Existential Crisis of a Western Male

Jesus heals the broken hearted and restores what has been destroyed. Everything else follows.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociation_(psychology)

Lot of overlap there with what I'm experiencing.

I'm worried I'll slip back to alcohol. This is the longest I've gone without alcohol since I was 16 or 17. I've been trying to cut down, but right now it's the lesser of two evils.

You should not be drinking coffee after like 12 pm. 3 at the latest.
It sounds like you are a square peg trying to fit yourself into a round hole that has been prescribed by /pol. If you feel ideologically the way pol does, but you think you cant help save white race or do whatever the fuck you wanna do, find some way to contribute to something you value. Donate your sperm maybe, adopt a troubled kid and try to turn their life around (not as simple as just adopting a kid but the path to being stable and healthy enough to do that is a noble one)
Sounds like you just need direction, a goal, a finish line. You are just treading water right now an are clearly exhausted. Going no where at all. You need to understand what you value, and move towards that.

too bad he never existed and its just a shitty scheme to control people via lies and deception.

do you ever pace while daydreaming? while like making gestures and shit?

I've already been through three or four cycles of crises of faith. It went:
>Catholicism
>agnosticism
>gnosticism
>deism
>atheism
I don't have religion or the religious, but it is empty and validates my belief that humanity is ultimately a pitiable lot (myself included) and religion is a perfectly acceptable coping mechanism.

I imagine you have a personality prone to right-wing thought and antipathy to modern "culture" and degeneracy, while also being sexually attracted to men.

Understand that being homosexual isn't necessarily degenerate. Accept yourself for who you are and be a benefit to your people. You can still be an upstanding member of your community despite being homosexual. Most people's opposition to homosexuality is that it is used as the thin end of the wedge for poz degeneracy / diversity inc leftism.

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come to ottawa bucko

Your "reward system" biology is fucked up due to hedonism and consumerism. This is common among gays (Fight Club was a critique of the emptiness of the homosexual lifestyle)

you have to tough out a dark period of understimulation to get your reward circuitry functioning again. it's basically the equivalent of addiction treatment, withdrawals and all

Maybe you have an undiagnosed personality disorder. I wasn't diagnosed when I was young, when I "acted out". Turns out I have schizotypal personality disorder that I somehow lived with for 15 years. I was always high functioning, everyone thought I was normal and I just thought I was just mildly autistic. Do you have any close relatives that are schizo? My dad and my aunt on my father's side were. This is a huge risk indicator.

No, when I pace, it's a very conscious thing. If I have a hard decision to make, I will pace around my apartment talking out loud to myself to work out the best response.

Gonna try gradually switch to water.

>as prescribed by Jow Forums

this place is like the manifestation of all of my most simplistic and childish conclusions. It takes persistent and conscious reasoning on my part to resist the temptation of embracing their positions. I do think, in general, black people are more prone to violence and greed. I do think that jews, in general, are prone to corruption and undermining of traditional values. But I don't think that ought to govern my behaviour. They do their thing and it's up to me to live in spite of it, not in a constant uproar about it.

The actors in society who are most dangerous are only dangerous if I fall into the cycle of outrage and extremism that their repulsive behaviour provokes. I believe I have the power to resist that.

I saw a post one time about a complete 7-day reprogramming. Gonna track it down and look into it.

seek professional help

Being gay is not a lifestyle. It is a sexual orientation, a way of being hard-wired to be aroused when viewing (who you find to be) attractive members of the same sex. Shutting yourself off from dating other men is fucking retarded and people will sell you all sorts of religious and other self-hating nonsense here. Focus on staying away from drink and when you feel ready, start dating other men in a sensible and well-considered fashion. Live life for you.

This

I have an uncle who I'm pretty sure is bipolar or schizophrenic.

I honestly don't think I have a mental illness, just a sense of being overwhelmed with the mess of existence. The predominant emotion in my life is pity/sympathy. If a person ever wrongs me, I am angry for literally five minutes and then I suddenly feel very sorry for them.

...and I step back and realize that all the people who I ought to hate, including the degenerates and the stupid young people who are making life-ruining decisions as an act of perceived boldness or protest, are really just struggling to piece together a life in this insane world. I feel so bad for transgender people because they don't know they're sick.

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Point taken.

Can't disagree with that. But my sexuality is such a small part of my life. Some days, the thought doesn't even cross my mind more than once.

If you were a big drinker you may be going through a Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome episode. You will have these episodes monthly at first, but then they space out until they disappear after 2 years. I used to have extremely bad ones.

Listen, very little breaks my heart more than someone who hates themself for some shit the cant really control, or really fully understand. You gotta accept that this is the way you are. If you hate yourself for a feeling you can’t really help you are on a fast track to suicide, misery, and are of no use to helping any of the beliefs you hold, or to help anyone you know and love. So don’t listen to what tards on here say about homosexuality or whatever the fuck. Just do you, try to love and just through that you will make the world a better place and further your cause. Find something worth living for breh

Faggots rigged the system against you...
There is no way out once you're in...
You might as well kill yourself right now.

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Today is day 90 so that is possible. The whole afternoon passed away with my mind completely scattered. Drove around for fifteen minutes on the verge of tears, looking at everyone around living life, everything pointless. But I wasn't dwelling on alcohol.

I never had cravings during those times. The longest I've made it sober was 4 months and some change. They say month 3-6 are the hardest. I used to get really bad depression after 90 days. Just hang in there, your problem might be chemical. Once I set my finances straight, I'm getting sober as well.

It's normal don't worry. It's just a thought/feeling, it fact hurt you and it will pass.

Have you tried mindfulness meditation?

Have you tried the right board ?

Thanks, user. When I went through an earlier phase of this daze, I came out the other side resolved to never commit suicide because I still have a vague hope for the potential the future offers; it feels like it would be such a waste to throw away such a golden opportunity just to be.

There are even moments when I'm on the verge of tears that I open my eyes and nearly smile and say to myself, "This is what life is."

Can't hurt you*

Always planned to go. I hope it's better than Toronto because I did not like Toronto. It was so soulless.

Find a hobby you're passionate about and pursue it. Being single is smart.

Leave it to a faggot to tell someone to go start buttfucking dudes as a solution to their problems. Plenty of people have found fulfillment in something that isn't buttfucking you know and its actually possible to be gay and have other interests.

>live life for yourself
>Indulge your fetishes
>continue the bugman way
Why not take a change of pace and live to better your fellow man, starting with yourself? Your self serving world frame is shallow and destructive.

I've been trying to write more and more. When I travel (in pursuit of subject to write about), I always feel like I'm going through the motions, being a dutiful tourist, wandering about for no reason other than that the benevolent government bureaucracy constructed a boardwalk for me to walk amongst nature.

>Gay
Kill yourself, its the only way.
Fucking faggots.
Omar Mateen was an hero.

I could have sworn you mentioned BPD but now re-reading your OP there's no mention of it. Sorry bro, just another symptom of how fucked my reality is. Disregard whatever the fuck I said.

You sound pretty normal and a lot of gay bros are just like you, you're not alone. My brother wont even go to pride anymore lol and my gay best friend calls himself a classical liberal but he's more intolerant than I am. It's more of a normal people thing. Most people don't put that much stock into their sexuality and most of us are uncomfortable by those who do. Sluts are sluts and degeneracy is degeneracy. Just be a good dude and only the haters are going to hate. They would have hated you either way so, fuck em.

I already miss reading Gavin's increasingly Jow Forumsish tweets. How are we going to follow him now? I'm not giving my details to CRTV.

>Sluts are sluts and degeneracy is degeneracy.

That is the gist of it, eh? Yet I still feel like I'm wandering through an abyss and all the systems that were designed to make it easier are crumbling and are exposing things.

I can't stop staring at a screen or listening to the same 100 songs over and over. I need something to break the cycle.

You're gonna need to make a stronger and less faggy argument than that.

Well, the promise of God in Jesus is not just heaven, it is a renewed mind and heart full of joy inexpressible. Many Christians miss the mark, being weighed down by traditions and rituals, never entering into relationship with the One who enjoys rescuing us. The invitation is far and above beyond “coping,” user. Like David the guitar player, “return” to the house of God and see the beauty of the man Christ Jesus.

He said, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.”. And that dinner is not eaten in silence.

My mom was an alcoholic and she did what you described like replacing alcohol with some other habit (in her case it was smarties the candy and gummy bears and shit) not good for her but better than a bottle of wine a night. To tell you the truth what really helped her was Christianity and she became much more religious. Its not a meme but Christ saves man. I pray you find love and light

I put more value into pursuing the truth of reality in good faith (for lack of a better phrase). Religious people, despite often having good intentions, seem too willing to sacrifice the pursuit of truth to maintain the framework of the Bible and Jesus and an omnipotent/omnibenevolent creator.

An example is when people say, "Everything happens for a reason," implying that the reason is that it will lead to a greater good. This is demonstrably false in most cases, but at the end of the day, if you believe it, you will have a better outlook on life than someone who lives as if it's a lie.

You don't have a normally functioning mind, you stupid fucking faggot.

Christ saves man figuratively. I think it's more accurate to say that man saves himself with the concept of Christ. False but not wrong, you know what I mean?

lol fag

Why not? I do not but you make it sound like they are CCTV.

What's going on, user? Give me rundown.

>mental health
>physical health.

Been exorcising? How's love life? Social life? family? etc. Are you a total NEET?

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Tell me about it. I think I'm very capable of reasoning under varying circumstances.

Jesus isn't real. Religion is a shitty means to control people against their will with brainwashing. Wake up sheeple!

Giving up your details for anything political is retarded, especially since nobody knows them and they fill their websites with google trackers and use the far left Omny for streaming.

You're a fucking faggot, kill yourself you freak.

>full-time employed, stable
>live alone
>walk/jog about 20mins every other day
>no love life
>minimal social life 2-3 close friends. fairly close to family, visit at least once a month
>not a NEET at all.
>am diabetic, recovering alcoholic, former smoker
>fairly nihilistic outlook, tempered lately with spontaneous bouts of elation and misery/dissociation (which was just pointed out to me here)

Go jump in front of a lorry

lol, I will miss this place when the internet becomes a TV-like hellscape in ten years.

Okay, sounds like me in college.
>27 year old veteran alone at university
>no one loves me
>family on the rocks
>emotional/mental pain
>heavy creative tendency
>study philosophy all day and find satisfaction in that sort of work
>go through deep cycles of ascetical and religious practice.

>normally functioning mind
>gay leaf

pick one

Just behave with dignity and have a monogamous relationship with one dude rather than acting like a hedonistic deviant.

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my mind has very little to do with being gay. Speaking from someone on the inside, it's not a choice. And I have such resentment for the lifestyle that I'm essentially celibate.

where are you now? any deeper resolution or just wandering about, finding new topics and people to read about?

Whatever you do, op, don't kill yourself. Your life has value, it's about finding the right place to channel it.

Good luck, it's late here

You're okay, user. Some days are not as productive as others. Today I was utterly depressed and could not get anything done. I started a thread too -- it got like 400 replies and reached max bump limit (this was the highlight of my day).

Maybe get back in touch with the God thing. Now I'm not getting preachy here, but you might find value in a higher purpose. Ever considered looking back into the Gnostic thing? Hermetics? Buddhism? Hinduism?

“Everything happens for a reason.” Is a cop out IMHO. It implies this happened for a “good reason.” But God is not mocked, we reap what we sow. There are plenty of logical proofs and complementary cosmological paradigms to support the Eternally Pre-Existant Creator, who is by definition Love. But you can find that faith (which is just “what you are looking toward expecting” so we all have some measure of it, even if it waiting for the subway to arrive) - but faith in God is the positioning to walk life in and through Him (yes it is by the redemption by his blood shed on the cross) - where we walk with Him and He (quite gladly I’ll add) proves Himself to be Faithfil and True to His promise to glorify Himself in making up like He is. And that transformed life is the proper Christian experience. And that is pleasures forever more, starting now. And it is also established in Wisdom. But not the wisdom of this age. And those full of confidence in their (or others) “understanding” cannot have their walk of life established in anything that can last, or satisfy.

Where are you now?
well, I'm still 27 -- but I graduated. I'm a chicagofag. Now I'm studying the LSAT and trying to make it into law school. If not, I'll settle for a trade job or go on to get a masters in religious studies. AMA, bro.

Eastern religions have always rubbed me the wrong way. I read about half of my Gnostic Bible eight years ago and concluded it was only slightly more coherent than the Bible.

I am working really hard to resist the technological integration of our lives. It gets harder and harder every day, but I feel a lot more comfortable with myself without any exposure to social media or online news.

thanks for the advice.

>how an individual with a normally functioning mind makes peace with reality.
I went to a demolition derby today. I ate shitty food that tasted good. I breathed in copious amounts of second hand cigarette smoke. I didn't give a shit about the stuff that was bad for me that every fucking gym so.ybro does and had fun watching simple shit like cars smashing into one another. Just enjoy the simple shit you damn leaf and fuck the rest. Don't try to constantly improve yourself. Just live in balance and you'll be fine. Watch this:
youtube.com/watch?v=Xs00fBj2nH0

Kill yourself you maple syrup enema faggot.

We need a two frame meme for faggots.
"What we make people think"
"What we actually do"

>I can't stop staring at a screen or listening to the same 100 songs over and over.

Unfortunately, that's how it begins and you can never leave. Society is broken. It had nothing to do with you, respectively, but I believe you gay bros have a chance to to change it. You can speak out if you choose to, don't lose that opportunity. Your opinions are just as valid as anyone's. Give everyone hell and don't ever apologize. You gaycons are the most redpilled mofos out there.

Funny...I was doing practice LSATs a couple weeks ago. They allow only 35 mins per section and I took between 60 and 70mins. Got about 86% correct with double the time allotment but really enjoyed all those types of problems.

Also been binge-watching interviews with Supreme Court justices over the years.

Any good sites you recommend for LSAT exercises or interesting case studies/resources?

>Crisis
>gay
kys

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As someone who lived a gay lifestyle for 8 years and slept with more people than I can remember, I can tell you that Christ actually saves. I've been celibate and following Christ for two and a half years.

I don't think that there's anything that I can actually say that will argue you into to faith. I think that having your eyes opened to the truth takes nothing less than a complete miracle of giving you a new spiritual birth. And so all I would say is that you should take the time to read the Gospels and actually see who Christ is for yourself. Don't rely on what you've read somewhere else or heard, because I guarantee you're as mistaken as I was.

The other thing I'll say is that without Christ, there's no point in being celibate. We live in a world that supports and encourages you can be an open sexual hedonist. But I always come back to these words of Christ:

>Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

Celibacy is the cross I carry every day, but it's not just a sacrifice, I get a relationship with a totally perfect and loving God that has turned me from the worst sinner to something that's become more and more upright.

start fighting your earthly weaknesses instead of excusing them and indulging in self destructive degenerate behavior. Hedonism failed everyone, fight for something greater than yourself, don't be so self centered
Human evolved to be social and help each other, your anti social behavior is excused by the left but actual has dire consequences in the real world

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I never had social media. Only used YT.

The outlook is pretty grim. It seems our values are being desecrated, but this is often overstated here on Jow Forums. I think the saddest thing is that our humanity is being threatened by all of this nonsense. My own family has been fractured because of social media (won't go into details). It causes a lot of grief, and the people in my life become miserable examples of the future ahead of everyone. I fear that we don't know the outcomes of these simple devices, and that we'll be in grave danger before it's too late. These fears ae exacerbated when I consider that the rest of humanity has never accelerated technologically more than we are now. This becomes more alarming when one realises that further technological advancement is always correlated with more suffering. What do you think?

Be thankful for your three months and remember not to become complacement. Everything good will come out of remaining clean and sober.

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wat

i love this place sometimes

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See, this is largely incoherent to me. Nothing straight-forward about it. And a lot of vague, baseless claims. I appreciate the input, but this is not an ethos I can pursue.

>any good sites to practice?
7sage.com guaranteed

also genuine question, just so I can get a better image
If a woman advanced on you, you get no arousal or you get one but you don't feel it?

I understand what you're saying. But also... Christ does literally save, supernaturally. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Look into Christian Universalism and universal reconciliation. As a Christian Universalist, I believe that ALL are redeemed and reconciled to God through Christ eventually. I believe Hell is remedial and temporary, or "age-enduring" (there is scriptural support for this). Remember that the Bible says that "every knee will bow" to God in time.

I'd also recommend listening to some John Lennox lectures and debates on YouTube. Read Mere Christianity by CS Lewis.

Anyway, It's possible that I'm wrong about universal reconciliation -- either way, I follow Christ, and He has saved me.

Also, I agree with everything said.

>gay
>individual with a normally functioning mind
Try again.

The media have portrayed a self indulging lifestyle where we are supposed to not fight for anything and do cave into every caveman desire we have. Not fighting has made us weak and depressed, not taking responsibility for our actions and only doing things that give us quick pleasures
See the mouse utopia experiment to get a better picture of what a society of neets who have nothing to fight for looks like
We all have our weaknesses and we all fight them to be more productive members of society

Don’t worry about a resolution. I always chat with my employees and I tell them go “do something”. Don’t think about what you want to be, think about what you want to do. Then go do it. Just be you, and go do something.

>oldfag advice

discord gg/QYTbCSd

add a .

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Why is sex important?
Its just a instinct there so you reproduce, which your not going to do, regardless if your gay or not, on a whim

kys

thanks bud

I agree and I tell myself that, but every once in a while I stop what I'm doing and look around and I'm overwhelmed into complete inaction.

I wish you luck on your journey. When I went back to believing in God, I dug myself a little deeper and then woke up one day standing empty-handed in a dark room.

What is something that is greater than the individual, and worth fighting for? After all, the consequences of action are always suffered individually, no?

We are replacing the basic functions of our minds with machines that are more susceptible to outside interference and control. Just like newspapers and radios and television...the more widespread it becomes, the more easily it is to harness. The internet and social media is just the latest frontier. Once we integrate the technology with our minds in a physical sense (chips, wireless, VR, etc.), then I believe it's effectively over.

I see myself living in the woods.

thanks. when do you write?

Every year for the past three years, I spent my vacation driving around the US alone for two weeks. It's helped with some things, and made other things more bleak and apparent.

I just came out of a strange haze and I think it's related the the shift going on in society. Trying to ask for input from others on how to deal with it.

Broheim it's only 3 months. If you've been going at it hardcore for years it will take you a good while to somewhat feel normal again. This is a dangerous period and you must remain steadfast in your dedication to sobriety, because you'll otherwise just slip back into the bullshit and super duper fuckyourself even more than before. I've been at the 3 months point and failed multiple times. It took me years to finally make it past that point and only about after a year and a half did I start to not feel so fucked up constantly. Some people need the AA and the rest of it but not everything works for everyone. Tho for sure better go and talk to a doc about the whole thing. Get yo mofuckin tests done see if you fucked your body up and the rest. Shit isn't easy and the start of it is the worst time.
I don't care if it's a LARP fuckfaces I know someone else out there is right on that same territory and one day from falling right back into hell.
Unlike some of the evil people here I want people to succeed and unfuck their lives.
get some help sir

>What is something that is greater than the individual
country, nation, family and christ
>After all, the consequences of action are always suffered individually, no?
No, you are a part of the society, your behavior reflects on a society in a negative manner
And even microscopically you can look at your family and how this affects them
And since humans evolved to fight to survive and fight for their tribe doing none of those things brings senile misery and loneliness. Just look at millenials or even better Japan

What a fucking nutter. Jesus doesn't exist. You will only gain the approval doing this of wacky people with their own problems who think you are disgusting for simply having same sex attraction. You are delusional if you think anyone is going to reward you for not having gay sex. You could easily date other men, be monogamous, try to get married. But no, you are going to fall for ancient propaganda and live unhappily to make others happy?

Fucking sad bro.

A part of me hopes that some part of you knows better than what you are doing now, but maybe you are truly lost.

Because it gives you happiness. Not all sex. Certainly sex can be bad, but there's healthy ways to have gay and straight sex and believing one is more moral than the other is poppycock. The people who post this religious nuttery on here have bigger problems than "sin".

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>>gay
Your brain is literally broken, you dont find females (fucking angelically hot and attractive) good looking? But you want to fuck dudes???? You can't have babies with two dudes. Also you fuck in the poop-hole. You know poop comes out of the poop-hole? Go ahead and have doodoo fart anus sex with men with penises, and AIDS. Go ahead and do fart cum in eachothers mouths, that is okay with me, but don't act like it is normal. Also you should be mad at your uncles and grandfathers for touching your penis when you were a child. You probably had poophole sex with a man as a child and that is why you want to fuck men and children, because it is a fact that gay men also want to fuck little boys in their poop-hole. Anus fucking gays shouldn't show their faces in society, we know what they do, they fuck eachothers anally in the poopholes.. Even they eat shit off eachothers dicks and do poop on eachother. You cannot love another man if you fuck him in the ass, I love men, my friends and family, and I would never put them as low as a woman and fuck them in the ass. This is why faggot have multiple sex partners and rape their own adopted children in the poop-holes. Because they cannot love because their brains are broken. This is why God and white people invented AIDS, to stop the faggot poopoo fucking ass parties. I've seen videos of a faggot bathing in shit and shitting out man cum from his ass and eating the shit and putting the shitty cum water in his eyes and mouth and nose. That is not normal, cummy shit water shit out of your ass into another mans poophole and then drink the cum shit water and put cum and shit in your eyes is NOT NORMAL. Sorry faggots, no vaginas for you.

Heh, well if a woman advanced on me, I'd be kind of put off and turn her away for the lack of chastity.

But I know what you're asking. If you had asked me that two years ago, I would have said no way because I have no experience with women and was still at a point where I was constantly battling a lust for men. Now that I've really made a bit of progress and been celibate so long, I'm open to the idea if I met the right woman.

It's not something I put my hope in though. God doesn't promise to "make me straight", God has given me redemption and promised me a growing holiness. Celibacy is a calling just as much as marriage is a calling, and there are people with normal attractions that spend life celibate.

So it may be that God has a plan of lifelong singleness for me, in which case my calling is to pursue holiness. But I do believe that if God does have a plan that involves marriage, he will have prepared me for it and help us figure everything out

Genetic Evidence of Homosexuality:

archive.is/grwgp

clearly the only one here with a broken brain is you

What's a consequence that is EXPERIENCED by a society, not by an individual. Key word: experienced.

The tangible, actual suffering occurs on the individual level. Society is just the aggregate of many individuals.

Fart poop on yor dick your argument is invalid