How much fucked background did you have Jow Forums?

Pace front. that's the all thing we can do.
even when nobody knows this. That's the only we can do.

I can vividly imagine myself hanging in cheaning and dipping bar I bought at random moment. Because I'm so damn fucking scared to get it fucked. and getting re-set.

But what can i do.
It's all about just going front. and looking what I look at right now moment. going into path that I should go.

Even when there's nobody around you. there's no support at all, but just to prove yourself.
just to prove that you didn't die out and squashed till death by these all random bad lucks.
Not for buying lambo, fancy house, beautiful chick, but only to prove that you did your best.

Go on front. Go to the path you should go. Don't care how tough it would seem. Just go to that direction if it's a way that you decided.

>learnt how to code some little simple stuffs to automate simple stuffs.
Do you mind saying where you get your clients from?

thank you friend, i get very down about these things but i'm doing what you said, i'm just going onward, since it's all i can do

Learn how to program. It's difficult. and stressful.
But that's the way to go. If it's the way to go, no matter how it seems complicated, just go to that line. stick to it until the very completion.

I feel cringing myself because I didn't even anchor my business on anything properly. just short luck. but that's all I can tell.

I designed those scripts by myself. for my personal use.

and thank you to you guys. I thought it'd be alot of mocking but. actually feels glad. you are someone that I don't know, and I am someone that you don't know.
but somehow exchanging these sentences, I'm grateful.

should be really long way to go alone to complete something that I decided. I still have no idea how it would go. But still. I have nothing to do except keep going forward.

Agreed with this user. I had it rough OP but not that bad. Basically i had a comfy life until teenage years then my parents had a bad accident, dad died instantly and mom spent years recovering but never fully regained her mental faculties. That jarring shit fucked with my head years, but things have finally stablized and i am genuinely happy with my life. Comfy crypto stack, good woman who loves me for like 7 years, and a plan going forward. Eyes ahead user, i think many of us here have some sort of hardship in the past.

Thank you.

I used to be in a mood more likely getting cursed from random people, and wished to get fucked what I do. I was always ready to confront such.
but then for some reason, you guys are really different.

I didn't want to post to get pity though. there must be someone who'd been through much worse than me. And running his ass off 24/7 never even coming in Jow Forums. I feel like there must be someone.

Maybe I'm just happy for about a second because of this temporary luck. I will do my best to make it solid. don't wanna play drama. just keeping all these memories and history inside of my head. never spitting it out. always reminding me it's me myself who can get through this all.

I can empathize with pretty much all of that, having the weight of those thoughts but not wanting to share because not wanting pity or drama or whatever. Maybe the worst is over for you man, and what is left now is just healing. It is hard to find a good community to belong to but sometimes, if you can, it helps. I have these struggles and maybe i am projecting.

One of my principles is to break bad cycles for the next generation. Might not be super relevant but w/e.

Don't have kids by accident, and If you decide to have kids, understand your own trauma and try not to transpart it onto them.

I am jealous of your programming skills btw, that's pretty cool

BASED mumblers are BASED. Stop being silent by yourself.

i was doing a write-up, but then gave up and deleted everything

i don't want to go over it again, my life is a shit show, and i've been having suicidal thoughts almost every day for the last 6 months, i don't feel like i've got anything to contribute to the world

I have PTSD from my life and now just resolved to kms next year with my bonus in Sweden. If I cant make it in 6 months I'll just get 3 bottles of codine and OD. Only reason I dont just get my gun and blow my brains out is just maybe I'll make a million dollars off stupid shit coins this year. Whoever says money cant buy happiness is fucking stupid. It does.

>move forward don't look back
most ignorant advice. you'll have to face those demons.
OP your past will come and fuck you a way or another if you dont into some kind of therapy. You just can't just live normal and healthy relationships after being neglected and ignored by your parents like that.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ― C.G. Jung

"Therapy"
Paying some cunt to lie to you. Fucking cheaper to pay some bitch once a week to fuck you and say the same crap.

howd you get the ptsd fren? Would a change of setting help? You could go be a slimebag bartender in barbados for a year and let all your cares fall away.

>life gets better
>in crucial exams
>get the flu and feel miserable for an entire week

fuck

You have to be fucking joking
>Don't look back
Real trauma gets embedded in your soul you stupid fuck, you can't get rid of years of mental and physical decline
This is the most normie shit I've read in weeks

Since I like this thread I´ll write down my story aswell:

As long as I can remember I always had a problem following the rules or listen to people in authority. (Mainly teachers)
Did listen to my parents mainly though. It was a good childhood overall. My mum gave her best, but my father worked, and had not much patience with me.
I grew up on a farm and helped my parents out very often
I failed in school, and switched to a "lower class school" (I am European)
Got bullied from 8th to 10th grade, called "ugly".
I finished and started an apprenticeship in agriculture. Worked 70 to 80 hours a week, every week - loved it. Felt great.
Finished and did my state certified engineer for agriculture as well afterwards.
Then my mum died because of breast cancer. Dealt with it like a man. Only regret: I should have been more thankful for everything she has done for me. I was partly not a good kid. That´s my biggest regret in life I guess.
Went to Australia then, to "grow as a person" for 8 months and worked on several farms there and improved my social skills.
I came back and felt better than ever.
Travelled around Europe and lost my virginity at 23 (finally) to a very beautiful girl. Spent another week with her. It was the best week of my life. Never ever connected to a person that fast and good again.
At this point I already made the decission to go to university again and start studying Computer Science, as the farm at home is too small to live from it. I also want to be location independent.
Right now I am 25, in my fourth semester, and feel worse than ever.
I don´t get anything going for me. No girls, grades are bad, no motivation. I even thought about killing myself, because I became so depressed. At this point I just want to drop out, go to Russia and learn Russian or leave home again and built something by myself. (Don´t ask me why. I feel this would make me happy right now)
But I am too much of a pussy to do it. My selfesteem is also worse than when I got bullied

I'm an accident baby. I dont want to write the full story on my phone. We can just sum of my life to:

Spent too much money helping family to be called nothing more than a nigger. My life is literally bo Jack horseman only I'm barely considered middle class.

Every 5 minutes without thc I start to start wanting to die.

European civil war is on the horizon bro, save yourself and your honour for thar bloodshed
Don't let other people define you

I'm from Romania. My boss in America calls me a gypsy. I'm basically called a nigger at work by a spic that thinks being a marine protecting poppy fields is an honor.

thats sad fren. I fucked up a lot in life but i did it far far away from my family so it didn't impact them. I've always had that railing there, that i could go home to the senpai.

Have you considered just going far away and changing your name? Being truly free.

Don't get squashed in such helpless scene.
I've tried to kill myself for few times after the military event, But eventually I didn't want to.
Because I wanted to be the one having granade in my mouth and expecting every limbs and parts of my body to be torn apart, running forward to enemy's line.
Not the one weeping alone and whining why it happened all like this. saying the same shit in repeat and eventually, deciding to kill myself.

I don't want to get such ending. And you shouldn't wish such ending either.

suicide is not an escape. It's being squashed helplessly. just like kids in alley treat on ant. and ants body totally getting squashed and disfigured.
There's no single difference when you think about suicide to that.

Prove what you can do living this life. as if you're ready to explode yourself with granade.

youtube.com/watch?v=cMOAXm94VWo

I thought buying a house would finally make my parents say they are proud. Instead they say that the door and window trimmings were painted blue. First worst out of my father's mouth is that it's a house for niggers.

I thought about moving and changing my name. But the suicidal thoughts are constant.

I am literally in a club in Romania on here and still thinking about throwing myself under the next train. Too late now. Moving wont help. If I moved 2 years ago yes it would have been better. Now I just dont want to be on this planet.

Plus I'm losing all my hair from the co stant stress. And we all know 4c always says if you're bald you become unfuckable to anyone under 26.

>22 got 4-5k passive income
I'm 22 and got 35k debt from failing out of college multiple times due to mental deficiency. I'm on meds.
Should I go to school for IT if it's affordable. I'm medicated heavily now.

youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY

I don´t know if it helps. But when I am down or wanted to kill myself, this video cheered me up.

I believe conciousness is built upon the experience of learning. So ya death is an escape. And even if I do burn in hell what is the difference. Being alive is hell for me.

I'll take a look later when I can hear the video
Thank you.

Lol I remember this. Ya it's a great video. Ty again

Im an ex dope boi who made it off crypto and then got irrevocably JUSTed. I'm too old to get back into the dope game so I just hope my bags scam pump.

wutever you say bucko, you want to hold on to it and make it a part of who you are, thats your choice. I have been exposed to high levels of trauma (fallujah part2) throughout most of my life, not that its a competition. Ive had my best frens from the service blow their brains out in double digits, been homeless as a child, had lovers scorn me and murder my unborn child, had frens betray me in shakespearean ways, and had to overcome both mental and physical destruction in the years after my time overseas in combat. Relishing in your trauma is not redpilled.

>you cant get rid of years of mental and physical decline

This is the most normie shit ive read in months. Stop being a victim and a pussy and take back control of your life. It is yours to define and yours to live.
Ive overcome 4 reconstructive surgies, some of which i was told i would never recover from fully, and a myriad of clinical diagnosis for ptsd and other related conditions via combat trauma. Today i am proud to report i am a happy father/husband who owns/runs his own succesful biz, and participate almost daily in strenuous outdoor activity ranging from big mountain skiing, mountain biking, and kayaking to martial arts, climbing, surfing etc. and i am far from a miracle. Google wim hof, bruce lee, etc. People overcome their bodies and minds all the time, but you cant be laden with the perceptions of what you CANT do. To any other anons reading this, know that you can overcome anything this life throws at you other than death. Every day is a gift and the only thing you need to do to embody that is to chose to do so.

Fren i'm sorry your folks are cunts. I too deal with the guilt of trying to make my parents proud. But think about the story of the prodigal son. Maybe you've been too available. People are funny like that.

If you're gonna kill yourself anyways, why not just leave and do anything to feel OK, at least for a little while?

Think about it. You don't write a note. You don't tell your friends or boss. You just sell everything you own and show up in a city far away. You work at a restaurant washing dishes, and then one day the barback doesn't show up so you barback. You bartend after showing you're ability to learn. By that time crypto has mooned and you're free. You can go home or not, but at least you'll be alive.

Living your life to make other people happy and proud instead of yourself is gay as fuck and will lead you to your doom.

Read this:

allpoetry.com/The-Man-in-the-Glass

That was a beautiful poem.

I want to thank all of you. For all the kind words.

I really hope crypto moons. If I had big money I could have at least someone that says they love me.

When I wash my hands I dont even look in the mirror. The body that stares back is too disappointing. I'm not even fat or even that ugly. My coworkers have said I'm a 5/10 so I'm as average as it gets.

My half brother lives the life I dreamed of. Never even knew he existed until Facebook because my father is a piece of shit.

good luck fren. we're always here.

Attached: happy day.png (598x192, 74K)

Thank you. It means a lot. I never talk like this and it is nice for once that even strangers want to help.

What type of e-commerce business?

Hello fellow dboy

Bullied as a kid until I started punching people for bullying. Mom got run over by a bus the same day I almost get arrested for domestic terrorism. Been keeping an eye on her ever since.

Me.
3 years old own my first Mauritanian slave marriage already arranged with Ukrainian super model
13 made my first million in an Eritrean mining contract
15 finally got to 100 body count big achievement
22 got 4th marriage consummated k pop star (nothing special)
23 crushed my first slave rebellion dad gave me hug

what have you losers been up to?

go get an ice cream cone with sprinkles. I'm sure it'll make your day just a little brighter

Learn to fucking greentext newfag

Thank you. I never understood why I'm such a loser. I helped even meth addicts get clean. Grant it 2 of the 3 went back to suing after leaving my home. But I tried. I keep trying but nothing helps.

I just got to a gas station got beer. To keep drinking. Have to. If I'm too sober the thoughts get too strong. My need to die is now a constant in my mind. It's like a tick. Every moment I'm awake instead of seeing life I see death. It's so disappointing. I used to be happy. Travel the world and take pictures. Now i just want death.

Broke my foot twice and honestly walked it off. No pain meds cuz they make my thoughts even worse. Unless i drink then snorting is okay. Mainly cuz I like coke for the you are the best feeling.

Maybe one day I can be happy but I doubt it. My life is a literal embodiment of disappointment.

Family has a strong history of mental illness, depression, anxiety (debilitating) and OCD (debilitating) on my moms side, depression on my dads side
Dads side is more intelligent than average, moms side hyper intelligent but broken mentally
My moms side socialist politics (my uncle was named after Leon Trotsky) are pretty extreme
Moms side woke on the JQ for decades due to people high up in the military industrial complex they worked with
grew up with a red copy of the protocols on a bookshelf in the house
moms fucking psycho about a lot of things though
decided to bus me to the black part of town to attend a gifted montessori school
3 years later program is gutted and I'm just a token white kid in black schools
>fucking horrible
I ended up graduating but that shit probably scarred me for life. I never had anything close to a normal upbringing, and I am still trying to learn how to act normally and think normally now at age 28
didn't know how to interact with women
didnt know what to expect from a healthy relationship
had few friends
friends I do have are generally not the type to do things with their life

I'm trying to make things better, but man, I got fucked pretty hard there in my childhood years

My background isn't as fucked as OP's but my family wasn't a normal happy one either. My parents weren't bright. Out of all of my relatives, my parents were probably the least accomplished. My mom was nice, but my dad had a very short temper (possibly biopolar). The fact that my dad acted like a submissive beta all the time in front of other people made things worst. However, worst part of my life was having a friend who took advantage of me. It took me way too long to gain enough self-awareness to realize that the proper way to live was not being a pushover all the time.

I love all of you. I hate life as well, but I value it too.

i'm sorry fren but you need to stop being a complet faggot. Your problems not only are not unique they are ubiquitous not only today but throughout history. You literally need to man up and face the world.

Do you have all your legs and arms? Can you breath without the scarification on your lungs from mustard gas exposure? You have UNREALISTIC expectations about what it is to be satisfied with life, and what it is to be a man.

Tuff luv time. Be a fucking man and extricate yourself from your sadness.

Fuck youself nigger

This morning my mom told me she would like to have another son/daughter with artificial insemination and asked me if I would like to help her with my sperm.

Everything is great here.

Attached: 2+chromosomes+less+than+a+potato+down+syndrome+ds+or+_82f61f231928bb4efd33c9b08f5993d1[1].jpg (400x400, 100K)

don't mind him desu.
you know what. we can't always live a life trying to brag about. and pretend as if. everything went really good and tagging 'success'
some of things should be laid down sometimes.

in this kind of online place. where no one around you knows.

I just think this is constant fighting.... inevitable. can not run from it.

I am trying to wipe out these disgusting past memories. Perhaps when the day I made alot of money, it can def vouch some of better life.

Many said that Money can't buy happiness but I feel like it's total bullshit to me.

Come to think of it, this is pretty fucking painful. I'm not really doing these whole thing because I'm enjoying it.
I'm just trying to confront a knife grabbing bugglar. that's what I'm constantly feeling.

Funny thing. Even if I get to be succeeded, if I get to pick up some random fucking bitch like my mom was, when random unexpected moment I'm getting wrecked and lose it all, she would leave and dump everything. as totally irresponsible shape. just like my mom did when I was 3 years old. then I might turn into alcoholic my dad was.
just a fucking headache. Headache when I'm finally making it, and headache when I'm failed too.
Life is so fucking tiring and disgusting. It gives you very narrow choice.
I'm not working to make a fortune and to bang chicks or be buried in fancy stuffs.
I'm just trying to prove that I did my best. Not like my mom bitch did, or my alcoholic dad did. Trying to abandon this whole thing whenever bump happened in their own life. dumping all the bad-luck and misfortune to me and my brother. leaving behind.
To be really honest, To confess, I really do want to murder both of them. At least this was how I felt around 2 years ago.
For my dad, I'm starting to have pity though. he's going to be 60 years old next year. He didn't even had health inspection by any mean for about 30 years. and he is coughing too much I know something happened in his body but it's just neglecting. I wanna pay the fee for his broken teeth, perhaps health inspection as well, and if something is going on in his body I wanna pay for surgery.

But for my mom, she must have been disappeard to suck some other guy's dick already. Fucking disgusting irresponsible bitch.

I don't know man. This is just so fucking sickening whenever I think about this. Sometimes I am trying to forget it all, but sometimes it just appear in my mind and stir inside of my head. Bringing the feels of, hatred, rage, sadness, and passion to live and will to work and push myself further.

It's been a long state like that.
Just like when I was a teenager in the room in 3am o'clock and when I hear my dad's swearing sounds right next room everytime. But at the same time it was extremely silent. Because there were nobody. Simply nobody who'd point out what was going wrong and get something straight .

or some moment right after the day my face got literally mangled by beaten up my elder brother for 30 mins striaght, next day. all these bloods on school uniforms. my face got disfigured.
anyway I went up to go to school right next morning. and I still remember how everyone in the streets took a peek at me. at disfigured, nose broken, red-eyed and jaw broken face.
Because of Pity? perhaps.
but as I feel. perhaps they have felt relieved. looking at my face. looking at this school boy who is going to school as that image.
"God It's such a fortunate thing that my son is not him"
"He must be in family of many problem"
"I feel grateful that I'm not him"
I imagined such words must be thought in their head. walking to school at that day. and in the classroom. too.

for about years.
It's silent. Really silent. and frightening too.
the whole world feels like inducing you to kill yourself. keep reminding me that I was something to be done like this. for the rest of my life. Just by being born in misfortune for one moment.
having my entire life. destined to be going such direction. and telling me to never complain.
whispering into my ears just to take it. just embrace it as if it was your fate. or just kill yourself.

10 months: Get's hit by truck carrying railroad ties with dad while we're sitting at a traffic light on the highway. Grandad sues truck company and I get 250K planned annuity but also frontal and parietal lobe brain damage and all my organs get shoved into my chest cavity requiring 3 surguries to fix. Dad gets brain damage and develops schizophrenia

2: Parents divorce because schizo too much and dad thinks he's an angel sent by god.

5: brain injury symptoms make doctors think I'm autistic and get put in special school.

12 years old: have been to 4 special schools by now and only father figure (grandpa) dies

13: rediagnosed with brain injury as tard symptoms start to go away.

16: have 2 meatspace friends and two online friend groups. Am physically mostly socially isolated because have been to 7 different schools where the peak intelligence level was masturbating under the desk and playing mario kart DS instead of doing schoolwork

17: say fuck it and drop out. Am 230 pounds and socially isolated. Decide to work on myself a lot and learn how to people because no one fucking taught me.

19: Have multiple friend groups in meatspace, not retarded anymore. It took 2 months to teach myself algebra for the GED once I applied myself and I had the skills for the other tests already. Until I taught myself math I thought I was stupid, turns out the education system just pegged me as stupid because they were incompetent morons and I believed it because I was a child. Start attending community college (CC) for natural sciences associates degree to transfer later. Am only pure science major in whole school because CC sucks cock. Invest 7K of first annuity payment in Ethereum in Q4 2016.

Attached: wojak space.jpg (640x640, 110K)

I'm not expecting comments such, pity, how kind or good I am, or nice.

I just wanted to prove. and I still want to prove. That I'm still alive. and yet I'm prepared to do something different what my elder brother, or my dad, or my mom did.
Something that I can take the whole responsibility and go on. Not like these fuckers completely ignored and neglected of what they should've done.

I whispered myself if I should die for many times. Maybe if dump-truck comes to hit me, and mangle and squash me as if those gore images we see in /b/, I'm prepared for it. I can accept it. Because it's just physical disfigured.

Though until this random moment, I will live my life to prove myself. Mentally. Nobody would be able to make me mangled and squashed in this way though. I will be a living proof. If it will work or not.

21: Community college is shit, lost half irl friends because they turned into neo nazis. Have 3.4 GPA and all my grades are either As or Fs. It's not that I can't do work, it's that if the teacher sucks and all the students are depressed and uninterested I'm not engaged because I'm too empathetic and actually can't function in a room full of depressed people. If I'm engaged I win, if the world sucks I suck. Never went to normal high school either so I sorta assumed non-autistic people would actually try at life. Perhaps the problem is that It's not in my nature to just take shit whether indirect or direct. Ever since learning I'm not literally autistic I've been super motivated and optimistic on an individual leve. ETH holdings worth over 200K in last bull run, optimistic on crypto. If crypto works out I'll build my own DIY wet lab and just do science myself in the woods, fuck academia if more classes are such shite.

>2: Parents divorce because schizo too much and dad thinks he's an angel sent by god.
hurtful to hear that user.
But that's what fucking bitches do. living a whole life depending this little hole between their legs. I literally despise every kinds of woman and will never treat them equal. they should be toy or tool.

You did a good job. While other people kept trying to define yourself, rather deciding to walk on by yourself. did a good job.

I often extremely hate these figures on TV, how these hiphop music cringe producers show on and brag their cheap lambo and act superficial.

But someone who prove their real selves would never do such cringe act. strive for yourself. Only you should know who you are.
No need for asking others to know who you are.
Only you know it and if you do something for improvement for yourself, then it's good enough.
You're your own hero that only you know.

This thread is pretty brutal. Take the jesus pill if you haven't already. Peace in this world of suffering.