>be bong 2024
>It's your birthday
>mum sends you a package in the post
>need something to open it
>go get key and unlock spoon storage box
>cant find spoon license
>better not risk using it
>it's probably just a sweater
>go outside cops have confiscated your bike tires
>walk to pub to meet friends
>sorry user we couldn't get the cake license
>they were afraid we would cut it
>order some food
>didn't bring your spoon license
>so eat it with your hands
>dad calls to wish you happy birthday
>ask him what was in the package mom sent
>he doesn't know
>mom was arrested
>for saying negative things about Islam
>to a Muslim man
>who was raping her
>start walking home
>get hit by local van of peace
>paralysed from the neck down
>for the rest of your life
>go to prison
>for impeding the free travel of a Muslim
>get stabbed
>with a knife
Be bong 2024
Other urls found in this thread:
gov.uk
nothingnormalhere.com
twitter.com
hmmm unrealistic. He would be arrested in the beginning for not having his birthday license
By that time they won't even be allowed to shitpost back to this thread.
Kek
>replacements for the spoons he keeps losing.
Why would you keep losing spoons? Probably lost them in abduls ass.
Oh my god
He's a British arms smuggler
I dont know if fisting abdul elbow deep while inviting him across the border could be considered 'arms smuggling'
9/10. point deduction for failing to include porn loicenses and da willy inspectah
List of UK licences & ID and things that need approval:
>Cycling proficency licence -to ride a bike (not a motorbike)you need to this.
>TFL card/licence -you cant travel on London transport without TFL card first.
>TV licence
>Cutlery
>Anything BBQ related -even charcoals.
>Fizzy / caffeine drinks
>Alcohol, even if you're 46.
>Porn (soon).
>Decide if your child can have life saving medical treatment
>Fishing licence
>Lemonade stall licence
Fuck it the list tooooooo big I'll be here all day look they even have a fucking licence finder on their government website LMFAO! It's killing me with laughter.
Please Burgers with your free speech rights, complete the UK Licence Survey LOL and post pics.
lol fucking cucks! is there a sadder country than britbongistan?
Me in this thread
>wanting to open the package against its will
this is cardboard-thought-rape and he should go to jail for it
>be bong
>watching the royal wedding
>"cor bloimey that markle ones fit for a darkie" >"maybe oi can knock a quick one out"
>pull me rodger out
>*crash*
>a copper has smashed his head through my window
>"WHERES YA BLEEDIN WANKIN LOICENSE WANKA"
>"but officer you've gone 'n got broken glass all ova ya, dats erlegal doncha know"
>"BLOODY 'ELL YOU'RE ROIGHT, SOMEONE COULD GET SHANKED ROIGHT UP"
>"OI'LL JUST ARREST MESELF THEN"
>the copper handcuffs himself in the street
>a crowd has gathered, they start pelting him with fish and chips
>me rodgers gone soft
>a muslim drives a bus through the crowd and into the side of my house killing us all
fuck me my sides!
I wouldn't sell that spotty wanker any spoons either!
Can we get a British guide to banned weapons?
>Francesca Walker
That picture should read
>heh
>hah!
>Haha!
>HAHAHA!
That's all I got niggers.
>grown kids keep losing spoons
>buy 57 of them
Fucking your sister should not be illegal
>Fucking your sister should not be illegal
Apparently its not in Hawaii.
Any more false alarms coming our way?
Not that I have any ideas.
>fake nuclear threat on their own people
>people actually unconditionally believing it
Absolutely burger
>Was homeless and went to meet her brother to "borrow" money.
>Has sex with brother, not once, but twice in the span of 15 mins, in public at a train station.
We all know what really went on here don't we?
>borrow money
Oy vey what anti semitism she should have asked the experts!
A couple weeks ago I went to buy food and got some energy drinks and had to prove I was over the age of 16 (I'm 22 and 6 foot 5), then I made a joke how the next step would be a license to buy cutlery.
If I only knew back then had bad things would actually get.
It's depressing to think that this won't be a shitpost in 2024 but reality.
>ass
Hello foreigner
Oi where's ya joke loicence ya cheeky wanka
It's time to stop.
not believable at all...rodger gone soft...yeah right...
Ted predicted this
this is serious damage you can do with a butterknife
savage is an understatement
this is over 9000
At least we know where all the eggs and flour went.
Okey... Last one.
My UK folder has 100+ graphics :)
A butterknife in the chest can kill surely as a bayonet
nice
I heard from a bongfriend that the exam to get your TV license was pretty easy at least, just requiring you to flick through some channels with the local station's test TV. Could any bongs confirm/deny this?
> spread a meme that butterknife is a symbol of white supremacy (because poor shitskins didn't have butter, or "alt-right nazi" use butterknifes on gatherings, whatever reason)
> UK gov bans butterknifes
> whole nation need to smear butter with anything else than tool to smear, because UK gov is insane
> some normal people will still have butterknifes, so they will be prosecuted
is that real?
?
South-west here.
Then why are you using Americanisms? You disgust me.
Yep, check their twitter.
UK Police twitter accounts are one of the most hilarious place in the internet.
sorry, this one is probably fake, have a real one.
What are you on about?
I'm not some posh twat that says 'arse', that's how it is here.
What if he sharpens them into a weapon? That's a deadly weapon right there
I don't need a license to ride a pushbike you lying cunt.
Also if you look like you're old enough they don't ask for ID. Btw are you allowed to go on public transport without paying?
>posh
Arse is literally the English word which everyone in every other part of the country uses including yours, "ass" in that context is an Americanism. You'd know that if you were native.
a bayonet can kill by being used as a club as surely as a butterknife could
and the ballistics involved would be over 9000
pic unrelated
Not as good as the original copypasta, pic very related.
There are only two places where having spoon might be illegal
> prisons
> UK
coincidence?
Fuck me mate, you must be off your rocker.
Everyone in a 50 mile radius of me that isn't posh, uses ass.
You will be our beachhead for the liberation
Just about any ordinary object can be modified to hurt or kill someone else. I'm actually kind of surprised Bongs haven't started making spears out of tree branches DESU.
Yes you do cycling proficiency (see pic) looks like you'll be goin to prison bong, for cycling without a liocence
You cant pay cash to go anywhere on public transport London, you have to have one of those cards.
>whole thread is about orwellian nightmare in Britain
> british guys are arguing who is "more posh"
Because they're Americanised foreigners. "Posh" words usually have a French influence considering it's usually linked to the nobility which brought said influence here. Arse is old English and this isn't remotely posh and in Norman England onwards was phasing of the English peasantry. Again you'd know this if you were native. Before you accuse me of being some kind of posh Londonistani i'm from the north east so i can hardly be called posh but you on the other hand? Well, your part of the country has quite a lot of foreigners, you're probably one of them or you've watched way too much American tv, how about you fuck off ahmed.
we need a meme for this
"gov cucked brits" or something
it is hilarious
Needs a license to die...
>Oi ya lil wanka.Watc'ha doin ova hee on deh ground m8?
>Nuthn offica just just, *painful moans* havin a lil break is all.
>You got ya resting license m8?
>Ya i got it in mi wallet *Unsettling grunts* shuffles for wallet* Gets licence.
>*Hands* it over *Dies*
>Oi m8, get up you wanka. Where's ye sleeping license? Looks like your goin to tha jamma today.
>Oi ya cunt I said get up!!!
>*Puts handcuffs on body*
>*Sees blood*
>Ya dead m8? Do ya have yor dien licence?
>*Checks wallet*
>Hol up ya cheecky cunt. *Gets defibrillator out of car*
>AHHHHHH SHIIIEEET GOOOOOAAAAAAAL!!! ah ey wadda hell? Where am i?
>Ya died ya stupid wanker.
>Whuaat?
>You heard me. To tha jamma you go.
>*Is in jail*
>Goes to court
>Mfw life in prison
While they're raped, beheaded, trucked of peace, by Mo and shilled to the maximum usury by Goldstein. The state of Bongs
Did you forgot about piggy walking licence? :D
I suspect poshfags deliberately try to avoid Americanisms to prove how much better they are than people who use them.
Fucking kek