General Surgeon here, covering trauma service until 7:00. AMA

No. The things I have smelled...I am now immune

what happen to doctors being for the peeps...how its all about sell drugs for the pharmacy

You may have irritable bowel syndrome, a simple gastric ulcer, something wrong with your pancreas or gallbladder, or maybe Crohn's (unlikely). Have you had routine labs drawn or an upper/lower endoscopy?

Cool. Then the follow-up question would be if there's some method or suggestion to maintain poise/patience while working under stressful conditions? GSWs, compound fractures, angry friends and family, etc.

What's your patients' demographics generally?

90% of my time is spent in the OR. The drugs I prescribe and use are intraoperative or for patients on the floor post-op. Take up that concern with primary care docs who barely got through their training and overprescribe like it's their job. I cannot tell you how much time I spend discontinuing their bullshit orders

Standard blood and urine says my organs are doing great. GP just referred me to a gastro doc. I think the pain might be from the bloating itself. Symptoms presented last December and I tend to get better and worse over and over again. If I eat low fat foods and healthier stuff in general it seems to help for awhile.

I also get white mucus attached to my turds if I don't crap for a few days.

How bad is the forced diversity? Would you put yourself under the knife of any Jew or brown person?

General surgery training beats that out of you within the first two years. 20% of general surgery residents do not finish their training because they cannot handle what you described.
I do not operate on family by principle (if something goes wrong you do not want to be in that position and the hospital will try to fuck you over too). I have never had to operate on a friend, but I have operated on people I know. When the drapes go up, I stop thinking about them as a person and think about them as a hemodynamic system.

That may sound cold, but my mind automatically goes to that place. Call it training, a defense mechanism, or whatever you want, but that's how I think.

Are you Jewish?

If I take these pills off the internet will my dick actually get bigger

Depends on the service I am covering. Trauma is overrepresented by blacks doing stupid nog shit and drunk hispanics and whites in MVAs.
General practice is a fairly mixed bag when it comes to appendixes and gallbladders.

Half. Father's side.

If those pills actually worked:
1) everyone would abuse them
2) big pharma would be shilling them

You are a good man doc.

Sounds like scientific disassociation pays the bills; nothing cold about that. Thanks doc!

Is working with street shitter pajeets as frustrating in real life as I think it would be?

In my department it's not too bad, but I can see it creeping into resident selection class by class. We do have one black resident that shows great promise, but the most skilled and collected for their level of training are usually white males. They respond best to teaching in my experience.

ToThis. Just joking with you anyway.

Every fucking time.

Worse. Most are neurologists or cardiologists at my hospital system. They have literally no ability to think outside of their departmental guidelines and make no effort to actually care for their patients beyond the minimum requirement. Just because you are smart enough to get into medical school does not mean you are fit to be a physician of any kind.

Self-loathing Jew? Ask because you are here helping anons.

>smart enough to get into medical school
Thanks affirmative action.

Answer my question, you mongo

Any history of anxiety or depression? Even subclinical "panic attacks" where your chest tightens, heart races, etc.? I'm leaning towards irritable bowel or even Celiac disease. Either way, see the gastro, get scoped above and below.

based fingol

I have never considered myself jewish. It wasn't a part of my life or even discussed growing up in the South. I honestly don't think about it unless I am dealing with other docs who are jewish to the point of neuroticism.

What is your stance on circumcision?

What are good specialties to go into? Orthopedics?

at least one proud jew posts on Jow Forums
it is not the healthy who need a doctor

how many times have you stolen organs from people and murdered them when they came in unconscious

Tuesdays and Thursdays

Threatened? By...?
Part of what attracted me to general surgery is that in my OR, what I say goes. Seldom do I divulge the details of any particular operation to the patient's families outside of "he/she did great, everything went as I expected", or, "I'm afraid there were some unanticipated complications during surgery that will prolong your loved one's post-operative stay. We are doing everything we can"
If pressed for details, I usually do not provide much more than "there was more bleeding than expected" or "it was worse than we thought it would be, it's impossible to know until I get in there"

The worst situation are when their family members are nurses or primary care docs who have literally no idea what surgery is like. They can be hard to shake, but I can always say "I have another patient who urgently needs my attention" and they usually cool down by the next time I round on the patient.

i had sex with a girl and the day after my dick was red and itchy. im thinking its thrush, i got some anti-fungal cream but it still hasn't completely cleared up yet. is this normal or could it be something other than thrush?

I don't perform them. When asked by friends about what to do with their son's penis, I tell them that I have not seen, nor has the data suggested, that circumcision is beneficial to the overall health of a patient. There was one study that linked circumcision to lower incidence of penile carcinoma, but if you practice reasonable sexual habits and proper hygiene, that will not be an issue.

What is worse (harder to fix), gut shot or sucking chest wound with collapsed lung?

I am diagnosed with panic disorder but my anxiety is pretty much gone these days. It's been a couple years since my last panic attack.

In general, it seems to gravitate around fatty foods. I know there's no way of you knowing without looking but the likelihood of colon cancer or something like that seems farfetched to you or no?

It's fucking weird man. Literally just bending my torso backwards and forwards I can feel the center of my pain shift back and forth right under my rib cage on the right. If I flex, it does the same thing and sometimes I feel like I can make it feel better or worse by stretching or laying down on a bed. It's beyond bizarre to me at this point.

Btw, you've been very helpful, learned a lot more from you than my gp so thanks Doc.

I've been getting sleep paralysis at least twice a week, brain "zaps", sleep no more than 4 hours a night, however I don't feel tired. I used to drink caffeine pretty regularly while I had these symptoms, cut most of it out entirely, but still the symptoms persist months later.

I've also been gaining strength as weird as it sounds. I don't workout with any regularity, but I've noticed lifting things at work becomes easier and easier. Outside of work in largely sedentary.

6'2" 185 lbs.

No idea what it is, but the only real negative symptoms are the sleep paralysis and "brain zaps."

I tested positive for HSV 1&2 despite never seeing any symptoms in my life after I found out an ex had cheated on me. (Hadn't been tested for HSV before then) The HSV 1igg was 2.5+/-, HSV2igg was 1.7+/-.

I've had chickenpox when I was young, could this yield a false positive? It's been almost 3 years since I had this test and still nothing has manifested. Was thinking of doing the Western Blot test.

I'll get a little more philosophical here then: Do you think it's right or wrong to perform a circumcision on a child?

How many uninsured nigger knife/gunshot wounds do you encounter on an hourly basis?

Why don't doctors believe in and treat Chronic Lyme Disease? When your horse or dog gets Lyme, it is a lifelong problem you work to manage the symptoms with with your veterinarian, but with people they give you 30 days of Doxycycline and you're "cured". Is it because it is so prolific in the population that it would bankrupt the insurance companies to allow doctors to treat it? What is the conspiracy?

Is this the best way to cure athletes foot?

Attached: 1520982319358.jpg (794x772, 37K)

I find that there are many misconceptions surrounding organ donation and harvesting. It is rare that someone is actually in the condition to donate organs; they must be pronounced "brain dead" by several physicians and remain stable for a period of time while we evaluate that. Their organs must be constantly perfused by their own circulation and meet strict criteria for transplant set by national guidelines.
No, I don't give a fuck what is on your driver's license, I have literally never checked nor has anyone I know.
Also, their family or power of attorney must consent several times.

Ever had a story about someone you saw where you think he would have been better off dead because of how bad his condition was?

If I sign my donor card are you going to put less effort in to save me so you can harvest my organs especially if I have opposite political views as you or am old or sick or in there because I drunk drive and killed a kid etc?
And if you wouldn't, do you honestly think that your peers wouldn't either?

The Based Doctors are /ourguys/. So when is the plague going to be released that only white people of certain character and value get the immunization shot for?

"Thrush" isn't something that happens to healthy, immunocompetent people. Could be any number of STIs including chlamydia, gonorrhea, trich, h. ducrei. Any discharge or pain with urination?

white mucus could be candida?

How many times will you have to remove something from someone's anus tonight?

Sometimes blood comes out with my shit, and most of the time it's blackish. This has been going on for around ten years. Im pretty sure I'm fine however my jewess gf gets stomach pains, nausea, and headaches all the time and only weed really helps.

>healthy, immunocompetent people
>piss bottles and cumsock mushrooms

Gun shot every time. Even if it looks benign from the outside, I have seen people decompensate very rapidly. They will be sitting up in bed talking to you one minute, the next minute we're coding them. With a sucking chest wound, you immediately take the patient to the OR. I have much more control over your hemodynamics and oxygen saturation in my OR than during a consult in the emergency department

My Jewish pediatrician refused due to religious confliction. True story

You're welcome, I hope everything works out for you. And no, you don't have colon cancer.

Ever had any patients with a near death experience?

How would I go about fixing my retroperitoneal hematoma??

If real you're a saint and you deserve a throne in the after life, ty for saving lives

Also pls have 10+ kids if you can

What do you think of the studies claiming that it's the best thing since sliced bread?

Tell us some "foreign object stuck in orifice stories" doc, I'm eating dinner. Pinto beans n Glen livet 12, u nosey bastard. Also, what's the gnarliest thing you've ever seen sticking out of someone? Like puncture wound type stuff.

If I've had open heart surgery to replace my pulmonic valve due to tetrology of fallot and subsequentially pulmonic valve failure, would you say smoking marijuana will cause my heart enough damage to kill me? Have always wanted to try it. Had a bioprosthetic valve replacement via sternotomy 10 months ago. If I were to smoke weed would it kill me?

>but the most skilled and collected for their level of training are usually white males. They respond best to teaching in my experience.
"Your Experience".....try everyone's experience. White men are the best at fucking EVERYTHING

Black and tarry=digested/partially digested blood.

Probably a GI bleed, see a doc. Once saw a guy who had a stomach ulcer for years. One day he's in excruciating pain below the ribs. Everyone thought it was a heart attack until they did a ct. Guys stomach ruptured and he starting pouring his contents into his abdomen. Bad time.

Urea does combat fungus. However, prescription, topical antifungals or oral fluconazole are the way to go most of the time

Black blood in the stool is a sign of bleeding in the upper digestive tract IIRC

Answer plz If I was a Nazi and came in after running over some non humans would your non human coworkers let me go braindead to donate my organs instead of trying every means possible to save me?

I keep getting cysts on approx. the same place on the side of my ribs under my arm, on both sides of my body

I make sure to remove the sack every time I lance them, why do they keep coming back?

When they present, they are often not in a position to comment on their insurance status. I fix their issue and let the hospital worry about that. Of course, most trauma patients are uninsured.

Give this Jew half the gas. It may end your career as a surgeon...but it will save you as a human being. It will be worth it OP. And you know deep down...I'm right.

I scrub quite a bit of general. Say...you don't take three hours to do a lap chole do you?

What should I apply to this year during ERAS?

Because no literature or study has ever demonstrated it occurring in humans. I believe in a general theory of disbiosis wherein the body is disrupted in its natural function by a pathogen, and that is more and more true the more research is done. However, not with Lyme

Ever dealt with any pregnant patients before?

Statistically twice.

If it is not actively bleeding or causing any issues, no one is going to touch it.

I have 4.

I haven't seen them to be honest.

I thought symptoms 1 day after was way too soon for an STI. No pain, just itchy rash. I've gotten it once before and the doctor said it was normal to get thrush if the girl has more candida in their vagina than usual

Did you dog whistle to the admission boards? Mention volunteering at hillel, jewish student association, anything like that?

What do you know about crna's

Emt here, just transporting a guy who had an ascending and descending aortic aneurysm, 2 and 3 cm respectively.

What can you even do for that other than call a funeral home?

what do you think of this instance fox13now.com/2015/12/22/father-brings-gun-to-hospital-to-buy-time-for-his-brain-dead-son/ ?

Intubate with ur cock

Do you operate on colonels or leutinents or any lower ranks?

I always right mainstem it

Nice US proxy, Mick Dundee.

fucking kekked user

I have a joke.
Why are proctologists so humble?

4th year of residency. Motorcyclist in the snow (why you would ride in the snow and ice is beyond me). Managed to impale himself on a guard rail pretty close to the hospital actually. He's lucky he was so close, he would have exsanguinated probably 10 minutes later. His spleen was obliterated and he had a sizable liver laceration. Vascular damage besides that was negligible and easily resolved. We cut the guard rail out in pieces with a surgical saw and stopped any bleeding we saw after addressing the spleen and liver. Rinse and repeat until the whole section was removed. I think we gave him 9 units of whole blood.

>All they can afford to drive is a brown probe