>be me
>be alligator
>born in 1936
>live in Zoo
>get personally visited by Hitler
>survive bombing in Germany in 1943
>survive with only 95 other animals out of 16.000
>have to survive on my own
>wander through the city in search of food
>get picked up in 1946 by british soldiers
>get transfered to moscow Zoo
>get mating partner in 1950 as a kind gift by the USA
>mate, but don`t get any offspring
>the eggs the female alligator produced have been infertile
>mating partner dies
>shattered, refuse food
>however survive and move on
>be known as Hitler in my Zoo, however get renamed to Saturn because muh evil Nazis
> In the 1980s a slab of concrete fell from the aquarium's ceiling into my enclosure, but luckily for me, I made my way to a protective niche beforehand
>1990, new aquarium gets build
>resist food again for 4 months,close to death but survive
>a drunk visitor threw a boulder on my head to wake me up
>devestated, zoo veterinarians fight to keep him alive for months
>Another time, a group of tourists throw glass bottles at me, injured but survive
>In 1993 hear Russian tanks were moving down the Garden Ring after the collapse of the Soviet Union
> cry out because of the vibrations, they remind me of the battle of Berlin
>2010 refuse to eat again for nearly a year, but injected vitamins keep me alive
> When school classes come, the zookeepers allow children to stick the end of a broomstick into the enclosure, which is safe because I`m known as generally peaceful
Be me
Other urls found in this thread:
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Awesome story desu. I wonder if there are similar stories out there.
Actual feels.
Fuck the drunk asshole throwing a boulder!
Always cracks me up they literally renamed him (((“Saturn”)))
this is croc appreciation thread now
>zoo veterinarians fight to keep him alive for months
>him
I have a mental image of the vets trying to resuscitate the drunk after being viciously mauled by the gator
Aryangator > Kikeodile
Saturn did nothing wrong.
Oh shit, my bad
Fuck all that effort for nothing...
>however survive and move on
Jesus, that's like a lyric from Solitary Man or some shit. Feels.
>tfw survive bombs, rotten food, shattered glass, starving, thrown boulders at my head and am literally the oldest known american alligator in the world
>literally unstoppable.jpg
Based Gator
3 years wandering Berlin wreck. Damn would love to know what happened
It's obvious that Russians have China blood in them if both treat zoo animals the same way. Here in America we only throw our children.
Alligators cannot die by aging, so technically Mr. Crock could live forever.
awesci.com
Who is ready to regularly visit Saturn in Russia to be sure that he is fine, and will be the first immortal crocodile known to mankind?
>should we call a human doctor?
>nah fuck that, lets keep pumping this drunk asshole full of gator meds for a while
pretty sure all mitochondrion-based life die by aging, because of the ROS
based and greenpilled
They usually die because they get ill or don`t have enough food, because they grow more and more physically and thus demand more food
"Senescence is a term used to indicate gradual deterioration of the body with age. In simpler words, you could call it ‘aging’. Specifically, weakening of muscles, lowering mobility, poor sensory acuity and age-related diseases are signs of an animal showing senescence. Most animals exhibit Senescence. So, as we get older our deteriorated life parameters increase our risk of dying – Humans exhibit Senescence; Crocodiles do not."
F
I live in Florida. AMA.
Can we say he is the only and last one alive on earth who saw Hitler?
kek
disgusting kikes
For starters, it's a myth that crocs and gators never stop growing. "No, crocodiles don't grow indefinitely, prevented from exceeding the size of a small moon only because they get killed first by a competitor!" croc researcher Adam Britton told me.
Studies on several species have shown that once a crocodile has reached its adult size, its growth slows down, eventually reaching a point where the animal is effectively not getting any bigger. "The largest crocs are the ones that grow the fastest when they are young," said Britton.
What's more, crocs do feel the effects of old age. Another crocodilian expert, Adam Rosenblatt, told me that while the ageing process in these animals is still not fully understood, the evidence we do have "all points to the conclusion that crocodilians are not immortal and are subjected to natural ageing and death processes". In the wild, an older, weaker croc is more likely to face starvation or competition, but even in captivity, the animals inevitably die. As they age, gators and crocs lose strength and overall body condition just like us humans. They tend to lose their teeth, some develop cataracts, and females produce fewer eggs.
earthtouchnews.com
That guy you're quoting is a nobody that doesnt know what he's talking about
> scholar.google.com
>reverse image search
>no results, besides some japanse fag
Ty for the original content bro. Very nice
Ever saw an alligator that you recognized or that recognized you?
cute!!!
you can literally claim that hitler is still alive, residing in his brain's neurons
fuck..
Well at the very least you could claim that Hitlers spirit kept him alive for so long...
Actual recent pic of Saturn. He definitely has that "I've seen some shit" vibe about him.
>be gator
>have hitler as your guardian angel
the last of the honoraries
Screw you for ruining my plan of injecting croc DNA and live forever
Holy shit those eyes. It`s like he is directly looking at my soul
I took that pic years ago at Silver Springs, Florida back when they had zoo animals. This is the first time it has been posted on Jow Forums AFAIK.
I'm pretty sure all humans look the same to them, just like all alligators look the same to us.
The crocodile design is one of evolution's wins. The design so successful it has changed very little since the age of dinosaurs.
I looked into his eyes and saw his soul. He is a good guy
just imagine seeing a croc that big
*tip*
Are sex crimes on animals that common in Florida? I saw an article about a kid that tried fucking an armadillo and caught leprosy.
That`s an amazing pic, wonderful moment to catch.
I thought maybe one alligator had a scar or anything remarkable that made you recognize him, or that one alligator behaved differently around you because of your presence. Would have been cool though
he's also very old for an alligator now. Hang in there boy, 4th reich is coming
He is a big guy
>Are sex crimes on animals that common in Florida?
In Florida, anything is possible (especially Polk County, where the majority of the idiot White Trash "Florida Man" articles originate).
>cry out because the battle reminds me of Berlin
This is the gayest thing i have read today
For you
alligator life span is 30 - 50 years. this one obviously died but the soviets wanted to keep up the charade so they replaced him (maybe even twice)
someone needs to give him a bitch to try again.
ITT: burgers, although not attractive are lovable and tough as hell.
No he got blessed.
Only the small ones made it this far
You don't understand the word molest.
>(((rosenblatt)))
Fuck u, crocs immortal
Definitely ate some hiding jews
lack of food and lower oxygen levels and colder climate
Well, I can tell the difference between a croc and a gator by looking at them. Although alligators in Florida are thriving, they are still marked as endangered to indirectly protect the American Crocodile, which look similar and are actually endangered.
I mean, he's not wrong
People fuck alligators over there
God willing he’ll make it and be immortalized in history
There are other gators to have lived this long
I find it hard to believe jewmeat contributes to longevity. That shit has to be toxic.
>People fuck alligators over there
The only hypothetical way you could pull that off without getting your dick torn off while it's doing a death roll to escape is to gang rape it or sedate it. I have personally never seen any news articles about any attempts at this. It seems like a lot of work for little to no reward.
replaced, too. big gator wants you to buy lacoste
I imagine Jewmeat tastes a lot like pussy: milk and coins
What if this gator ate 6 gorillion jews on his own and we just don`t know about it?
>immortalized in history
I'd say he's made it. He's a celebrity on one of the most important websites in the world...
So tell me Jow Forums if a crocodile this size was charging towards you, what would you do? Let's say you're only armed with a sawed off shotgun with two shells and a large hunting knife.
Nothing is too difficult for the infamous Florida Man
>you've put a good bit of thought into this
I`d show him a picture of Hitler to calm him down
Die?
Run in a straight line away from it. It's your best chance. Don't run in a zig zag; they're very nimble.
pick a tense to write in for fucks sakes
forgets one of the best parts
>In 2015 I became sponsored by the French clothing company Lacoste
>Nothing is too difficult for the infamous Florida Man
Except holding a job
And how gay are you exactly?
Wouldn't you at least attempt to shoot it or stab it? If you're going to die, you may as well put up a fight.
>January 2: Florida ManCovers Himself in Ashes, Says He's a 400-Year-Old Indian, Crashes Stolen Car
>January 5: Florida ManPuts Dragon Lizard in His Mouth, Smacks People with It
>January 27: Florida Man Steals $4,000 Worth of Chicken and Ribs
>February 3: Florida Man Who Had Sex with Dolphin Says It Seduced Him
>February 3: Florida Man Killed 5 Gators, Ate Them for Super Bowl Dinner
>February 15: Florida Man Believes Wrestling Event Is Haunted by the Ghost of Macho Man Randy Savage
etc.
The story of Corporal Wojtek is pretty interesting. After the Germans invaded the Soviet Union, the Soviets decided to release all the Polish soldiers they had captured earlier in the war, to the British to go fight the Axis in North Africa; while traveling through Iran a group of these Poles bought a bear cub, and named him Wojtek,which became their unit mascot. When it came time to invade Italy, the Brits being the sticks in the mud they are, told the Poles that they were only shipping soldiers over. So the Polish did the logical thing and enlisted Wojtek in their army. He did well enough to be promoted to Corporal during the war; he was really good at carrying crates of artillery shells. After the war, he ended up in a zoo in Scotland, and some of his former veterans would jump into the cage to wrestle with him.
Empty the shotgun into the ground to create a hole for me to hide in. Then as the beast passes over, plunge the knife into its underside, opening it up. Then I would climb into it and become it.
is this true?
Yes it is.
You call that a knoif?
Next time you're in Florida, check out Gatorland.
>Old roadside attraction south of Orlando that predates Disney World
>Gator feeding frenzy demos (footage of this was used at the end of Temple of Doom)
>Gator wrestling shows
>Rare albino and very rare leucistic (blue eyes instead of red) live gators on display
>Zip lines over gator enclosures
>Nighttime tours inside gator habitats
>Brand-new swamp buggy tours (pic related)
It's a fairly decent low-price (for Orlando) attraction, though the last three things above are upcharge things. Also, they serve fried gator bites at the snack stands, but they are ridiculously overpriced, and you can get those at virtually every other beach-themed restaurant in Florida for much cheaper.
>Čabulītis enjoyed being sprayed with warm water, having his back brushed, and he would roar when he heard the music of German pop duo Modern Talking
The jumping into the cage part is bullshit.
Do you know how deep down bear enclosures sides are? Atleast 20 feet. I have a hard time believing an old polish man could survive that fall then wrestle a bear.
Makes interesting fiction though.
kek
Noice.
Aussie Man > Florida Man
Audible kek
Top bantz, Hitler.
Another interesting animal at war story comes from the first world war, when the South Africans signed up a baboon, Jackie, into a unit. Jackie even got to collect a medical pension after the war, due to losing a leg during it.
Turin Turambar has been re incarnated down under.
thousand yard stare is strong in this one
>>be known as Hitler in my Zoo, however get renamed to Saturn
Look into legends of the "Mahamba". Might be a relic suchas species that survived.
>Barney was a small Malayan Sun bear, the mascot of Company Alpha, 5th Special Forces Group, Airborne, Ben Hoi, South Vietnam. Discovered by the soldiers as an orphan cub, he would be put in a knapsack when the company parachuted on missions.
>Sgt. Jerald Hilleson was especially fond of Barney. When the sergeant's tour of duty ended, he decided to take the bear with him, and managed to ship him home in a 727.
>Barney lived at Fort Bragg for two years before dying of pneumonia. Sgt. Hilleson, ever the pal, decided to have him stuffed. The taxidermist didn't do a very good job, and when Barney was donated to the fort's Special Warfare Museum, people soon complained of the horrible smell. Still, Barney was a base legend, so the Museum couldn't just throw him away. Instead, they sealed him inside a Plexiglas box, where his lumpy, half-hairless form is still an object of conversation.
Listen here reptilian scum, alligators are cool in the ethnostate, your lizard ass is not.