*ahem* Quiet, everyone, please

*taps mic* Is this thing on?

*sits patiently*

Naah dude you need to turn up

*turns volume up*
>Testing 123
*riiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG*

*Gulps down champagne* Anyone want to do shots? OP is making me antsy

TOO LOUD.....turn it down a notch

Heey user long time no see
Do you want some coke?

*Drinks directly from bottle* That fucking hurts man I'm nursing a hangover

*shushes other audience members*

inb4 Creg is le god and BSV is BitCoin

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Save a seat for me anons

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Hell yeah!

*taps volume button too hard*
*smaller riiiiIINNGGG*
ʰᵒʷ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ nᵒʷ

*overweight couple nudges their way around a crowded dinner table and loudly takes their place*

youtube.com/watch?v=QgjVxFcBO0c

TURN IT UP WE CAN'T HEAR IN THE BACK

Vodka and cocain? I love a good Russian Snowstorm. OP you want in?

this gon b gud

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>eyes growing in wild anticipation

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*your scam artist cousins starts cramming his face with free shrimp at the buffet*

Please turn your cellphones off ladies.

Janny, turn up the volume back there and get me some water. I don't pay you to slack off.

Yes, OP? What have you got to say?

*Knocks bottle of Jack off table* Hey.......HEY you fucking landwhales spilled my sipping whiskey

*snaps fingers loudly*
WAITRESS! I SAY WAITRESS HERE
WHAT DOES A GENTLEMAN NEED TO DO TO GET A CARTON OF CHAMPAGNE AROUND HERE
*snap* *snap* *SNAP*

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Fuck yes! What about an Columbian Tequila?
It hurts the best way

Please sit down and wait for all the gentlemen to take their seats.
*sips water*
Janny you got this water from the sink, go get me a water bottle. One more screw-up and I'm sending the mods a letter.
*glances at watch*
Just a few minutes everyone.

Sounds perfect now .....pls carry on with the announcement

*12 year old glued to the Nintendo 3DS sticks his tongue out, focuses extra hard while he's fighting the game boss*

Hold up a minute! Me and user just have to quickly hit the bar

Imagine this is how the first Jow Forums conference would look like

Sorry I'm late guys. What did I miss?

Good sir I'm sure we have some champagne around our table, might you be able to get a Janny to procure some tequila for my friend here?

"You barely pay me at all"

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this is our finest sparkling water, I sincerely hope it will be up to your high standards, s-sir

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*farts loudly and looks around nervously*

shut up everybody, he's about to say the thing

*sips*
*spits*
Clean it up janny. For that you lose your Ham and Cheese Hot Pockets.

*sits comfortably*

*eats newly discovered nose gold*

*high society women drinking mimosas burst out laughing at the peasant while they contemplate which 40 year old chad to fomo into*

*clears throat*
Th-
*clears throat again*
*coughs*
Hold on a moment everyone, janny forgot the tissue box again. We're gonna be late a few minutes. Sit comfortably while he cleans up the mess and brings me some actual tissues, not the sandpaper towels from the bathroom.

And get some strippers too
I need some tits to snort from

*quickly checks price of shitcoins on phone again*

Fuck these guys are paid too much......oh wait....we don't....hahahahahah *throws beer bottle at janny narrowly missing but shattering overhead raining shards of glass and beer on him* hahahahahahahahahah

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*boomer dad who got dragged into this motions that they should probably "hit the road" or "skedaddle" if they want to beat traffic*

*sit awkwardly at the bar eying the people around me trying to strike up a conversation*
H..h...hello there can I join you ?

Haha the atmosphere in this thread is gold. Its almost like you can sniff the different smells haha can you imagine haha

quick Igor, we are late

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*man in a cowboy hat slides a shot of buffalo trace down the bar towards the newcomer "hey there potna" *

Hey come sit with us user
We got plenty of booze, coke and tits

Janny, this is toilet paper.
*grabs janny's shirt and blows a big wad of snot onto it*
Ah, better.
*quietly recites speech on lips a few times*
Alright everyone, please quiet down now. I am ready to make today's announcement.
*clears throat*

By all means, JANNY MORE BOOZE YOU LAZY FUCK

Traffic was a shitshow. What'd I miss?

*starts jerking off*

lol

HES GONNA SAY IT

Speaking loudly in an epic bread

*phone rings*

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POST ME IN THE SCREENCAP WHEN HE SAYS TO FUCK NAAGGGERS

Haha, this thread again. So funny. I love to see the exact same shit posted repeatedly ad nauseum.

HEY JANNIES GET ME SOME MORE OF THIS BREAD

oh fuuuuuuck

Wow...really
*stumbles over bar stool*
Hey thanks for putting up with me anons.

THE MAD MAN IS GOING TO DO IT

*Passes fine malt whiskey* sit down we are almost at the good part

No problem my fellow Jow Forumsnessman

ATTENTION.
WOULD THE OWNER OF A GREEN LAMBORGHINI PLEASE MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE FRONT DESK.
THE IRS WOULD LIKE TO TAKE OWNERSHIP OF THE KEYS
THANK YOU

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Yah boss?

>lights Cuban blunt using flaming trezor loaded with BSV
on with it OP

*burps* "yea that was quiet the rose bowl wasnt it jim? its always a good time, man the SEC is really stacking up to be fierce this year. You still want to leave the wifes at home and go to Tuscaloosa for the opener with me? *belcchhh* ahh i wonder when this announcement is gonna happen

OP you’re not gonna say what I think you’re going to say... s-surely

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hope I'm not too late for the speech, gentlemen

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SHHH! Everyone be quiet!

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*ahem*
I AM NOT SELLING AT $1.
I AM NOT SELLING AT $10.
I AM NOT SELLING AT $100.
I AM NOT SELLING AT $1,000.
AND I WILL NOT BE SELLING AT $10,000.
I WILL NEVER EVER LET YOU GOD DAMNED KIKES GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS ON MY LINKS.

FUCK NIGGERS
FUCK TRANNIES
FUCK KIKES
AND FUCK JANNIES!

*everyone stands up*
*crowd roars with applause*
*someone from upper balcony throws tomato at janny*
*a chain reaction starts and by the next minute, janny is crawling on the floor begging for mercy, constantly being pelted with audience's belongings*
*pull out my trusty kike kruncher*
>POW
*the janny's miserable existence is extinguished*
AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!

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Guess I will take a sip
*nips at drink...immediately starts coughing violently*
Cough...cough..it's delicious....cough.

Based

first

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Absolutely based and redpilled

*stands up and begins applauding*

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*does a huge line of cocaine*

FIFTH

*grabs the mic*
Lets give user a hand!
Now lets party - if anyone wants to do coke ill be at tabe 9

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>1984
now THAT was a good year! great speech marine

"VERY fuckign based. An inspiration to us all!"

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*starts clapping with tears in eyes and smiling*

Yes yes yes, very good sir, a toast to your continued good fortune, now sit down man.
On with the main event I say.

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WHAT DID YOU SAY, GOY?!

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how is it even possible to be this based?