I'll shoot you an e-mail

>I'll shoot you an e-mail

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>lets circle back and touch base on the key points from your power point and do a team huddle to reach consensus.

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"Touch base" is, so help me God, the absolute most retarded fucking phrase I've ever heard in my life
And I've heard it countless times at my workplace

I have to say the same about "Deliverables". What the fucking fuck.

>sometimes you first have to be promoted horizontally to get promoted vertically

Oof

Beats my office
>kindly do the needful and raise any queries without fail

>lets pivot back to the main axis so we can do a deep dive on the subject

>i'll e-mail you an e-mail

>lets backflip into the backend data and squint if we can ding dong diddly finesse these figurines

>What's the holdup you sack of shit? Don't make me come down to the site and beat some sense into your black ass. Fix the problem by tuesday or you are fucking done!
>Sent from my iPhone

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Lmao

that's a street shitter?

>let’s do a double deckered springbounce and recalibrate the circuits

Worse, it's a mexican.

My sides lmao

>Let's circle back to that item later, it seems out of scope
>I added Ganesh's team to the weekly meeting, I'm hoping to leverage some synergy between groups if we focus on our core competencies
>We can touch base during tomorrow's standup, give you some time to get the lay of the land
>I want to highlite our value add and show that this is a win-win
>I'm feeling out of the loop here, when was the last time Frank ran the numbers?
>Rupesh is going to do a deep dive into the data and perform a drill down into our key customer segments
>This initiative is really going to move the needle on our top KPIs
>We can already make this a game changer by taking care of some low hanging fruit
>Let's take that offline, ping me when you know you'll be available
>We're not trying to boil the ocean here, our north star hasn't changed

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>lets backward handstand into the meeting carnival and fandangle the sales reports from last nickel

I use some of these, they convey the meaning quickly. I kinda enjoy the office life.

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Per my last email, I'll just be a fly on the wall and we'll rendezvous and take this offline next team sync.

>Wanted to pick your brain re: narrowing the scope of the timeline moving forward

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>supercharge our growth

>granular

>work flow

>So, what have you been working on this week?

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>NO MORE CELL PHONES OR THE MICROWAVES WILL BE REMOVED FROM THE BREAKROOM
>THIS IS THE FINAL WARNING. YOU WILL LOSE YOUR OVERTIME (OR YOUR JOB)

underrated kek

This is making my blood boil

pottery
have a (you)

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>I fucking hate indians
>Cc ganesh + 45

>Weekly reminder to NOT take rolls of toilet paper from the bathroom

>We invite you to attend to the diversity seminar Friday after work. Hope you can make it!
>PS: Attendance is mandatory

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>3rd Thursday of every May is Bring Your Wife to get Blacked day
>Attendance is mandatory

>scrum meeting

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>attn: ALL
>Whoever is leaving loaves of bread in the toilet, I am going to break your fucking arms.
>-Vinny

>nice to e-meet you

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>CC: ALL
>Hello fellow employees, hope you are doing well
>We are pleased to anounce the first week of July we will celebrate our bianual office retreat. We will be enjoying nature at (insert shithole). For this we will deduct 500 EUR from your next paycheck.
>PS: Attention is mandatory

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>ping me when your not busy

>office air breathing fee

I worked at a technical recruiting place where a guy said he couldn't find a particular type of engineer, and the manager called a surprise meeting to announce that the guy "found the end of the internet". He then sarcastically congratulated the guy and sent him home for the day at 1:00; meanwhile, everybody else went back to work.

At 29 years old, you will never hear me say these baby boomer phrases

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>*you‘re

That's pajeet talk

"Blast me an e-mither"

That's what i say now and again
some of the graddys started saying it
kek

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>Just wanted to drop by and say "Have fun." Tonight should be a free-fire idea zone. Watch a DVD, eat some pizza, fuck each other. I'm serious. Fuck a chicken if that's what it takes. Watch a chicken fucking a horse. What? You think the guys who invented Google sat around watching Trumpton?

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>not sure if you've seen my previous email, so...

>So what I THINK you’re saying is...
>Let’s put a pin in it and circle back later.

>agile

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NET PROMOTER SCORE

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>get Fred to fire up that cisco box, user!

>I'll take half your money

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>through put
>decision informed by
>at the end of the day
>internet of things

Holy shit, I'm an analytical chemist so most of my day is devoid of boomerspeak, but my cubicle where I analyze my data is right outside a side office with one of those 'jolly' mid aged, upper management boomers and his whole fucking clique of 40-60 year old faggots make the most obnoxious scene in the mornings. But they leave out food so it's whatever.

Hello Microsoft

>ramp up

>hey just sending you a follow up

>just to caveat off what ((insert name)) said...

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Hearty keks

>There he is!
Someone actually said that to me once back when I was working on site. How the fuck do you respond to this?

>quick question
>I have a small doubt

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>the one and only!

>the man, the myth, the legend

>y-you too

>move the needle

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One time I was in the break room and I know fuck all about sports. So some dude that I've never talked to before comes into the breakroom and, after seeing me:
"Did you see the rams score three and two touchdowns with bases loaded and gRetsky on third with Woods shooting the three pointer past 3 and first down home run?"
At least that's what I sounded like to me.
I just starred at him like a deer in headlights.
He stared back like a deer in headlights, shocked that I was unable to respond.
We starred for what seemed eternity, then sort of silently went our separate ways.

kek’d hard. Why didnt you just say you dont watch sports?

>guy walks past my desk to leave for lunch
>says "lunchie time my friend" every single day

fucking lunchie time

>This Fortune 500 company is now settling their inventory exchange contracts using Blockchain technology in the Cloud to reduce overhead costs.

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I'll never understand what it's supposed to mean, but I always think of Warhammer when I hear it

>Mfw touching base with my squad

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>all hands meeting
>you're gonna have to redo you monthly developmental report
>there will he no overtime, also I need you to do overtime today
>10 new fancy names for boss

Better than touching tips I suppose

Good point! I should have but, man.. that was ackward.

The fucking cloud! I remember when every single phrase had the word cloud in it.
>Can we interest you in a cloud solution?
>All businesses are moving to the cloud.
>We believe the cloud can help innovate your IT infrastructure.
>Do you have a cloud strategy?

>All hands meeting
I remember that shit.
All fucking hands meeting.
What are we.. a fucking group of pirates? No motherfucker. ARRRR

>I get your point buddy

I'M NOT YOUR BUBBY PAL

>solutions

This one is out of control. So in your face marketing buzz. Don't think I've ever brought myself to say it to a client or even a colleague It's a fucking product we sell to make money. Just because every other company started using this term doesn't mean we need to hand over our dignity to the marketers.

Im not Michael Bublé

I always hated walking in on boomers taking a shit in the company restroom...
>hey there user, another day another dollar
haha yeah
>BRAAAAAAAAAAAP! SPLOSH
>Do you hear them bullfrogs?

>Sent from my iPhone

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truest of em all so far. My favorite:
>what’s the impact to the schedule

this is how I stay up to date on current events

what’s up?

Holy mother of kek

>How's the job hunt going?

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I feel the same whenever I hear someone use the word content. Even fans talk about things like marketers.

kek I'm in an engineering design class at uni and my professor uses this stupid fucking word for everything

Based and lmaopilled

Underrated

Checked
>yeah let’s table that for a sec and get back to the topic at hand

Wat

This is only funny if the recruiter was fired or the manager quit. Otherwise it's just awkward.

fuck its too real

>it's nice to put a face to the name

i once heard someone say this irl at a convention to someone who was a popular blogger in the space and whose face was recognized by everyone. talk about social skills.

lol, what a faggot you are

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Lmfao