I'm going to mormon church tomorrow (for the first time)

Shoot them all please.

dude what, why?

You have to pay them 10% of all your earnings before taxes. They will also ask you to perform service without compensation. If you don't comply the bishop will coerce you.

Just take 7 to cover each day of the past week.

>If you don't comply the bishop will coerce you.
what?
fuck that, I'll just take one.

You know what to do, Timmy. You know what to do...

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That’s a jew, that’s why

how do mormons view the jewish question?

>have to pay 10% of all earnings
no. it's up to each individual what they feel is a "full" tithe
>ask you to perform service without compensation
it's called a "calling". you don't have to accept it, and can ask to be released at any time. above all, it's service to others. you should try it some time.
>if you don't comply the bishop will coerce you
as with anything in life you chose to take on, make it better than when you found it. if you are struggling, people are more than willing to help

They're a shitty cult, disposing of them is for the best.

jews killed Christ and are the literal irredeemable spawn of Satan

Mormon Church is another front for freemasonry that would gladly reship a percentage of your earnings for the autodenominated "state of israel"

I know, but do mormons know that as well? American christians all love to suck up to jews usually.

This is literally what I teach my 14-yr old class during Sunday School.

Mormons worship the Jews.

>no. it's up to each individual what they feel is a "full" tithe

It's 10% of all your pre-tax income. It's not negotiable. The prophet repeat it every year in a lecture an hour long, which is broadcast to every Mormon.

>Mormons prepare for the day of Christ's return to lead his Church in the flesh, and all Jews are thrown into the fiery furnace.

>and all Jews are thrown into the fiery furnace.
is this for real? please post source.

find one official source the corroborates your claim.

Get ready to be told you're secretly Jesus. Enjoy the multiple GF's that's about the only thing you can do

While we’re on the subject of perceived cults, what does Jow Forums think about JWs? Dated a Witness for a year and a half, genuinely the nicest person Ive ever met. Absolute wife material. We broke up because she felt marrying a non-Witness was a conflict of interests.

Did I fuck up?

Why didn't you convert?

>JWs
dodged a bullet

Welcome to the party brother

Get them to tell you about baptising your dead ancestors and how you can become a god as well. Ask them which planet Jesus was born on.

As a former Mormon (Latter Day Saint) I can tell you it's cult, it will make you feel awful about yourself, and it will hurt you more than helpful. If you need Jesus, for Christ's sake (get it) go to a non denominational christian church.

>it will make you feel awful about yourself, and it will hurt you more than helpful
how exactly? please tell me.

>be redpilled enough to be on Jow Forums
>still can't fathom the possible deeper meanings behind this

get out before they ruin your life forever
go orthodox or your own religion

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When you shakes hands with people ask them
>"do you sell your signs or tokens for money"
When they say no, just say
>"good I have come here because Im awaiting for light and knowledge from father"

Or larp as an ancient Nephite that never died call yourself 'Teancum'.

>go orthodox or your own religion
finding active churches is pretty hard here. but yeah I'm having doubts now.

wait what? elaborate please, I'm interested.

Depends - sounds like you weren't confident enough to be able to convert her from her heresy, so probably not.
JW's deny the Trinity and are heretics. While many followers of the Watchtower genuinely want to follow God, they are being deceived. The only piece of proof that *should* show them this are the amount of false prophecies made by WT leaders. The Bible clearly states anybody who makes a prophecy that doesn't eventuate is a false prophet and should not be followed.
Get them to compare their WT Bible with the KJV (they accept this as a legit translation).

Luke 24:26-43
John 3:2
John 5:14-18
John 14:28
John 20:27
Heb 1:6
2 Cor 11:3-4

This would be hardcore troll fren.
It's part of the Temple endowment.

If you say
>"do you sell your signs or tokens for money"
you will freak those who are Temple endowed right out.
Especially if you lean in and ask them seriously in a quiet voice.

When they say no you must reply
>"Good, I am here to await further light and knowledge from our father in heaven"

They will be super impressed and think the holy spirit has guided you there or an angel told you it.

>Or larp as an ancient Nephite that never died call yourself 'Teancum'.
In the book of mormon there are three Nephites who never died who are still on the earth preaching the gospel.
Teancum is just a Nephite name.
Again you would need to say this very seriously and quietly to people after you've got past the intial pleasentries.
Also you should wear your very best suit and look impeccably groomed.

What is JW? Jehova Witness?

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>Teancum
>Teen Cum

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>If you say
>>"do you sell your signs or tokens for money"
>you will freak those who are Temple endowed right out.
>Especially if you lean in and ask them seriously in a quiet voice.
>
>When they say no you must reply
>>"Good, I am here to await further light and knowledge from our father in heaven"
>
>They will be super impressed and think the holy spirit has guided you there or an angel told you it.
man I think it'll be too obvious that I'm trolling. are there any low-key ones?

Yep. Followers of the Watchtower Society.

Never heard of it referred to as the Watchtower Society. Sounds like a cult.

Isaac?

>went to mormon church
>Beautiful blonde loli just sitting in waiting room

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Yes, it's a cult that goes door to door for recruits. They believe Jesus died on a stick (not a cross), that only 144,000 people will go to heaven, that Jesus didn't actually rise from the dead (it was only "spiritual"), and blood transfusions are a sin and can't be done. They also make end-of-the-world predictions that never come true.

>Teancum
>Teen Cum
Dude Joesph horny Smith made up the name -not I.

>man I think it'll be too obvious that I'm trolling. are there any low-key ones?

Yes loads. If you want to be a leader in the church you should invent now a miraculous story that led you to join.
Leadership isnt so bad, especially if you become Bishop you can access funds to help people. Pretty much any worthy inspired man can become Bishop if they show leadership skills.

So a good story to tell would be that you kept dreaming of a tree, and the had this delicious fruit that you really liked eating, and you tried to share it with your family and friends but they got lost in the darkness. Then there was a tall building overlooking the tree and everyone in there was pointing and laughing at you.

You should also say that you were praying and fasting and asking God to tell you what church to follow and then the missionaries came along.

Well, good luck with that.

To be safe for all eternity:
A: Admit that you are a sinner, who violates the Will of God, and that you need a Saviour.
B: Believe that Jesus Christ, Son of God & Messiah, died for you sins and rose again, as prophesied and recorded in the Word of God.
C: Call on His name, ask Him to save you, and confess that He is Lord.

Some resources that may help:
TTB.org has a verse by verse Bible Study for download or daily listening.
Chuck Missler’s Learn the Bible in 24 Hours (youtu.be/PZ3hESj__M8)
Robert Breaker’s Bible Study and Topical Sermons (youtu.be/H124iZiyGUs)
J.D. Farag’s Bible Study and Prophecy Updates ( youtu.be/UK4b6tGThI4 )

Clearlywrittendotnet YouTube channel details near future events. (youtu.be/zRrkUymeST4)

BlueLetterBible.org has a free online bible & apps with cross references.

OneForIsrael.org is a group of Israeli Jews who know Jesus is their messiah.

Unsealed.org tracks information that points to Jesus’s soon return.

Watchfortheday.org shows how many world events are prophetically and numerically linked.

The End is nigh. Tomorrow may be too late.

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Have a great time at church tomorrow user. I hope you find it to be a great sense of community, clarity, and purpose. I know they will greet you with open arms and make you feel welcome. Open yourself to the experience and go with it.

>Dude Joesph horny Smith made up the name -not I.
Brigham Young. sounds like: bring em young.

Its the official organisation for the JW's. Kind of like the Vatican is for Catholics.

From Wikipedia:

"The Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania is a non-stock, not-for-profit organization headquartered in Warwick, New York. It is the main legal entity used worldwide by Jehovah's Witnesses to direct, administer and disseminate doctrines for the group and is often referred to by members of the denomination simply as "the Society". It is the parent organization of a number of Watch Tower subsidiaries, including the Watchtower Society of New York and International Bible Students Association"

The LDS church is basically like a fortune 500 company and Jesus is like a mega bucks CEO.
If you go in very business like and serious about expanding the church you will go very far.
Also you will likely find a virgin qt wife who will be loyal to you forever, if she was raised in the church and if you provide for here. Mormon woman want to be housewives and mothers thats it.

>you should invent now a miraculous story that led you to join.
I'd like that. Tell me more. what does the story need? tell me the requirements so I can make something up that fits me and my life.
>>So a good story to tell would be that you kept dreaming of a tree, and the had this delicious fruit that you really liked eating, and you tried to share it with your family and friends but they got lost in the darkness. Then there was a tall building overlooking the tree and everyone in there was pointing and laughing at you.
what is it about this story that makes it good?

don't forget to tip your priest on your way out. that's a rookie mistake.

wait, is a suit mandatory for church? The only suit I have that fits me is a bit too flashy I think.

It's not mandatory but you should be trying to dress well. At the very least suit pants/khakis and a dress shirt.

>I'd like that. Tell me more. what does the story need? tell me the requirements so I can make something up that fits me and my life.

Ok, before you do this, you need to know some things.
Bare in mind the LDS church is seriously fucking orgainised.
Like this thread will be monitored probably by LDS members who are in Utah, since the Jow Forums servers are in Utah, run by a DoD contractor called Ustar.
The church is basically like a CIA version of a religion and many members work for the intelligence agencies, the CIA recruits heavily from their ranks because they are good at keeping their oaths and secrets.

Also the Church cross checks all IP address against membership address who visit LDS.org. If your IP address is not on the membership roll they will instruct the mission president for that area to dispatch two missionaries to your IP address. I shit you not, (I was and still am an insider on this and have powerful LDS friends).

>wait, is a suit mandatory for church? The only suit I have that fits me is a bit too flashy I think.
No wear the smartest dark suit you have with a white shirt, tie and black shoes.
Also be clean shaven.

So are you ready to know what to do?
I can give you a story that will vault you into a leadership position after one year.

What it says in the Bible. We believe Jews are under condemnation from God for rejecting the Christ, and that the Gospel will need to be brought to them by us before the Second Coming of Christ. We view the "chosen people" thing as more metaphorical and spiritual at this point because of their sinfulness and the absence of the rest of the tribes; we consider them to be gentiles, and every faithful member of the church is adopted into one of the twelve tribes.

>what is it about this story that makes it good?
The story is about Lehi and the tree of life.
It's an extremely allegorical story.
The tree and the fruit represent the gospel and jesus christ by partaking of the saving ordinances (eating the fruit) you will return to Heavenly Father as per his plan.
The tall building is the world, who will laugh at you and mock you for joining.

Your family and friends will shun you for joining the church and the darkness represents Satan.

The saving ordinances are
first belief in the saviour Jesus Christ and his atonement.
second baptism by full immersion
third partaking of the sacrament.
fourth receiving the signs and tokens need to get back to heaven when you goto the temple.

are you trying to get multiple wives? been considering this

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>So are you ready to know what to do?
yeah
>I can give you a story that will vault you into a leadership position after one year.
just tell me what things they would look for in a story. maybe my real life story is already good. I haven't lived an average life at all.

Wait, there's Danish Mormons?

>Danish
bro....

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To be fair the distinction between Dutch and Danish is very difficult for us. I’m willing to bet most Americans don’t even know that the Netherlands and Denmark exist.

but you are on Jow Forums. the flag you see is nowhere near what the Danish flag looks like.

Ok here's some ideas.

>you were seeking answers about which church to join
>you felt guilty for past sins and asked god to forgive you and show you the way.
>you were thinking if God was real and if he had a plan for you?
>you didnt think the bible had all the answers and wondered who the other sheep Jesus spoke about were?
>you dreamed of being in a special white room wearing a strange white cap and a green fig leaf apron looking at a woman who you love over an altar and marrying her for time and all eternity there.
>you dreamed of harvesting a vineyard.
>you kept hearing a small quiet voice telling your to follow the prophet of the Lord but didnt know what it meant.
>an angel appeared to you in a dream but refused to shake your hand and pointed towards a big white building with a spire and a golden angel on top and said your family are waiting for you there. (mormons do baptism for the dead)
>You read the book of mormon you know it's true and a historical record of the ancient people of America.

We don’t understand the distinction is what I’m trying to tell you. Dutch and Danish is interchangeable for us.

all yuropoor to me.

Since you are here you're not pure enough for the church, you shouldn't go.

Why in the fuck would you do that? You are white? Why worship a fucking jew? The fuck is wrong with you.

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>not knowing the New Testament was Jesus telling the kikes they were wrong.

Are you going to work for the church at one of their multi million dollar construction companies and live a polgymaist life with 10 wives isolated from the outside world?

B-b-based

stop lying you jew loving piece of shit.
Jews by blood are welcomed into christkikery whenever they fucking want to join. however religious jews aren't welcome just like every other non-christian even though christkikery itself is an offshoot of judaism.
biblehub.com/luke/3-33.htm
>the son of Amminadab, the son of Ram, the son of Hezron, the son of Perez, the son of Judah

biblehub.com/hebrews/7-14.htm
>For it is clear that our Lord descended from Judah

biblehub.com/luke/4-15.htm
>He was teaching in their synagogues, and everyone praised him.
biblehub.com/john/1-11.htm
>He came to his own people, and even they rejected him.

His own people aka Jews.

biblehub.com/john/4-22.htm
>You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews.

Samaritans aka Gentiles.

JESUS WAS A JEW.

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I don't necessarily want to lie. but some of the things you mentioned here are actually true or have been in my life in a similar form.

the entire mormon temple ceremony was secretly recorded and put on youtube. go watch and see if you really want to be a part of that fucknuckle club. wew.

where is it? link me.

youtu.be/b8sbYtFOnxk

the church is pretty hardcore, but you can meet some great people, my family personally know of a billionaire LDS member and stayed at their son's house in Utah.

It also has some great rules for living a clean wholesome traditional family life, and very conservative.
They are focused on achieving your best, being educated and following the teachings of Jesus (albeit with a McCEO Jesus).
They also want members to develop leadership skills, to grow the church, so basically if you follow it you will become a religious Chad and end up married and settling down to the family life.

If you're willing to put your brain on the shelf and pay 10% of your income everymonth, you will find the LDS church is based and has many perks that will make you happy.

Also you need to quit tea, coffee, alcohol, fapping, porn, any other addiction and stop being a degenerate.

sounds pretty good. I have already quit drinking and coffee.

>>I don't necessarily want to lie. but some of the things you mentioned here are actually true or have been in my life in a similar form

Look well maybe the church is 'true'; maybe god does have a plan for all of us and Joesph Smith wasn't a bullshitter.
Who am I to say, perhaps the devil sifted me like chaff.
I was a member, now Im not.
I didnt just enjoy being a member, I loved it!
My life felt so complete, and full of purpose.
I served a mission baptised 12 people which was unheard of, had a patriachal blessing that said I would be called as a seventy if I was worthy and faithful because of my language skills

But once I realized it was a larp, my world fell apart and I couldnt follow it anymore.
I cried for about a week, when I realized it was probably all fake, also lost some good friends and family.
I would return to it tomorrow, but I made a commitment to the real jesus and decided to live poor and lonely.

Mormonism is a cult, and shouldn't even be considered Christian. They are the definition of heresy

how do I make sure I get a leadership role?

Yeah do it join, get baptised and throw yourself into it.
I bet if half of the pol tards on here if joined their lives would be 100% better than now guaranteed.
If you are reading this and you're a degenerate virgin loser with no direction in life, you cant go wrong with the LDS church it will make it far better because of the instant community of brothers and sisters who will support you.

will they baptise me on my first visit? is it full submersion? does this mean I have to walk home in a wet suit?

You are so desperate to throw yourself into a fucking shithole. The fuck is wrong with you?

Why not just join the free masons? Its the same shit you get perks you get to meet loads of influential people and get a good job because of it. If you want to be apart of a fucking group go join some club.

>Why not just join the free masons? Its the same shit you get perks you get to meet loads of influential people and get a good job because of it. If you want to be apart of a fucking group go join some club.
why not both?

You cannot join both you can only join one.

why? freemasons say on their own site that your religion doesn't matter.

That is actually incredibly offensive

I dont know how they view mormons. Good question but the point I was making is that you don't need some jew brainwashing to get that group cohesive feeling. Many of those people you are going to meet any christian are not going to be racial realists sure as fuck not going to be anti-multiculturalism. You'll only find what you already find outside of church and that's being shunned. Christains on here straight up LIE about this shit just so you can get into the church and get brainwashed by them. Trust me I'm an ex-christian of 20+yrs and have been to many different types churches all are about the same some more insane then others but the basics are the same.

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>how do I make sure I get a leadership role?
you have to take it all on fatih.
work really hard, partake in everything the Bishop, Elder's Quroum President and Stake president wants from you and basically they'll groom you like in the military.

>will they baptise me on my first visit? is it full submersion? does this mean I have to walk home in a wet suit?

If you want to get baptised on your first visit, just say to the missionaries, you know the church is 'true' that it's where God wants you to be and you want to be baptised to wash away your sins.
They will want to teach you the basic lessons, it will take a week if you see them in the evenings and you'll be baptised and a member.
Just go with the flow of everything and take it on it's feel good vibes (which they are good at producing). The song I am a child of God still gets me even today.

If the missionaries are old school (like I was) they will call the mission president get approval, and fill up the font at the end of sunday service and baptise you in a white jumpsuit they give you.
But dude, if you're going to do it, make a serious commitment to it, dont do half assed otherwise you wont get the reap all the benefits.

Im not going to lie, even though it's a massive larp being married in the temple for all eternity to the woman you love, is the best feeling in the world.

>Why not just join the free masons?
wut?
you can be a mason and an LDS member.

Wear two pair of underwear so they know you're a member

>racial realists
this is such autistic fucking post holy shit.

I don't want to half ass it. which is why I want to get a leadership role.