dad, poor dad?

youtube.com/watch?v=d5FVFsG8NmI

I've done a lot of cognitive behavioural therapy to learn to identify emotional stressors and begin a rhetorical argument with myself to condition myself away from the reacting. Over time, you can do a leap of faith and just run with your own dogma. I have one line of dogma for a character I play professionally. After enough time, I have conditioned myself to be myself in my private life and have made my character part of my job. The cognitive behavioural therapy has made the character less stressful to be.

The leap of faith is important though. The rhetorical process needs to be embraced as truth or your authenticity will eat you alive.

Past that, applying the same principles to condition yourself to not think about work until you enter the building or are in the presence of certain people.

lmao
>listening to aspirational "business guru" charlatans
>I have the formula to be rich, just pay me inordinate amounts of money so I can teach you

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Lol this thread is just sad. Is American corporate culture really so cut throat?

My Australian experience has mostly been with groups of people who are focused on working well as a team. They genuinely have each other’s backs and really everyone just wants to make it to Friday to have a few drinks and enjoy a weekend.

I am good friends with most of my co-workers and we tend to talk openly about our personal lives (to the extent that it is not over sharing)

t. Pooping on company time

1. In meetings, Look nice and talk smart
2. Chase the tangible value projects. If the thing you are working on does not bring money, nobody cares. If you see an opportunity to claim some value, do so. Other ppl might do something, but if you can claim their result as yours, do so. Dont forget to calculate how much money it brought
3. Dont do work which does not bring any clear value. E.g. one high level guy wrote an email to ceo ‘we have this unfinished task which could be asigned to user ((long explanation))’, ceo replied ‘i agree’. Clearly he did not even read the explanation. I never did it, nobody asked never about it.
4. Write an email when its good, call when its bad or you are not sure. Dont let someone to have your email proving that you were wrong
5. Think about consequences of your actions, how will it impact other ppl, what others will do when you do smth. Dont bring bad news or conflicts to top
6. Always keep responsibility to others (I would recommend ... but its your decision as I did not have enough time to get familiar with subject), except when you see that you will be able to claim a nice tangible result to yourself
7. Doing work is important, but presenting what you did matters more. Think about it. Spend some time to prepare

I'm in Canada. North American culture is like this. It has to do with valuing extroverted leadership. Culturally, we'd rather be in confident hands than capable ones.

>need to become a literal schizophrenic to survive the corporate world
Sounds about right

Only ask questions if absolutely necessary. Trying to get something clarified could unintentionally make one of your superiors look bad, and that is something that can make your work life hell.

A general lack of empathy is usually what allows them to get to that level. This means that if you are genuinely a thoughtful or good person, you simply will not mesh well with these people on a fundamental level unless you are able to compartmentalize. If you cannot find a way, it is best to avoid the company and more importantly, the scrutiny of those people.

Thing is, the ones at the top of the organization are easy to identify as they have the titles. Need to watch out for the ones trying to get there.

So the corporate world - and that's the bloody thing about the corporate world - that's the place where you need to take on the BIGGEST responsibility that you possibly can. Because life is suffering and only if you take it by the horns, you can find meaning. People think it's about money, ohoh, that's dangerous man, I tell ya. Maybe your boss makes money and spends it on frivolous women and cums down another undergrads throats each weekend - he seeks pleasure but actually he will find quite the opposite! Don't let'cha get you down if you feel like the underdog. Others may slack and put their feet up, but that's BAD idea man. Turn the other cheek, be an example and work work WORK to the brink of cracking. You clean the stage, you make the company dollars and you'll come out laughing. The evidence is clear on that.

>meanwhile in opposite world

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I should also add that suppressed psycho personalities seem to manifest in odd behaviors and more importantly the physical body. These are the sorts of things I notice just off-hand

- Glassy eyes and white above and/or below the iris

- Strange, forced laughter

- Awkward physical (usually facial) tics in response to hearing something they don't like. Usually happens in meetings

- Irritable bowels

- Awkward full-tooth grins

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If I had to guess, I'd say the weird optics make them come across as uncanny and maladapted - and not, like your points all list off, the other way around.
tl;dr don't be an ugly person at work (or anywhere else)

clean your lobster or the chaos will take over bucko

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>Awkward physical (usually facial) tics in response to hearing something they don't like. Usually happens in meetings
how awkward? crinkling a nose is rude and awkward but it indicates disgust. anything weirder than that?
blinking eyes well that's easy and acceptable usually means incredulity / information to process

Hmmm.

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It's degenerate behavior. At least make up some bullshit about how you went overseas and did missionary work or something.
Never tell them you just did nothing for a solid period of time.

Socially fitting in is far more important than doing any actual work. If you’re a mid level manager this is critical, actually working hard makes you a threat to others.

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The only way to move up in the hierarchy is by sucking Satan’s dick all day, everyday.
There are better ways to live.

that sounds retarded. You have to brag about your work constantly in the corporate world. There are people who only steal others work and present it or brag about it and they get the credit for it.

I think this is true. They may not be doing it consciously, or it may just be corporate policy. I don't understand the "work constantly until you retire mentality." The who point of innovation is to do less work. How about that 3 day work everyone was talking about in the 70s? Am I right hue hue.Fucking kill me, pic unrelated.

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wise words user

Shitty employers like to do dodgy shit like not give paid leave.
Or they're paranoid and think you're gonna fuck off to Burning Man without any notice.
Either way it stems from them not having a life or hobbies of their own.

Fuck women, but not literally

sounds like prison.

That's not true.
That means that you're not doing "high visibility" work.
It's not good if nobody knows what you've done.

Wtf does it mean to follow chain of command?
You mean, like, do what your fucking boss tells you to do? Yeah. That's pretty fucking important.

This is very true. Your co-workers are not your friends. You have to pretend to be their friends, but they are definitely not your friends.
>Don't ever lose your temper
That sounds like a very hard lesson learned

>Always talk when there is a change
Why?

>Don't pitch the bitch.
What does this mean?
Don't hype a chick up to your company?

This is true. Even big tech companies aren't as meritocratic as they appear.

This is actually very true, and I've never thought of it like that before.
>social proof
Noted.

Pretty fucking woke.
>The right moves at the right times are everything.
How do you know when the right time is?
And what kind of moves are we talking about here?

Technical skills just get you in the door. People skills / soft skills are how you stay, get good performance reviews, and get promoted.
>Nepotism (soft / people skill) will certainly get your foot in the door for an interview
>the interviewer also has to like you (soft / people skill)
>The interviewer does have to believe that you can do the job (technical skill)
>You do actually have to do your job (technical skill)
>But your manager and peers determine whether you're doing it well and whether you should be promoted (soft / people skill)

be female
and
be ready to give sexual favors

this

>Professionals do not speak to you as themselves. They try to seem like they are themselves but are hiding any social contract, they might otherwise subscribe to, behind corporate culture and duty.

This.

I made this mistake when I started out as a naive 22 year old when the HR lady asked me if I liked working there and I said how my manager doesn't treat me fairly.

Then I got put on an employee improvement program and my manager apologizing for his shit treatment and telling me I can confide in him on how he could improve. He never gave proper instructions how to do things and made many mistakes that made our operations less productive.

He written me off whenever I made a mistake and told me in the nicest way possible that I didn't listen to his instructions properly and that I was careless.

Fuck this world.

>Jow Forums anons who are honest.
haven't had a steady job for 5 years. Resume says i've been at each of my previous firms for +1-3 years. They've never checked.

>Culturally, we'd rather be in confident hands than capable ones.
based.

Never complain to HR- If you have a problem figure it out with your manager. If you still can't figure it out then start looking for a new position/job.

If you start getting harassed in verbal or nonverbal way. Start documenting those instances to your manager. Get coworker who will stand by your work. In essence, build your case so you can fight a big nasty lawsuit.

never sleep around with co workers.

allways put your name on the sandwitch

HR is the vehicle through which satan enters this world

Sad.

It's not about impressing your boss. It's about the people around your boss. When you successfully manipulate those around him, he's forced to change his opinion or he's an outcast.

That's why you make good with women, cause they manipulate, talk, and gossip on their own. They'll do the work for you. And when you get in good with the women who's the top bitch. Talk about comfy.

t. Men are the real manipulators.

Working as an external contractor is much worse than any fixed job on an internal position if you are not an expert in your field . You have to work 10 times harder than internal workers while being treated like actual dirt. You get paid a little more than normal which is absolutely not worth. Find a company that will support you long term.

I always found it funny when middle managers would try to coax me into complaining about my job. I could see right through it, and how a more naive person would fall for it.
They've got it down to a science.