Quick, you have a cool 10 million that needs laundering. What method do you come up with?

this

10 million a year for some piece of shit death trap would require 100,000 riders at 100$ a piece

You’re goddamn retarded if you think that’s realistic. Even Disneyland doesn’t charge that.

>he genuinely believes actual real customers are needed
TOPKEK

You absolute fucking mong, KYS yourself forthwith

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Be me.
>starts a company managing golf caddies
>golfers want to pay the caddies with card or account, caddies want cash
>I accept charges thru my company and pay caddies in cash.
>did 1mil revenue in 2017
>got contracted at a 2nd course
>2 mil revenue 2018
>almost out of cash to launder now
>selling my business this fall

So fucking easy.

if you're not larping congrats.

>10 million a year for some piece of shit death trap would require 100,000 riders at 100$ a piece

Bro we're talking about money laundering. 10 million a year requires 10 million in cash that's it. The IRS is standing every day at your fair counting how many people went on your ride? You tell the IRS how much money (10 million) these fictitious "people" spend at your ride

Fast food restaurant selling chicken, I'll call it the chicken brothers, or something.

But seriously,

>Convert 90% of the cash to gold/silver/crypto, and hold it for years - laundering a LOT of money will just get you caught
>Spend $50k/year to $100k/year in cash, on stuff that the IRS can't easily track - restaurants, clubs, prostitutes, et cetera
>Buy any cash business, so long as you have exclusive control over the finances
>Ensure you spend a lot of time at the cash register, and don't launder any money for the first 3-5 years
>After that, make sure that the money you launder is less than 20% of the cash business' revenues

Virtually undetectable.

Alternately, maybe launder with Crypto? I'm not sure how secure this method would be.

>Buy 50 different moon coins, with 50 different accounts, $10,000 in each.
>If a coin goes down, never sell, and never report the account to the IRS.
>If a coin moons, report it to the IRS and pay your capital gains taxes.

That's probably not a secure method, but I bet it could be tweaked to make it secure. You want it to look like you made $10,000,000 trading moon coins. You just need to make a bunch of big bets, and ensure that the IRS doesn't know about the losing bets.

Wtf is a carnival ride?
Rusfag here, this concept is too foreign

Thanks man, feels good.

In your country, they're called Gypsies, dude. A bunch of people come into your town, steal a bunch of stuff, and let the people play some stupid games, or watch a travelling show.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traveling_carnival

Enjoy your audit lmao

so what do your "caddies" do about their tax?

Don't sell too early though, maybe within another 2-3 years time your service could be offered at some of the largest courses and country clubs.

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this but unironically
in my suburban town of frogistan, it's pretty obvious half of the barber/pizza shops held by arabs are front for laundering drug money
sometimes the drug dealers even pull up on the sidewalk with their porsches like it's nothing

If you are in a long game, I guess smt like this could work.
> make a wine and liquor boutique
> buy the whole harvest from one region one year
> make it ur boutique exclusive
> bought dirt cheap
> wait a few yrs
> "sell" it x100 the investment
Alternatively, become an exclusive retailer for an obscure cognac brand. You get what I mean.
Never done laundering tho

>Convert to crypto
>Move to third world shithole
>Start businesses
>Continue as normal for a year
>Move back to where I actually want to live
>Follow normal protocol like a law abiding citizen would

???????????Problem???????????

any first world country would get up in your nose if you made any big purchase or needed a loan or something. How would you explain that?

What do you mean? You mean once back in country you want to be in? You show them the legit third world business you used to launder. Everything on paper would look legit like you ran a company abroad and came back.

Construction business where you pay illegals in cash.

Or anything that has cash expenses, really.

As for the actual method of laundering the money you just sell more than you really did on paper. So you make receipts as if you sold something that you didn't. Or you run weird companies like photographer, graphic design, etc, and claim you sold more than you really did. Even things like "modelling", some of the companies doing this shit are probably laundering hiding in plain sight. You use your own illicit funds for this so they tumble through your company and come out of the other side as profit which you paid the local tax on.

Even if you fucked up, you're in a third world country and they are more likely to accept a bribe. In countries like Spain it's so corrupt that police officers accept bribes on the spot and let you off. If you're wearing a nice watch they'll eye it up as if they're going to steal it, unironically. This is Spain, not even a third world country. You can only imagine the lawyers, etc.. and then multiply this by 10 if you're in some bigger poverty shithole.

Gambling.

Buy 5k in chips. Play until you win 45k, or lose your 5k. If you lost, never report it to the IRS. If you win, pay your taxes.

Repeat for the whole $10,000,000. You might win or lose a little, but over such a large sum, you'll get pretty close to $10,000,000 back.

OP is a federal agent.
Fuck outta here boi..
But seriously, buy BTC, send it to a mixin, then convert it to ZCash Fork, then send it to an accomplice.

>you're in a third world country and they are more likely to accept a bribe
They're also more likely to arbitrarily imprison you, in hope of getting a bribe, Whitey. And more likely to notice that you have money, and break into your home, steal stuff, or kidnap you. Corruption goes both ways - you can exploit them, and they can exploit you.

Plus, physically getting the cash out of the country is difficult, and illegal. If you take more than $10,000 on a plane, you have to report it (which will get back to the IRS). If you don't report it, and get caught, they'll take all your money until you can prove it came from a legitimate source.

Cartels try to smuggle lots of money out of the country, and the DEA/TSA/alphabet soup agencies spend a lot of time preventing them.

Dude, the feds know more about money laundering than anybody on Jow Forums. Unless Jow Forums itself is a honeypot (which, y'know, is possible), and our IPs are being recorded, nothing here matters.

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT 10 MIL TO GAMBLE WITH

>>Plus, physically getting the cash out of the country is difficult, and illegal. If you take more than $10,000 on a plane, you have to report it (which will get back to the IRS). If you don't report it, and get caught, they'll take all your money until you can prove it came from a legitimate source.
Nigga have you forgotten what board we are on? Lmao

From what I heard you develop a network of people you trust and get them to write bullshit invoices. It's like that show ozark. Or you get a liquor store with a loan and sell liquor at cost and report the difference.

Low level drug dealers launder this way

open a kebab
bye

>5k to gamble with
You only need 5k to start. And all the other 5k amounts came from your initial winnings.

lul'd

Crypto?

How are you going to turn $10 mil into 1,000 bitcoins? You just have cash, that can't be put in a bank. If you meet some guy, and give him 10 mil cash, you've gotta worry about being robbed/cheated/etc. Fair amount of risk

1) The guy could be a federal agent,

2) He could turn you over to the feds at a later date, because he got caught dealing coke, or whatever

3) He could rob you, kill you, cheat you, et cetera

And then you have to find some guy, in Ghana, who has $10,000,000 to exchange for 1,000 bitcoins. It's not impossible, the risk is even worse in Ghana.

Honestly, I'd rather just smuggle the cash, and take the risk. US Dollars are a universal currency. Bitcoin is not. Probably make friends with some guy who imports/exports, and see if I can hitch a ride on one of his boats.

You can put it in a bank didn't you read the post before? Wat
Your dirty money has been tumbled through a clean business. You've been selling stuff and charging a lot. You've been selling to customers that didn't exist, etc. You've been hiding in plain sight running a legit business like one of these stupid online ones they have now. You're never going to launder 100% of your money. It costs

None of that you mentioned is necessary or relevant

online Instagram/viral marketing/whatever* - all of these weird online businesses confuse the taxman. Bitcoin once upon a time confused the taxman. You can even pay paperwork execs etc to hold your assets in a company after this if you wanted. The possibilities are basically endless when crypto is concerned. You don't even need to cash out really

What?

You start with $10,000,000 in cash, in the US. How do you get that cash/money into a third world country? You can't do a bank transfer, or the IRS will come knocking. You can't deposit it into a bank, and buy crypto, because the IRS will come knocking.

1) It's difficult to smuggle cash out of the country. Cartels try it all the time, and the US government spends a lot of time blocking them.

2) It's difficult to convert to crypto, move to some third world country, and convert that crypto back to USD (or the local currency). The US government also spends a lot of time and money blocking this type of money laundering. If you find a guy, who will sell you crypto for cash, he's probably a federal agent.

If you make a deposit of $10,000,000 in a bank, before you've earned any money, the IRS will come knocking.

You buy crypto OTC

With what? Cash?

It's illegal to do a transaction of more than 10k cash without reporting it to the government. And if you find somebody who will do a transaction of more than 10k cash, he's probably an FBI agent.

Guess you need to know people

>Know somebody with $10 mil in crypto, who wants to illegally sell for cash
There are probably, like, 6 people in the country who have that.

Even if you split it into, like 10 people with $1 mil in crypto, who want to illegally sell for cash, you still have almost no chance of finding them.

The difficulty is like you say, actually converting cash to begin with to crypto/whatever and then moving it. You would need to know people and trust people at the end of the day no matter how you look at it.

Barbershop is ideal. Easy to pad and the barbers don’t even need to know

Yeah, the less complicated the business, the better. More complicated businesses leave more records, and involve employees more.

If you run a car wash, and have fake transactions, there are all sorts of potential places the IRS can notice. You aren't buying enough soap, or the car wash computer can be examined, or your accountant will notice a weird pattern in the transactions.

Just make sure that you keep your cash customers to less than, say, 40% of your total customers. And only half of that should be laundering. The IRS will get suspicious if you're a primarily cash business, and tend to audit you, looking for stuff.

Aren't there Bitcoin ATMs you can just deposit cash into directly without KYC? Or other OTC crypto purchasing like Local Bitcoin. You could just deposit, get the BTC sent to an address you can access on a decentralized exchange, buy XMR, send to another exchange, buy an assortment of currencies you control and can make payments with from a phone or crypto card from now on.

It might take years, but eventually you'll have all your cash in crypto. What am I missing?

I pay my taxes. Only keeping half of 10 million isnt bad, honestly.

Nothing. But you can only transact 10k cash per day, before reporting it to the government. And if you "structure" your deposits (e.g. deposit 5k cash per day), the owner of the atm will file a SAR (Suspicious Activity Report), and the IRS/FBI will show up and arrest you.

So you can only deposit, maybe $5k every couple weeks, to stay off the FBI/IRS radar. Maybe $100k a year. If you push it further, and travel the country, visiting ATMs, you increase the risk of being investigated/arrested. (And they won't notify you that you're being investigated. They'll just watch you, until they find your money, then swoop in and seize it.)

Now, it took you years to turn the cash into crypto. What will you do with it? It's not legal. Can you spend it? Maybe, on some stuff. But you can't buy a house or a new car with it.

What do you do with it then?

BITFINEX AND BINANCE

BEST IN BUSINESS LOL

All good points.

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do you old fags remember /b/ in the good old days? Jow Forums now is our new house

/b/ was never good.

They're all degenerate spics and niggers.

In other words, they don't report it, or pay taxes?

I dunno. Aren't you worried that one of them is gonna snitch to the government? Particularly if one of them gets arrested for something, and they think they can get a reduced sentence?

The degenerate diversity often end up in prison.

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how about you make a deal with some artist faggot and say you'll buy his painting for 10 mill, he gets to keep a mill or something for himself, make him pay taxes on it, he then buys crypto otc and sends it to you.
nobody knew you had 10 mill except the painter. His money for the painting is clean, while his 1 mill is dirty. Or are they going to go full on cracka on the buyer, aka me, to find out where i got my money? Could do it with far less amounts at the time if that would take away suspicion

It's true, I got on my old hard drive that had /b/ stuff saved from like 2006 and it was pretty fucking gay, even worse than I remembered. I'll agree Jow Forums is a haven for these few years, but there's been others along the way. Even Jow Forums was alright for a while. Wonder what it'll be after Jow Forums goes full fud shill 24/7. Maybe we'll all start hanging in /x/ or something

nope, IRS audits your suppliers against how many customers you've claimed you've served. numbers don't add up, you're fucked. you're better off with a service based business with no suppliers, message parlour, psychic reader, etc etc.

>the IRS will attest you

Dumb alphabet nigger. They need to prosecute you first

All transactions more than 10k have to be reported to the IRS. And how will the artist turn the money into crypto?

>Artist deposits 10 mil in a bank, in order to buy crypto
IRS: "Where did you get this money?"
Artist: "I got it from a customer, user."
IRS: "Did you report the transaction?"
Artist: "No."
IRS: "That's illegal, and you're going to jail, unless you can give us user."
>Artist wears a wire to your next meeting.

Also,
>he gets to keep a mill or something for himself
Taxes.jpg

He'll probably pay $4 mil in taxes, if he's in a low-tax state. So you'll lose $5 mil in the whole process.

Also,
>what will you do with it, once it's in crypto
It's not like it's legal money. You can't sell it and buy a house with it, or the IRS will show up, and ask why you got $150,000 deposited in your bank account. And if you say "I bought crypto, like, 8 years ago", they'll ask you to provide documentation proving it. And if you falsify documentation, they'll imprison you.

I never went to Jow Forums, after /b/ I went to tv and g, learned a bunch of stuff and tried to be a regular to mu but fuck those people. /x/ was pretty cool too.

I think Jow Forums is the best one by far, the silk road forums had the same vibe but with a bunch of more illegal shit going on.

And I know that half of you people got hooked into bbc, tranny and a other weird shit from /b/ and /gif/ too

What? That's not how the legal system works.

>Arrest
>Charge
>Prosecute
In that order.

is the us really that cucked beyond belief?
I can get a wire transfer of 10 mill into my bank account right now from Malta and just pay 23% tax on the amount i cash out and it's all good. Don't have to report anything at all crypto related, cuz they can't control it, and there's no punishment for anything at all yet.
my mom works in tax and she even says there's literally no benefit at all to report anything related to crypto. as long as they get their cut, then dont give a shit when and how i got my crypto

Just don't. Seal it away, pay for the big things with legit money, buy small things with dirty money. Just because you have millions doesn't mean you have to live like a millionaire.

>seek help from a small town mayor

are you new to life?

you also get a 25% refund on realized losses, so they're more than happy with you not reporting it, cuz let's be honest, most people lose money on this

LOL. Oh, look, the user who saw the Sopranos is posting, lol.

The US tracks everything. They started demanding crypto records in 2014-2015, precisely to avoid this sort of money laundering. I don't know about your country, but I'd be careful.

>cuz they can't control it
The United States, and the IRS are much, much more powerful organizations that your country's tax agency. And they don't take shit from anybody.

>23%
US capital gains tax is 0% up to $40,000 per year, 15% up to like $400,000 (or so), and 20% beyond that.

If you earned it legally, and pay taxes, you're entirely safe. If you don't pay taxes, or are laundering money, you need to carefully avoid banking institutions (e.g. use cash), or figure out how to carefully and deftly navigate them. It's not an easy task, and is probably beyond Jow Forums's skill.

Casinos track chip purchases that large, dummy. Video and face recognition.

IRS: "user, where did you get the money for all of these chip purchases the Ballagio and MGM say you bought, and we have video of? It doesn't match your income."

>25% refund on realized losses
Wait, what?

You mean that you can write off losses against gains? You can do that in the US. Capital gains, anyway.

Or if you lose $1,000 in crypto, the gov't will literally write you a check for $250? If so, what country do you live in? That sounds insane.

Laundering money at that level is beyond the scope of the poos and NEETS that post here.

In what time frame am I needing to have it clean? How do I have ten million so suddenly? Who's looking at me? Just the IRS? The DEA? FBI white collar crimes division? Did I acquire this in any way that may have pissed off the CIA? Is the ATF going to shoot my dog over a small matter regarding grenade launchers?

Because the answer to those questions and more affects my answers.

just buy a house in LA or SF

10 MILLI isn't even that much KEK

25% of the loss can be deducted from your total income and then it re-evaluates your due taxes. In most cases, a single 25% loss on 1000$ isn't going to do shit to increase your return. You'd have to have a very large loss or many losses of this type to realize any substantial boost to your tax return.

Ah, the people who saw Breaking Bad think they know how to launder money, lol.

The IRS isn't stupid. They hire people way smarter than everyone who's ever posted on Jow Forums to figure out the chinks in the armor. A company that goes from one level of business to another is probably going to red flag the IRS, and an informal investigation would show customer patterns don't match receipts - deep cavity audit ensues.
The IRS has field agents for a reason.

If the Casino doesn't have your ID, they don't know who you are, and can't connect your face to an ID, and report you to the IRS. You only need to give them your ID, if you win more than $10k.

Just move from Casino to Casino, dumping 5k/10k in each one, until you win $45k. Then give your ID, and record your transaction.

Be sure not to use your credit card, or any other identifying information. Potentially, I suppose the MGM could share facial data with other casinos on the strip, and if you won $45k at one of them, they could share the info with other casinos. But I doubt the Vegas Strip is so interconnected, especially if you space out your visits by months or years. Don't visit each Casino in quick succession.

Ah. In the US, you can only write off capital losses against other capital gains.

You can't write it off against normal income. I suppose that's a moderate tax advantage for your country. But the US (federal, at least) still has lower taxes.

You still need connections. You cant be a neet and launder that kind of money. I would do this but i live in california. Everyone has a friend whos into music, plays in a band or produces. Rock or hiphop whatever. You make 200 to 500 person shows with b celebs and support artists. You can clear half a mil in one night. Lots a beer and lots of shirt "sales". Redneck country bars work well too. Many bars dying for business to pay their bills. You give a cut to your team and move on. You always need 2 big friends who arent scared of carrying a gun and get a permit. Theres legit ways to do all this maybe tales 2 years to launder 10mil this way. But you need some friends faggot.

buy 10 million powerball tickets and win 300 million clean cash

You hire poor people to buy the crypto, pay them 200 dollars

Go ahead, try it. See how far you get. Casinos deploy shit you've never heard of, to track people.

If it was that easy....you know, why bother. You're an idiot. It's not worth the time to type out.

>The IRS isn't stupid. They hire people way smarter than everyone who's ever posted on Jow Forums to figure out the chinks in the armor.
Right, because the smartest people in the world want to become civil servants. Y'know, for the mediocre paycheck, the nice people, and the pure excitement of taxes.

The IRS is a bureaucracy, like any other. They are capable of incredibly stupid behavior, and moderately intelligent behavior.

>A company that goes from one level of business to another is probably going to red flag the IRS
Well, yeah. That's why you're supposed to own the business for a while before you start laundering, and keep >80% of your receipts legitimate.

The IRS isn't going to audit everybody who has a bump in business. Lots of people cheat on their taxes, and often in stupid ways. They want to target the stupid people, who are obviously cheating the system, and who they will definitely get more tax revenue from.

>and an informal investigation would show customer patterns don't match receipts - deep cavity audit ensues.
What? That was my point. The less complicated the business, the less stuff the IRS can look at. How could they tell customer patterns from a barbershop? Ask for records about swept hair clippings? Interview employees? Install a camera? The first two are unreliable. The last one will only tell them about FUTURE business, not the past.

more like
catch you using spoopy stuff
parallel construction
arrested for something else made up

At first I was thinking juust use the washing machine that I have at home, but that would probably take a long ass time to launder all 10 million, so probably have to hit the laundromat on a slow day.

>I can't explain it, you're just wrong.

>If it was that easy
It isn't. Gambling winnings attracts IRS attention. It's a common method of money laundering, for a long time, and the IRS knows that it's a common method.

For most people with $10 mil, it's not worth the IRS attention. They probably have a business or real estate, or something, and intend on getting away with a different type of money laundering.

Honestly, the IRS is more worried about gambling winners evading income tax. Lots of them "forget" to report the $30k they won at Keno.

...this guy.

there's like a newsagent "7/11" where I live (UK) and there is another one 3 shops next to it that is much better. I went in once and the shelves were very bare, he had hardly any shit in there I couldn't believe it. The guy was sitting on his ass reading a mag or on his phone. It's been there for over 10 years, I have no idea how he makes the rent. Something obv dody there.

kek

art

>in my suburban town of frogistan, it's pretty obvious half of the barber/pizza shops held by arabs are front for laundering drug money

In my city is hair and nail salons, they are known as "wives and girlfriends of coke dealers". It's funny because there are waaaay too many of them and there are still new ones opening up

I worked in a bookies and this was so obvious for one customer we had in a "rough area", it was this older small woman who would come up to bet on heavy favourites with a carrier bag full of cash. All the locals knew her (apparently her son was a big time dealer). One time she lost about £10k on a 1/4 horse (she would get back total £12.5k if she won), the horse fell at the 2nd last hurdle. She didn't flinch or care much, and came back later with more cash. Nowadays they have to watch for stuff like that but if it's a regular/"known member of community" the manager tends to turn a blind eye