You have it good OP.
I Was the same way.
>be me, barely graduated high school and sat on my fucking ass doing nothing but smoke weed and drink, sucking at cs:go trying to play cause it was the thing to do
>delivering Chinese food
>fucking disgusting damaged sluts that I always regretted after
Got to community college
Decided "fuck this I'm gonna move to Germany and work for _____"
"Maybe I'll find a girl with good morals, huge tits and a good heart that will come with me"
>be on tinder
MET THE FUCKING CEO''s daughter of ______ company
>good morals
>huge tits
>good heart
>lives lavishly
Came here for school for a year
Proceed to fuck everything up with her and make false promises and lie and fight because I was raised shitty and probably have brain damage from daily vodka, Benadryl and 2g of weed a day for 7 fucking yesrs
Couple weeks ago drive her to airport, she texts me nonstop for days after
I came clean that I failed a few classes after numerous times tellin her I'll get shit together
Bombard her with texts for a week because she got distant
Tells me to find another woman and to fuck off essentially
Been like that for 8 days and I just text her every day now telling her I miss her, and cry in my shit New York neighborhood
Reads the texts but doesn't answer prob cause scared I'll suicide
Tfw she's probably taking an uncut german dick right this moment
Tfw I'm still delivering food
That's true self hatred. Best luck in the world squandered after months of second chances that I didn't deserve
Gonna try to make it there hopefully by early 2020, if she doesn't want I'm just gonna an hero somewhere in the Netherlands.