Best ways to get fired from work. (Juggalo edition)

Hey Jow Forums. What are some based AF ways to get yourself fired from a job? I need to know for reasons.

Hard mode: no mass shootings.

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Try and negotiate a 100% payrise, daily, until you're either fired or actually get it

Giving 2 weeks notice and leaving on good terms.

try to organize a union with your coworkers

Not what I was looking for actually.

call your black coworkers neighbours

>what's up my neighbour
>neighbour you trippin
>going home, pce out neighbour
etc

Ok, sirs. The goal is to not break the law.

Racial slurs doesn't break laws but it could harm your reputation... you can say slurs often to no minority co-workers and they will tell their management you're a risk.

They will have a sit-down eventually to confirm and ask about it.

Then you tell them what you really think about jannies

why
they wouldn't give you two weeks notice if they fired you.
what is quitting but firing your employer

HAHA OH LOOK HOW QUIRKY THAT LIST IS WHAT A GOOD LIST MY GOD ONLY THE COOLEST PERSON COULD PULL THESE SHENANIGANS OFF

Call your workers faggot niggers, instant firing

neighbor please

>Then you tell them what you really think about jannies
very nice, had a good chuckle

Two jobs I intentionally got fired from:

Line cook. My boss, the head "chef" was a bully to everyone. On my last day he tried some shit with me and I challenged him to a fight, right there in front of everyone. He backed down and I called him a pussy in front of the crew. "Nothing but a big ole pussy. All talk."

I worked in a dog kennel. My boss was a control freak and he brought his trained protection rottweilers to work everyday. They had their own the room and no one was to disturb them. Well, I left the door open to their room and then ran around the facility terrorizing everyone. ha.

Take a shit on your bosses desk

Walk into work with a 2 liter in your buttcheeks

WOOP WOOP!

Don't waste the opportunity to make a stand on behalf of your coworkers who are overworked, underpaid, and are surely subjected to increasingly ridiculous rules designed to break their spirits. Just stay at your job, keep doing your job, and make your own rules until you get canned eventually. But maybe you won't. Maybe they'll admire your bravery and promote you instead. But who cares. Sky's the limit.

this one is 50/50 it's honestly such a power move you might actually get promoted. use with caution.

Kek

*Practice dark magic*
*Get fired for being a fuckin weirdo*
*File lawsuit for religious discrimination*

Brilliant

get caught masturbating to asanagi by a fucking nosy bitch secretary who doesn't know how to fucking knock
>tfw this is actually the reason i was terminated from my last job, fml

Please be real this is fucking hilarious. What job position did you have?

yes it's real, i've posted a longer version of the story on Jow Forums before. happened a long(-ish) time ago. was a corporate law paralegal in a big law firm. not a recent termination, i'm doing ok now in essentially the same position elsewhere.

That's hilarious. What was the conversation with your boss like after that? Was the termination immediate or did you get 2 weeks notice? Did the secretary see your dick? Do you still jack off to the same picture?

bitch closed the door pretty fast; my back was to the door, so i am 100% sure she saw the screen but am not sure if she saw my junk. anyway it was clear what i was doing.

termination wasn't immediate, i guess because it took time to flow up to the necessary hiring/firing committee partners. anyway i was called in by the paralegal coordinator a couple days later who told me i was being let go for improper use of firm resources. i have no idea if she knew i was jerking it to hentai and was being "polite" about things or if she was legitimately just told "fire this guy, he is using resources improperly." i didn't ask, cleaned out my desk and left same day.

yes i still jerk it pretty regularly to asanagi pics/doujins, honestly some of the only shit that gets me hard these days. regular porn is just boring now. i date and have no trouble performing, but just have no interest in "real" porn.

Kek. Thanks for explaining. Honestly though if I am ever in a position where the door is behind me, I can't get myself to relax enough to consider masturbating. I've gotta know no one is gonna bust in on me.

just a dumb fucking lapse in judgment. my libido is a lot lower these days, but back then there were moments where i pretty much felt like i HAD to bust a nut. i had gotten away with it seriously a dozen times or more too, just had awful luck that time.

just stop showing up. fuck off doublenigger.

>i was being let go for improper use of firm resources

They referred to your dick as a 'firm resource'?

>be White and male
>call other White people "niggers"
>call other men "bitches, whores, broads"
>say "allahu ackbar ***boom***!" to Christians