Be Australian

>be Australian
>alarm goes off at 6.30am
>still wearing hivis from yesterde
>three different Prime Ministers have come and gone overnight
>fourth one is about to be sworn in
>make brekky
>bite into strawberry
>cop a sewing needle through the roof of the mouth
>can't feel it because still pissed from the fifteen cans of Emu Export last night
>drive to site
>Fooeys are playing on Triple M, fucken grouse
>bite into a meat pie at lunch
>full of sewing needles and redback spiders
>drop pie and make apprentice pick it all up
>knock off at 2
>straight to bottleo
>block of bushchook and a pouch of white ox
>open pouch to roll a smoke
>full of sewing needles and blue ring octopuses
>get stung and stabbed multiple times
>she'll be right mate
>crack tinnie
>turn on telly
>another leadership spill means a fifth Prime Minister is being sworn in
>fifth Prime Minister Is actually a sewing needle
>NSW government has just banned nightclubs, festivals, alcohol, cars, walking, sneezing, and the concept of joy
>absolute bloody outrage this is
>walk back into kitchen and open fridge
>full of sewing needles and a great white shark
>get eaten
>it's me RDO tomorra so she'll be right

Attached: images (7).jpg (443x332, 36K)

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=Wynx1ukwdVA
youtube.com/watch?v=qClBRaretEk
youtube.com/watch?v=XA241Lg70fg
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

Isn't it only the brits who use 'telly'

I use it daily

That particular spider can kill you in under an hour.

who do you think sent them there, on prison boats. thats why hes the good leaf.

Yes its a funnel web

Is it true you have to teach the abos not to sleep in the middle of the road?

No, personally I just run them over

Mutt

hey, i said i like you. bong would have loaded us on boats too if he could have. *ye olde come and take it*

>no prawns or vegemite
>no salt water croc
>no brown snake
>no mentally retarded kid who kills 35 people in seconds with a kitchen knife causing your country to ban all edged steel objects
>no box jellyfish
>no macca's
>no abbos that siphoned all your petrol to huff so they could reach dreamland, forcing you to bike to work
>no magpies that mug you
>no roo's that stare at you with utter hatred
>no cane toads that you swerve to hit
2/10
>Yank that visited

Damn, that spider is T H I C C

Where the fuck did you visit la cretura?

Harden up cunt!

Attached: _20180921_183507.jpg (2157x2618, 454K)

Extra thicc spiders here

Caught one of the little bastards in my garage not long ago. Aggressive little fucker!

Why the fuck would I tell you convict?

At least they don't "kick" fiberglass teir hairs at you when they get scared, tarantulas, particularly New Worlds do this.

kek

Attached: unnamed (1).png (316x465, 90K)

Do they squeak when you stand on them?

We have many species of tarantula here aswell

Phlogius crassipes
Selenotypus Sp
Rattlesnake tarantulas etc

Attached: 1491841771343.jpg (1462x1462, 477K)

>convict

Attached: images (2).png (400x309, 6K)

nope aussies say it too, most people say tv but some say telly, usually older generations

>prawns
this is an american-made meme, australians do not care anywhere near as much about prawns as you seem to think we do. vegemite is legit aussie heritage though.

Prawns are disgusting tbf

my uncle loves them at christmas, he eats them with the "poo tube" still in them as he says. maybe the prawn meme is just a literal boomer thing

Can confirm, my boomer dad shovels them down his fat face every day

australia is so fr*ckin epic.. i love this cuntry :)

Attached: 1529563409803.jpg (189x267, 13K)

Nbn getting slower now down to 1mbit-4mbit from 25-50mbit I used to get on fixed wireless
Reeee

Surprisingly my internet is quite decent, 25mpbs average

you probably stayed in a hostel your entire trip like a faggot yank mutt

The goblin probably stayed in melbourne

What fucking form of bush shitter language is this?

Wait till te congestion starts in a couple of years mines like this 24/7 but it wasn't 4 years ago

sneaky bastards.

Its called slang ya fat 56%

Attached: download (7).jpg (225x225, 9K)

1) I'm white

2) literally 13% body fat /fitizen/

3) you fucking Bush monkey faggit

yeah nah cobba

Attached: 1517644902668.jpg (720x719, 79K)

"Slang"

Fucking island monkeys. Can't understand a damn word. Bunch of useless cunts with marbles in their mouths.

*gets shot*

>fifth Prime Minister Is actually a sewing needle
Goddammit i think i woke my neighbor up laughing

When are you fuckers gonna build a rocket or go into space? You've had 50 years for Christ sake.

We're waiting. Fuck man.

I don't even know that I would bother with Jow Forums if it weren't for the quality that you Aussies bring.

Attached: greatest ally.jpg (1397x253, 63K)

>get stung by baby funnel web first
>progressively get stung by bigger funnel webs
>body begins to develop immunity to venom
Is this a good way to become invincible?

Bravo

>fifth Prime Minister Is actually a sewing needle
Genius

When r u cunt, stop making movies about it and get on it.

you were in the NT ay cunt, sounds like a normal arvo for me.

We would tell you to look into space for proof, but I'm not sure you're Crocodile Snake God religion allows you to invent telescopes.

???

How do we get these soft cock $100,000 private school cunts out of parliament boys? Cunts don't give a fuck and that's fucked

>Fooeys are playing on Triple M

they played freak by silverchair on triple M today. hadnt heard that for 15 years or so.

I got bit by a redback on my ass in the dunny when I was a kid

Nothin better than drivin to the site in your ute playin bring back the biff at 100 volume with the windows rolled down

aussies are fucking ubermensch holy shit
is it really that fucked with all these insects and shit? even in cities?
I go fucking berserk if I see one cockroach

Attached: 125523412353.jpg (640x826, 33K)

Unironically yes, there is literally a huntsman and a couple daddy long legs in the corner as im taking a shit

You better believe it , pal. Just give us half a chance

You're German, so, you're all women. To be expected.

>You're German
heh
nice one

dude spiders are no joke I'm a grown ass man and I got bit 6 times by a spider in Texas, itchy for almost three months until they fromed scabs that itched until they came off. Like a 3 month long fire ant bite

Shut the fuck up mutt germans are better than goblins

>fifth Prime Minister Is actually a sewing needle

Attached: Epic.png (606x280, 53K)

When I got bit by a redback it felt like a constant needle, sitting down was literally the feeling of holding a lighter up to the skin

I can barely see your flag. Phoneposting in bed, like a faggit.

Ben shapiro BRUTALLY OBLITERATES DELUSIONAL LIBTARD WITH FBI CRIME STATISTICS

Fag

don't tell me even the spiders have needles in them

Poison needles

nasty dude. I kill a dozen black widows in the bushes a week during peak months. Always worried one will get my puppers

Venom from redbacks and funnel webs dont affect dogs so most likey black widows dont either so your doggo is safe for sure

Dogs are very resistant to them they will only need medical attention if bit many times

Far more dangerous than Australian men are our world famous Australian young boys. It is impossible to stop once you've sampled one.

Unbelievable.

Thanks for clarifying, my dogs are bottom 5th percentile in practically every metric but good to know they're not at risk from sniffing bushes

Rabbit for dinner cunts?
youtube.com/watch?v=Wynx1ukwdVA

10/10

Attached: 1534007693241.jpg (345x336, 214K)

Attached: laughing lorelei.gif (500x357, 358K)

What about Poland, Hungary and NZ?

8/10

Attached: 1537096346016.jpg (1003x1024, 142K)

>shitting on huntsbros

Attached: 1514799283337.jpg (680x427, 40K)

Is their anything more aussie than holding 4 extremely venemous snakes shirtless in the bush

Shitting WITH huntsbros

Holding a beer in the other hand?

Tinnie*

What the fuck am I looking at lol

They like to enter the house when the yard gets flooded and they get washed out of their burrows.
Have caught 2 in the house and taken them to the Reptile Park for milking.

Its a faggot then. I could kill it in under 5 seconds

Those cunts are not only very venomous, they're also actually aggressive.

youtube.com/watch?v=qClBRaretEk

youtube.com/watch?v=XA241Lg70fg

They will literally fucking try to bite you most spiders flight these little cunts fight

I don't think it's that bad. You get used to the deadly spiders and snakes.

Generally these animals want to leave you alone so you just have to not be a retarded cunt.

However I do think Australians treat the bush differently to Europeans and Americans. I think it's treated as a bit more deadly.

Australia is dry, unfriendly and very hazardous. Other countries have thier dangers, definitely, but Australia's dangers are the type you don't see coming, so it makes it harder to not just generally fear being in the bush.

That's if you're a soft cunt tho, she's alright just go enjoy yourself.

Attached: 1537433608078.jpg (1500x1494, 303K)

why is his shorts covered in cum

>american tried to outshitpost an aussie
jesus

based

>>bite into a meat pie at lunch
>>full of sewing needles and redback spiders
I lost it

>that id

Attached: 1534521831903.jpg (1029x1544, 345K)

>stung

Attached: 1417587087354-3.jpg (384x395, 21K)

Wait. Is "Can't shlomo the Scomo" PM???

I just want to let everyone know I saw OP's very original greentext on fucking Facebook yesterday

spot on cunt

Attached: Screenshot_233.png (244x231, 109K)